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You Know Its Bad But You Think Its Good
Posted: October 6, 2011, 11:52 AM


Posts: 14
Joined: October 6, 2011



Hi,

Finally ive found a place where i feel i belong. For 4 years i have been consistently using and i admit,there's nothing i gained in using meth but dosage that for sometime i thought makes my life happier day after day after day.

Lately i realized that i dnt feel any pleasure like i used to its amazing how meth can take over somebodys life how it can destroy everything and take everything you've worked hard for and how you'll end up realizing that you're alone and that none of your good friends will be there for you..everything is just a complete chaos it came to a point where all i wanted is to smoke it was fun to begin with and when you realize its not doing you any good the thought you always say that its always easy to stop and that you can always stop when you want to becomes harder and harder.

I'm now battleing with my addiction im now on my 2nd month trying to recover day by day id say there are some progress im alone in this battle but i know with a little luck and with Gods mercy i will be sober again 2months ago i use .3 of a gram everyday then it became .3 of a gram every 2 days now i use 1.2 grams for the whole week its really hard especially when you just cant stand up and you just cant stop eating then convince myself one time then again and again..

I will always tell myself i can do this i can get my life back im only 28yo a mother of 2 girls and i would like to share my journey to end my meth dependency..
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Posted: October 8, 2011, 7:24 PM


Posts: 267
Joined: September 22, 2011



go ahead and share - ventilate - talk it out !!

--------------------
Blessings,
Dr. Irab
retired psychiatrist
freebaser of cocaine for 2 years +alcohol
addict/alcoholic
c/s 12 yrs thru 12 step.
Former Medical Director:
Methadone Maintenance Clinic.
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NeverLookBack
Posted: October 11, 2011, 2:07 PM







jodi dear, it will NEVER be any easier to quit than it is right now. It will only get harder. No matter how difficult it may seem to get clean, this is the easiest it will ever be so, don't hesitate any longer. Do it today. If you don't, you can bet that you are going to be guaranteed a lifetime of dependency, addiction and misery. Quitting now may result in a temporary period of misery but it will pass. You won't feel withdrawals forever. After a couple days of heavy sleeping, you should physically feel fine, except some fatigue. It could take up to a year of not using before you are relieved of your mental cravings and withdrawals but many do make it through that year.

Using less and less meth every week is better than using more and more but you really don't need a wean-off for amphetamines. Other classes of drugs, yes, the step down is important but not for meth. You are going to feel the same, and experience the same withdrawal symptoms, if you stop now as you would have if you quit before you started lowering your dose. I've been through detox from a 90 - 150 mg a day adderall habit and on separate occassions from pharmaceutical opiates. In my experience the amphetamine detox is a cakewalk compared to opiate detox but that was just my experience. We are all different in how we perceive discomfort. I've never done street meth of any kind, only pharmaceuticals so, I suppose your detox experience will be more intense than my adderall detox was.

It is crucial that you find a reliable support system for once you are off meth. Whether that is a 12-step group, a private therapist or faith based recovery and fellowship is up to you but you have to have some sort of plan.
You can do it!
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Posted: October 16, 2011, 6:51 PM


Posts: 1101
Joined: August 27, 2004



Hi Jodi, nice to read ya,.....I finally got free of my 35 yr long meth addiction 7yrs ago,....So think positive, dont buy into statements like meth addicts can not recover. This site and a few other meth recovery boards were my ticket to getting clean,....finally. Hell, my screen name fit me to a Tee,...a lifetime of "just one more's" if ya know what I mean hehe

Your "weaning off" method is one that a majority of methheads have tried, wanted to do, thought was the easiest way to quit. Honestly though,...I know very few who got free that way. Gotta give you a lot of credit tho,.....cuttin back as you have is quite an accomplishment, however the hard reality is,....you're still using and meth has a grip on your life. Like was already stated,...physically, meth withdrawls aren't too bad and only last a few days to possibly a couple weeks at the worst.

What makes meth so hard to quit??? meth affects a persons brain chemistry,....the pleasure and reward pathways. The way we learn, lead a normal healthy happy life depend on those pathways,....neural chemicals ( mainly dopamine ) and their receptors make it all work. The best example is what I saw researchers found out,.....The highest levels of dopamine found in a "normal" person were highest during sex. Ya know? that mind blowing euphoria ya feel during the best sex of your life?? Dopamine levels in a meth addict's brain were found to be up to 1200 times higher while doing nothing other than getting high. Common sense goes along with the findings,.....dopamine reserves are used up,....burned up,....the whole system gets burned out.

