Posted: February 20, 2018, 4:50 AM
Hi, I am young & I struggle with a terrible terrible Crossdressing illness. I really want to let it go but it's like a demon inside me that keeps telling me I am meant to be a Girl. I know I'm not, I don't find Men attractive but sometimes this demon just tells me you like men because you're a girl. I know I'm not gay and it's like a bipolar type. One minute I'll show hatred towards people like me but then I'll be in the bathroom with the door locked with Cute little pink panties & a bra,leggings (Love leggings, they amaze me) on thinking to myself what a little b**** I am (Exuse my Language) I'll legit sit there just pretending to myself I have a vagina wishing I could at the same time I'm hating myself for it. I can't ask for help because its embarrassing. Then I'll be like wtf is actually wrong with me. This isnt me it is a dark side playing with me. Why am i like this! I need help i need answers. Please. P.S. Kayani is my girl name. I think it's a cute name and really girly, that's why I like it. Not always. I am literally 60% boy 40% Girl and I want to tarnish this side of me. The most depressing thing is I think it might be perminent but i dont want it to, that's what also depresses me is this little sick feminine fantasy I have, I either wish it was full out or just tarnished, I am a way to girly for my likings SOMETIMES, I got the name from a gorgeous Girl that I wish I was. Thank you for your help love, Kayani.