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Posts: 17
Joined: December 10, 2014
Posted: March 31, 2015, 12:09 AM
Congratulations!! So exciting to read about your progress and determination! I know you have such a promising future :)
I have been off…we had a problem with my son that forced his bottom up in about a 24 hour period: totaled his car, methadone clinic dirty test (he was adding vicodine!!), we kicked him out of the house-sent him packing with no car, no money-done, son. And 2 days after that, we picked him back up and delivered him to a live-in rehab home about 3 hours from our home. He has been fully detoxed off the methadone (medically supervised step down) and is off it, but still working through the effects. All of your step down issues gave me more detail than what I was getting from his counselor, so that was helpful to understand what he has been going through. Wishing you the best and thanks for your info! | ||
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Posted: March 31, 2015, 9:49 AM
Hi!! I am so happy to have found your post!!! I have been obsessing almost searching the internet for info about this and how bad it is going to be!!! I have been going to the clinic for 7 years and over the last 3 have gone from 105 mg to 56 mg and have been there for about 6 months! I have a daughter and I know it is time to get out of there! I hate the side effects and honestly I feel good after I take it for a couple of hours but the rest of the day isn't so hot! No withdrawals
But not much energy mentally or physically if that makes sense! Anyway, I am terrified of the withdrawls bc of these horror stories! The hardest part about this is deciding you want off and then having to go sooooo slow!!! I only go to the clinic 2 Times a month so another thing is I feel that I worked so hard to stop everything years ago to Get my take homes! I live over an hour away so if I Do this and need help again this will not be an option ever again!!! If you have any advice I would appreciate it!!! How bad is it!!?? My worst thing is the hot/cold Sweats and headaches but I haven't been in withdrawls for sooooo long!!! I'm so scared and I can't stand not being able to sleep! Messes with your head!!! I have to work, I'm a waitress this whole Time and take care of my 4 Year old Daughter!!! Talk to u soon!!!!! Please keep Me posted!!!! | ||
Posts: 97
Joined: February 19, 2015
Posted: March 31, 2015, 10:55 AM
Thanks for the encouragement Mistyblue82 and Barkely!!!❤️❤️❤️
So yeah, couldn't sleep last night been up since 4am. And it's really NOT the insomnia that is keeping me up its the "tummy issues". My stomach is just SOOO MAD at me right now. I can hear it constantly churning and feel it cramping, so that is what is truly causing me to lose sleep. But yeah the not being able to sleep is rough. If you have a sleep aid that works for you I would suggest that. I have been chronic insomniac for as long as I can remember and have tried just about every sleep aid you could name and they just don't work for me. I did take a prescribed trazodone last night to help me sleep.... got like three hours but had bad dreams. (I always have nightmares though.) So not taking those anymore. They didn't work for me before my detox so I'm not surprised it didn't work now. Had a little bit of those shock sensations this morning but they went away pretty quick. Desperately trying to make myself drink tons of water cause honestly that and imodium are the only things that give me any relief right now. It's like having a little bout of food poisoning is what I would compare it to. It's not HELL but its kind of a drag to not feel 100%. I have this theory that addicts (especially opiate addicts) get used to feeling so NUMB and are so used to not feeling any discomfort that when the withdrawals kick in a lot of ppl use THAT as an excuse to use....not trying to be mean but it's kinda true. It's whats kept me from detoxing when I should've approx 3 years ago. (been on methadone for 5 years! Boy time flies!) Keep reading online that peak withdrawals happen approx 72 hours after last dose. And since yesterday was 1mg (when the nurse handed me my dosing cup there was literally 1 drop of methadone in the cup!!! I laughed and drank it.) I consider myself in that time frame already. I just keep telling myself that this discomfort is NOTHING compared to feeling like a slave to a medication. (Don't get mad, it's just how I feel....opinions are like a*******, right?) Oh and keep forgetting to mention that I keep sneezing! So weird some of these withdrawal symptoms: muscle twitches like crazy, sneezing, and increased sense of smell and touch! (Keep in mind though that these are just observations not complaints!) This post has been edited by pastcutter33 on March 31, 2015, 11:31 AM | ||
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Posts: 97
Joined: February 19, 2015
Posted: March 31, 2015, 5:28 PM
it is 2:24pm where I am now. i last wrote this morning at approx 9am.
