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Joined: November 27, 2016


Posted: January 17, 2017, 12:30 AM
Hi Sue, well as it turns out the decision was made for me. When I came home from work today I saw the lock was missing from basement door-it's a bilco door outside. So I went down there and found laptop is gone don't think she took anything else. What's puzzling is that last time she was here the laptop and most of her clothes were In the spare bedroom I just moved everything down there last week which she didn't know so did she come here intending to break in and just started In the basement and was pleasantly surprised to find the laptop there. I guess I shudder be thankful that it was down there so she had no need to break in the house.
I also received a voicemail from boyfriends grandmother today asking if he spent the night here, I didn't respond . They are clueless to even think he would ever be at my house, bizarre.
My brother thinks I should call the police and report the break in so they have a record, I didn't tonight because I just didnt want to deal with police tonight. With laptop gone I don't think she will be coming back, I have nothing of value cor her to pawn, etc. I never reported the check stealing to the police, just the bank. Any opinions from anyone about that?
Thanks for all the support.


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Joined: October 5, 2015


Posted: January 17, 2017, 1:06 AM
Hi, If you don't want her at your house and want her to stay gone.... I'd set her clothes at the bottom of the boyfriends driveway in trash bags. If the computer is a decent one then keep that because chances are they'll sell it. Text her to let her know that's where her stuff is going to be so she will know to pick it up. Keeping the stuff isn't going to bring her home and make her quit seeing the boyfriend. Don't feel bad about anything you decide to do. When your daughter's on drugs she is numb to any feelings. She doesn't care about anything but drugs. The boyfriend and her stay together because of drugs too. I don't know what to make of his parents. Maybe their all on drugs in that house. Maybe the kids sell the ( parents) pain pills for then to get money to buy other drugs. You just never know anymore. Sorry your going through this as you seem like a nice mom. Take care. Mary

Hi again, I see you beat me to it with your latest post. I would let them have it! Who's to say they won't break in your house by just kicking the backdoor in next time. I'd call the police tomorrow and report it all. The bank stuff the works! You let them away with too much they'll think they've hit the jackpot. I would also put any jewelry or valuables in a safety deposit box. Don't leave anything anymore to chance. This is going to be hard for you but if they arrest the pair of them do not bail her out!! In jail she is going to get off drugs so it's probably a good thing and it will keep her away from him the BF. I've been going through my nightmare for 17 yrs now my daughter is 35 this year. This might be your chance to nip this on the bud for your daughter. Then again the BF parents might bail them both out. Wish I could help you. Get tough! Be strong! Hang in there, you know you can get through this. Mary.

This post has been edited by Mandm on January 17, 2017, 1:19 AM


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Joined: September 1, 2016


Posted: January 17, 2017, 1:16 AM
It wouldn't be a bad idea to file a report with the police so there's a record, in case other things turn up missing. I would agree with your brother on that.

This post has been edited by Mtgirl on January 17, 2017, 1:19 AM


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Joined: June 27, 2016


Posted: January 17, 2017, 9:06 PM
lynn - the memories are so emotional and can bring a person right back there, no matter how long ago. I dont know if I can describe this well enough... the overwhelming sadness when one finds proof that their child purposefully manipulated them. ie taking pic of both sides of cards. Usually parents only see the results of their childrens actions. We tend to rationalize and make up the missing information in our minds. It hurts a lot when we see thru our kid's eyes.
so sorry for all of us in this boat.

When my daughter was out of our house. living in the city sharing a studio w a friend, I gave her my credit card # to order pizza. She then went into the military service and did not use my card # again.... Imagine my surprise about 6 months after my daughter left, a charge for the pizza place showed up on my card... her friend used it!! of course, I simply cancelled my card.

This post has been edited by NyToFlorida on January 17, 2017, 9:29 PM


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Joined: June 27, 2016


Posted: January 17, 2017, 9:43 PM
carol, personally, I did not press charges. be smart going forward. secure your home. we had our daughter and then once she was clean and left, we found out about our son, both in addiction. our daughter was hard in one respect bc she was 17-19 and living home. our son was difficult bc he was 25-27. was living home, we kicked him out. he moved to florida, got a job there, but was still using and using up his paycheck - and he was working a full time professional job! each time he fell short on bills, rent, insurance, we supplemented. we thought he was doing OK, we thought he was 'trying' and each week would be the last time he needed $ and it will 'be better after this'.....
that went on for months and drained us financially. it was scary. to see how fast it can happen.
our son has struggled for two years trying to stay clean - ups and downs. I do keep helping with words, and I offer to pay for medical care or alternative medical care. things that I believe in. I have given clothing and shoes when needed to start jobs. but nothing else.

back to the point... when our daughter was living w us and in addiction, we put a lock on our bedroom closet. tried to put valuables in there. It made us crazy when we would hide something, and then forget we hid it and then thought she or someone stole it and then find it a week or month later, sometimes we tried to take a picture of what we were hiding, so we could remember where we put it ..... just sucks to have to live in that fear and suspicion.

