| < prev next > | post replypost new topic |
|
Posted: August 4, 2013, 10:07 AM
lordhelpus
most of what you have written has been experienced by many. The cravings, anger over quitting, and when you have quit for long enough - depression. None of these things get better with continued use. They only way to get through it is to just quit. I'm not sure whats in the synthetic these days - but it has an element that is psychotic. The place where I got my last bag stopped selling it for now because of the pressure. A day when they are out - nobody in parking lot. When they have it - always 4-5 cars out front. I think the guy was getting nervous. I smoked 8 days in the last 2 weeks. It was enough that when I quit (its day 3) I had the fever, no appetite, and couldnt sleep for the first 2 days. I am always amazed at how strong the withdrawals are from just smoking a little. If it is this bad after a week of smoking , imagine how you will feel if you have been smoking months or even years! dont stop posting - but this isnt twitter - sometimes it takes a day or so for a good response. I wish you luck | ||
|
Posted: August 7, 2013, 1:46 AM
I am finding it much easier to not want to return to the gas station I might find the synthetic at. I have been by there at least 4 times since last Fri - I even got gas there today and didnt go in! I think I was done with the synthetic after a 4 month absence and just couldnt believe that it was still available. After I found it , I didnt really want it , but the compulsion took over and I did it anyway.
When my son was back I was in a miserable mood. He was gone most of the time and I never really got to talk to him that much. I also dreaded it when everyone was together because that is when I like to confront some of the hurt I still feel from last year. A crisis will tell you where you stand with people, and I am both hurt and pissed that no one could come through for me when I needed it the most. Now we are back to where I take care of most everything. I pay for things, I figure problems out for people, and I am even hopeful I will eventually come out of this intact if I can just get the bank to cooperate and approve a loan mod. I know that should I have this hope validated I will kick it into high gear (no pun intended) and I could restore everything at some point. Unfortunately, I have resigned myself to the fact that I have lost most of the relationships I truly value. Of course they say they love me, but without respect and trust I really dont care what they call it - its just not the same anymore. I am coming close to becoming my old self in one way - when upset about a situation, I can use the hurt to drive me to succeed. I have just been too depressed over the last year to get to this point. But if I know I can make things work out I will put out an effort that will restore everything.....it's kind of like I want to succeed more than ever just to spite them! I have found it weirdly easy in the past couple of weeks to put distance between those in my family who I believe thought the worst of me. This on again off again usage that I detail in these posts is what I did last Spring when all hell broke loose. But is it really that bad? I have smoked about 5 g of the synthetic now since the end of February. Is this really addiction? I destroy the synthetic routinely, and can control my compulsions whenever I really want to - I just havent wanted to quit completely because I get tired of being depressed and angry/hurt over last year. Also, something changed with my most recent slip. I really dont desire the synthetic the same as I did before. Hopefully this will not change in the near future. Allison & tog & mermaid Do you still think about the synthetic all that much after 4-5 months away? I didnt all that much, but think the pot I smoked kind of pent up a demand/curiousity that eventually would make the synthetic something I was going to do again if given the chance. damn that chance! | ||
|
Posted: August 7, 2013, 6:12 AM
no, hardly at all, no desire to smoke it whatsoever - while packing/clearing my stuff over the last couple of months I've found loads of empty packets and I don't even think about them anymore, don't think 'my god another packet!' or anything, just toss them in the sacks with whatever else rubbish i'm throwing.
