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Possibly Addicted To Scars? Advice? Help!

Posted: April 28, 2016, 10:06 AM

I am 16 years old.... I self harmed when I was 8 years old.. Running into things on purpose... Biting myself, scratching myself, pulling my hair, punching myself.. I kept saying I wanted to start my life over when I was 9 years old... I attempted suicide when I was 11, 12, and 14. 11 and 12 I was not doing it cause I wanted to die I don't know why I did it... 14 I did it cause I wanted to die... I started cutting at 13... I drank alcohol when I was 12... I haven't drank since because it felt addicting and my anger was bad when it happened. I started biting myself at 15 and scratching myself and purging... I took a lot of pills to try and die... I didn't want to die I wanted the thoughts to stop.... I've been dealing with depression since I was 12... I'll be 17 this year.. I have had horrible anger issues all my life and I don't know why.. I used to eat so much as a kid and not gain a pound... I overate and starved when I was 12 because my uncle passed that year and few months after he did my grandma did... I was sexually harassed and more that I will not disclose.. It's been one heck of a life. You think that stuff at 8 years old was crazy.. You don't know the half of it... I've a high functioning teen with Aspergers, sensory integration, turrets, anxiety, anger issues, compulsive and impulsive issues, with history of depression, and self harm and eating issues. I was born very small and I had a hole in my heart when I was born so I had open heart surgery at 6 weeks old.. I was born deaf, I had fine motor and reflex problems... etc.... I've come a long way... I went through 3 years of non stop tragedy that began when I was 12.... I even had to see my uncle in an open casket funeral.. And other stuff I again will not disclose... But I struggle with self harm and the addiction of it and now I don't think I'm even addicted to the pain anymore I'm addicted to the deep scars as a reminder I'm still battling with myself every single day....

Anyone have any advice?

I have blackout anger since I was little and I don't like hurting people... The almost always thought of jumping in front of a car I don't want to die anymore it just won't go away and I've tried so many medications... Doctors don't know why I'm in so much pain all the time physically... I have to go to therapy for it.. I was wondering if anyone had any advice.


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Joined: June 27, 2016

Posted: July 3, 2016, 4:41 PM
google holistic health practitioners in your location. ask an adult to help you find some with a good medical background. Try different types of alternative medicine. If one is not helping, try another. Some can work well for one person and not another person. One type of alternative might work well for a year and then not work any more, and then you will have to find something else. Start one type and later add another and alternate between different alternative practices.

Oh, I just realized you might have sensory issues? even if you, have free consultations with the practitioners to see if what they do would be beneficial and if you could do it.

The alternative medicine I am talking about is: Acupuncture, Massage, Homeopathy - from an Naturopathic Physician, yoga, meditation, tai chi, etc

This post has been edited by NyToFlorida on July 3, 2016, 4:44 PM
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