Because this has happened to us, I have been determined to 'clean out' our house, get down to basics and get bank account and house hold ready to MOVE into retirement.



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Posted: January 18, 2017, 12:04 PM
Hang in there, Carolt.


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Joined: October 25, 2016


Posted: January 18, 2017, 12:24 PM
Based on my past experience…locked doors don’t always work. My son took the whole door frame apart and put it back together thinking we wouldn’t be able to tell. We had a lock on the bedroom door hoping to protect our valuables.

This post has been edited by BugginMe on January 18, 2017, 1:56 PM

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Joined: November 2, 2016


Posted: January 19, 2017, 12:31 AM
NYto Florida,

I am glad to read that you have done that! Any time something is missing, I think of my son. I have jumped to conclusions and thought the worse! I still kind of feel guilty about this, but I do it because of his behavior. he has kinda brought it on himself. I feel horrible when I assume he took something and then find it later. To be honest, everyone thinks of him first because of how he behaves.

One night, I thought a drug dealer was in my house because of jumping to conclusions. I came home alone and put all the pieces together from things that happened that week. Called the cops and everything. No one was there! It turned out another child had left a door open in a rush. It all stemmed from thinking he was up to something and etc etc. Kind of embarrassing. I have slept with mace more than one night and in the morning, felt like I was totally crazy to have such fear.

It is always difficult to know 'should you involve the police?'. So crappy to be in this situation. I am finding peace in detaching lately. I guess I am realizing that I have zero control over his path. It is really horrifying, but I have no control.

I am glad we have this place to share.


Posts: 24
Joined: November 27, 2016


Posted: January 19, 2017, 2:54 PM
Long story short I met her at emergency room this morning said she was ready.
Well they wouldn't take her, no beds and she had no symptoms even though she was there asking for detox they turned us,away. I threw an absolute fit, not a good scene, so we r now at ny house she says she is,ready yo do this so we going to sit and wait fir withdrawal symptoms which might not come until the morning. Help!!! Any advice on what I should do in the,hours waiting for her to withdraw and get sick? I'm so scared


Posts: 384
Joined: October 25, 2016


Posted: January 19, 2017, 4:33 PM
I don't know where you are but look for a behavioral health / mental health hospital. They may at least keep her a few days during detox and might refer her somewhere for follow-up. Google mental health emergency clinic and see what you find. Call and find out if they have a bed before waiting hours. You might ask the local police where they take drug addicts when they pick them up on the street instead of jail. Someone might have a crisis hotline you could call. There are usually waiting lists for rehab beds. Call everyone of them in your area if you are willing to pay or she has insurance. You could also call Council on Drugs and Alcohol and they may have suggestions.

You may have to wait until she is in withdrawal. Have some people with you to help and don't try to do it alone. I don't know what she is withdrawing from but it might be more than you want to handle by yourself. I would take her to any emergency room or call an ambulance if things get bad and there are no other alternatives. I don't think they can refuse a patient if they arrive by ambulance.

I read that you can contact your insurance provider, if she is on your insurance, and they can tell you where you can take her but I am not sure that will work. I don't think they would know if there is an open bed.

Good luck, I hope it works out. I am keeping my fingers crossed.

This post has been edited by BugginMe on January 19, 2017, 5:08 PM

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Posted: January 19, 2017, 5:12 PM
Heroin. She is sleeping right now but she told me she will be a mess by morning if not sooner.she said she is ready and willing to do this meaning wait for withdrawal and then bring her back to the same hospital for detox. I have no idea what to expect, was planning on doing it alone but now I'm wondering if I should call my brother for help


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Posted: January 19, 2017, 5:14 PM
They told us they had beds opening up there tomorrow and that's where she wants to go'


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Joined: October 25, 2016


Posted: January 19, 2017, 5:35 PM
Personally, if you don't mind your brother knowing your business, it might be a good idea for him just to be there even if he doesn't do anything. He can be your moral support and an extra hand if you need it. My son didn't use heroin so I am not sure what you can expect, but with meth things could get crazy quick. Hopefully, it will not freak your daughter out having your brother there. That's good..put her name on that bed!! I would take her where she wants to go if they have a bed and she is willing.