Thats why it takes more and more meth to simply feel normal, let alone gettin wired. When meth is no longer there to help,....addicts get so freakin depressed, find it impossible to find pleasure in ANYTHING. Even the simple things like friends, family, a nice day,...the things we once enjoyed as hobbies,....all of it means nothing,...Life blows when ya cant feel enjoyment in anything. Especially in a world where there's dealers of legal speed on every corner and inbetween ,...coffee! depressed, unhappy, unenergetic people dont fit into this world sadly.

Besides the brain chemistry issue,....a great many methheads are malnourished, dehydrated and have other issues as side effects of all that.

So with all that bein said,...there is hope! With time and effort,..proper nutrition, diet and lifestyle choices the brain recovers, tons better if not fully depending on severity of addiction. The amounts you are using, it being 4 years I see no reason you cant fully regain your life and even improve it.

You have the strength to cut back,....I'm impressed, (it takes a lot to impress me) Use that strength to just say "NO MORE" Tapering back is not allowing recovery whether you think it is or not,....Don't be offended by anyone saying "it's all in your head" That usually means they dont believe there's anything wrong with you. Each addiction has it's own issues, The one thing I know in my 57 yr life is meth addiction. My 2 worst using streaks were both over 2 yrs long, using 3 to 4 grams daily,...when I thought I had it controlled and was doing what I called my "maintainence dosage" was doing 1 gram a day. A .25 gram bag would last a week when I started using at 15 yrs old. I know meth use far too well,...and believe me, I have a lifetime of experiences "trying" to quit.

My biggest regret is that I didnt get clean until after my daughter was grown and on her own. You have the greatest gift life has X2!! Two daughters! YOU are THEIR entire world! The time and money spent on meth as well as using it is time taken from them,...time you and they will never get back.......

Yes I said I'm impressed with you tapering back, I am. Trust me, if you want to stop using there's only one choice,.....STOP. With amounts you're using ya should be gettin close to feelin ok in a few days. Things that help ( kind of a general list from the many ex-addicts I've gotten to know over the years) get into a regular sleep/awake cycle ( try anyhows ) drink lot's of plain ol water ( I prefer purified bottled) avoid sugary beverages/foods, balanced diet, supplement with a daily multivitamin, plus extra B vitamins, There are a few specific amino acids that help,....I prefer to just get em all thru a hi-protein powder. and last,...the best thing for depression is exercise,....even if it is just a 30 minute walk,

Oh, and last,...avoid the people and places you got meth and / or partied. You'll be feelin better than ever before ya know it,.....as a warning tho,....most of us seemed to have a 30 and 90 day "cycle" of mad cravings. Feeling great for a month or so then wham!! meth will be crying out to ya big time,......30 days for a bit, then feelin great for over a couple months when it happens again,.......that goes on for from one to two years. maybe less for you hopefully. Almost 3 years for me.......

In the meantime,...the internet is invaluable as a recovery resource as far as I'm concerned. This site and others got me through those cravings,....It's been 7 yrs for me and I still remember craving so bad I was fallin apart,...thinking "there's no way I can live like this, please God, somebody tell me it gets better" My prayers were answered by other methheads who got free of it here on the internet. There's no "one" path to recovery, but there's a hell of a lot of us that got from addiction to recovery, some had to leave it all in their past to move forward,.....There's a bunch who stay on their paths to help guide others. It's up to you, all ya gotta do is reach out and we'll help.

You can do it jodi, ya got 2 girls counting on you. Even if you're just havin a bad day and need to vent,....type away,....whatever it takes,

--------------------
It is better to be hated for who you are, than to be loved for who you aren't

Never go faster than your Angels can fly

Stress is when you wake up screaming and realize you havn't fallen asleep yet.