I don't have any desire to smoke pot either, which I've smoked for much longer - it feels like my brain has forgotten what being stoned was like and so isn't craving the mental change. when i'm depressed or stressed now - which is the majority of the time at the moment - my brain sort of just accepts it, sometimes it's hard to deal with and I feel like i'm going to 'pop' sort of thing, but at no point do I think "I could smoke to relieve this feeling" .... even the craving for drink seems to have lessened, when I DO crave drink, my brain seems to immediately tell me it wouldn't help and I don't seriously consider it. that's the truth. i'm not saying I don't feel so overwhelmed with bad feeling/upset/depression at times that I idealise suicide but I genuinely DO NOT crave/think about smoking synthetic or pot. tog. | ||
|
Posted: August 7, 2013, 10:55 AM
tog
Good to hear from you. Also good to hear that the craving/temptation with you has subsided to the point you dont really think about it. I think I will eventually get to the same place because of some of the things I experienced this last time around with the synthetic. What I noticed is that it makes it much harder to go after things I truly want to do - like the open mics. I can improve my mood short term, but even after a day or so a routine sets in where all I will want to do is smoke. My problem right now is that I am alone with my thoughts most of the day. Like Sat, my wife called me around 2 and we talked for about 5 min. At 10pm when I got home she asked why I was in a bad mood and I told her that her phone call was the only conversation I had the entire day... Its not like I am lonely, the kids really pick me up and I am so busy I dont really have time to socialize much. But the kind of conversation I really like - the type I can really dig into and share , contemplate, and really be myself in, I just dont get that often. But Sun I was talking to one of my friends dad's who I didnt know. We were at the baseball diamonds and he had some things he was going through and we talked for over an hour. I had the guy laughing really hard, and so was I. When we were leaving the guy hugged me like 3 different times and told me how much he appreciated the talk. Since his son hangs out with mine a lot he suggested we get together and we traded numbers. THIS is what life used to be like for me all the time! I am a very social person and love good conversation. It dawned on me that if I had been high I would have kept to myself and not said a thing. I have had a couple of these experiences lately. It's been 9 mos since I went up on stage - kind of just gave up on it for a while, but after this weekend I put myself back in the rotation. The last couple of things I wrote to Dennis Miller actually got him to laugh and I realize now that the synthetic and my real goals in life really dont mix at all! I used to think that it gave me ideas , that it helped me be creative in some way. This last experience with the synthetic made me see that all that wasnt true at all. It can help my mood - for a very short time, but it actually makes it harder to be creative in many ways. The most prolific I have been with the comedy stuff has been when I am completely sober. I didnt realize this last year because I credited the synthetic with taking me in this new direction. Now I realize that this would have happened anyways and I just cost myself time by distracting myself from what I should have been doing. Of course, last year was different. The stress was on a scale that I really cant accurately describe. I was already overcommitted and in a hole in regards to time and was at a breaking point. But I had less help, less time, and more business to deal with, along with more commitments to deal with, and no money to help smooth things out. It was just too much!! What really bothers me now is when I think back to getting arrested and no one bailing me out. They were convinced I had a severe drug problem and thought they were doing the right thing by keeping me there. My lowest point during that time was laying on the concrete floor naked, wracked with pain from a kidney stone, awaiting my hearing and knowing that if the judge didnt release me that day, I could have potentially been there for weeks! At that point I did get scared because my life would have been over if that happened. I may have smoked as much as a couple of grams for the entire month. Did this justify losing everything? Then I think about what happened when my son was in trouble. He was bailed out an hour after I found out. I went to his court hearing uninvited ( he said he had it taken care of) and found out that he was not going to be able to go into the military if it wasnt taken care of that very day. During court I talked to his friends attorney, worked something out, had to leave the court to run and get paperwork. The whole time in a huge rush because if his case got called before I got back , it would have been continued and he would have had to wait a month - ending his shot at being a marine! But I came through for him, without being asked, and without being thanked. The same way I solve problems for people in my family all the time. I have always been there when they have needed me! I guess what I want people