| < prev next > | post replypost new topic |
Posts: 97
Joined: February 19, 2015
Posted: April 11, 2015, 3:20 PM
4-11-15
Day 12 of methadone withdrawal. Brain zaps are back again! 😫😫😫 ***did some research on the net and found that i may be experiencing them more because of my history of drug use...used MDMA, ectascy, acid, shrooms for a very loooooonng time and that may have REALLY screwed up all the receptors in my brain. It could be possible its from also using SSRI's in the past but theres no conclusive studies about that relation. Also i read that SLEEP dose make them worse...especially when your tired! it makes so much sense cause i feel them all morning and when i can feel my energy levels drop. This by far is what I would say it the worst of the symptoms now. Everything else is becoming tolerable or slowly fading away but this (brain/body zaps.) Not taking anything but my supplements and occasional Kratom for the zaps (water and kratom seem to help a lot) Other withdrawal symptoms still experiencing: --Tummy troubles *but getting better everyday --sneezing --muscle twitches *but getting better everyday --sensitivity to smells --getting REALLY cold sometimes (but feel fine right now) *but getting better everyday --some irritability/moodiness *but getting better everyday --tiredness right now its not so bad but i do miss having the energy to do things. i miss running 16 miles a week. even reading makes me tired at this point still.😞 But overall it is getting better. i think everyday from about this point i should be getting better.(i hope) | ||
|
Posted: April 11, 2015, 11:43 PM
Congrats on getting clean well by the time this is posted you should be almost feeling great. I know what you mean insomnia lol I never had any issues sleeping until I began the dreaded clinic. I have been on methadone for four years and i am so and I mean so tired of going everyday. sigh. I am only on 55 mg. I had once dosed down to 8 mg could not take it any longer went up to 75 mg and had courage to quit again and went down to 30 mg. Then life happened and I slipped out from my secure rug. Lost everything that mattered most to me and not because of a relapse just life. Sigh again. So I relapsed about a month after my life fell apart. I went back up to 55 and now I am stuck not knowing what to do. Someday's I hate it and someday's I am lucky I suppose. I tried once to switch to Suboxone and lets just say I felt like I was gonna die. I took myself to the hospital and told the doctor either he was gonna help me or I was helping myself. The wretched pains and tremors. That was a bad night too. So now as always thinking about getting off but cant find any detox programs that help other than suboxone. I really enjoyed your journal blog. I am so happy to see you had a fairly easy detox. Best wishes, JC ps are you sleeping now your off? How are you feeling?
| ||
|
Posts: 97
Joined: February 19, 2015
Posted: April 12, 2015, 12:01 PM
Thanks Julianna. I had excuses for at least a year and half about why I didn't or shouldn't go down and I eventually just got fed up of the methadone clinic being my daily life routine. It really made me angry when they took my hard earned take homes away for a very stupid reason... something that should have never happened.