Just wanted to share with everyone that I have been experimenting with something someone in the methadone clinic line suggested I try when he heard I was 21 day detoxing... Kratom. Now I've done lots of searching on the internet before taking it and I KNOW how controversial it is to take it especially for opiate withdrawals. But I was feeling like crap today and I took 7 gelcaps (size "0") and I feel so much better its weird. I have energy and am in a MUCH better mood. I'll fill you in more later but just wanted to share this... bye | ||
Posts: 1059
Joined: August 29, 2011
Posted: March 31, 2015, 7:16 PM
pastcutter,
It has been really great reading your detox diary, I'm know it has given other people in this situation or who are thinking about it a very real idea of what to expect if and when they decide to detox. Of course everyone is different and each detox attempt will be different for each. As the one lady said, she got more from your details than she did from the nurses where her son was a patient. When I asked for this board to be added this is the reason. As you have read people say they have looked all over the internet to find a place to talk about methadone, whether starting it or detoxing from it. Keep talking about your experiences, everyone is interested!! granny -------------------- I NEVER KNEW HOW MUCH LOVE MY HEART COULD HOLD UNTIL SOMEONE CALLED ME GRANDMA. STOP AND LISTEN TO THE BIRDS SINGING IN THE TREES. WHEN THE BIRDS ARE SINGING EVERYTHING IN LIFE IS OK.[FONT=Courier][FONT=Arial] | ||
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Posts: 97
Joined: February 19, 2015
Posted: April 1, 2015, 11:49 AM
Thank you Granny!
Last dose: 1mg was on 3-30-15 (Monday) Woke up feeling better today! ....and did you catch that??? I said "I woke up" which means I actually got some sleep!!! YAY!!! No shock sensations this morning.... No tummy troubles so far, yet. But still taking the Imodium. (It's like my new best friend.) Again, tried taking some Kratom and I think it's working but I have always been a VERY strong believer in the Placebo Effect. I am taking approx 6grams a day of "MAHA KALI" it was $20 dollars/oz. at local head shop and it tastes yucky so get gelcap/capsules from a vitamin/supplement compounding/medical supply to put it in before taking it. (i used to get mine from Fred Meyers but found out they discontinued carrying them YESTERDAY... i was so irritated... feeling yucky and running all over the store looking for something that wasn't there anymore...but found em at The Vitamin Shoppe. Good price too: 100 capsules for $3.79. ) Please take note that if you decide to try Kratom do your research and make sure its for you. I don't want anyone to get sicker or have problems because of me. One thing I DO notice that is consistent with all the methadone withdrawal stories is that: EVERYONE GOES THROUGH METHADONE WITHDRAWALS DIFFERENTLY!!!!! Only thing I seem to be noticing is: -My muscles are twitching LIKE CRAZY!!!!! Like I said before its NOT bothersome.... it actually feels kinda cool. 😜 They literally can twitch up to 15 times in one minute. If you've ever used a TENS unit it's exactly like that. I am still keeping up on: -Taking my Multivitamin, Flaxseed Oil pills everyday. -Drinking $hit ton of water. (Hydration makes a HUGE difference in how I feel. I've gotten to the point to when I start feeling yucky I don't reach for any OTC or prescribed meds anymore! I reach for my water bottle and make myself drink the whole thing... and after about 15 - 20 I feel amazingly BETTER!!!!!!!! 