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Posts: 1101
Joined: August 27, 2004
Posted: January 16, 2012, 5:46 PM
awwww dang it!!! I just replied to you jodi,....unloaded everything I had to help and lost it when I clicked post,.....I'll be back in a bit to write another reply, for now, all I'll say is...
COFFEE, lots and lots of coffee -------------------- It is better to be hated for who you are, than to be loved for who you aren't Never go faster than your Angels can fly Stress is when you wake up screaming and realize you havn't fallen asleep yet. We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts we make the world. - Buddha The secret of health for both mind and body is not to mourn for the past, worry about the future, or anticipate troubles, but to live in the present moment wisely and earnestly. - Buddha | ||
Posts: 4
Joined: January 16, 2012
Posted: January 16, 2012, 8:05 PM
drugs are truely posion there are no true drugs any more please stop
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Posts: 14
Joined: October 6, 2011
Posted: January 17, 2012, 3:03 AM
hi, i just wanna share whats on my mind right now its kinda hard when you're alone and with nobody to talk to coz everybody you know are meth heads, i mean meth heads who don't intend to stop at all..its funny coz im like in a different world when im in this site reading all them posts and all,gotta admit it really is inspiring enough for me to try to convince those people in my circle and guess how'd everybody react? ( they thought i gotta pretty nice hit and they all laughed at me and thought i was high.. very pathetic right?..
Now back to my problem, right now im really lost i dnt know where else to find answers but here..why is it so hard to quit this damn thing when reality is we all can survive happily without it..Oh did i ever mention that when my mom thought me how to use meth i was only 14 and that i was really addicted to it ( i remember back in the days meth felt and taste so good high quality i hit then you're high you can be whatever you wanna be, be sexy pretty and yeah everything was too good to be true) so that went on for 3 years didn't finish high school coz i was too busy with my thing, then i met my 1st husband he didnt like meth heads so i got serious and that 3years of addiction stopped right away i loved my 1st husband so much meth addiction didn't have a stand at all..i was clean for 7 years didn't finish highschool but i landed a good job built my career in the BPO industry and all,.my lifes story is long and complicated but i figured it may help determine how to treat my meth dependency..for 7 years i was clean off meth i swear that was easy back then but 1 day my husband asked me if i wanted to use meth and said it was just one time,.oh well knowing the feeling of course i gave in so it went on realizing that my husband who once hated meth is already an addict and got me back to the habbit and all the problems followed he was playing with some girls you know what i mean, i got depressed since meth felt good i made it my best friend then i met my new husband the one im with right now he is what every woman would want i think he's matured 29 yrs older divorced responsible well off man he is clean no vise at all he gave me money to hep me got me out of my 1st husbands side (didnt know im into meth) then friends came popped out from everywhere unfortunately all were meth heads im the only 1 who was financially capable to suffice the meth needs of everyone then 1 of my so called friends betrayed me set me up had me caught by the dirty cops who uses meth aswell all money talk called my 2nd husband asked to bail me told him about my addiction traumatized my husband coz he didnt know i was a meth head after that its like falling down the hill its been 4 years since i went back to meth i dont know why i was able to quit before and it seems so hard for me to quit now..i gathered maybe because everybody around me for 4 years are all meth heads Bad influences im getting agry just the thought of them a holes..seriously im so confused i dont know what to do where to start my life stops without meth i literally cant move or stay awake for an hour without dozing or munching something..i hate it if there is a place i can go to where people like you i can be with to start a new life clean of meth ill move heaven and earth just to be able to quit this damn thing coz im tired of being a meth robot really. | ||
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Posts: 1101
Joined: August 27, 2004
Posted: January 17, 2012, 2:20 PM
(((((((jodi))))))), You actually have so much more strength than you know. Knowing all these details of your situation leaves me impressed with the mere fact you have such desire to quit, have tapered back,...even go a few days without using!
