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Posted: October 19, 2014, 12:43 AM
You can't do it alone....we all think we can and try, but life just becomes too much or the anxiety/ withdrawals suck, so there we go again, hating ourselves the entire time. I just stopped my third relapse 8 days ago; as much as it shamed me to do so, I had to tell my boyfriend and a close friend. I also found a group called Smart Recovery, which is very different from NA. I almost lost my job this last relapse, but without admitting it to one one else and asking for help, I know it is all too easy to lie to myself and say that I can handle it again. I never will be able to control it if I use. Asking for help is the hardest part. Is there anyone you can trust who would not be judgmental? What about your girlfriend?
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Posted: October 20, 2014, 11:42 AM
im almost done with day 5
I quit smoking as well....read someone say somewhere.....if I wana quit using....to save myself ...why kill myself with smoking nicotine and that is so true....im not gona wait and self medicate with cigarettes...better on my mind set to live a clean and healthy life....stopping smoking helped that mindset. anyway.....also day 5 off cigarettes....used to be a heavy smoker. Well I feel good not smoking....you know the benefits of not smoking this is a rollercoaster ride....every minute of the day...either happy or down and depressed but I know it is going to pass....I also have an air of calmness that subsided in me...as if I can sit and u know just sit ....feels good....anxiety is less....very tolerable...I am doing good...I went to an NA meeting today....feels nice....I like where this is going I am grateful for everything I was given in this life ...and pray to have the ability to manage and accept whatever life gives me without using... | ||
Posted: October 25, 2014, 4:00 PM
Hi soberturtle
How are you doing at day 10? So glad to hear you are trying even harder this time around. As soon as the withdraw symptoms stop you will feel like an entire different person. Like you can take on the world. I haven't taken pain pills for over a month now other than when it really was necessary and only in moderation. I'm feeling great most the days. Keep strong and you are in my prayers x | ||
Posted: October 25, 2014, 5:25 PM
My recovery didn't depend on willpower, the reliance on my willpower was what nearly killed me. -------------------- Serenity Prayer God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, The courage to change the things I can, And the wisdom to know the difference. Free copy of AA's Big Book on-line: http://www.aa.org/pages/en_US/alcoh...olics-anonymous Free copy of NA's Big Book on-line: Copy & Paste coastalcarolinaarea.org/literature/books/b_t.pdf AA's HOW IT WORKS: Copy & paste www.aa.org/assets/en_US/p-10_howitworks.pdf NA's HOW IT WORKS: http://www.na.org/admin/include/spa...0it%20Works.pdf ---------------------------------------------------------------- --- driven by a hundred forms of fear, self-delusion, self-seeking, and self-pity. ---there are those too who suffer from grave emotional and mental disorders but many of them do recover if they have the capacity to be honest. ... I need AA more than it needs me. --- I fight recovery tooth and nail.... I'm not used to being sane, it just doesn't seem natural. ...... According to the great spiritual teachers, ignorance does not result from what we don’t know; ignorance results from what we think we do know. ---Some think that 2+2=5 and believe it. Some know that 2+2=4 and can't stand it. --- I didn't have a very happy childhood but I sure am having a long one ! ---Dry since 1989 working daily on getting/staying SOBER. ---If you want to drink, that's your business ...If you want to quit, that's AA's business. ... Tell me, I'll forget; ... Show me, I'll remember; ... Engage me, I'll understand. ---Most problems are psychological. Most solutions are spiritual . "If we try to change our ego with the help of our ego, we only have a better-disguised ego." --Richard Rohr WWBWD (What Would Bill W. Do) | ||
Posted: November 4, 2014, 4:18 PM
Day 20,
passed so fast treating this day at a time....attending lots of meetings, literature and working the steps my brain is still not functioning too good....cloudy ...brain fog...gets tired quickly...low attention span but it is progressing slowly. I am still at day 20 My recovery has been a rollercoaster...downs and highs and intense cravings....but sometimes I get a glimpse of what is coming and I like it.... I have more feelings and remember what I did the day before ...well it's a completely different life ...and like I said at times I get a glimpse of what the sober life is willing to give me in the long term and I like it. This is not easy....to be sober...it is tough...but I am working on it...I want it! ...I have changed my food eating patterns ...sleep patterns ...I am exercising....I'm turning my lifestyle into a much more healthy one....I even stopped smoking...also 20th day off cigarettes!!!(I recommend the book: easy way to stop smoking by Allen Carr---gr8 book 2 help stop the ciggs) Well I didn't stop using to end up dying by a cigarette smoking related disease. It is also better to maintain a "clean mindset" I still have not lost the desire to use but I reckon it will come...I am still early in my recovery. I am also afraid that if any tragedy ever happens in my life, that I will go back to using....I want to be able to face anything without using Anyway I practice honesty daily and working on the steps are making me a better person. I also like to remind myself of how lucky I am and always be grateful Today, I am grateful for having my family in my life and having been able to become clean to enjoy my time with them. | ||
Posted: November 4, 2014, 4:35 PM
You may lose your desire temporarily along the way but that is where faith kicks in and carries you through the hard times... with the help of your sponsor and the oldtimers.