We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts we make the world. - Buddha

The secret of health for both mind and body is not to mourn for the past, worry about the future, or anticipate troubles, but to live in the present moment wisely and earnestly. - Buddha

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Posted: December 2, 2011, 10:43 PM


Posts: 14
Joined: October 6, 2011




Hi, its been almost 2 months since my 1st post and id say im still in my battle to quit my meth dependence. Its a struggle everyday dealing with post habbitual rituals that i got used to doing for a couple of years. diffrent feelings which i myself cannot explain, there are times when i just snap and just hurt myself because of frustration and disapponitment..the feeling really drives me crazy..my husband says its really a matter of self control, discipline and will power. its true but its easy to say but so hard so hard to do and i dont want to kid my self im really having a hard time... the cutting down was quite fast at first but damn until now i havnt made progress and im starting to be really frustrated.

In all the research ive done i gathered some strategies that maybe helpfull to do to quit
1. admit to my self
2. determine my triggers and habbits that i got used to doing and end up using to feel "better"
3. decide that i want to stop
4. seek for help and support
5.develop new ways of life to form new habbits and create a better lifestyle in total abstinense and soberiety
6. get used to live a meth free life before i start to get really ugly.

i hope i got all of those correct and if theres still something lacking please post it so that i can work on it as well

I hope that what im fighting for will be worth all the hardship im going thru it would be easier if i can talk to anybody who can walk me thru this agonizing journey so that i can recover faster, thanks to this site it allows addicts confide their struggles and that some people out there are willing to help..
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Posted: December 4, 2011, 12:50 AM


Posts: 1101
Joined: August 27, 2004



Hey Jodi, good to read ya, & also good to see you're still fightin the fight. As long as you continue to use,...even if it is in minor quantity to before,.. the battle is going to "feel" like it is endless. your brain is not going to begin healing untill it is forced to go it with zero meth.

If you are still using albeit just a fraction of your former use,....You're going at it in a way I've never seen a meth addict recover with. I'm assuming you're still "weaning" yourself off it? All I can think is,.."if you have the iron-willpower to stick to using smaller amounts,...you'd be SOOOOOO better off to simply stop using any! and just do it! get free of meth completely!"

"Weaning" yourself off it is only prolonging the worst parts of recovery. At the rate you're going,...2 or 3 years from now,..you'll still be in this miserable state of mind & being. Whereas if you just sucked it up and quit totally right now,....you'll have a few intersparced periods of feelin rally crappy,...but they'll come fewer and further between, and before ya know it,....pooof, gone.

it's been 7 years since I said "that's it,...no more" for a couple years I really didnt think life was ever going to be enjoyable again,.....Never in my wildest hopes and dreams did I ever think I'd get this much clean time behind me,....you can do this, I know it's cliche' as heck to say "if I could do it, then anyone can" but it's true!

It doesnt matter what anyone other than yourself thinks,...each and every addiction has its issues conected to stopping,....but to those that meth got ahold of,...quitting it makes those who've recovered from it really special. One hour without using is something to be proud of,...string a few hours together and poof! ya have a whole day free of meth,...days become weeks,......weeks become months,....and damn it! you have something really special accomplished,.....something to hold your head up high about,.....

You'll never feel that next level of accomplishment while still using,....no matter how small the amount. all that being said,....any reduction in use is a small victory, from this old meth head to another,...kudo's for your efforts. and regardless of your path, successes and failures,..as long as you keep posting, I'll keep replying and cheerin you on!

--------------------
It is better to be hated for who you are, than to be loved for who you aren't

Never go faster than your Angels can fly

Stress is when you wake up screaming and realize you havn't fallen asleep yet.

We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts we make the world. - Buddha

The secret of health for both mind and body is not to mourn for the past, worry about the future, or anticipate troubles, but to live in the present moment wisely and earnestly. - Buddha

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Posted: December 4, 2011, 12:49 PM


Posts: 8546
Joined: April 24, 2007



Ok, Just, this is weird...I was *just* thinking about you like ten minutes ago and wondering what was up...you owe me an email!

Love ya~M&M

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You will not change what you are willing to tolerate.

user posted image
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Posted: December 5, 2011, 4:24 PM


Posts: 1101
Joined: August 27, 2004



owed, and sent!! ;)

--------------------
It is better to be hated for who you are, than to be loved for who you aren't

Never go faster than your Angels can fly

Stress is when you wake up screaming and realize you havn't fallen asleep yet.

We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts we make the world. - Buddha

The secret of health for both mind and body is not to mourn for the past, worry about the future, or anticipate troubles, but to live in the present moment wisely and earnestly. - Buddha

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