You are caught up by circumstances, just about every person in your life, every bit of the environments you are in, all push you to use,....How does one stop using when everything around us pushes us to use?? to not change all the people you know, and remain in the area you live will take superhuman power to stop using, and stay clean. The fact you are the only one in your group who can see the problem meth is speaks volumes about who you truly are as a person inside. You are not failing at quitting, just struggling,..just like all of us metheads have,......Only besides having to deal with your own issues over not using,....you have all this added crap pushing you to continue using.... If you stay in the environment you're in and manage to get clean,...you'd be the rockstar of meth recovery!! You would be such an inspiration to struggling, and recovered addicts everywhere. You already have a lot of answers to help you succeed, you just dont see them because you're lost in your addiction. You've quit before, you know what works,....you have failed, which is only a failure if you do not learn anything from it. Try to not beat yourself up over using,...instead, accept it as wrong, and learn from it. Each and everytime you use when ya really didnt want to teaches you valuable lessons. The slip I made on clean day 365 could easily have driven me into a tailspin. I made a choice to own up to what I did,....and learn from it. Taking notice of where my head and emotions were at when I chose to use again. Making extra intense memories of what I was feeling and thinking the entire time I used. Also everything I went thru after using just a little after a year clean. That one slip taught me more about my addiction and recovery than the entire 365 days prior. Thats why I consider my clean time to go back to my 50th b-day and not 51st. I will not think negative, that I was a failure because I used. 365 days was such a huge accomplishment,....had I picked up a second bag? ya, it'd be a failure. Maintaining a positive outlook is the only way I kept depression from breaking me. That slip to me wasn't a bad thing,..it was the greatest lesson I learned in recovery,...I chose to look at that slip as what has made all the time ever since easier. I'm gonna get long winded, so I'm gonna post bits at a time, maybe I wont lose my post again hehehe -------------------- It is better to be hated for who you are, than to be loved for who you aren't Never go faster than your Angels can fly Stress is when you wake up screaming and realize you havn't fallen asleep yet. We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts we make the world. - Buddha The secret of health for both mind and body is not to mourn for the past, worry about the future, or anticipate troubles, but to live in the present moment wisely and earnestly. - Buddha | ||
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Posts: 1101
Joined: August 27, 2004
Posted: January 17, 2012, 2:37 PM
A part of your post really rang true to me in terms of "meth friends" The fact you kinda got away, got your life better on track and ended up being more financially sound, then all your meth friends came around!!! How true!! how typical of methheads. Always nothing more than "fair weather friends" If there's anything to be gained they're your best friends, only untill the sacred cow is milked dry.
The perfect description of a methhead; Any addict will steal from you,....but the meth addict will steal from you, and then help you look for it when you discover it's gone! ya,..really helpfull friends methheads are!! not! The sluggish feelings, lack of energy, aches and pains every movement have, while being the toughest part of meth recovery for many involves. Everything from parents, to friends, to just living in the middle of every trigger imaginable will be an even tougher row to hoe. Not sure if you've mentioned it before, may I ask what part of the world you're at?? Is there any way you can take your job skills to another place? the further the better. -------------------- It is better to be hated for who you are, than to be loved for who you aren't Never go faster than your Angels can fly Stress is when you wake up screaming and realize you havn't fallen asleep yet. We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts we make the world. - Buddha The secret of health for both mind and body is not to mourn for the past, worry about the future, or anticipate troubles, but to live in the present moment wisely and earnestly. - Buddha | ||
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Posts: 1101
Joined: August 27, 2004
Posted: January 17, 2012, 3:10 PM
OK, now, leaving all that stuff behind, and getting back to your earlier question about tricks to use that help.