to look at with me are the results. The trust and respect I desire should be predicated on what I have actually done in their lives rather than on a misinformed perception of a problem they ( and I at the time) didnt understand. But I'm a big boy, I can handle things on my own very well, and it bothers me that people didnt give me this basic credit. Hell, I've been the sole support of 7 people , 3 dogs, and 2 businesses for almost 20 years! Take away the drought and the real estate market collapsing and there wouldnt have been a problem even if I was liquifying spice and injecting directly into my veins!! If you cant tell, this still REALLY bothers me and has put a real chip on my shoulder. It's been over a year now and it sucks that now everyone seems to understand that a mountain was made out of a mole hill - yet only a couple have apologized. I thank GOD for my younger children. They still look at me the same, and for them I will attempt to deliver everything I can give them in life. My wife has put up with the ups and downs, mostly from my depression, and we have never been closer. My mom , I think, understands but never really tells me anything so I am not really sure what she thinks. Outside of my immediate family though, I only have a couple of people who will give me the benefit of the doubt on anything. It just sucks the life out of me to have so many assume the worst about me which is why I have had so many dark and dire thoughts this past year. Suicide?? That word NEVER crossed my mind prior to going to jail, but I have had thoughts of doing that very thing almost every day since!! But I wont do it. Not even close really. My worst fear is that I am compulsive , and that if I ever had a low moment like my jail experience I might lose control for just a brief amount of time , and something might actually happen. As I write this though, I realize that I am now moving away from these thoughts and beginning to feel more normal. If I get a little more of this behind me, hopefully these thoughts will disappear for good. The only real hatred I have for anyone in this world is for myself....but that is also starting to change! I think what startles people is that I will be so open about these feelings. I think many others feel the same way, but they deny that the feelings are there. These are the ones I believe are at the greatest risk for actually going through with it and ending thier life. By talking about it, I feel like there is less of a chance it will ever happen. Hopefully in the near future ALL of this garbage thinking will come to an end! Tog, I appreciate you listening. I hope your new apartment will not cause you any future heartache. I know you used to write about fighting with the building manager and being really angry towards him. Do you think this was the synthetics influence during withdrawals? Do you still get as angry towards him now as you did before? You stated before that you hadnt taken a break from drug use like you have now for a very long time. After quitting all these things, is the fog clearing to the point where you can see how to change your future? I am only now just beginning to get to that point. Drugs and alcohol keep us from long term goals, they only have a very small , short-term benefit as far as escaping this reality. And this means the long term goals wont be reached while using , which will increase the stress, anxiety, and depression and make it much more likely that something will be needed in the short term. So without these things in our lives , things have to get better later on....right? For the record, I consider all the things I have done since posting here a part of quitting for good. The relapses, second guessing, the wallowing in self pity, the expressions of anger. All these things I hope will be coming to an end for good - if they havent already. The lie an addict tells themself is that they can quit any time they want, but yet they will still use every day. Well I can STOP using drugs any time I wish, but QUITTING for good has been more than just wanting it - I need to make life changes to get that accomplished, and so I am doing that as much as I can now. I can come of as bitter and angry and something of a loose cannon, but I want people to know that I rarely show this side to people in person. The potential is there, more so than ever, but I hardly ever do it for real. allison - Get your library card! Your wit and perspective have been helpful to me and others. Dont let others keep you silent! Drop us a post sometime when you get a chance. mermaid - do you still read these posts? Would like to hear how your doing as well. til later | ||
|
Posted: August 8, 2013, 9:30 AM
My plan of attack:
I took next friday, monday and tuesday off of work. I am going to lock myself in a basement room with a couple bottles of vodka, some xanax, maybe some weed and possibly some heroin, but NO synth. If I can try to remain asleep for 5 days, I should be over the cravings. Don't worry about the heroin, I can pick that s*** up and put it down like no big deal. | ||
|
Posted: August 8, 2013, 3:48 PM
Dac,
