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Posted: March 10, 2013, 4:20 PM
I am in love with someone who is an alcoholic and addict. I am out of familiar territory here and so forgive my naivity as I had no idea what the true extents of an addict could be. My boyfriend was left by his wife over a year ago due to his addiction to pain pills that are prescribed for his back. When I met him he wasn't drinking much and I had no idea what pills he was on. He told me he was tired of everyone nagging him about his problems, and me trying to always see the best in people, didn't want to add to that nagging. I like to occasionally drink but never understood that you can not drink around an alcoholic/addict. Fast forward to January, when we both had a few drinks but I went to bed early while he stayed up (he can't sleep often on the meds). I woke up in the morning and he was missing. He apparently took valium (on top of hydrocodone and traminol), blacked out and stole my car, totaled it and got a dwi. He had a dwi 6 years or so ago. It's been a bloody mess to pick up the pieces. Ive hid my garage door opener and keys since because he said he's done other dumb things on valium before? I made him flush the non prescribed drugs. this weekend he took his own car in the middle of the night because he was angry. Now he is stuck in jail until he sees the judge from the first offense. I am just so overwhelmed because he will now lose his job and kids, and on top of it all I was layed off a few weeks back, so the stress is through the roof. I'm just so confused right now. Confused, angry, sad, hurt. You name it.
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Posted: March 10, 2013, 4:26 PM
Yes I feel like a fool, but damn its so hard when you love someone so much and they are perfect for you otherwise.
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Posted: March 10, 2013, 8:43 PM
It is hard, and trust me, it doesn't get any easier. Let him fall, and let him fall hard. You cannot change him. Don't let him drag you down with him. I am thankful for you that you don't have more time invested in this relationship. I know that doesn't make you love him any less or make this any easier but my advice to you is to cut your losses and take care of yourself.
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Posts: 8683
Joined: April 24, 2007
Posted: March 10, 2013, 9:36 PM
Karon, if this is as good as things get in this relationship (and we must always take things as we find them, not project that they might get better or worse) is it good enough for you? Are you willing to have to hide things and run interference with cops, insurance, hospitals, relatives? Are you prepared to wake up not knowing where he is or what he is doing or if he is okay? Relationships with significant others should improve the quality of our lives...should be a partnership...should not be the watcher and the watched...should not be mired in daily uncertainty, fear, and upset.
It is possible to love and support from a distance, to not give up hope and our own happiness, and then to re-enter when there is a possibility of a mutually satisfying adult relationship...right now it doesn't sound like you have that...is that okay with you? You can't save him or cure him or love him into sobriety...only he can do that. Peace ~ MomNMore -------------------- You will not change what you are willing to tolerate.  | ||
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Posted: March 12, 2013, 8:05 AM
very well said MomnMore :)
sometimes it is hard to face the truth that no matter how much we love, that love does not change anything for the person who is addicted. We think our love will keep them safe some how...but there is the lie for us. It can not...the ony thing it ends up doing is enabling both the addict we love to use us, and it ends up enabling us to justify "helping" when helping is what is enabling the continued behavior. Is there a risk that you will lose him? Yes, there is...only you can decide if your happiness, peace, money, cars, life is worth not gettign back on the merry-go-round. -------------------- "It is hard to watch someone you love fall to the depth of their "bottom" ...you can only hope it does not take them long to reach it, survive it...and begin the long slow climb out." | ||
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