😄😄😄) -This may sound cliche but laughter is helping me a lot right now. (I am re-watching Curb Your Enthusiasm...funny stuff.) -Making myself walk the dog almost everyday. I say almost cause weather here has been CRAZY... got caught in hailstorm walking her yesterday. 😱 -Eating healthy. Not craving crap anymore so this is getting easier and easier to do especially as my energy seems to be returning hour by hour. -Telling myself I am strong enough to get through this. I admit I am worried that I could get worse but deep down I feel like I may have seen the worst of it. Going down 28mg's in 21 days ain't easy but it didn't kill me. Knowing that you guys out there in internet land are being helped by me keeping you posted helps also!!! Helping people helps me... (awwwww, i know getting all mushy...💛💙💜💚❤️) My intake/evaluation for my court ordered DUI diversion is today. I hope it goes well. Did I mention I don't wanna go to jail, been there twice, never wanna do it again. I'll check in everyday to let everyone know how I'm feeling. I am still searching the web for stories of people successfully detoxing from methadone and how they were AFTER doing it and I honestly can't find very much. (I find stories of people writing about how awful they feel and it just drops off...its unsettling to say the least.) And it's annoying cause NO ONE mentions at what milligrams of methadone they jumped off at! Seriously THAT is what makes a big difference I THINK. So that is why I am so anal about listing my last dose date and what mg's its was. Take care. This post has been edited by pastcutter33 on April 1, 2015, 11:50 AM | ||
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Posts: 97
Joined: February 19, 2015
Posted: April 2, 2015, 9:32 AM
4-2-15
Sorry bout any errors...typing on my ipad.... Day 2 since last dose of one mg on 3-30-15 (reminder: I dropped from28mgs to 1mg in 21 days) Son of a w****! I only got maybe 1 hour of sleep last night! It's early morning. Been laying here not sleeping for literally hours.... But I admit I was bad yesterday and overdid it mentally and over did eating too much sugar. Who knows what it was but I feel like I haven't slept. (And when I do I have THE weirdest dreams!) The twitches are getting worse. Sneezing fits are a little better. Diarrhea seems to have gone away but still a lot of cramping and discomfort <<<<again, THIS IS WHAT MAKES IT SO HARD TO SLEEP for me. The clonidine isn't even working anymore...just makes me super spacey and get dry mouth and nose which ironically makes it HARDER to sleep on that stuff.... Seems like whatever I have tried last few days JUST doesn't work for me for sleep! I've tried: diphenhydramine (Benadryl), 5mg of Valium, clonidine, trazadone, melatonin. Have diversion group tonight. 😵😴😴😴😴 I'll check in later today and let u know if I feel better or worse. It seems like the nights are the hardest for me. This post has been edited by pastcutter33 on April 2, 2015, 9:36 AM | ||
Posts: 1059
Joined: August 11, 2012
Posted: April 2, 2015, 9:43 AM
I can relate! The not sleeping was the worst part for me. I tried every OTC sleep aid I could find and didn't sleep a full night for 2 weeks! Hang in there cause it will get better. Iv'e been off methadone for almost 3 years. It can be done! The worst of my withdraws were over in about 21 days. But everyone is different, just want to know that it does get better. Have you thought about NA or any other support group?
