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Posts: 312
Joined: March 10, 2015
Posted: March 10, 2015, 9:49 AM
Hi , my story is similar to everyone - started taking n+ for pain and noticed it helped with anxiety and depression . For the last two and half years I've been taking 32+ tablets a day. I've told my husband who has been really supportive and wants to help. For the past two days I've cut down to 16 but feeling awful in between doses . I want my life back and feel like I've been living a lie for years . The pills have been my crutch through some really difficult times and I guess I thought it was better than turning to drink as I have a young daughter . I've lost so much weight that I look like a shadow of myself . Any help would be great . I am thinking of going to the doc but feel so ashamed ))): xxx my intention is to get off them in 3/4 weeks but still be able to function ...I can't cheat the cutting down cos my husband and I have agreed I won't use cash for any purchasing so he would see the chemist on the bank statement on line - which is goodxxxx
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Posts: 1906
Joined: October 23, 2011
Posted: March 10, 2015, 11:56 AM
I think you are aware that the pills are not the real problem .. the anxiety and depression is.
Getting clean wasn't that important because I couldn't live clean & sober. I found my answer in The 12 Steps of NA/AA. If you go to their meetings you will find that you aren’t such an odd duck after all- there are millions of us. All the best. Bob R -------------------- Serenity Prayer God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, The courage to change the things I can, And the wisdom to know the difference. Free copy of AA's Big Book on-line: http://www.aa.org/pages/en_US/alcoh...olics-anonymous Free copy of NA's Big Book on-line: Copy & Paste coastalcarolinaarea.org/literature/books/b_t.pdf AA's HOW IT WORKS: Copy & paste www.aa.org/assets/en_US/p-10_howitworks.pdf NA's HOW IT WORKS: http://www.na.org/admin/include/spa...0it%20Works.pdf ---------------------------------------------------------------- --- driven by a hundred forms of fear, self-delusion, self-seeking, and self-pity. ---there are those too who suffer from grave emotional and mental disorders but many of them do recover if they have the capacity to be honest. ... I need AA more than it needs me. --- I fight recovery tooth and nail.... I'm not used to being sane, it just doesn't seem natural. ...... According to the great spiritual teachers, ignorance does not result from what we don’t know; ignorance results from what we think we do know. ---Some think that 2+2=5 and believe it. Some know that 2+2=4 and can't stand it. --- I didn't have a very happy childhood but I sure am having a long one ! ---Dry since 1989 working daily on getting/staying SOBER. ---If you want to drink, that's your business ...If you want to quit, that's AA's business. ... Tell me, I'll forget; ... Show me, I'll remember; ... Engage me, I'll understand. ---Most problems are psychological. Most solutions are spiritual . "If we try to change our ego with the help of our ego, we only have a better-disguised ego." --Richard Rohr WWBWD (What Would Bill W. Do) | ||
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Posts: 312
Joined: March 10, 2015
Posted: March 10, 2015, 1:13 PM
Thanks for your reply . My mum attended AA and managed to stay sober for the last two years of her life so I know it works . Just don't feel ready to take that step and I live in a small town and couldn't risk being 'seen' . I am an honest I could have easily have let drink get a hold of me like my mum but managed to stop before it really got a hold . I have certainly picked up my mums addictive nature she was on so many pills for depression and anxiety she couldn't function without them . Is there any way to follow the AA with support without attending the meetings xxx
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Posts: 674
Joined: August 17, 2014
Posted: March 10, 2015, 4:44 PM
hi - you might consider going to an addiction counsellor it has worked for me - i'm an alcoholic and drug addict - you need to find some method of support it is very hard to make it on your own - best of luck
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Posts: 312
Joined: March 10, 2015
Posted: March 10, 2015, 8:12 PM
Thanks for your advise , I will have a look into it. I have phoned overthecount and I was advised that cutting down from 32 to 16 was way to quick and the guy recommended starting at 24 and going down gradually over 16 weeks. Has anyone any experience of this ? I am also going to the docs to arrange a liver test and fess up what I've been doing / I am terrified as I've lost so much weight . Why did I do this to myself ))): x
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Posts: 351
Joined: January 25, 2014
Posted: March 11, 2015, 7:37 AM
Hi milliemac, .......welcome, you are in the right place..........I tried on many occasions to cut down/taper but I just could not stick to it.........I wish u the best if u decide to do this.........cold turkey was all I had........I also have a young daughter........if u can possibly get family/friends to look after your daughter.......it will take around 7-10 days of pure hell dealing with the physical withdrawal.........u only have to do this once.......just a thought..........keep us posted regarding your progress.........
