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Posts: 674
Joined: August 17, 2014
Posted: July 2, 2015, 2:34 PM
Hi Casey J , you have to stop looking at all the negatives- you will not be able to sort everything out in one go - you need to prioritise - forget about the smoking and overeating for now, take it one step at a time- too many goals = too many opportunities to fail - concentrate on getting clean first - you need to make this your priority then worry about your other issues when you have some clean time - i agree with Millie, tapering is hard, very hard - decide to quit, go to your DR ask him/her for something to help you with the WD's if you think you can't handle them and take it from there- put some support systems in place, family or friend you can trust, it's to hard to do this and try to worry about other issues - take it one step at a time - wish you all the best - keep posting here for support-
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Posts: 165
Joined: February 17, 2015
Posted: July 2, 2015, 10:03 PM
Hi Casey,
Travelin Man is absolutely spot on. Your critical first priority is to focus on starting your recovery. I would recommend setting a quit date and actually writing down or sitting down and coming up with a plan of attack/strategy for your recovery. I would be considering such as things as: - Organising support through any family and/or close/trusted friends - Making sure you have clothes/outfits ready for the week - Organising some meals/food - Making sure you have plenty of water, electrolyte drinks like Powerade/Gatorade - Get your hands on some TV series/movies to help past the time (or read) - Consider buying any supplements (multivatmin, fish oil/krill oil etc) - Supportive medication (immodium, paracetamol/ibuprofen) - Check in with a doctor for advice - explain your issue Most of all, you need to believe in yourself. You get one life, make it count, you can do this, but you need to put your all into it to give yourself the best chance. Recovery for me and many others has been one of the hardest challenges to face in life, but it can be done if you truly commit, dedicate and persist through this test. We are here to help you as much as you can, but in the end, you must look inside yourself, find that inner strength, and convince yourself you want your life back. Because in the end, the choices you make today could mean there is no tomorrow. So carefully consider that point and your situation, you know it is time to take action and make a positive change. As Always - Stay Strong, Stay Calm, Stay Vigilant! Cheers, Cam | ||
Posts: 312
Joined: March 10, 2015
Posted: July 3, 2015, 1:20 AM
Hi Cam ,
How are things going for you ? Day 19 today , woke up at 5 am and wanted to get out of bed ! Hope your having a good day in Oz Love Millie x | ||
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Posts: 165
Joined: February 17, 2015
Posted: July 3, 2015, 4:38 AM
Hey Millie,
Things are going pretty good for me to be honest, not too bad at all. Maybe looking at a new job in a few weeks time which would be fantastic, through my brother in law, so that would be really great. Can you believe it! Almost 3 weeks into your recovery, who would have thought. No doubt you can start building a new foundation, a new lifestyle, and make small and progressive changes overtime. Whilst the road is always there to be traveled, things will no doubt get easier and better for you as you travel it. I'm so happy with your current progress and your diligence in telling it how it is, and not giving up. Really awesome M! As Always - Stay Strong, Stay Calm, Stay Vigilant! Cheers, Cam | ||
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Posted: July 3, 2015, 11:03 AM
Thank You Millie I appreciate your reply :-) I have to do this as life is slipping me by. I haven't had any today and I feel ok, it seems to be the 2nd day that gets me the most as I don't sleep the first night. I went to a AA meeting yesterday and it was great, I felt really emotional. I am reading Stephen Kings Biography at the moment and it is helping also. He was addicted to alcohol and cocaine mainly and he tried to taper off but found he couldn't.. I definitely think it is the compulsion that the big book of alcoholics anonymous talks about when we take something mind altering we are compelled by both a mental obsession and a physical craving to keep going. so I must abstain if I am to get well! I have never understood how people can have a box of chocolates or a bottle of wine or anything yummy and not eat it. I used to dream of having a wine rack full of wine or a bar stoked with all the liquors you could imagine but I can't have alcohol and not drink it. I also have a food addiction... having one chocolate biscuit or half a bag of chips is just not me. I drink coffee alcoholically having cup after cup and then suffering anxiety and heart palpatations. so day 1 with the realisation that I just can't have a few. Anybody else relate to this behaviour/thinking?
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Posts: 312
Joined: March 10, 2015
Posted: July 3, 2015, 12:51 PM
Hi Casey ... You've achieved a lot . Going to a meeting and deciding to stop the pills and sticking to it today .