I heard a saying recently that I can really identify with. "Recovery is not for those that NEED it. Recovery is not for those that WANT it. Recovery will come to those that DO it" The longer I'm around recovery the less I know for sure .. but the more serene I am. All the best. Bob R -------------------- Serenity Prayer God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, The courage to change the things I can, And the wisdom to know the difference. Free copy of AA's Big Book on-line: http://www.aa.org/pages/en_US/alcoh...olics-anonymous Free copy of NA's Big Book on-line: Copy & Paste coastalcarolinaarea.org/literature/books/b_t.pdf AA's HOW IT WORKS: Copy & paste www.aa.org/assets/en_US/p-10_howitworks.pdf NA's HOW IT WORKS: http://www.na.org/admin/include/spa...0it%20Works.pdf ---------------------------------------------------------------- --- driven by a hundred forms of fear, self-delusion, self-seeking, and self-pity. ---there are those too who suffer from grave emotional and mental disorders but many of them do recover if they have the capacity to be honest. ... I need AA more than it needs me. --- I fight recovery tooth and nail.... I'm not used to being sane, it just doesn't seem natural. ...... According to the great spiritual teachers, ignorance does not result from what we don’t know; ignorance results from what we think we do know. ---Some think that 2+2=5 and believe it. Some know that 2+2=4 and can't stand it. --- I didn't have a very happy childhood but I sure am having a long one ! ---Dry since 1989 working daily on getting/staying SOBER. ---If you want to drink, that's your business ...If you want to quit, that's AA's business. ... Tell me, I'll forget; ... Show me, I'll remember; ... Engage me, I'll understand. ---Most problems are psychological. Most solutions are spiritual . "If we try to change our ego with the help of our ego, we only have a better-disguised ego." --Richard Rohr WWBWD (What Would Bill W. Do) | ||
Posted: November 6, 2014, 8:04 AM
Hello
I'm working steps 2 and 3....with sponsor ....NA step guide... I'd like to get as much help as possible from old timers or anyone in recovery so please let me know your thoughts on steps 2 and 3 .... thanks :) | ||
Posted: November 6, 2014, 8:59 AM
My thoughts on steps 2 & 3 are they are precursors to the program, they explain the process by which I began my journey. I had enough of the pain and suffering, I saw others relieved by their working the program, so I said ok...yes, I will seek to do the will of God and fellow these steps to improve my self and to help others.
Then I set off to live up to my promise to God. Life is good and I am getting better. Be Well, Larry -------------------- All gods send their drunks to AA My story.. https://www.addictionrecoveryguide.o...ST&f=16&t=63644 | ||
Posted: November 6, 2014, 9:24 AM
What does your sponsor say/think about you seeking online information?