The quickest way to say it is become a health freak. Instead of life revolving around meth, change your life to revolve around a healthy diet, and healthy lifestyle. Now to detail tricks and tips; Like I said,..coffee, to me, meth was just coffee on steroids lol. It's a stimulant, maybe a weak one, but it's legal, and is known to have health benefits. Just try to always keep coffee to mornings or early afternoon,....too late, or too much coffee will interfere with sleep, can give ya jitters as well......as with all things,...moderation. Energy drinks,...they can help as well,...but same as with coffee,...early, and dont over-indulge....energy drinks also have some health consequences,...high blood pressure, only use as last resort, and not often WATER, lots of clean, pure water. I buy cases of bottled purified water, it makes it easier for me to keep track of fluid intake. Start your day by drinking a full bottle first thing,...end your day the same way,.....try to drink at least 3 more during day, more if ya can. Water really helps flush all the toxins out as well as hydrate you. Dehydration is something many many meth users suffer from. Avoid sugary beverages as much as possible. The poor diet and excessive sweets most methheads indulge in throws the bodies blood sugar/insulin levels all out of whack. Starting your day with a bowl of oatmeal helps to maintain a balanced glucose level and level energy levels. If you dont have a drinking problem,...BEER. Only one,....occassionally two have surprisingly good effects. From flushing toxins, to heart health, stroke prevention, cholesterol levels, blood pressure.....A book I read by a renowned meth cook recommended beer for detox, that was many years ago, I just read an article a couple days ago, taughting the health benefits of one pint of beer a day. It has 10 healthy benefits, more than red wine. Nutritional supplements. a balanced daily multi-vit, an extra higher potency balanced B-vitamin is best, B-12 and B-6 help the most. Vitamin D. There are specific amino acids, but can get confusing,...I use a high-protein shake powder mix from wally world. It's cheap and has high amounts of all the amino-acids. I was so lethargic and lazy when I first quit,...it took a lot of effort just to get up and use the bathroom,....taking a shower wore me out,....fixing meals was way more than I was ready to handle.....I did some research and label reading thru my last days of using,....I knew what was comin. Oddly, I found ultra-slimfast to be a nicely balanced nutritional meal replacement drink, it also had more fiber than any other meal replacements. I stocked up on that, instead of grazing on crap,...I'd just drink one in morning, afternoon,.....and then something simple and easy for dinner,....Microwave food isnt the healthiest, but if ya compare labels,...there are some that are not THAT bad lol. -------------------- It is better to be hated for who you are, than to be loved for who you aren't Never go faster than your Angels can fly Stress is when you wake up screaming and realize you havn't fallen asleep yet. We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts we make the world. - Buddha The secret of health for both mind and body is not to mourn for the past, worry about the future, or anticipate troubles, but to live in the present moment wisely and earnestly. - Buddha | ||
Posts: 8683
Joined: April 24, 2007
Posted: January 17, 2012, 3:26 PM
So glad you keep coming back for more, Jodi (more HERE that is). You are still trying and that means you have a fighting chance...GO YOU! Keep listening to our resident expert and he'll have you shaking that dust in no time. I am out here rooting for you.
Peace ~ MomNMore PS You are *such* a Yoda, Just =) -------------------- You will not change what you are willing to tolerate.  | ||
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Posts: 1101
Joined: August 27, 2004
Posted: January 17, 2012, 4:19 PM
On the post I lost, I went into details on the types of medical treatment options. I'm still debating if I should bring those up again,....what medication works for one person will actually cause more problems in another. Meds are really tricky and should be discussed and monitored by a doctor.
Many treatment facilities have a policy that absolutely no medications should be taken for 90 days, even 180 days. The thought behind that is a valid one. Brain chemistry is a very delicate and important balancing act. Drugs alter the natural pathways tremendously.. They feel it is best to allow the brain to settle in to it's new, baseline. It is at that point they begin to assess and prescribe meds to reach a better balance of neuro-transmitting chemicals. Personally, I did a LOT of research into meth, and recovery over the last few months of using. Guess you could say I used meth against itself. What a better way to spend endless hours of energy and focus than to figure out how to kill the beast? I'm gonna go ahead and discuss my experiences and specific meds,..I'll leave it up to mods to determine if it is inappropriate, they can remove it if it's wrong. I found that Paxil was mentioned often in meth recovery. The day before I moved out here,...I went to see my usual doctor, I opened up and told him about my addiction to meth, the depression I know will come,...the fact I was leaving to get away from it,...and how the research I found recommended paxil......He gave me a script for it. it was next day I quit, flushed my stash, and began recovery. Did the paxil work?? I think it did,...Yes I felt depressed, but at least it wasn't a crushing depression. The thing about meds,...what works, how well it works, how long it works all vary. Many people have very bad reactions to meds.....thats why it is important to have a doctor that will monitor you,...talk with you,..and most of all listen to you,....if not, find another doc. Paxil worked well for almost a year,...then the depression got worse. Found a good doc where I live now,...he switched me to lexapro,....bingo! that worked,....unfortunately, only a while. Out of desperation I went to local mental health facility to just find out what was available. I took them up on an outpatient program. The supervising psych prescribed something that didnt work at all, in fact I, who enjoys scary dreams, was having such vivid and scary dreams I was having hard time sleeping.....screw that. I've been on and tried just about every anti-depressant out there. I hate that I have to take ant-d's. I tried going without a few years back and almost lost my mind. Seeking, and accepting help is something many people have a problem with,...I think even more so with men. it aint "manly" to talk about emotions to anyone, accepting help, using medication is a sign of weakness. Get over