I had a big problem with sleep and TMan gave me some great advice . Just don't bother trying to or expecting to sleep then you don't get all anxious about it . I also listened to some self hypnosis audios for sleep on YouTube . They really help you relax even though it takes a little while it defiantly work if you follow what they say re breathing etc . Like Cam said you've got enough to deal with just now with quitting the pills try n forget about the over eating and smoking for now . Re alcohol whatever you do don't think of taking a drink to help you sleep ... It doesn't and makes the next day ten times worse ... Believe me I tried it and it was horrific the next day . If you can get some compress stockings those really help with the restless legs if you get them , it's not easy Casey but I can tell you at day 19 for me it so worth it . I listened to a lot of AA audios on YouTube too and still do daily . I don't want to bombard you with all my story so for now I'll just give you the few things that helped me . I keep thinking that all I have to do today is not buy that box of pills ... Just today I don't think about next week or next year . I know if I don't do it today them tomorrow will be ok . The people on this site got me through Casey and I can't thank them enough . Everybody knows exactly how you feel but they also know how good it feels when you get out the other side . I'll be thinking about you and praying that you don't go and buy that first box . Keep posting it helps .. I check the board a few times a day and will reply each time . Lots of love Millie xxx | ||
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Posted: July 4, 2015, 6:58 AM
Thank You guys. I do think I need to just focus on not taking nurofen+ at the moment. I have a mind that constantly seems to live in fast forward and it is very tiring I worry about the future. I felt good yesterday and now it is day 2, I am suspicious when I feel good though it's almost like I feel more comfortable when I feel like s*** as it's what I know. The doctor will more than probably not give me anything as I have a past history of abusing my meds.. quetiapine, lorazepam so I am never prescribed anything more than my regular rx of venlafaxine. I have been flooded with feelings about if I have made the right decision coming back to Scotland from NZ. But this is my pattern I move and think everything will magically work out and fall into place. I remember feeling this way in every place I have moved.. I would think "I wouldn't be depressed if I lived in Christchurch" I must realise that if I just change the external and never the internal I will spend my life moving from place to place thinking "I didn't think I would be depressed living in...." I have had thoughts of buying some N+ to block out these feelings. I won't though just for today. Thank you gain for support x
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Posts: 312
Joined: March 10, 2015
Posted: July 4, 2015, 2:24 PM
Hi Casey ,
Well done on day 2. I can relate to the mind racing and the worry about feeling good too! To get me through the last few weeks I've basically not allowed any negative thoughts to develop as much as I can . I've found playing music , listening to self audits about negative thinking and AA/NA speakers really helpful . I just don't allow myself quiet time if that makes sense ? I know feeling going deeper than that and issues ultimately have to be addressed but it's got me through and I'm slowly learning that worrying about things I can't change doesn't do me any good . So happy your second day wasn't too bad ..hopefully the next few days will be ok too Casey . A lot of people say it's more to do with the length of time uve been abusing the pills than the amount . I know for me after ,about a year of taking the pills ,when I had to c/t on holiday I was oblivious to the fact I was addicted and truly didn't notice the withdrawals . I ended up taking at least 40 per day .. More often than not more than that , I can tel you it's definitely worth any discomfort of quitting . I can now 'relax ' and not have to constantly worry about which chemist I can go to today . It was the last and first thing I thought of every day along with the guilt of destroying my health when I have my girl depending on me . Get off the N+ and you'll be a lot more able to deal with all the other stuff 💜💜💜💜 Lots of love Millie xx | ||
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Posts: 312
Joined: March 10, 2015
Posted: July 5, 2015, 8:01 AM
How are you doing today Casey xxx
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Posted: July 6, 2015, 5:40 PM
Hi Millie
I have been good except from constant sniffly nose. I am still a bit suspicious as to why I feel so good. My Mum who died last year had bi polar disorder and was diagnosed at 36. I am 35 and I sometimes wonder if I have bi polar as I get soo down and suicidal and then can be really really good which I seem to be at the moment. my doctor says I am unipolar as I don't seem to have that many ups. I have been thinking buying n+, solfadine max, booze, cigarettes and food but so far have only been overeating actively. How are you doing Millie? must be 3 weeks now how is it for you? xx | ||
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Posts: 312
Joined: March 10, 2015
Posted: July 6, 2015, 6:22 PM
Hi Casey ,
Please don't go near the solph Max , they are far more dangerous as you taking an overdose of paracetamol . I swear there was a girl in my daughters class who lost her mum due to taking too many just once ... The poor thing admitted what she'd done a day later but it was too late . She died of organ failure a couple of days later leaving two small kids ))): I used to take too much of them and it scared the hell out of me . I know it's only thoughts Casey but please don't act on them .....sermon over (; Sorry that just scared me there .... Yeah I'm on day 22 and I'm doing fine . I still have ups and downs but like you , I've always suffered from anxiety / depression and my mum was a manic depressant and recovering Alcoholic . I'm fighting this with everything I've got and just keep forcing myself to do things when it's the last thing I want to do. I'm defo over eating ATM ... Not sure if it's because I hardly ate when I was taking the pills or because I'm trying to fill that void..... Prob a bit of both . I can afford to put on a bit of weight ...but I'm very conscious of not wanting to start off a new problem ! Try and enjoy feeling good ( I know it can be hard ) you know yourself you'll wake up again not feeling as positive ... Time enough to deal with that then . Your doing well Casey.... I really care and want to help . I'm under no illusions about having any answers but I'll chat away to you and swap experiences . Love Millie xxx This post has been edited by Milliemac on July 6, 2015, 6:25 PM | ||