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Posts: 97
Joined: February 19, 2015
Posted: April 2, 2015, 1:04 PM
Thank you girltoday, 😊
I keep telling myself that 21 days of withdrawals seems to be the limit, I can't wait to feel "normal" for my birthday April 24. This'll be my first "completely chemical free" birthday in like forever! I just spoke to a new drug and alcohol treatment counselor yesterday and she has recommended SMART recovery groups for me. I have DUI group tonight. (Court mandated so even though I don't feel 100% yet I HAVE to go...) But as soon as I feel up to I am going to start trying to make those SMART recovery groups in my area. I've heard really good things about them from other people in our situation. I feel a little better right now than I did a few hours ago. I think it just gets hardest at night cause I feel like the whole world has turned off to go to sleep and I'm left behind sitting there wide eyed clenching my stomach (stomach cramping and stomach pain is my #1 complaint) and thinking "here goes ANOTHER night of no sleep". I was wrong about the diarrhea being gone. Yes, its back and yes its manageable still with the Imodium. (Thank GOD FOR IMODIUM!!!!!) Feel super spacey and "not all there" mentally but I'm pretty certain that that is a direct result from the lack of sleep I've been getting. And when I do sleep I have such disturbing dreams... Unrelated topic but: my "using" dreams are starting to come back. Spent a whole night in a dream driving around with some chick I barely know trying to score some crack, which I haven't done in at least 5 years..ended up never making to the dealers in my dream but it is one of my DOC's though.... scared me when I woke up... Don't worry I DON'T wanna use and have no desire but the DREAMS are SO real sometimes I wake up freaked out cause I think to myself "oh, no I just screwed up my sobriety!!!! How could I be so stupid?!?!" then I realize I'd been dreaming. Does anyone else have that? Oh, and I was wrong about the sneezing getting better.... still sneezing too. Its so weird it's like my body is mad at me for what I've done to it over all these years and it's now taking its revenge. I MUST: -Keep drinking water. -Stay positive. -Get my court stuff done. -Keep you guys posted. The fact that my b-day is coming up helps a lot. My boyfriend is having me come up with what I want for my birthday which is a VERY FUN way of getting my mind off the $hit I'm going through right now. Take care everyone and I promise to keep checking in. p.s. forgot to mention my new counselor told me that this documenting online to help people in similar situations is actually VERY therapeutic. Who knew!?!?😜 | ||
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Posts: 97
Joined: February 19, 2015
Posted: April 3, 2015, 2:43 PM
4-3-15
Last dose of 1mg was on 3-30-15. (detoxed from 28mg to 1mg's in 21 days...due to insurance problems/transfer to DUI diversion rehabilitation clinic.) Finally got some sleep last night!!!!!!! Slept from 10:30pm to 5am. Feel better sleep wise but flu like symptoms seem to be bothering me a little bit: -Chills (can't seem to get warm NO matter what I do!!!!) -Low energy -Little bit of nausea -That overall yucky sick feeling that you get when your body is worn out Tried some Nyquil last night and maybe that helped. A friend told me to try that for methadone detox/withdrawals BECAUSE the symptoms ARE so similar to having a flu/bad cold. Like I have said before the symptoms seem to be worst in the middle of the night and in the morning time...right around the time when I start moving around more. Muscle twitches are still going on LIKE CRAZY!!! Its not really bothersome at all, its kinda like having the hiccups..... its annoying enough that you hope it'll stop soon but it COULD be worse so I'm not complaining. Other symptoms: Sneezing. Blowing my nose a lot but that may just be my allergies. Tummy issues....still. This is hard to explain but: I can "feel" noises. Especially loud unexpected noises, like when the house settles at night and I'm laying there trying to sleep, something could click or snap and I feel this VERY odd, fairly unpleasant electric sensation throughout my body. Like I said hard to explain.... I wish I had a hot tub or something I could just sit in for hours to warm up.😎😎😎 Still taking my vitamins/flaxseed. Take Kratom every once in a while but like I said before I can't honestly say whether or not I feel a real difference, so jury is still out on that. My (new) counselor gave me some names of mental health therapists for past trauma/PTSD/depression. As soon as I feel better/more like myself again, I will pursue that as well for relapse prevention. Check in laters. bye! | ||
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Posts: 1059
Joined: August 29, 2011
Posted: April 3, 2015, 4:13 PM
Pastcutter,
I have to applaud you for sticking to your guns and finishing what you started out to do. I am really proud of you, not many can do what you have, although everyones stories are different. I'm sure there are many out there who have been following your stories because it relates to what they want or need to do and what you used to ease your aches and pains throughout it. Thanks and so far you kicked some serious butt!! Keep it up!! Great job!!! You should be VERY proud of yourself because of your accomplishments but also because you thought of others and how it might help them. granny -------------------- I NEVER KNEW HOW MUCH LOVE MY HEART COULD HOLD UNTIL SOMEONE CALLED ME GRANDMA. STOP AND LISTEN TO THE BIRDS SINGING IN THE TREES. WHEN THE BIRDS ARE SINGING EVERYTHING IN LIFE IS OK.[FONT=Courier][FONT=Arial] | ||
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Posted: April 6, 2015, 2:23 AM
I'm proud of you but hate myself
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Posts: 97
Joined: February 19, 2015
Posted: April 6, 2015, 6:00 AM
Day six (seven? *see below*) of methadone withdrawals.