it people!! the closest friend I ever had was a guy who refused to show weakness,.....when life did what it does,...that strength snapped and he put a bullet thru his head.....ya,...that's real macho. I'll tell you what strong is! it's being real with life. Recognizing and dealing with weakness is STRENGTH. Thats why I admire you jodi,...you are not weak, or a failure,...you are fighting a battle that will drop the strongest of people. You're hangin in there,..reaching out.....You will make it out, I got faith you will. Anyway, the most popular meds used by people I talk to are wellbutrin (careful, it seems to go wrong for many as well,...caused a panicky feeling in me) Paxil (works well,.. do not use if pregnant, or are planning a preg soon) lexapro ( what has worked the best and longest for me ) I've used all of those, and these here are all meds I've been prescribed over the last 7-8 years Cymbalta ( an anti-d, but have noticed ads on tv as reducing pain,...is pricey if no ins.) effexor citalopram strattera seroquel elavil remeron prozac the ones that seem to work best with the fewest side effects are the ones that fall into the class of SSRI's or SNRI's others in the tricyclic and anti-psychotics seem to have a lot of side effects and/or issues. thats just some, but like I said,..please, if it just seems too hard to get off meth without med help,...find a psychiatrist, addiction specialist,....or since those are pricey and ins. coverage often limiting,...just a good doc who listens, and will monitor how you're doing works well also. Ya gotta open up and be honest tho,...they can only work with what they know....I've been known to write myself lil notes during the month about things I notice, think and feel,...so I dont miss anything to bring up when I see doc. Thats been a lot of writing, I'm feelin your struggle jodi and want to help. All I can do is unload everything I know and experienced......you're in a very bad place to stand a chance in this,....There's people here that have your best intersest at heart. Gotta love the internet, who'd a thunk complete strangers from anywhere and everywhere on the planet could be better friends than the ones you have in person? You are always in my thoughts and prayers jodi, -------------------- It is better to be hated for who you are, than to be loved for who you aren't Never go faster than your Angels can fly Stress is when you wake up screaming and realize you havn't fallen asleep yet. We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts we make the world. - Buddha The secret of health for both mind and body is not to mourn for the past, worry about the future, or anticipate troubles, but to live in the present moment wisely and earnestly. - Buddha | ||
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Posts: 1101
Joined: August 27, 2004
Posted: January 17, 2012, 4:20 PM
hehe, thanks MnM.
-------------------- It is better to be hated for who you are, than to be loved for who you aren't Never go faster than your Angels can fly Stress is when you wake up screaming and realize you havn't fallen asleep yet. We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts we make the world. - Buddha The secret of health for both mind and body is not to mourn for the past, worry about the future, or anticipate troubles, but to live in the present moment wisely and earnestly. - Buddha | ||
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Posts: 1101
Joined: August 27, 2004
Posted: January 17, 2012, 10:40 PM
Hey jodi,...tell ya what you ought to do; when your parents, or anyone of your using friends gives you a hard time about quitting, TURN IT AROUND ON THEM! Throw it back in their face that you are at least trying to do something they "can't"
Tell them flat out "why do you have to give me a hard time?? in the real world, parents, and people who care about others support the choices they make!! Just because I've made the choice to quit and actually do something to improve my life, and the fact you are so whipped by meth addiction, and too little and scared to do anything about it,....doesn't give you the right to piss on my parade!! Just because you have no self control or self respect doesn't mean I'm like you! I don't want to keep using, I WANT to stop! and that is what I intend to do! Either support and help me with my goal, or get the hell out of my way!! If you want to be any part of my life, meth is not allowed. DO NOT give me a hard time, because when you do, I know it is only because you are too weak to quit yourselves! If you think I am wrong? then prove it to me and yourself,..let's see you go without using for at least one month. Otherwise, screw you, I have a life to live and refuse to allow others issues become mine!!" jodi, being stuck in the situation you're in. Unless you move away,...the only shot you have is to take control of your life in a big way. It is gonna be a war, meth is the commander, all the users its army. You gotta pick a side, your side and fight tooth and nail for every victory. I'm so proud of the fight you've shown so far,....but you'll never win by pussyfootin around. By allowing others to use you for your money, and life situation,...that was pussyfootin, and the meth army walked right over you, crushed you, now look where you are. Another funny quirk I've noticed about meth users,.....they're such lying, game playin head cases that they can't deal with the actual truth. it's like kryptonite,....or water on the wicked witch,......Don't play their games by arguing with them, between the talkitiveness and energy they have, they argue non-stop, they win all the time because normal people get tired of it. Use the quick strike technique. Just hit em with what ya wanna say,....short, precise, and strictly the truth,...then leave,.... just a few helpfull hints from yoda justonemore ;) -------------------- It is better to be hated for who you are, than to be loved for who you aren't Never go faster than your Angels can fly Stress is when you wake up screaming and realize you havn't fallen asleep yet. We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts we make the world. - Buddha The secret of health for both mind and body is not to mourn for the past, worry about the future, or anticipate troubles, but to live in the present moment wisely and earnestly. - Buddha | ||
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Posts: 1101
Joined: August 27, 2004
Posted: January 18, 2012, 2:33 PM
I know exercise is the last thing ya feel like doin jodi. But, forcing yourself if ya have to, go out for a 20-30 minute walk at least 3 days a week. The more days the better. If you have a dog, even better,...dogs make great recovery partners. All they want is love from ya,..to spend quality time,....go for walks....