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Posted: July 7, 2015, 9:03 AM
Thank you Millie it's is really helping talking with you. I know the dangers of taking too much paracetamol, I used to be a pharmacy technician and I remember the pharmacist saying to me that paracetamol is one of the most dangerous drugs to overdose on and it is a very slow and painful death so I have always been a bit more cautious. My doctor did say to me that taking too much paracetamol on a regular basis is very dangerous and can cause irreversible damage to the vital organs. I couldn't sleep lastnight but it's ok. I lost my job as a pharmacy technician as they discovered i was stealing drugs that is when I went to rehab. Depression and anxiety is horrible eh, I always feel like s*** when i wake up but I have got used to it and the doctor said it is a symptom of major depression that you feel like crap in the morning. 22 days whoo hoo go YOU.. reclaiming our lives back one day at a time. xx
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Posts: 312
Joined: March 10, 2015
Posted: July 7, 2015, 4:26 PM
Hi Casey ,
I can really relate to that wakening up in the morning and feeling like sh1t . I describe it as feeling like I have a bomb in my stomach and dread the day ahead . I don't know about you but I very seldom , if ever , have a restful nites sleep or good dreams , I assume that isn't helpful will awaking feeling good ): What I have to do is say to myself ' right what's really actually wrong ?'' I also try to just get up straight away rather than lying on or snoozing the alarm. I find that snoozing only means I wake up feeling like sh1t more than once - haha (: If I get organised at nite and give myself plenty of time to ' come around '. Usually just a couple of cups of coffee and a cig then I feel ok by the time I get girl up . I've resigned myself to the fact I'll never be one of those jump around happy people all the time . To be honest any time I come across someone like that I run a mile ... Can't stand them !!! Day 23 and I'm certainly not depressed Casey ... Far from it . I'm not on an unrealistic high either which I know I'd come crashing down from . I just feel kinda peaceful which is truly lovely . When I was on the pills I would promise myself day and nite that tomorrow would be different and of course it never was . The more I worried about what I was doing the more pills I would need to block out the feelings . I have heard a lot of AA speakers in the last few weeks and one of them said your 'rock bottom ' is simply the point when you put your hands up and say ok I need help . Sure for some people they can be suicidal , homeless , jobless etc but for others ' rock bottom ' can come before these outside factors get so bad . I'm in no way saying that's right ( papa bear ) I'm merely repeating what the AA speaker said and what I deem to be relevant to me . I know I'm in no position to be offering advise or telling anyone what do to , anymore than I think ' I got this ' My mindset has completely change re the pills ....I just no longer see it as an option and I don't want them any more . Keep posting Casey ... It helps me too (((: Love Millie xxx | ||
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Posted: July 8, 2015, 7:17 AM
Hi Millie
Congrats on 23 days that is awesome. I can so relate. I have a sister who is a jump out of bed and sing with the birds person and I just accept that we are different. I had a flatmate last year who I found very difficult to live with. She would ask me a million questions in the morning and then get angry that I didn't take it all in, I told her that I struggled in the morning and it was best to let me have a coffee before she bombarded me. it got to the point that I didn't get up until she had gone as it was a horrible way to start the day. I fully know that I am best left in the morning until I come round, I am not grumpy just takes me time it is part of who I am and how I work. I don't expect everyone to be like me but I think if you explain to people then a little understanding goes a long way. I used to have a lot of anxiety that I had a physical health problem and I went to the Doctor saying I thought I had heart failure. She told me that no I didn't have heart failure but a magnifying mind and like you said she suggested I get up when I wake up and have a coffee and with the thought I will feel better once I am up and about. I don't have problem sleeping, if anything I sleep too much. the venlafaxine anti depressant that I am on gives me very weird dreams but I am used to them. I think my depression is very like my alcoholism and drug addiction in that it is an illness and acceptance and vigilance with good selfcare is needed. I haven't slept that well the last few nights but still feel good, have been taking vitamins and am just so glad that I am getting through each day atm without taking pills as I to kept saying tomorrow will be different I will stop tomorrow I will sort my s*** out tomorrow but the way I was going tomorrow was never coming. I know I don't do all I could for my recovery but I am going in the right direction which is good enough for me at the moment. Take Care (Day 6 for me today) xx This post has been edited by CaseyJ on July 8, 2015, 7:33 AM | ||
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Posts: 312
Joined: March 10, 2015
Posted: July 8, 2015, 10:22 AM
Hi Casey ... That's fantastic day 6 .. Well done (((:
Yeah think I would have stayed in bed too to avoid your flat mate ...haha Quitting isn't the answer to depression but for me anyway it is one less huge thing to worry about upon wakening in the morning and feels good . Your doing really well ...it took me a lot longer to see the light so well done 💜 Love Millie xxx | ||
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Posts: 312
Joined: March 10, 2015
Posted: July 9, 2015, 4:28 AM
Hey Casey , how are you doing today ?
I find it helpful to post good or bad ... My thread must be the blinkin longest ever ! Xxx This post has been edited by Milliemac on July 9, 2015, 4:28 AM | ||
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