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What's Been Your Strongest Deterrent?

Posted: May 1, 2018, 11:29 PM
I've struggled with suicidal and irrational thoughts a few times while high on meth and it was very dangerous. At the time it wasn't scary but in hindsight they were some of the scariest moments of my life. Doing drugs and staying up too late sometimes causes an elevated state of paranoia that is even more scarier. I woke up one time thinking my wife of 27 years was trying to kill me. I thought her bother and everybody else that was in the house was out to kill me. I was so scared that I got away as far as i could. Now that is the craziest thinking I've ever had. Although the feelings were very strong they were absolutely delusional. My wife and her family are some of the most loving and harmless people I know and they wouldn't hurt anyone. For me to think she or anyone else was going to kill me was dangerous and just an unrealistic manifestation of some villains from movies, tv shows, and news episodes that I had seen before. Thank God no one got hurt or injured. On another occasion, my paranoia was about my dealer that got busted during the time I quit for a while. It made me very paranoid to think that he might think that I ratted him out even though i didn't. Then I thought about anyone else that might have gotten busted after an encounter with me and then got really paranoid that they might think that i ratted them out.... if they get busted right after your visit, what are they going to think? They might think you ratted them out when you didn't. The fear of possibly being labeled a rat has been the strongest deterrent and I haven't touched that s*** since then.

What's been your strongest deterrent?
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