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Worst Mistake Of My Life

Posts: 2
Joined: January 4, 2015

Posted: January 4, 2015, 10:33 PM
So i smoked this stuff for a year almost everyday, it was hard to stop until i started hearing things and seeing things and having psychotic episodes, i would get so paranoid so i stopped, i was very depressed with suicidal thoughts, very strong suicidal urges. I was so depressed i quit my job and got on disability. It was hell, i was braindead. Its been a year since i stopped and i am still in a severe depression, i cant take care of myself anymore and have lost interest in life completely. Will i ever come out of this? It scares me reading the reports that it causes permanent brain damage. I've tried searching the web for a similar story like mine but i have found none. Has this happened to anyone else? Before i started smoking this stuff i was already pre exposed to depression and i started smoking it to self medicate and ironically it made it so much worse, way way worse that i have no life anymore. Am i the only one this has happened to? Is my life permanently ruined?

Posts: 20
Joined: January 4, 2015

Posted: January 5, 2015, 9:24 AM
Things in our lives can always be changed for the better, so your life doesn’t have to be permanently damaged. There is a way out of most problems. I’ve gone through similar feelings of loneliness and depression, so I can relate to what you’re going through. I know how it is to have a big giant void in one’s life – where everything is empty and meaningless, and your life is just one long big painful never-ending struggle. You think things have spiralled so out of control, to such a low point, that you think you’ll never get out of it and the damage you’ve done will be far too difficult to repair.

But please believe me friend, things can get better. They can! One thing already stands out from what you wrote. A massive well done and respect for going a whole year without smoking. Whatever else you’re going through or thinking.. that is an achievement.

May I ask what it is you smoked? Cannabis, crack? You know the main side effects of a lot of drugs, including cannabis and crack – are to alter the way the brain works. Hallucinogenic and physiological effects are common.

At the present time, other than depression, do you still experience the psychotic episodes that you mentioned? Any hallucinations or paranoia; feelings of anxiety, suspicion, panic? If you are still experiencing these things, and you’re no longer smoking drugs, you’ll have to explore what’s causing these mental disturbance. Also, do you have any other symptoms that are causing you problems, any relevant?

I have previously studied for a degree in pharmacology, however I am not a medical professional (plus the addictions we both have are different) so won’t say too much, but your smoking may have triggered a neurological or physical disorder, or possibly worsened a pre-existing condition. Ask yourself honestly, are the problems you’re going through related to depression, stress, suicidal thoughts? Or do you really feel something in your brain is seriously wrong? See what other people have to say, they may be able to guide you better than I. If you feel something is seriously wrong, please see a doctor.

I just joined this site yesterday as well, I’m seeking advice and companionship from people who know and understand the problems of addiction. I think we’re in the right place. Just be aware that you’re not alone my friend. Let’s stay in contact if you want.

This post has been edited by ltaylor91 on January 5, 2015, 9:27 AM
karabelo motaung

Posted: September 6, 2015, 2:41 PM
i started to do drug when i was 14years.i saw my friend do drug and i whanted to show them i can do as they do and i started to do drug in that day.i thanks god i changed
Mary Quitecontrary

Posted: August 14, 2016, 11:32 AM
Have you tried alternative therapies? I was placed on supplements= mainly high dose GABA which increased my energy levels and decreased my anxiety. I also use an Alpha Stim which generates alpha waves in my brain through an electrical current on my earlobes. With regular daily use for 60 min a day it has made all the difference in the world. Also they have genetic testing to find out exactly what antidepressants are best for you. You should ask someone about all that.

Posted: August 22, 2016, 6:59 AM
If you're struggling so badly and have been clean for so long, you need to talk to a doctor about anti-depressants and cognitive behavioural therapy. These are really helpful for getting you on the right track. Hasn't made me quit anything but certainly has made a huge improvement for coping skills, not blowing situations out of control and finding some motivation.

You're reaching out for help on this site because you want to do something about how you're feeling. My Mum swears by long walks on the beach for depression. I have found yoga and even meditation/motivational free 'tapes' (errr guess they're called podcasts?!) very helpful for getting my mind back on track when it's tried to f-- me over!

Goodluck xx
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