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Posted: June 9, 2013, 11:12 PM
So my husband is addicted. He refuses to go to inpatient been on a waiting list for months now to get out patient services for suboxin....I am constantly angry at him and everything he does annoys me I can push it aside some days but others its very hard. He just spent 600 over the weekend on pills but he tells me he is trying....now we just had a discussion on how I make him want to take them and make it harder for him....he thinks he should move out and do it on his own. This is not what I want I love him deep down and we have a 2 yr old and one on the way. I told him he is just making excuses for him to keep doing it. I don't know how much I can take but I don't want him to leave I just want him to stop....Financially we are now 600 in the hole and that is what pisses me off the most cuz more I can't pay our bills without getting a loan and he doesn't seem to give a rats a** about it....I cant afford to be on my own...
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Posted: June 10, 2013, 6:08 AM
Why doesn't your husband want to go to rehab? What reasons has he given? Is he afraid that it will be painful to detox, or is it the length of time he will need to stay there?
I wonder if he is truly ready to take the step to get sober. To wait months before getting suboxone does not make sense. To continue draining your resources for more pills is troubling. If he wants to get sober, he needs to take the step to get help now. Just tinkering with suboxone on your own does not get you clean. Addiction needs behavioral and psychological support, not just a medication that prevents withdrawls or cravings. No one can force an addict take the steps necessary to get sober. They must do this for themselves when they are truly sick of being on the drugs. Recovery is a long process that takes a real willingness to give it all up. I am sorry you are going through this with your husband. It is truly frustrating when the solution seems so simple.... get help now. You will need to do some serious thinking about how long you are willing to wait for him to make the decision to change. Think about what you want for your 2 year old and upcoming baby. Do you have any family that can help you during this time if you are unable to stay with him? Is there a way to protect your money so that he can't get to it for drugs? Keep posting and know that you are walking in the same shoes as many others here. It is not easy being in a relationship with an addict. | ||
Posts: 3
Joined: May 17, 2013
Posted: June 10, 2013, 10:13 AM
My husband was also addicted to suboxone along with Oxycoton. I have over 6yrs clean and sober. But I didn't do it by myself. Believe me, I tried for a really long time. I had to find a power greater than myself-for me that is God. Not church. Unless that helps your husband. I am in AA where I met my husband. We both stayed sober and clean for the first 4yrs together than he started to change, it was pain meds, then oxycoton, then suboxone and finely alcohol. I had to ask him to leave. I was only enabling him by giving him a roof over his head, food, money, and what I thought was love-which is loving someone so much that you don't allow them to feel the consequences-this leads to death, seriously!. I finally went to Alanon a year ago. Frankly, I thought everyone in there were crazy. Turns out I was getting that way too. It has helped so much. I am now taking care of me instead of my 45 year old husband. He finally went into treatment since he didn't have anywhere else to go. I can't imagine what is would be like to have a 2yr old and one on the way in this situation. But do you really want him around your children? Do you really want to live like this? I know it feels like the end of the world, but it is not.
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Posted: June 10, 2013, 11:53 AM
In reply to Roberta
He doesn't want to do inpatient rehab due to him having to be in there for 30 and says we cant afford it. He does have insurance through work but I know it will still cost some but I am willing to make that sacrifice...He supposably is weaning himself...he was taking 30s and now is down to just vicoden until he gets pissed at me and goes and buys the 30s again...I keep questioning his real desire to quit and he says he really wants too and he knows that the withdraws will be painful.As he said he has tried to do it in his own to just stop. He has tried youtube video things like imodium with Robitussin but I don't like that either in all honesty I think that's worse then the actual pill but I don't tell him that cuz I don't want him to think I approve. When he doesn't have any he is a very agitated person like for example I am trying to potty train our 2 yr old well she poo on the floor and he stepped in it and started yelling at her I was so mad at him and told him he can't yell at her like that then he tried to put her in the corner I am like u cant punish her there are going to be mistakes she just learning...after that he felt bad and gave her a hug and kiss and told her he loved her... I know he loves her very much but that love doesn't seem to be enough for him to change... His mom knows the situation and I could go live with her but she is 3 hrs from my Obgyn and I am 32 weeks pregnant with gestational diabetes and have weekly appts plus I work full time can't afford too leave until the baby is actually here... I am going to open up an account in my own name on Friday when I actually have money to do it and only give him money for gas as he does still work...but then I think what is the point of him working if he is just spending it and we can't afford the bills...but afraid to do this because I know its going to end up using it to buy more...I hate to micromanage him but the only conclusion I can come up with is to put gas in his car myself and only give him a daily allowance for food.... | ||
Posts: 8683
Joined: April 24, 2007
Posted: June 10, 2013, 9:08 PM
So it's your fault he buys the 30s...boy, he's really good at passing the buck. Here's the bottom line: he can't do it on his own and doesn't really want to be uncomfortable, so he will fail again and again and you will be right where you are right now every time he falls. He looks for reasons to 'get pissed' at you so he then has an excuse to buy those 30s.it is extremely rural I understand your very difficult position with your pregnancy and health, but there are doctors who can treat your issues in most areas unless it is extremely rural. Of course I am not saying do this or do that, simply that most obstacles can be overcome if we want something badly enough - that includes the addict who wants drugs and anyone who wants recovery...most of the roadblocks we perceive to be in our way we have put there ourselves and when we need to, we find our way around them Please take care of yourself, especially now that you are nearing the end of your pregnancy. Peace ~ M&M -------------------- You will not change what you are willing to tolerate.  | ||
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Posted: June 10, 2013, 9:36 PM
Thanks momnmore my mil runs a ranch with my fil so they are extremely rural but thanks for bringing to light that u may just be making excuses for myself and for him....your signature saying really hit home and has made me really think about my situation....I am going to have a sit down with myself and decide what its really the best interest for my babies and myself
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Posts: 9248
Joined: December 1, 2005
Posted: June 11, 2013, 3:44 PM
Welcome to some sanity. This board & the wise women here can help YOU, if you listen & take their suggestions.
As far as your husband, from what you've shared, he's not done yet. Sounds like the typical active addict, it's all your fault, if you didn't do X, I wouldn't pick up. If you, if you, if you....yada, blame, blame, blame. I have some advice for you. Don't own what is his and all the blame, that's his to own.
Nothing changes if nothing changes and the only power YOU have is the power to do something different for you & your children. I pray you find some clarity & peace away from your addicted loved one. Again, welcome, I'm glad you found us. Stacey -------------------- Happiness is not in the bottom of a pill bottle. It's inside you. | ||
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