Addicted To Porn And Sexting

It really comes down to greed in my mind. Addiction is all about greed. I'm going to numb underlying issues I have on my terms, by myself, when I want and how I want. I'm going to self-medicate with porn, lust, masturbation, affairs, anonymous sex, food, whatever. It's all about dealing with it all by myself though. It feels safe, no risk of rejection, easier than interacting with someone face to face in a healthy and appropriate relationship, etc.

While it's easy to focus on the behavior (looking at porn or masturbating) or focus on the means of delivery (phone, internet, movies, etc.) I found the key to recovery is getting at the underlying issues and root causes (for me the biggies were rejection, shame, perfectionism, lack of self-compassion, fear, etc.) where I tend to want to self-medicate or employ coping mechanisms (porn, masturbation, affairs, cyber sex, lust, etc.). I like to think that it's similar to when you have a bad cold. There is some value in focusing on the cold's symptoms (runny nose, cough, fever, etc.). Meaning if you have a runny nose you get tissues or a cough you need to decide what cough drops to buy. Take an aspirin or use a cold compress for the fever. However, to really get over it you need to get at the root of the cold. You might need to see a doctor or take antibiotics. We can't get too focused on which brand of tissues to buy or which cough drops work the best. That's only part of the solution.

While working through those underlying issues (a counselor or trained therapist is probably your best bet to help you do that) you also need to retrain your brain to turn to appropriate and healthy ways of interacting with real people. Right now your neural pathways have been established and produce rewards in the pleasure center of the brain (release of dopamine)from inappropriate actions. You need a reboot. A detox. Then as you interact with a support network of safe men that are real and open and honest who will listen to you as you cry out when in pain or need you will build new pathways. Instead of going online to soothe in those times I found you need to reach out and be vulnerable with another human being (and not someone anonymous online).

As you work at forging real, healthy and authentic relationships you can slowly create a new habit to replace the old inappropriate way of coping. Will it take time? Yes. Will you stumble and fall? Unfortunately, that is more than likely. I lead a men's support and accountability group and it happens to the best of us. But, if you do fall down think of it like a cross country match. If you fall down on the course they don't make you go back to the starting line and begin the race all over again. You simply get up where you are, dust off and keep on going. The mantra for all of us in recovery is this. It's about progress. Not perfection.

For the support group I lead we put together a website of all the materials that we share each week as discussion starters. There are tons of great book and article excerpts, links and even videos on there that you might find useful on your journey. They are the things that our group has found the most beneficial in the recovery process.

If you want to check it out it's at http://www.mymensgroup.net

Blessings to you on this road to recovery!

Blessings to you as you seek to reboot your brain, heal, grow and ultimately recover!

My Men's Group: Support and Accountability Resources

I have put together a blog that handles porn addiction effectively ; its causes, signs, effects and how to get rid of it.
If you want to check it out it's at https://kickaddictionnow.com

This post has been edited by kickaddictionnow on March 8, 2017, 1:52 PM