Yes, I still have little moments of.. longing? I guess? Cravings? The other day I stopped into a different gas station than usual and saw a little package of some new chewing gum on the counter that resembled the little baggies the synthetic used to come in and I actually did a double take and turned into that shark on finding nemo again just for a second. If it had actually been synthetic, I don't know that I wouldn't have acted on impulse and bought it. But in an instant that intense urge was back out of nowhere. Also, I think I have smell flashbacks.. like for a minute I can remember exactly the way the apartment smelled after days of smoking; how my shirts would smell in the front from sucking the end of my pipe through my shirt so my lips wouldn't get burned.. It's such a weird feeling; nostalgia and craving and guilt and shame all at once. But there's something more; like a craftiness thing would drive me to attain it by any means necessary. But then I snap out of it. Yeah, I am in a good place. I love my home! I love living by myself. I've noticed I don't sort of complain to myself really anymore. Not even when it's time to get ready for work... I'm just happy! I guess you don't ever realize how unhappy you were until you notice how happy you are. Not going to Spokane was probably the best thing that could have ever happened! My brother's coming to town in a few days! I'm excited to see him and his family. And he's bringing some of my old furniture from when I lived with my mom.. Hooray a dresser! Living out of a duffel bag is fun and all, but I'm ready for drawers. | ||
|
Posted: August 8, 2013, 5:06 PM
allison
I just got poured on - I am soaking wet, but I thought I would check in before I left and it actually put me in a good mood to hear from you! I wonder what happens to people who put so much of themselves on these boards and then move on. I am so glad you are doing well and moving past some of the trouble you have experienced this last year. Many come here and never return , so either they are past this disaster in their life....or they went back to what brought them here in the first place. Anyway, still good to hear from you. You sound very positive. My last bout with the synthetic was wierd. The first hit I did knocked me on my butt - it got me so high I couldnt enjoy it - so I threw away the bag. I do this because when I am high like this it seems I am closer to God (if that makes any sense) and the guilt drives me to repent that very moment. But when I got the second bag I smoked most of it before getting rid of it. VERY quickly it got to be where I could not smoke enough to even come close to feeling what I wanted. This is when it dawned upon me what I was doing most of the time I did these things before - just going through the motions! I can say now that I have no desire to even look again, and its only been a week. For me, I think I needed something like my last experience to say goodbye to this for good. It also made clear to me something I knew but didnt really understand. The anger and frustration I feel during withdrawal are exponentially increased with the synthetic. Thankfully , they are already gone - because this last run was such a short one. It just clarified to me the importance of staying away. I also researched a little more the day I felt the worst from withdrawals. Spice was the first brand that came out in 2004. Since then there have been some 70 chemicals which bind to the canniboid receptors in our brains. There are also some 250 brands currently available on the market. Within each of these batches the strength can vary wildly from one hit to the next depending upon the method used to distill and mix. The 'mr nice guy' brand (never tried) evidently is one of the more dangerous of these because they use nail polish remover as a binding agent. NAIL POLISH REMOVER??? Anyone want to smoke that?? Look at me , just wanted to say hi and I am writing another book. The rain is gone now and I have to get back to work. Good to hear from you!! Mike That plan of attack sounds worse than anything I ever experienced with the synthetic. Get past a week and most of the withdrawals will go away. Dont do something that could potentially jeapordize your life. You can beat this thing with going to such extremes! til later... | ||
|
Posted: August 8, 2013, 11:06 PM
DAC,
Yes, I know it isn't the best of plans but I think that is what it is going to take. My problem is not the "getting high" part of the experience, it is the expense and the cough. I am a seasoned drunk. I say drunk and not alcoholic because, a) my personality does not change when I drink, b) my drinking has never caused a problem in my 10 year marriage, c) my drinking has never hindered or interfered with my career (I am the IT Director for a trucking company after working my way up from helpdesk over 10 years) I have a high opiate tolerance due to 2 back surgeries to fix herniated discs. I was on 3x10MG Norco daily for 5 years and quit with no withdrawal. 3 months ago I ordered 2 .25g NYC heroin stamps, enjoyed it for 2 days, and that was it. I quit smoking cigarettes after 15 years on my own. I quit meth after 3 years on my own. I have been addicted to oxycontin and quit on my own. Synth is what I can't beat. If I go back to just being a dunk, pot-smoking hippie again, I and my family would be happy. I will probably live blog my experiences. | ||
|
Posted: August 8, 2013, 11:40 PM
mike