Exercise is the very best way to cure, or lessen depression. Sitting around feeling sluggish, tired, sore , depressed will only get worse if you do nothing. Just a few easy walks doesn't sound like much,...it isn't. In terms of the good you get out of it,...amazing . Do not sit around dwelling on how much ya wanna use,...a walk changes your surroundings, gets your blood flowing,...you breath fresh air,...your lungs work better. The brains desire for meth is difficult enough,...when a tired, sluggish body is added,...it's too much. A healthy diet and lifestyle will at least give your body energy,....then dealing with the mind is easier -------------------- It is better to be hated for who you are, than to be loved for who you aren't Never go faster than your Angels can fly Stress is when you wake up screaming and realize you havn't fallen asleep yet. We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts we make the world. - Buddha The secret of health for both mind and body is not to mourn for the past, worry about the future, or anticipate troubles, but to live in the present moment wisely and earnestly. - Buddha | ||
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Posts: 14
Joined: October 6, 2011
Posted: January 18, 2012, 2:39 PM
I dnt know who you are where you are justonemore but i Thank God i found this site and i thank God for you I may be miles away who knows im in manila Philippines by the way if by any chance we get to see eachother i hope ill be fully sober and ill give you a very big HUG,.This war continues in my battle to kill the beast hell yeah its really quite tough to kill it but im carrying on ill still try harder everyday..its 3am i gotta go to bed now until your next post...
Thanks for the tips its gonna be easier for me now..i hope goodnyt everyone Im | ||
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Posts: 1101
Joined: August 27, 2004
Posted: January 18, 2012, 5:18 PM
I'm in the northeast part of the states,...originally from california. Just a guy who struggled with meth for the better part of his life. Meth, people who made, sold, used,...people who've had to deal with those people, have all been a major part of my life from the time I was 15yrs old.