I was doing everything right: staying away from other drugs, going to groups, seeing my counselor but they still took em away cause they said I missed a group! People there using (crystal meth, crack, iv/smoking heroin) were getting the SAME punishment and THAT really made me see that its kind of an endless cycle in there (the m-clinic). If your in a rough patch in your life or honestly think you wouldn't stay clean without the help and the MMT program then for GODS sake don't go off. I had a friend that would drive me to the clinic sometimes and she was only on methadone for one year but thought it was time for her to go off so she was tapering 3mg's a week only to have relapsed TWICE in 9 months. I knew it was too soon for her and I told her she might not be ready. I honestly believe I am ready for the following reasons: -I lost my apartment due to the fact i couldn't afford it anymore because drugs cost so much. I desparately miss having my own place...i even dream about how cute my apartment was and about how i would decorate it. (yes i live with my boyfriend right now but i am only 33...i don't wanna get married and i don't want anymore kids...having my tubes tied in may) -I NEED to go back to school. -I miss working and going to the clinic seems to be bad luck for a lot of people who work...you know the whole waiting in line thing, having "holds" put on you dosing that day, etc. -i have a 16year old (runaway) son who I NEED to be sober for if he needs me. I can't be under the influence of something. (got my DUI cause I had been drinking and found out he ran away so went looking for him....got pulled over for driving in circles...tried to explain to police officers that I was driving badly cause i was upset and driving in circles cause i was looking for my kid...legal limit is 0.08% and i blew a 0.09%...sucks. "known friends who've" been way drunker and never had a problem being pulled over before. anyways i guess what i am saying is make sure your in a "good" place mentally and in life to decide to detox from methadone. and when you do do it slowly... i should've taken more time myself but had insurance issues (as mentioned in my past posts.) GOOD LUCK though. Make sure you take care of yourself. Exercise has been so helpful to manage my depression aka feelings that make me wanna use (maybe it'll help w/ you too.) 😜😜😜 | ||
|
Posts: 97
Joined: February 19, 2015
Posted: April 12, 2015, 12:41 PM
4-12-15
Day 13 of methadone withdrawal. Slept 7 hours last night with no sleep aids!!! YAY!!!😝 Feeling much better this morning. Not sure whats changed but I did eat a massive amount of steamed veggies last night!!! SO GOOD! ....but my tummy isn't very happy about it now 😡... oh well thats what Imodium is for, am i right? So far not even feeling any body zaps right now but I am not celebrating yet. ***(found an online forum where some other people where experiencing these while having methadone withdrawals! so i am not alone on this!!! It seems as though everyone who has posted about them so far have had antidepressant withdrawal induced zaps. my theory is that ppl who have the SSRI/antidepressant induced zaps KNOW what they ARE and what they're called cause we've had them before... but way more extreme in intensity. so maybe there are lots of ppl out there having methadone withdrawal brain/body zaps but don't know what they are!!! THAT would suck! at least i know what they are and why they happen. they happen because of a sudden decrease in serotonin in the brain.) Still having: -- muscle twitches *but they are not happening as often. --sneezes * --feeling kinda sick ("end of stage"like flu symptoms...achey, slow, tired, groggy) * --tummy issues. my tummy is kicking my a** right now for eating all those veggies yesterday but I am still glad i ate them especially if they're responsible for me feeling more like myself this morning. Made myself leave the house and go do a little clothes shopping (at second hand store, got some CUTE stuff!) grocery (to get the veggies), etc. I think that may have helped as well. SO glad i was able to sleep! makes such a HUGE difference!!! INSOMNIA SUCKS A$$!!!! may even go running today 😃. i'll let you guys know how that goes if i do. later. | ||
Posts: 1059
Joined: August 29, 2011
Posted: April 13, 2015, 4:17 PM
pastcutter,
Wow! You go girl!!! You undoubtedly have been an inspiration to those on methadone who think that detoxing is not possible. It IS and thanks to you, those who have done everything the right way and are now ready to detox will know what steps to take, what meds are helpful and what foods to eat to give them the best chance at success. Of course, anyone trying to detox should know that their experiences, such as how much to detox, how they will feel, how long it will take, etc, will vary with each individual. Make sure you have a plan. Talk to your counselor and the clinic doctor before trying ANY detox. Keep up the good work and keep posting as you go so those who need your inspiration can find it. granny -------------------- I NEVER KNEW HOW MUCH LOVE MY HEART COULD HOLD UNTIL SOMEONE CALLED ME GRANDMA. STOP AND LISTEN TO THE BIRDS SINGING IN THE TREES. WHEN THE BIRDS ARE SINGING EVERYTHING IN LIFE IS OK.[FONT=Courier][FONT=Arial] | ||
|
Posts: 97
Joined: February 19, 2015
Posted: April 15, 2015, 10:18 AM
Thank you for the encouragement Granny!!!