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Posts: 312
Joined: March 10, 2015
Posted: March 11, 2015, 12:01 PM
Hi Aussie girl - thanks so much for posting. I've read quite a bit of your story and I was hoping you'd get in touch (: just about to go to the docs ... I'll let you know how I get on. Only had two lots of 4 today since 8 am and feeling ok. Had a sleep so that helped with the fatigue . Have you lost a lot of weight xxxx
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Posts: 312
Joined: March 10, 2015
Posted: March 11, 2015, 4:05 PM
Hi all , the doctor was very supportive and has arranged blood tests for tomorrow to see what damage I've done - going by my appearance I'll be surprised if there isn't any! Why do us addicts have so little regard for ourselves but care so deeply about others ??? He's also given me details of a councillor which for the first time in my life I am going to use. The thought of the onset of the constant 'bomb' in my stomach terrifies me . I've only had 16 again today ( only ??) but finding it really hard .. The plan I received from OTC suggested to start at 24 ... I am at a loss as what's best to do but I don't want to get into such a state with withdrawal that I literally don't care if I live or die . On a positive , I spent 30 mins on the exercise bike to help with the creepy legs and it has eased it ((:
Any advice would be warmly received , my husband has been great but he has never suffered from depression and is completely anti-meds . Talk about how opposite attract | ||
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Posts: 312
Joined: March 10, 2015
Posted: March 13, 2015, 3:30 AM
Still doing ok ... I a moment of weakness where I put money away for an emergency box but told my husband right away - how stupid . Made an appmt for Tuesday to speak to a councillor . Today I am focusing on the positive ... I am on half of what I was taking this time last week (: stocked up on supplements and hoping it's only low iron that is giving me this extreme fatigue. I want to be well physically to give myself the best chance when I come to the end of my taper. Not sure if anyone comes on here much but it helps just to write. I know for sure I wouldn't have had the willpower on my own - any little excuse and I would have convinced myself I deserved more pills ...feeling lucky for the first time in ages . My husbands support has made me see I am worth saving .
Xxxx | ||
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Posts: 312
Joined: March 10, 2015
Posted: March 13, 2015, 3:34 AM
Thought I would just mention that my marriage has been no bed of roses and I didn't expect the support that I am getting ... Just incase there's someone out there thinking their other half wouldn't understand ... You'll never know unless you ask for help and they might surprise you.
I've always been praying a lot ....something that I haven't done in years xxxxx | ||
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Posts: 312
Joined: March 10, 2015
Posted: March 14, 2015, 9:33 AM
Still following the taper and sticking to 16 instead of my usual 30/40. I've had no problem sleeping but think that's more to do with my general health being so poor- exhausted constantly . Still thinking about the pills all the time but driving today past the chemist thinking what an embarrassment going in and asking for the pills all the time fooling myself into thinking the chemist wouldn't notice !! I've been reading all the posts about this drug and ct seems to have the highest success rate . I haven't seen anyone following a structured slow taper so I'll keep posting in the hope that I'm successful it will give help or guidance to someone else with this curse !
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Posts: 165
Joined: February 17, 2015
Posted: March 15, 2015, 6:34 AM
Hi Milliemac,
That's fantastic you are still following the taper and its guidelines. Well done! Statistically you may be correct, many addicts have trouble sticking to a taper and following the guidelines and landing their recovery. But it is also true, that many addicts struggle with a cold turkey approach as well, and end up using again - struggling to cope with withdrawal and recovery in general. Having said these things, there are currently 25 million people in the United States in active recovery from substance abuse. That is a huge an comforting number/statistic. It totally proves that no matter what the method, each person has a chance at being successful in recovery. It is about our individual needs and wants and being able to learn what works for each of us on this journey of recovery. In reference to your earlier points about doing damage, I'd like to give you some hope. I'm 28-male who was taking up to 120 pills of Nurofen Plus per day, than was alternating between 60 and 90 pills. I was on a very high dose for close to 4 years. I'm now 32 days clean. My doctors whilst advising me I have been very lucky, have also advised that our bodies are also incredibly resilient. Apart from suffering from anaemia/iron deficiency, as well as some small vitamin and mineral deficiencies, I have been relatively unscathed health-wise. I must say that this does not mean everyone will be fine, as everyone is different and reacts uniquely to drugs depending on body chemistry and multitude of other factors. What I want to get across is that through leading a healthy lifestyle, through treatment and staying vigilant in our recovery, our future can be a lot brighter than it is and life can be relatively normal through proper treatment. If you want to chat further feel free to email me: cameron.geddes@outlook.com Cheers, Cam/Circa. | ||
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Posts: 312
Joined: March 10, 2015
Posted: March 15, 2015, 7:27 AM
Thank you sooo much for taking the time to reply to my post can. You should be so proud of yourself , firstly for getting clean and secondly for sticking around to help others. Your a star !!! I'll definitely be in touch . Your health results give me some hope but looking at myself in the mirror tells me something different in my case. Hoping to get blood results back tomorrow and at least then I'll know what I'm facing .