I'm 57 now, I don't know why or how, whether just luck, genetics, or only for the Grace of God, I do believe in guardian angels, spirits that watch over us. I feel I was truly blessed by having several angels,...in spite of how I abused my life and them,....in spite of the fact I did my best to live faster than they could fly... They kept up,....they never gave up The only way to show my gratitude to them, to life,...is to take and use everything I've been thru,...is to live with gratitude and be a person of service. For some reason beyond my comprehension, I'm still alive, the few issues I have are minor compared to the fact my mind still works,...I can think, learn, reason,...I can feel. I was a biker, I rode hard, played hard, partied very hard, a manly kind of man who never backed down from anyone or anything. Quitting meth is without question the hardest, toughest thing I've ever done. Besides the lessons I learned about meth and addiction,...My recovery taught me something invaluable about life. People get caught up in themselves "having stuff" money, cars, toys, big houses...the list goes on. I have literally died, flatlined a few times in hospital after a car accident. In the end, NONE of that "stuff" matters,....all that matters is were you a good, or bad person? Did your life matter? is the world better for your being? or is there a trail off garbage behind your life? I wasn't much different from you jodi when I first posted here. situations are different, but the fact I couldnt quit to save my life is the same. Everything I just babbled about all came together here,...when I first made a good difference in someones life. When my life comes to an end,....for each and every person who has quit using, each relationship that is good again,..each person who has come to grips with the addiction (theirs or that of loved one) every life made better has me leaving the world a better place for my being,..in spite of my past. To me,..thats how I thank my angels, my higher power,...my parents and family. This is what gives me strength,...this is what inspires me. This is how I got free of meth, and have been able to stay off it. We ALL make mistakes,...there is not a single perfect person, never has, never will be. It's in how ya deal with mistakes that makes or breaks a person. learn from your mistakes, try not to ever make same mistake again,....forgive yourself and others. Live life with gratitude, and try to be of service to others,....what is gained by giving can't even be measured it is so great. but ya gotta leave ego behind. You arent failing jodi, you're learning. Have faith in yourself, know that you are not alone in this.....its not just me out here,...there are hundreds and hundreds of meth addicts in recovery. We are out here, we know your struggles, your pain,...all you have to do is keep reaching out,....there'll always be someone, if not me to grab ahold and not let go. I ask only one thing from you,....well, two, hehe,...never give up, and continue to share your story. When you discover your story helps another,.you'll feel what I've just been rambling about. All those people giving you a hard time are like cockroaches,.....The world needs more heroes, and you are going to be one someday. When you've quit in spite of everything, you'll be a rockstar of recovered addicts. I got faith that one day you jodi, will be the inspiration and help others look up to. give it a try. -------------------- It is better to be hated for who you are, than to be loved for who you aren't Never go faster than your Angels can fly Stress is when you wake up screaming and realize you havn't fallen asleep yet. We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts we make the world. - Buddha The secret of health for both mind and body is not to mourn for the past, worry about the future, or anticipate troubles, but to live in the present moment wisely and earnestly. - Buddha | ||
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Posts: 1101
Joined: August 27, 2004
Posted: January 18, 2012, 5:19 PM
dang! when did I turn into a preacher??? oh well
-------------------- It is better to be hated for who you are, than to be loved for who you aren't Never go faster than your Angels can fly Stress is when you wake up screaming and realize you havn't fallen asleep yet. We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts we make the world. - Buddha The secret of health for both mind and body is not to mourn for the past, worry about the future, or anticipate troubles, but to live in the present moment wisely and earnestly. - Buddha | ||
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Posts: 1101
Joined: August 27, 2004
Posted: January 19, 2012, 12:43 PM
I'm noticing a big trend here. The philippines has a major meth problem. I know it is not new, back in 89 I visited Guam,..talking with someone who had ties to Coast Guard, they told me about ICE becoming such a huge problem in all the islands.
However lately here at the board there seems to be more and more people from philippines seeking help. More non-users wanting to know how to help, or deal with the addiction than actual users seeking help. Obviously treatment is an issue in philippnes. NA, other types of support groups, and addiction treatment programs are sorely needed. Hopefully the powers that be, will get on the ball and start doing something to change that fact. -------------------- It is better to be hated for who you are, than to be loved for who you aren't Never go faster than your Angels can fly Stress is when you wake up screaming and realize you havn't fallen asleep yet. We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts we make the world. - Buddha The secret of health for both mind and body is not to mourn for the past, worry about the future, or anticipate troubles, but to live in the present moment wisely and earnestly. - Buddha | ||
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Posts: 14
Joined: October 6, 2011
Posted: January 19, 2012, 2:08 PM
today wasn't a good day at all but like u said ill take it as a learning experience although i should admit im really disappointed of myself today i found my self almost in the same situation as i was before i found this site fortunately i realized where i was heading before i really swim again in the mud because of not getting the high i wanted to get..,doing such things and looking back is a huge regret not to mention i dnt have anybody to talk to besides you guys ofcourse who will understand why i slipped once in a while i cant imagine how my life will be in the near future to be honest im beginning to fear what my future might be sometimes i just want to disappear because of shame and regret but i know life must go on and i will always hope that 1 day ill wake up not looking for meth oh i cant wait to be sober.. 1 more thing will a detox like being confined in the hospital help lower down my withdrawal symptoms coz all the hard work seem wasted when i slip..i hope my grammar is still fine im really sleepy..anyways i hope tom will turn out to be better.. justonemore you really make me look forward to reading your posts everyday it really helps sometimes i wish my husband would be like that he's also 57 and im only 28 he never took any drug at all thats why i coulndt just talk to him and tell him what i feel coz he will never understand what im going thru thats why this site plays an important part in my struggle to recovery thanks again..im sooo sleepy good night people | ||
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Posts: 1101
Joined: August 27, 2004
Posted: January 19, 2012, 4:43 PM
Tomorrow will be a better day ((((((((jodi))))))))
-------------------- It is better to be hated for who you are, than to be loved for who you aren't Never go faster than your Angels can fly Stress is when you wake up screaming and realize you havn't fallen asleep yet. We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts we make the world. - Buddha The secret of health for both mind and body is not to mourn for the past, worry about the future, or anticipate troubles, but to live in the present moment wisely and earnestly. - Buddha | ||
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Posts: 1101
Joined: August 27, 2004
Posted: January 19, 2012, 5:40 PM
To just "want" to quit will never be enough to stop!