-------------------- Serenity Prayer God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, The courage to change the things I can, And the wisdom to know the difference. Free copy of AA's Big Book on-line: http://www.aa.org/pages/en_US/alcoh...olics-anonymous Free copy of NA's Big Book on-line: Copy & Paste coastalcarolinaarea.org/literature/books/b_t.pdf AA's HOW IT WORKS: Copy & paste www.aa.org/assets/en_US/p-10_howitworks.pdf NA's HOW IT WORKS: http://www.na.org/admin/include/spa...0it%20Works.pdf ---------------------------------------------------------------- --- driven by a hundred forms of fear, self-delusion, self-seeking, and self-pity. ---there are those too who suffer from grave emotional and mental disorders but many of them do recover if they have the capacity to be honest. ... I need AA more than it needs me. --- I fight recovery tooth and nail.... I'm not used to being sane, it just doesn't seem natural. ...... According to the great spiritual teachers, ignorance does not result from what we don’t know; ignorance results from what we think we do know. ---Some think that 2+2=5 and believe it. Some know that 2+2=4 and can't stand it. --- I didn't have a very happy childhood but I sure am having a long one ! ---Dry since 1989 working daily on getting/staying SOBER. ---If you want to drink, that's your business ...If you want to quit, that's AA's business. ... Tell me, I'll forget; ... Show me, I'll remember; ... Engage me, I'll understand. ---Most problems are psychological. Most solutions are spiritual . "If we try to change our ego with the help of our ego, we only have a better-disguised ego." --Richard Rohr WWBWD (What Would Bill W. Do) | ||
Posted: November 6, 2014, 11:46 AM
Hi larry , papa bear....hope you are fine
Thank u for replying Well papa bear...it helps me alot to seek help and engage in this forum ....i don"t see why it is a problem or why my sponsor might bother. i just want to gain as much information as i can. | ||
Posted: November 6, 2014, 2:17 PM
I would check with him to be clear on his direction.
I wouldn't recommend the internet as a source of valuable direction for any newcomer. On-line opinions are a crap-shoot at best. Good luck. Bob -------------------- Serenity Prayer God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, The courage to change the things I can, And the wisdom to know the difference. Free copy of AA's Big Book on-line: http://www.aa.org/pages/en_US/alcoh...olics-anonymous Free copy of NA's Big Book on-line: Copy & Paste coastalcarolinaarea.org/literature/books/b_t.pdf AA's HOW IT WORKS: Copy & paste www.aa.org/assets/en_US/p-10_howitworks.pdf NA's HOW IT WORKS: http://www.na.org/admin/include/spa...0it%20Works.pdf ---------------------------------------------------------------- --- driven by a hundred forms of fear, self-delusion, self-seeking, and self-pity. ---there are those too who suffer from grave emotional and mental disorders but many of them do recover if they have the capacity to be honest. ... I need AA more than it needs me. --- I fight recovery tooth and nail.... I'm not used to being sane, it just doesn't seem natural. ...... According to the great spiritual teachers, ignorance does not result from what we don’t know; ignorance results from what we think we do know. ---Some think that 2+2=5 and believe it. Some know that 2+2=4 and can't stand it. --- I didn't have a very happy childhood but I sure am having a long one ! ---Dry since 1989 working daily on getting/staying SOBER. ---If you want to drink, that's your business ...If you want to quit, that's AA's business. ... Tell me, I'll forget; ... Show me, I'll remember; ... Engage me, I'll understand. ---Most problems are psychological. Most solutions are spiritual . "If we try to change our ego with the help of our ego, we only have a better-disguised ego." --Richard Rohr WWBWD (What Would Bill W. Do) | ||
Posted: November 7, 2014, 5:55 AM
Id love to hear ur opinion on step 2 and 3 papa bear if u dun mind...
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Posted: November 7, 2014, 8:37 AM
Yep, me too,
ST, Glad to see you checking in, I hope you continue to do so, no matter what. As far as that sponsor thing goes, I have mixed feelings. we all could use some giudance/suggestions through out life. We just should not become dependent on others to live. Cultivate right thinking and all will be well. The body goes where the mind leads it. Live on purpose, Larry -------------------- All gods send their drunks to AA My story.. https://www.addictionrecoveryguide.o...ST&f=16&t=63644 | ||
Posted: November 7, 2014, 9:53 AM
Id love to hear ur opinion on step 2 and 3 papa bear if u dun mind...