Thanks Again Millie x | ||
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Posts: 165
Joined: February 17, 2015
Posted: March 15, 2015, 8:12 PM
Hi Milliemac,
Thank you for your kind words. I know it is difficult but do try and stay positive as much as possible. Note: When I was taking such high amounts and just as I ceased taking that many pills I was also not looking healthy. I was completely white, extremely pale. I was clearly very anaemic and had extremely low iron. I was throwing up regularly, and had reasonably severe re-flux as well. Today I look completely different. My skin colour is back and many health factors have returned to normal. In fact I cannot really pinpoint any current lasting medical issue with my physiology. Obviously things are still repairing, including my brain, as these things do take time. However, there is much hope in recovery if we can learn to continue on the journey of sobriety. I am online constantly really as I am currently not working, so if you feel like chatting via email I should respond quite quickly. I do this because I want to give back to the many people who have helped me on this forum. There have been many who have responded with such kind messages of support and help and it has made a huge difference in my own recovery. Together we have strength in numbers. Cheers, Cam. | ||
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Posts: 312
Joined: March 10, 2015
Posted: March 16, 2015, 4:29 PM
Hi Cam , thanks for your email address . I'll definitely be in touch . Just haven't got round to setting up a new email account that I can keep private . All of out accounts come up on all the gadgets !
I got my blood tests back and they were normal apart from ESR which is due to inflammation . I've got an appmt with my own doc to discuss on Thursday as it was a standing doc that looked at them and a receptionist that gave met he results. Can't see how I am not anemic and not sure about liver function either .....clearly there's nothing drastically wrong so that's a relief. Can I ask if you suffered from severe fatigue any time you tapered ? Must admit it's the emotional side that's getting to me today. Feel really low about bloody everything . I knew this was bound to happen but doesn't stop the tears and the angry outbursts . Thanks so much Cam for caring , I pray that not long from now I'll be like you and able to help others get through this. Your a real inspiration! Ps I see ur in Australia , I'm in the UK . Bloody shame we both don't live in Spain or somewhere where you can't get these awful pills ): | ||
Posts: 1059
Joined: August 11, 2012
Posted: March 16, 2015, 7:18 PM
Read the post on here that says YOUR BRAIN ON Opiates it explanes a lot of why your going through the high's and low's. That's normal. You will feel like your on a roller coaster of emotions for a little while. Hang in there it gets better.
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Posts: 165
Joined: February 17, 2015
Posted: March 17, 2015, 10:50 PM
Hi Milliemac,
Sorry I haven't responded earlier, I went into hospital yesterday. Not too worry, it was an all-planned hospital visit/set of procedures, and was all an extension of my recovery process to check on my insides/internals. I had both an Endoscopy and Colonoscopy, and overall results were very positive. No cancer, no ulcers in stomach, some slight inflammation in small areas of my oesophagus and some minor reflux which is taken care of via a prescription of medicine - nothing major. Phew! hehe. No, I was expecting this result as my doctor had mentioned this was highly likely to be the outcome, so it was great to be vindicated in that way. That's excellent you have gotten blood results done, it is definitely an important step. Your liver will likely be fine. With Nurofen Plus, the main problem-ingredient is the Ibuprofen (a Non-Steroidal Anti-inflammatory drug - NSAID). NSAIDs are very taxing on a number of body systems and organs, mainly these include the kidneys, stomach (intestines), oesophagus etc. NSAIDs including ibuprofen rarely affect the liver. Generally - NSAIDs including Ibuprofen inhibit prostaglandins, and that can cause a problem because prostaglandins dilate blood vessels leading to the kidneys. Inhibiting prostaglandins may lead to kidney ischemia (dead tissue from decreased blood flow) and thus acute kidney injury. Despite this, the body is extremely resilient, and it takes continuous long term use to cause permanent/long-term damage. That's not to say abuse cannot be toxic, but there is hope if you are generally healthy otherwise, and that your blood results have indicated nothing major, i.e. extreme elevated creatinine levels, and other kidney indicators. Regarding your question with fatigue? When I was using, I was constantly fatigued and tired, so much so that I was sleeping 10-12 hours on the weekend, and as much as possible when working throughout the week. When tapering, I was also struggling with energy, and this is very normal. My energy and sleep has improved completely now, and your's will likely too once you finish tapering off the medicine. You can get through this, absolutely. The road to recovery is challenging but it is so worth it. I'm still going through the journey and each day gets better. Girltoday's advice to learn about how the addiction affects your brain helps you to understand the effects you are experiencing. I won't go into the science of the brain chemistry right now myself, but happy to discuss this with you further via email when you are ready. Also, thanks for your comments, but you are also an inspiration, you're making a choice to get off these drugs and that is excellent. I do live in Australia, and whilst Australia and the UK have similar policies for over-the-counter codeine products, I have changed the way I feel about their availability. During my addiction and early recovery (first couple of weeks), I too wished these pills were not available in pharmacies so easily. BUT, and there is a BUT. There are many many millions of people that benefit from these painkillers and who do not abuse them like we have and do. It wouldn't be right to deny others in pain, these medicines, in my opinion. What should be in place is a monitoring system for these medications where it is legally required for the public to produce their drivers license and have their information recorded on a national database that links every single pharmacy and drug dispensary together. This would ensure that chemist hopping/shopping would be prevented, and would be a massive help in preventing addiction. I hope this post helps you. Stay strong, stay calm, stay vigilant! Cheers, Cam. | ||