The past is the past and we can't change that,...We can however learn from it, and should. thats how we see what our triggers are. The people, places, situations and things that cause us to use. Don't be afraid to go back all the way,...why, or what caused you to become so in love with meth when ya first used it??? Many methheads I've met have some of the most horrific childhoods and experiences imaginable. rape, physical, sexual, psychological abuse in the worst ways. Meth gives freedom from those horrors. The mind so fast there's no time for lookin back, feelinganything,...it's pure outrunning everything in life. Every addict I've met with that on their plate never succesfully stopped using until they faced those demons... It's never ok for any of that to happen,...just know it was not your fault, you didnt deserve it,...it never should have happened. As embarrassing it may be,..how ashamed you may feel. ya got to face it, deal with it in some way. Therapy, a good friend,...online support groups, real life support groups,....ya have to deal with those emotional scars and issues in order to be succesful at quitting. I on the other hand had as great a childhood as one could have. Wonderful mother and father, great 3 older sisters ( or maybe they were cause of my issues lol ) Looking back, the only things I wish were different are, one,..I wish my parents at least had a few arguements around me. They were so good I never really learned how to deal with relationship issues. They never drank, smoked, cussed, or argued around us. Second, and biggest thing is, Their "alcohol,drugs talk" with me consisted of "don't do it!" that was it! I'd ask why? "just don't" was all I got. I'm naturally curious,..also a bit of scientist/tester type. Being told only made me want to try it,..."what is this don't do it all about? why shouldnt I? what's it like?" I was a shy kid,..alcohol, pot, shrooms, lsd, mescaline, pills made me feel like I fit in better. I was workin in a restaraunt when first turned on to speed. I was instantly a super-cook, doing all the cooking, and backup bymyself on one of the busiest nights ever ( was a steakhouse )never missed a beat, got an order wrong, had several comments about my good cooking and speed I got orders out. Did the best cleanup after we closed anyone had seen,...I was also the closer and did all the books as well......I was superman,...I instantly loved all that speed gave me. Never even occured to me to stop using until I was 30, had a 3 month old daughter and got arrested for posession. I saw a court TV show today, the people had a familiar look to them. This is why I'm thinking back and sharin a story. I thought these peeps looked like meth users,...turned out they were from a town I lived in for several years. An area with severe meth problems. Eventuall they mentioned being arrested for meth posession,....all their stories really took me back. Thinking back,...this may have some to do with my eventual recovery. My daughter was 5 when we moved to this town. The house I rented was owned by 2 narcotics/swat team cops. Wanting to not use, knowing the cops were more more interested in getting their rent money each month so I went for it.. It was a small town, I was constantly aware of my "image" The sight of any known drug users at my house wouldnt be good, and being a small town,...most meth users were known. The police were busy enough goin after the addicts creating serious social problems,....like robberies, violent crimes and such. I went into a situation that forced me to constantly be aware of myself and image. Thats where and how I learned to be a "functional" addict...it was that, or get arrested. I also learned even cops have issues. I had a scanner, knew my landlords voice. I know for a fact he was on duty for 3 days straight, because I was up for 4. On day 3 he hit the "wall" when the body says "that's it! no more, I quit and getting some rest!" A normally sharp assertive cop became a mumbling baffoon. he was off air for about 45minutes, then back, sharp as a tack again....I am 99.999999 % positive he was on meth,....coffee just doesnt pick-ya -up like that. See, meth affects everyone,....I don't blame a cop for using,...they are forced to work insane hours, they have meth from confiscations all the time.....You are not a loser for using meth. screw anyone who makes you feel less for being a user. Face your fears and issues, own them, deal with them... understand why and how you started . You can beat this . -------------------- It is better to be hated for who you are, than to be loved for who you aren't Never go faster than your Angels can fly Stress is when you wake up screaming and realize you havn't fallen asleep yet. We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts we make the world. - Buddha The secret of health for both mind and body is not to mourn for the past, worry about the future, or anticipate troubles, but to live in the present moment wisely and earnestly. - Buddha | ||
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Posts: 1101
Joined: August 27, 2004
Posted: January 19, 2012, 7:27 PM
So if ya can't stop the cravings, the need, desire to use. Do the things you can do!. Change where you live, who you hang out with, who you "let" hang out with you. People, places, things all play a part in addiction.