Sorry I haven't checked in in a couple of days but I have been feeling so much better since I've last checked in I didn't wanna jinx it or make sure it wasn't one of those flukes where you get better for a day then bam everything is back. Know don't get me wrong I am still having annoying symptoms but nothing that can't be dealt with/managed like: --Diarrhea still...i'm convinced at this point i will NEVER get rid of this but Imodium is the BEST!!! --Muscle twitches--but only seldom now --Energy levels are still kinda low But the sick/cold/flu feeling seems to be GONE. Majority* of brain/body zaps are gone. Sneezing ONLY TWICE a day now instead of 12 times a day! The irritability and mood swings are gone... thinking clearly again... i can actually remember things!!! been playing a lot of puzzle games in the meantime though. (mind is most important to me. the brain makes up EVERYTHING that you are!) I was always scared that all those years of drugs had permanently fried my brain. 😵 Oh and last but NOT least... I'm sleeping! average about 6 -7 hours a night now. So nice to be able to dream again!😛😛😛 I am even applying for jobs because now that I feel better I am just sitting at home thinking, "ok what now?" All this time i've been busy with MMT then detoxing then withdrawing and now that I don't have that problem anymore it feels freeing. I am not celebrating yet however. I know that withdrawals can be tricky and sneak up on you so like a ninja i will always be prepared. Later. | ||
|
Posted: April 15, 2015, 2:02 PM
Well I have read your step-down diary. I was on methadone 80mg. a day for pain for eight years....I abused my prescription. I only have taken pills. I finally went to my Dr. when I was so tired of running out of my script early,and asked to go off. She was very suppirtive and set me up with a chemical dependancy. Dr. I quit cold turkey from 80mg. on April 1. , They made me wait 7 days because I refused to do a taper, to start Suboxone. ...a drug that helps with methadone withdrawand helps the brain learn to fire endorphins. So for seven days I was in full blown let me die, kind of withdraw...Honestly it tore me down mentally and physically. I went in the 9th of April to see the chemical dep. doctors and I was given Suboxone. I am now in my 15 th day off methadone. Really feel "like my body is still waking up". I really have a weird vibration tingly feeling all over my body that drives me crazy. I believe that methadone clouded my mind for sure. This withdraw has been so hard, the Suboxone helps but is no cure....that would have been an option, maybe for you in Oregon. I lived tgere for years. I am sorry if this post is randomly crazy. I am still very new to this. I also take supplements, a good multi, omegas and C, melatonin and colon-care. That is one thing I can help you with maybe and that is "probiotics", they will keep you regular and feeling better after detox and during....well I congratulate all who have tackled this and are going to....
| ||
|
Posted: April 15, 2015, 2:44 PM
Julianna..I just posted then I read your post. Did you have side effects from the Suboxone? I was told I will be tapering off it once I am stable. I am now off a cold turkey jump off of 80mg. I am 15 days today off methadone. I understand your fear of withdraw again but not having the methadone own me is sooo nice. I used to run out early every month.....taking way more than I should of to get the flat affect that I must have enjoyed. I know I am going to have bad days but I know its worth it.....You can do it to for sure.....Pastcutter gives a personal account of symptoms but I didnt have the same ones. Everyone is different, she makes a great example .... she has "done something " amazing . I really appreciate having read her experience and the stresses in her life...but she still did the taper. I didbt taper and the reason was I didnt feel well as it was....already tolerant to methadone why prolong it.....I am not rerecommending it for sure. I do belueve you have to put your mind to it, get some support and go thru it with alot of flippin hope.... I am still determined but worried about my new nody after eight years on it. I feel things I have never felt. The Dr. told me my nervous system is in havoc.... Really, I feel like my whole body is waking up..pins needles...tingling..Pain is still there but not nearly bad enough to be prescribed methadone. I will check the posts regular.... I dont feel so alone. Pastcutter, my Dr. told me exercise and proper nutrition are key, you are really hitting the mark. I cant run but I am going to walk a couple blocks to burn off some anxiety. I wish you all well I better go....😂methadone, really does affect the teeth.....just saying
| ||
|
Posts: 1059
Joined: August 29, 2011
Posted: April 15, 2015, 4:03 PM
Robisoff,
What is it that makes you think methadone effected your teeth? I have been on MMT for many years and have had no new cavities in years and years, and I have a set of teeth that are good for my age. I know some people aren't blessed with good teeth so I think if those who blame methadone for their teeth problems should maybe look at their parents and grandparents teeth. It may be genetics and not methadone at all. Both of my husband parents and his G.Parents ( all 4 with NO drug use) lost their teeth midlife...30's-40's, and had dentures. My husband and his brother lost their teeth early as well, although they both used and were on MMT. Most addicts I knew when I was actively using didn't have the best hygiene to begin with nor did they brush their teeth regularly, hence the bad teeth. Once they clean up it is sometimes too late for their teeth. just wondering. granny -------------------- I NEVER KNEW HOW MUCH LOVE MY HEART COULD HOLD UNTIL SOMEONE CALLED ME GRANDMA. STOP AND LISTEN TO THE BIRDS SINGING IN THE TREES. WHEN THE BIRDS ARE SINGING EVERYTHING IN LIFE IS OK.[FONT=Courier][FONT=Arial] | ||
|
Posts: 97
Joined: February 19, 2015
Posted: April 16, 2015, 12:35 AM
Thank you for reading my entries everyone!!!