I'm not quite sure what you mean by "my opinion".... The simple truth leaves little room for "opinion". I strive daily to adapt to AA's teaching. My best thinking is what got me to the doors of AA/NA. Without help to change I am doomed. If you have attended meetings and read The Big Book .. and the 12 & 12, it leaves little to the imagination. 12 Step recovery is well described in HOW IT WORKS http://www.aa.org/assets/en_US/p-10..._howitworks.pdf The Big Book says alcoholism (addiction) is a spiritual disease and I believe that today. I have not "got" recovery .. I keep "getting" it. Pg 85 of The Big Book says " We are not cured of alcoholism. What we really have is a daily reprieve contingent on the maintenance of our spiritual condition." If I wanted to learn about becoming a good electrician or a plumber I would look around the area for an old established well respected journeyman who is admired by his peers and choose him as a teacher. Anything less and I'm cutting myself off from the best. I do the same in AA/NA. I stick with the winners and learn/grow. I get taught things I would never have figured out for myself ... and I am grateful! I learned that God works through people ! As I practised the spiritual suggestions of The 12 Steps, The Promises began to come true http://www.singaporeaa.org/PDFs/The...AA_Promises.pdf The simple encouragement of the oldtimers in the beginning "Keep coming back .. it gets better" has proven to come true.. and continues to come true as time passes. I am coming to realize that any "mixed feelings" I have about the AA principles are caused by my pride, fear, ego and a mess of bad habits in my thinking process that need addressing. I'm off to my morning meeting now. All the best. Bob R -------------------- Serenity Prayer God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, The courage to change the things I can, And the wisdom to know the difference. Free copy of AA's Big Book on-line: http://www.aa.org/pages/en_US/alcoh...olics-anonymous Free copy of NA's Big Book on-line: Copy & Paste coastalcarolinaarea.org/literature/books/b_t.pdf AA's HOW IT WORKS: Copy & paste www.aa.org/assets/en_US/p-10_howitworks.pdf NA's HOW IT WORKS: http://www.na.org/admin/include/spa...0it%20Works.pdf ---------------------------------------------------------------- --- driven by a hundred forms of fear, self-delusion, self-seeking, and self-pity. ---there are those too who suffer from grave emotional and mental disorders but many of them do recover if they have the capacity to be honest. ... I need AA more than it needs me. --- I fight recovery tooth and nail.... I'm not used to being sane, it just doesn't seem natural. ...... According to the great spiritual teachers, ignorance does not result from what we don’t know; ignorance results from what we think we do know. ---Some think that 2+2=5 and believe it. Some know that 2+2=4 and can't stand it. --- I didn't have a very happy childhood but I sure am having a long one ! ---Dry since 1989 working daily on getting/staying SOBER. ---If you want to drink, that's your business ...If you want to quit, that's AA's business. ... Tell me, I'll forget; ... Show me, I'll remember; ... Engage me, I'll understand. ---Most problems are psychological. Most solutions are spiritual . "If we try to change our ego with the help of our ego, we only have a better-disguised ego." --Richard Rohr WWBWD (What Would Bill W. Do) | ||
Posted: November 10, 2014, 2:54 PM
Relapsed
3 days binge rapid heart beats and blood pressure....I nearly died...was too ashamed to admit and go to hospital...I just slept it off... anyway im at the end of day 2...CLEAN AGAIN....I am NEVER giving up on recovery. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENED:3 days ago, i felt overly confident and my brain told me that i am capable of going out and enjoying 2-3 drinks and a meal...but none happened kept drinking...called dealer and u know the deal....has happened 100s of times before....INSANITY: repeating the same thing over and over again and expecting different results... anyway that's it ...i am almost 2 days clean one thing i learned from all this.....never trust myself...never trust what my brain tells me or trys to reason me into doing This post has been edited by soberturtle on November 10, 2014, 2:56 PM | ||
Posted: November 10, 2014, 4:15 PM
Let me know if I can be of any assistance.