Reminiscing back to that time in my life made me realize recovery wasn't just something I did, or any addict does. It's a bunch of baby steps. Just learning to become better at being a "functional" addict played a huge part in finally gettin it right. Yes I was still using,...but I was learning to stay away from the people and places. I got my stash in quantities that would last me, I did not want to be a regular at possibly known drug houses. Not wanting to be seen or thought to be a "tweaker" I policed myself. I worked at making sure I wasn't being obsessive, doing things too impulsively,...I have always been my biggest critic. Constantly rethinking things. When it came to me finally getting quitting right,....All I really had to deal with was my depression, feeling so tired,...the cravings to use. I figured out that being near the places I used, around the people I used with,...knowing I could get a freebie blast just about anywhere close by,....knowing more meth was just a quick call away,....a quick trip, even a delivery,...I'd have never made it. Maybe I couldnt control those urges,...but I did have the ability to change my environment, The only way for me to stop was to stop fighting the urges. My final hooorah was to leave it all behind. To finally beat meth was to stop fighting it. Even still it was the toughest thing I've been thru. It is easy for me to give advice, support you all I can jodi,....and I will continue to do so,....but you are in a very tough place to get free of meth. I'm so proud of the fact you are able to do what you've done. Try not to get so down on yourself for your slips. I slipped up for more years than you've been alive. Every methhead I've known has had slips,...none has just quit right off. Never give up, always learn from each use,..know the reasons and causes for each use,...ya can't beat em all at once,...but you can beat em one at a time. Eventually, beating your addiction completely. I promise you,..when you do, and you realize what you've accomplished,...shared what you've learned and helped another. It's a rush!! a feeling so much greater than any high. this "crap" you feel now,...using or not is just temporary, if you choose. The greatest things in life are those ya worked for, earned!! I promise you it not only gets easier and better,....but you'll feel more alive and happy than you ever dreamed. It's easy to keep on being an addict,...it takes a person of strength, integrity, and a love of life to stop using. Anyone who wants any less for you is not worth your time. surround yourself with quality people who only have your best interest at heart. No one deserves any less. ((((((((((((jodi)))))))))))) -------------------- It is better to be hated for who you are, than to be loved for who you aren't Never go faster than your Angels can fly Stress is when you wake up screaming and realize you havn't fallen asleep yet. We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts we make the world. - Buddha The secret of health for both mind and body is not to mourn for the past, worry about the future, or anticipate troubles, but to live in the present moment wisely and earnestly. - Buddha | ||
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Posts: 14
Joined: October 6, 2011
Posted: January 19, 2012, 10:40 PM
i just woke up and first thing i did was to check and see if you've replied and im glad i did check i found myself smiling ang laughing when you told me abt that thing with the cops you moving out etc its funny coz it all sounded similar to my experiences its like everybody goes through the same path when you're on meth you're right when you're on speed you can be anyone you want to be a "superhuman".
you are such a blessing to me who ever you are wherever you are thank you, i don't have friends or anyone who gives me advice that makes me realize how life is just good i shouldnt waste it.a lot of times i feel like i just want to give up everything to a point i wanted to kill myself thats why i seek for help and got to this website which is amazing and FREE.. Today is another day another baby step for me i had my things and all ready to take my goodmorning hit but after reading your post and you mentioned about coffee i made coffee instead i got this super strong coffee from some store yesterday i hope it will wake me up.. This is one of my triggers back ache headache feeling of general weakness when meth is wearing off your system its so hard.. | ||
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