Later in day of 4-15-15....16 days since last took methadone. ***please read previous entries for history of drug and methadone M.T.*** just checking in and letting everyone this morning wasn't a fluke. Been feeling better everyday from approx 4-13. Turns out my irritability may just have been PMS! LOL THANK GOD! i was such a b**** for a couple of days! Already got an interview on one of the applications i did! Hopefully they'll hire someone like me... i have full head of blue, purple hair. (adding turquoise right now as i am typing this) my "natural" hair is so boring. (i'm not punk rock tho. hi fashion dye job. looks so awesome!😃) Still having: --Diarrhea😡😡😡 --Slight muscle twitches --Slight sensitivity to light --Lulls in energy (but music seems to help a lot) --some sneezing still Going to stop Kratom tomorrow to make sure I am completely thru this. (reminder: I am not even sure it's been working to be honest. Placebo effect?) Its SOOOO nice to feel like MYSELF again. 😛 Oh, and someone mentioned suboxone. I heard its OK. Here (Oregon) hardly ANY insurance will pay for it let alone state medicaid (CareOregon) so for me it would have been something ridiculous like $18 dollars a day!!!! HELLS to the NO!!! I am happy with doing the way I did. Everyone and I mean almost everyone was telling me I was going down to fast but I was DETERMINED! I would say a HUGE part of it is how mentally prepared you are for it. You just need to be strong and KNOW it (withdrawal symptoms) has to end EVENTUALLY. I was just telling my boyfriend today that I spoke to so many people at my clinic when I was tapering who wanted to know how I was going to do it cause they wanted desperately to get off it too but were TERRIFIED of going the the horrible withdrawals associated with methadone. It made me sad but I wish them the best. I have no desire to go back there but I hope I see some of em on the street to show them "if I can do it, you can do it!" 👍👍👍 I'll keep checking in everyday until my b-day (that'll be 24 days off by then) and then weekly after that for long time, till you guys get sick of me. I need to not relapse. I don't have ANY desire to use but it doesn't mean I won't. 😬 | ||
|
Posts: 97
Joined: February 19, 2015
Posted: April 16, 2015, 4:22 PM
4-16-15
Day 17 since last dose of methadone. Feel so much better! it helps that its been nice outside too. Still having diarrhea. Energy is returning slowly everyday that passes. Still sneezing. Trying to keep myself busy for now. I guess now that I am feeling better I could drag my a** down to an NA or SMART meeting to see if its my cup of tea. | ||
|
Posts: 97
Joined: February 19, 2015
Posted: April 17, 2015, 10:12 PM
4-17-15
18 days since last dose of methadone. Stomach still feels crappy...no pun intended. Still having muscle twitches but just a few. still sneezing. overall today was ok but this morning was $hitty. I was soooo late for my interview because I didn't know where it was and when I finally showed up they wouldn't see me. Oh well. Life sucks and then you die. 😃 I'll check in later. hopefully i'll be in a better mood. bye. | ||
|
Posts: 97
Joined: February 19, 2015
Posted: April 18, 2015, 1:02 PM
4-18-15
19 days since last dose of methadone. Stomach is still all f-ed up. I'm getting so tired of going to the bathroom all the time. Still having some muscle twitches. Still sneezing. Sleeping normal (as normal as I ever have) now. Sleep from 10:30pm-11:00pm to 6am most days. Not sure if "hyperalgesia" is the right word but I am feeling pain more and longer than I am used to in a long time. Its not overwhelming but it has made me miss that particular numbness that methadone provided. (only when it comes to physical pain that is.) So i'm starting to understand how the mental aspect creeps into your head now. Time/days seem to be getting longer and I just want as many days to stack up between my last dose to get me to "normal". I WISH I HAD A TIME MACHINE....this is the first time I would EVER use it to FAST FORWARD time! lol. maybe i need to go to a meeting. who knows. laters. | ||