I dont judge. You sound like you are well seasoned with what you know. But I know the synth and it is similiar to what I have read about heroin (no experience here) in that you get really high in the beginning, then in the end you basically smoke it to just keep from feeling bad (withdrawals). I can identify with your sense of independence. But if you can handle much stronger addictive substances like alcohol and heroin, just trust me that if you can get past the first 3 days or so the craving and physical side of synthetic addiction will also pass. I know the urgency it demands, I know the mental calisthentics you will go through trying to stay away that first day. But you sound strong willed enough that synthetic weed should be like bubble gum to you compared to that other stuff. Everyone is different I know, but I really havent had that much trouble past the first couple of days once I knew what I was up against. My problem is once I get away from it for a couple of weeks, or a couple of months I seemingly want to reward myself with a short binge because I know I can control it. Another reason I slip is that I get really depressed at times , and I think that is also due to the synthetic because I have never experienced these depths before. I keep replaying what happened last year and how people let me down at a time when I really needed it. The synthetic, or evern regular pot put me in a good mood and allow me to not think about these things and at times I just need a break from myself. If you are like me , you will do what you want to do anyway regardless of what others think. That can be both good and bad. Keep us posted and if my screwed up experiences can help in any way I'll chime in with what I can. But really, you dont need to go to such extremes to get away from this evil drug. Also, pot wont do much for you if you have been smoking the synthetic for an extended time. Be prepared for this or the disappointment will drive you right back into the synthetic. Unfortunately , this is something I know all too well!! I wish you luck allison and tog I will mention this to you guys because you have been through this whole mess since with me since I first posted here. One thing I learned from my last bout with the synthetic was that I dont pursue my goals when high. This was AMAZINGLY clear for some reason this last time. The last time I checked the gas station that still sells it he said he was done - but at some point he would have more. I know the danger in this so I immediately sent out an email to get a spot at the local comedy club. I knew if I did this and got a spot then I wouldnt be tempted during that time because I just know I cant do very well while smoking it. I did this last year and , well, frankly I sucked! I just got confirmation I am going up on stage again on 8/21- so NO WAY am I even going to even let the thought of a slip even cross my mind until then. But wish me luck, the first time I went on stage and it didnt work out I searched out the synthetic on the way home from the show. This will be a test for me. It's been 9 months since I last went up and I will be nervous (especially sober). But if it goes well I very well will never look back!! This post has been edited by DAC on August 9, 2013, 12:06 AM | ||
|
Posted: August 13, 2013, 1:02 AM
It's been 10 days since my last dabble with the synthetic. No real thoughts about it at all. However, the wierd dreams, and the resulting lack of sleep still occur on a reduced scale. I still notice a slightly elevated temperature when I sleep and I am sure this has something to do with the dreams. I am also very aware now that when influenced by the synthetic in any way I am way too open with people. I feel a need to share things that I never would if I were completely back to normal.
Which hopefully will be very soon! | ||
|
Posted: August 14, 2013, 12:01 AM
I just wrote something on the marijuana board about what Sanjay Gupta wrote about marijuana. Interesting reading !
| ||
|
Posted: August 18, 2013, 9:57 AM
what can i do to make the stomic pain go away. im fine with the throwing up but not the pain
| ||
|
Posted: August 18, 2013, 12:19 PM
Jeremy
Find something that you can eat without being revulsed by it right now. If you have been smoking a while you are just going to go through a couple of days where you are going to be miserable. The first post by Josh on the 'beginners guide' listed several things which could help you. He had some good pointers. Me, I have always just suffered through it - I didnt want to make myself comfortable because I figured it would make it more likely for me to stay away for good if I suffered. I dont know the biology behind why the synthetic messes with your digestive system so much...but it does! Even a brief spell with this drug will cause me to have the dreaded liquid bowels for up to a week after I quit. But it goes away! You will feel better in time. Just keep reading and arming yourself with information and it will help because you will find that almost everyone who smoked the synthetic has gone through the same things. Reaching out for help and asking questions is the first step to recovery. I'll help any with anything I can. Stay strong!! | ||
|
Posted: August 18, 2013, 4:17 PM
try drinking peppermint tea.