This post has been edited by BugginMe on January 19, 2017, 5:36 PM

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Posted: January 19, 2017, 5:52 PM
I know it's, procedure but it seems totally insane to me that they sent us home . I mean I freaked I was screaming crying and yelling "so should we go outside and sit in the car until she starts withdrawing then come back In?" They said we understand I Said unless you have a child who is an addict you do not understand. I just feel we were so close and who knows what will happen between now Nd withdrawal beginning


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Posted: January 19, 2017, 5:54 PM
She might wake up and run out of here


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Posted: January 19, 2017, 9:28 PM
Hi Carol, It is so ridiculous that they couldn't take her and keep her even in just the emergency area until a bed opened. I had a terrible problem getting help for my daughter years ago. It was a nightmare. I actually drove 1 1/2 hrs to another hospital and was lucky there and she got taken in to detox. But after that I had to bring her home and wait 3 days until a rehab bed became available. There's not enough help out there. Once when my daughter again was going through withdrawals at home. I treated the symptoms. If she's hurting give her Motrin, feeling sick give her sea sickness pills, if she gets the runs use pepto or whatever else is out there, give her hot water bottles,2 liter soda bottles,heating pads whatever you have she can hold for pain. She might be alright until morning and then take her back to the hospital emergency room. I think it depends on how much they can tolerate. How much heroin shes used to shooting up etc. Make sure she drinks water or Gatorade keep her electrolytes up. But my daughter wasn't too bad at all. You'll be alright Carol and it won't be as bad as you think. Just keep telling her it will be over soon and she'll be free of drugs. I did all of the above with my daughter and she came through it fine. But if she does get bad which I don't think she will, then call the ambulance. Maybe one of the girls recovering will come on and advise, that would be good! Or google what to do when detoxing from heroin. Maybe they'll be something there! Good luck! Mary.

This post has been edited by Mandm on January 19, 2017, 9:58 PM


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Posted: January 19, 2017, 9:59 PM
Thanks Mary xoxo


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Posted: January 19, 2017, 10:05 PM
Your welcome Carol, we're all here for you and we have been where you are and it's scary. But you'll manage fine. Its all aches and pains like a really bad flu, take her temp now and again too.But that's good she's sleeping. Mary💜

This post has been edited by Mandm on January 19, 2017, 10:09 PM


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Posted: January 20, 2017, 4:32 PM
Hi Carol, Been thinking about you all day and hoping everything is going as you'd like it to go? I hope you got her into detox at the hospital this morning or she detoxes at home last night. Whichever you did I hope she's doing better and still has a good frame of mind to stay sober. Your probably pretty exhausted with all the worry. Sure does tire you out. Well take care and hope all is well. Mary.🌻


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Posted: January 22, 2017, 9:14 PM
Hi Mary and all who are reading, well she did get in to detox Friday afternoon/evening. Ended up she started with the withdrawals the same time I came down with this horrible flu, I couldn't even help her I was and still am knocked out by this. So I had ny brother come and take her and he stayed with her for about 6 hours until they admitted her upstairs. He said watching her go through that was worse then losing our parents. I have been checking on her periodically and she's been doing okay, ups and downs but overall hanging in. They told me this morning they would give her phone time this afternoon to call me. She called and to my utter shock she said she doesn't want to stay there for rehab after detox, wants to do outpatient or rehab somewhere else. I tried to stay calm and explain that she is there because they take her insurance......didn't want to get into an argument so said we will see what your counselor says tomorrow when you have your first meeting. I mean she was implying that she was going to be out of there on Tuesday. I certainly offered for her to live with me til she got back on her feet but that was after her commitment to rehab not 4 days in detox. My commitment to her was based on her commitment to rehab. I don't know maybe she'll feel differently in the morning??? Could the attitude I feel she had on the phone be due to the detoxing?? thoughts?? I am literally laying in my bed In shock and disbelief. Not that I was expecting a miracle but My God.
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