|
Posts: 97
Joined: February 19, 2015
Posted: April 19, 2015, 11:41 AM
*sorry for mistakes, typing on my Ipad*
20 days since last dose. Still having intestinal issues. Mostly discomfort. Muscle twitches. Sneezing Low energy. Something bad happened yesterday and now I may not get to celebrate birthday. The only thing I want anymore (for my birthday?) is to just feel normal again. 😥😥😥 I'll check in later. This post has been edited by pastcutter33 on April 19, 2015, 11:43 AM | ||
Posts: 4
Joined: April 15, 2015
Posted: April 19, 2015, 2:33 PM
Well congrats pastcutter....Today is 20 days off for me as well....have been kind of down, just hoping for normal as well, thinking man its a long time sibce I stopped. My Dr. tells me I am just in the middle.....hes a chemical dependancy Doc., he says its not getting back to normal physically that is the goal, its to learn how to handle symptoms as I move through the upcoming months. Almost his exact word...So this weekend I have really tried to not pay to much attention to the symptoms.....muscles feel like lead, luke I cant stand up straight, weird vivration in my feet especially and I still shake and just feel generally unsteady.
I woke up today and told myself the only thing that heals is time I guess. I will have good days and bad days mad and sad days. The only thibg I know is that I kicked a Benzo. 15 year prescription that I never abused two months ago being my last dose....Now methadone and I think I have PAWS from the benzos. So I have a road to go down that may include both drug withdraw symptoms......The brain needs to heal fir sure I read the posts and wonder if anyone has taken antidepressants. ..my Doctor wtote me Cymbalta and I am scared to start it, I mean scared. I just know its going to add to my current symtom list. On the other hand it helps the endorphins fire and may help with the depression I think I have. Any input would be appreciated. When I quit cold Turkey methadone I knew the withdraw was long....inpatients stay an average of 30 days and often longer. I know support both mentally and nutrionally are equally important to come out of this WHOLE...I am saying Whole instead of normal because I honestly dont think thats possible. I also will address you Granny on the "teeth", issue. I wore braces, had my upper jaw expanded to align my teeth, I have ny teeth regularly cleaned. I also have GUM disease caused from dry mouth. The methadone caused my teeth to recess due to chronic dry mouth. Its a common problem in opiod use and many many people who use and narcotics have teeth issues too! To say that addicts have bad teeth and bad breath, well you may have that experience but I find that rude as I am an addict and you are generalizing. I have exceptional hygene, I have great breath......I gently say dobt generalize as you are on addiction site, it can make a person feel less than if there teeth are bad. I hope you all have a great day....time to eat, and wow do I eat alot off of methadone | ||
|
Posts: 97
Joined: February 19, 2015
Posted: April 19, 2015, 3:23 PM
It's good to know I'm not alone ronisoff.
Right now having such bad nausea and stomach pain in bed. Was crying from the frustration of this...withdrawals. Feels there's a fire in my upper stomach and my body wants dry heave...it's an awful feeling. Feeling like I have a cold again also. I knew there'd be rebound withdrawals and I knew they'd suck. | ||
|
Posted: April 19, 2015, 7:44 PM
I think I may be the longest living methodonian left or at least one of them.