| ||
|
Posted: August 20, 2013, 1:17 AM
This stuff has ruined good lives. I just tried to quit for the 3rd or 4th time and ended up relapsing. I'm reading your tips on how to help with the side effects because mentally I can walk away but I cant handle being so sick. Any suggestions are appreciated
| ||
|
Posted: August 20, 2013, 9:02 AM
kelley
A simple trick, eat fruit. Watermelon, grapes, cantalope, etc... I ate an apple each morning and it helped immensly. I found out later that there is natural caffeine in an apple that will help you keep awake and alert in the morning. Also, if you can stomach them, salads are great - so is just plain toast! Several have suggested tea, but anything to keep you hydrated will be of benefit. The sickness doesnt last that long - so stay away from the synthetic and dont go back. You are like a person who has been treading water for days. Once you step on land your legs wont support your weight - but the last thing you need to do is get back in the water! It's been close to 3 weeks since I last did anything. Prior to that it was 4 months! My problem is the mental side of knowing how to control the use. If I have it - I smoke it. If I dont - I wont. So my committment is to never be in possession of either synthetic or pot again. I could slip, but the slip will not make me go out and buy more like I did in the past. Now I am to the point I dont even want to slip. It gets better - It just takes time!! It's now been 6 months since I started trying to quit for good. Many slips - but maybe only 5 grams of the synthetic during that time - most within the first month though. I guess what I am saying is dont give up. It's frustrating I know. You want to just put it down and never go back. Some can do this , others must try several times like I have. But in the end , where there's a will there's a way. You will win if you want to !! | ||
|
Posted: August 24, 2013, 2:26 PM
Dac,
My neighbor let me use her wifi so I have internet access again! Hooray! I've really missed the luxury of the freedom to share and relate with you (all.) Not sure I am not still being monitored. Sucks that the one little safe place to air out has been pillaged. I actually found a contact for weed recently. And bought it. And smoked it. And... Here's the thing. Synthetic has ruined me. I don't know if it's because it's been so long since I've used, or that it's been a rough (ish) couple of months since moved here, or if having been addicted to something more powerful results in feeling like nothing else compares, but I have never been so self destructive with weed before. I didn't smoke just to get high and enjoy myself, I smoked to knock myself the f*** out. And the way I smoked was different, it wasn't slow and relaxing but manic; like I couldn't get high enough fast enough. I actually smoked so much I got pretty violently sick. And I have never had anything but the opposite effect from weed. I just wanted to get out of my own head for awhile. It's like a restart button. However, I have noticed changes in me already. My attitude and work ethic are lousy when I am in user mode. And, as usual, I rationalized before I bought it that it would be just an occasional thing, only at night, whatever, and I have already made arrangements for more. And when I get it plan to lock myself in and do nothing but smoke until I have to work again. And another thing. Before synthetic, when I smoked regular, I would smoke, go to bed, then stay in bed for a full 8 hours. I was actually waking up after about 4 or 5 hours to get up and smoke more this time. With regular weed. And I kept having to remind myself that weed lasts longer than synthetic, so I didn't need to just continually smoke (which is why I got sick, I'm sure.) I smoked for hours straight. Fell asleep for a few hours and got back up and started again. That can't be good. Maybe I was just blowing off steam. How are you doing? And tog? | ||
Posts: 1059
Joined: August 11, 2012
Posted: August 24, 2013, 3:36 PM
Hey DAC! I read your post often. Have you ever looked into a peer support group? There is one called SMARTrecovery that helps me with a lot of the same questions that you have. Just a suggestion. Take it or leave it but it helps me to know the why and so forth if that make sense.