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Posts: 312
Joined: March 10, 2015
Posted: March 18, 2015, 5:27 AM
Thanks girltoday- I had a read and it makes sense of how I am feeling. That's great news Cam about no long term damage ((:
Quick update on how I'm doing- still sticking to the taper and mood a lot better today than the prev two. I went to see a councillor yesterday but they only offered group sessions. Initially the guy talked about me seeing their GP and putting me on suboxone. The fact that you had to sign a contract stating that if you didn't attend your prescription would be reduced made me really concerned that this is basically just a front for people to get methodone . Any way when I asked the guy he basically agreed that for some although not all, that was the case. I'm am in no position to judge anyone but mixing within a group with people that are actively using isn't for heroin or methodone (or both ) isn't for me . So it's back to the GP for a 1-1 referral. I'm also going to see someone privately ... Money that I was spending on pills put to better use ! I showed the councillor my taper plan and he thought it was a realistic approach. I was so ashamed yesterday and terrified someone would see me going into the addiction centre . My daughter is my world and I honestly thought that by suppressing my anxiety with N+ I was doing a great job ....some how I managed to also suppress the fact that I'd never see her marry too !!!!! The pills are still in my mind most of the time but I've been eating really well and taking the supplements . I've had no real physical withdrawals from halving my intake just the emotional side and chronic fatigue . I always got a surge of energy from the pills or at least it alleviated fatigue. If anyone reading this is in a similar position and wants to try the taper plan I have , I can email you a copy. The guy that compiled mine has 21 years experience. It's best to have your own individual one by following something is better than swallowing 30/40 pills a day . Thanks everyone who has taken the time to post - it really helps so much, knowing that I'm not alone and they are people like you Cam who have come out the other side. I'll keep praying cos that seems to be a big factor in the success stories xxxxx | ||
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Posts: 165
Joined: February 17, 2015
Posted: March 18, 2015, 5:50 AM
Hi Milliemac,
Excellent news from your end. Especially showing courage to go into the addiction centre/clinic. Feeling shame is a huge part of addiction, and I wish it wasn't a part of it, because a lot of it has come about due to societal pressure and societal views on addiction, as well as how family and peers sometimes view addiction. Not always the case, but sometimes relatives react negatively to addiction which is totally the wrong way in my opinion. The thing is, anyone can be an addict. Doctors, lawyers, scientists, politicians, I really mean it, literally anyone can suffer from substance abuse. It is a complex condition that combines biological, physiological, and psychological factors that manifest themselves into an intricate addictive set of properties that can be very difficult to overcome. But that's the thing, there is difficult and there is impossible, addiction is NOT impossible to deal with. It isn't easy, but many millions of people have been able to remain sober on their journey with recovery, and you definitely can too! From what you've said, I believe you are on the right track. Continue with your taper plan, stay focused, and continue eating healthy and supplementing where appropriate. Soon, your doses will reduce and reduce and it won't be too long until you are ready to stop completely. My other advice would be to set up a support network, perhaps a counselor or a trusted individual you are able to talk with, and discuss your life problems and issues. Because it is our underlying problems that actually led us to start using and abusing drugs (most of the time). So dealing with these issues and learning to live a clean life, and making small lifestyle changes over time are key components to help us on our journey. Email me whenever you need too! Cheers, Cam. | ||
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Posts: 312
Joined: March 10, 2015
Posted: March 18, 2015, 11:34 AM
Thanks Cam, everything you say makes complete sense. Even though I know what's happening to my brain the mood swings are horrific - don't know how long my other half will put up with it. The thing is every time something annoyed me I just took some pills and waited till I calmed down . I defo need help to find a new way. When I look at my life through clearer eyes I see so many things that have to change. I am definitely a people pleaser , my desire to be liked is so great that I basically do anything anyone asks of me and find it impossible to say no. I guess they just think I don't mind but the fact is I feel used ): I know the tapering is making me angry but god dam it most of the stuff would have anyone flipping a table ! I could literally scream !! One thing is for sure I no longer think this tapering withdrawal is 'cheating' and know for sure if I went c/t I'd probably end up divorced with no friends (((: that actually made me smile . Sorry for the vent but it helps soooo much just saying how you feel , it's a massive relief . Xxxx
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