I found this forum in my never ending search for hope and inspiration. I am 65 yrs. old and I have been on Methadone since November 1971 when I just turned 21. I have gotten as low as 20 mg. but had an accident and they used methadone to treat the pain since I was already addicted. Needless to say it was very hard but I have managed to get down to 100 mg. from a high of 200 mg. I have tried and tried to get lower but the pain is unbearable and I now have several health issues going. Reading your stories gives me hope (even though the Drs. have told me I will DIE on this wretched drug and give me NO hope of getting off). I am writing this to give those of you who have only been on this drug a few years a wake up call and a look at your future if you don't make it past the withdrawals. If you ever become ill or face an illness that causes pain the only thing they can give you is MORE methadone and you will just become more addicted - it is lousy as a pain killer after years of taking it). It is my prison and there may not be hope for me after 4 decades but there IS HOPE for you folks. Do everything humanly possible to QUIT THIS DRUG NOW - while you still can. Good luck to all of you and please make it through so you can have a good, healthy life. | ||
|
Posted: April 19, 2015, 7:56 PM
Robinoff - Keep going - don't look back! And try to stay away from antidepressants unless you're seriously CLINICALLY depressed. They flood your brain with seratonin and change your brain chemistry. There are many natural anti depressants you can try.
Please keep trying - I don't want anyone to be in the position methadone has put me in. Methadone will cost you your teeth, it will cost you your thyroid, it will cost you your freedom. It will cost you your health and long term use affects the heart and you will have high blood pressure even if you are petite like I am. It will blow you up with weight because it affects your thyroid function. These are known facts - not myths! Knowing what I know now - I think that methadone maintenance should be BANNED. It does have a use for heroin or opiate DETOX in a 2 week decreasing dosage plan but that is it's ONLY legitimate use. Methadone for more than 2 weeks should be against the law. | ||
|
Posts: 97
Joined: February 19, 2015
Posted: April 19, 2015, 10:05 PM
Nikita, if I knew then what I know now I would've NEVER started methadone.
A "medication" should NEVER be this hard for you to stop! The biggest most profitable drug dealers in the world are pharmaceutical companies!!!! It makes me so mad. 👿👿👿👿 | ||
|
Posts: 97
Joined: February 19, 2015
Posted: April 20, 2015, 11:28 AM
4-20-15
21 days since last dose of methadone. Feeling better this morning. Yesterday after my last post I MADE myself get up and take the dog for a walk and it made me feel better. I think yesterday was an accumulation of how i have been feeling mentally since things turned to $hit on fri and sat. I haven't been taking care of myself since fri. I haven't been drinking enough water, taking my vitamins/supplements, etc. So i think (hope) it was just a fluke. It was awful yesterday. Since I am able to sleep without any "help" for about 6 - 8 hours a night that is a BIG help cause I would truly be going crazy right now. THIS IS THE LONGEST MONTH EVER! or one that has felt THIS long in a long time and usually i love april cause its spring and everything is blooming. I hate not having energy still. I used to have energy to do so much but now i can barely do the dishes. feel like a useless lump lately. Anyways, still: -Having "intestinal distress"<<<gonna come up with new phrases now cause i'm tired of saying: Diarrhea -Sneezing fits -muscle twitches -sensitivity to smells -overall fatigue -oh, and i keep forgetting: i'm COLD most of the time! its been 75 degrees here and i'm still walking the dog with TWO jackets on! Trying to stay positive. Its day 21 and I hoped i'd feel better by now but realistically i know better cause i've been taking methadone illicitly and then MMT for total of (approx) 6 years. I can't honestly remember when i started methadone (illicitly) cause that first year I was high ALL the time and can't remember $hit. boy was I stupid.😲😲😲 laters. p.s. really starting to notice the extra weight i've gained from being on methadone. Wasn't even this fat when i was pregnant! all this extra fat hanging off me sickens me. can't even look at myself in the mirror naked right now. This post has been edited by pastcutter33 on April 20, 2015, 11:33 AM | ||
|
| post replypost new topic |