It is not a 12 step program its more like cognitive thinking and distortions. Jessica:) This post has been edited by girltoday on August 24, 2013, 3:38 PM | ||
Posts: 10
Joined: August 24, 2013
Posted: August 24, 2013, 9:21 PM
undefined undefined If my avatar shows up this is what has been let out of the bottle from which it came. '
Fake Weed has gotten it's grips on someone I care about immensely, the more he continues with this VERY ADDICTING substance the care for him is waning as I write. I have never in my entire life seen something that can be obtained so easily make a total buffoon out of it's user. I have been with this person for over 10 years now, and have SEEN NOTHING which could do so much mental harm, as this stuff he is addicted to. Both of us are Bipolar and have been getting help for years now faithfully, UNTIL the Dark Incense entered our life, Well his my life is being affected in the sorts of ways no one wants to be a part of. We are well over 40 and should be at the time of finding pleasure in the downside of a hectic unhappy childhood , YET the NIGHTMARE has just become so real it is scary, because no matter how much love, concern, for their welfare, I doesn't mean a thing to the user. He displays, NO comprehension of verbal talk, nods immed, wakes smokes nods, is clammy, shuffles to the bathroom, eats a bag of chips takes another hit and nods,= wash, rinse repeat..on a cycle that will not stop till it's gone and more is on it's way. I do not like to to use retardation as a signature way of acting, because retardation has it's own set of symptoms. Yet it seems that this is what he is trying to become to make it easier to live with himself. WE HAVE NO financial issues, no work schedules, just ongoing treatment for our bipolar issues (which can be inherited)..His substance abuse group is a joke, but he needs anger management badly, or else I foresee a heart attack at 54 or sooner, which runs in his family. He can't even understand English, let alone be afraid of this substance. I have had my issues in the past with pot, BUT THIS IS NOT POT> nothing like it at all. I feel like I'm in a parental position which I detest immensely. Letting him stay here for even the few months he's been using, is just making me an enabler of this twisted drug. I'm at my emotional end, I have serious life issues coming up, inheritance, and bariatric surgery. He was suppose to be my friend and support thru both of these very serious issues. His lack of comprehension is beyond this acknowledgement. (I asked him please get the mail this afternoon, he shuffled out to get it, came in sat across from me. I said may I please have the mail, he said I already went and got it, I said I know will you hand it to me, he say says I don't know where it is, it was sitting right next to him. ) This is so scary and sad to watch, I'm sickened and heartbroken. This morning I awoke to not how about some coffee, It was I can't find a lighter, he must have been wandering around for hours digging thru stuff looking for a stupid lighter. WOW what a slap in the face good morning, or anything nice at all,, LIGHTER NEEDED>>>OMG what is this stuff doing to people. As I write he is wandering around wanting to be near me but not knowing why..I'm about ready to call the EMS because I know stopping for me, he will be angry, the EMS he'll be angry, which do choose? If he becomes a tad coherent I tell him ( which makes me ill with quilt) You are going to have to find another place to continue your usage. Gawd I don't want to lose him, but he's lost already, Stopped taking bipolar meds which he has NO idea when or what they are for. is swaying back and forth as I write in some kind of zombie type movement. and when I told him what I have read here he fist pumped the air like it was some kind of tuning out victory. Iv'e read a lot of what you people have written, if he goes I'm alone and not so young anymore, and hate being alone because I have a really good heart and like to share my wealth money wise and mental wise and lifestyle wise. This dark incense, has won , I know when he's out cold cause I hear his pipe or lighter drop, as I just did. The cost of loving an addict to this easily obtainable substance has taken it's toll, and very quickly. Unless you are directly being affected by someone using this stuff, it is really hard for anyone to understand the seriousness of this issue... guessing or trying to give comfort almost useless. I'm grateful I found somewhere where others are dealing with people on this dangerous stuff...What the next step will be from me is harder than than the users step is...THEY DON"T WANT TO QUIT, it's like were taking some freedom from them. Believe me the anger will be the next issue I'll have to face... Crying for all of us...Users and watchers. | ||
|
Posts: 10
Joined: August 24, 2013
Posted: August 24, 2013, 9:39 PM
One last thought, I had an epiphany..>THIS IS CHEMICAL WARFARE < either from our country letting people make and sell this easily obtainable stuff, or other countries making this and either or doing the same.
GENOCIDE= I will use this word LOUDLY because that is what this stuff is doing to all types of people,. It does not care of who it destroys, rich, poor, color doesn't figure in, religion, Parents, kids, young , old, good , bad, well meaning individuals, criminals. Neighbors', lovers, friends, family, acquaintances, Chemical Warfare it's here NOW....and for the ones watching we have no warning, no information, no course of action. Being out of Denial of just what this stuff is.. and is doing...Free Will and all..Easily Obtainable, marketed so many ways. The watchers have the burden of proof and suffering.. And Do not come at me an tell me it isn't so....because IT IS SO...Denial is he enemy (it's not that bad) OH YES IT IS... | ||
|
| post replypost new topic |