Bob -------------------- Serenity Prayer God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, The courage to change the things I can, And the wisdom to know the difference. Free copy of AA's Big Book on-line: http://www.aa.org/pages/en_US/alcoh...olics-anonymous Free copy of NA's Big Book on-line: Copy & Paste coastalcarolinaarea.org/literature/books/b_t.pdf AA's HOW IT WORKS: Copy & paste www.aa.org/assets/en_US/p-10_howitworks.pdf NA's HOW IT WORKS: http://www.na.org/admin/include/spa...0it%20Works.pdf ---------------------------------------------------------------- --- driven by a hundred forms of fear, self-delusion, self-seeking, and self-pity. ---there are those too who suffer from grave emotional and mental disorders but many of them do recover if they have the capacity to be honest. ... I need AA more than it needs me. --- I fight recovery tooth and nail.... I'm not used to being sane, it just doesn't seem natural. ...... According to the great spiritual teachers, ignorance does not result from what we don’t know; ignorance results from what we think we do know. ---Some think that 2+2=5 and believe it. Some know that 2+2=4 and can't stand it. --- I didn't have a very happy childhood but I sure am having a long one ! ---Dry since 1989 working daily on getting/staying SOBER. ---If you want to drink, that's your business ...If you want to quit, that's AA's business. ... Tell me, I'll forget; ... Show me, I'll remember; ... Engage me, I'll understand. ---Most problems are psychological. Most solutions are spiritual . "If we try to change our ego with the help of our ego, we only have a better-disguised ego." --Richard Rohr WWBWD (What Would Bill W. Do) | ||
Posted: November 10, 2014, 8:04 PM
ST,
That was silly. So if alcohol leads to crack, and alcohol leads to alot of stupid behaviors, maybe you should not drink alcohol, ever. And if you can't acheive that, maybe you should consider whether or not you are an alcoholic. First things first as they say. Be Well, Larry -------------------- All gods send their drunks to AA My story.. https://www.addictionrecoveryguide.o...ST&f=16&t=63644 | ||
Posted: November 11, 2014, 6:20 AM
Hey Larry,
As an addict, i am well aware that i can be addicted to any drug and well know that alcohol is one of them. But sadly we are not responsible for the disease and i cannot seem to ever be able to control it.however, I am taught that i am responsible for my recovery and thats what i should work on. If i just stop using, no good is going to come and the disease will soon catch up with me. I don"t want that anymore. I"m fed up , ive tried coming clean 100s of time on my own and tried to control this nightmare but eventually the evil wins. I"m kinda glad i had that relapse because i kind of needed to hit rock bottom and ha e all those awful feelings that i forgot about....but i habe to remind myself there mt be no next time...i nearly died last time Thank u 4 always being here n helping all of u guys ... This post has been edited by soberturtle on November 11, 2014, 6:27 AM | ||
Posted: November 13, 2014, 9:16 AM
personnaly, "we are not responsible for our disease" ,IMHO, is a wussy, politically-correct, touchy-feely, cop-out. I don't know about you, but I am a grown adult and take full responsibility for my actions/behaviors. No one or no thing "controls" me. i make the descisions as to what I am going to do, right or wrong, pleasant or uncomfortable. Often the right thing to do is uncomfortable....but that's life. The reward for climbing mountains is the view at the top, not the struggle to get there.
Live on Purpose, Larry -------------------- All gods send their drunks to AA My story.. https://www.addictionrecoveryguide.o...ST&f=16&t=63644 | ||
Posted: November 13, 2014, 12:39 PM
Hey Larry,
Are you able to control having a drink every now and then now? Or any mind altering substance other than your DOC? This post has been edited by soberturtle on November 13, 2014, 12:40 PM |
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