Quick summary: was on 130mg for approx 2 years. Then did FAST detox to 15mg=NOT EVER recommended!!!! Gave up and transferred to another clinic worked way up to 40mg; slowly went down to 30mg, then asked to be 21 day detoxed at 28mg (due to insurance reasons/wanted off if and losing patience) Gone down 28mgs in 21 days. 3-30-15 was last dose of 1mg. Last dose 1mg on 3-30-15. Missed a day or two checkin in. Just haven't felt like writing. sorry. Anyways. Still: -Having diarrhea -sneezing -muscle twitches -shocking sensations have come back a little but as much as they suck they're tolerable. (except in the AM!!! its like if i move too fast my bodies energy/electricity can't catch up with my movements....its the oddest and weirdly unpleasant sensation. But don't worry it could just be me!) Noticing: -insomnia is getting better, i actually am getting tired on my own now instead of feeling so wired I can't sleep....WARNING this maybe a rebound effect. I am prepared for the insomnia to come crashing back...😴 -Mood swings/irritability😡😡😡😥😥😥 -sensitivity to light -nose is SUPER dry -still feel like the end stages of having a flu/bad cold sometimes...its weird.... I did manage to fall asleep on my own saturday night. slept for FIVE hours on MY OWN! No meds or assistance or anything! I just felt tired and laid down. today (4-5-15) I slept most of the day because of some prescription pharmaceutical help from a friend (klonidine and gabepentin). I slept for an two hours and then seven hours after eating. No bad dreams which was nice. Still missing the energy I used to have. 😞 *Oh and technically it's monday right now cause i'm typing in the dark at 2:47am. Yep, that's my life right now. (just woke up)* Sidenote: I feel bad for my boyfriend. he doesn't understand what this is like and is trying to be as helpful as possible. I am the one who always cooks and makes things to eat because I am a awesome cook but he doesn't so when I feel like I have lately he'll bring home things to eat for me and get me whatever OTC crap I need to feel better but sometimes I could just strangle him. I am so irritable 😡 sometimes I lock myself in another room and avoid anyone cause I don't want to be mean and feel bad about it later on.....like i do right this second. Does that make sense? Trying to stay positive but right now its hard. 😕 The average withdrawals from methadone aka poison is approx 21 days, and I've just got through seven.....fourteen more to go!👿👿👿 ****just reread my post and sorry for the negativity but its where i'm at.but i'll be ok so don't worry. | ||
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Posts: 97
Joined: February 19, 2015
Posted: April 6, 2015, 7:21 PM
Update for 4-6-15
I don't know if it's the gabepentin or me but I have those nasty shocking sensations again! All f-ing day too. Usually when I wake up and move around they go away...but not today. Going to stop the gabepentin IMMEDIATELY. Read horror stories online (almost as bad as methadone!) The best way I can describe the sensation right now is: it feels like your skeleton is filled with a nastily electrified sand and EVERYTIME you make a movement that sand shifts and it's like a sickly low current electrical sensaation. It's kind of like when you have the flu but not. The ONLY good thing about it would be it takes my mind off the diarrhea, muscle twitches, and lack of energy. Lol. Man it even sucks to even be typing this right now...I'll let everyone know if I rule out the gabapentin though. Laters. P.s. Did manage to make mental health appt. no new appt's till may 21!!!! Yikes huh? | ||
Posts: 1906
Joined: October 23, 2011
Posted: April 6, 2015, 7:54 PM
"Brain Zaps" I had them with Valium withdrawl.
Getting off the booze/drugs was a bear ... then came living sober !! That was when I really became overwhelmed. That was when I knew I was an addict/alcoholic and needed The 12 Steps of NA/AA. Good luck. Bob -------------------- Serenity Prayer God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, The courage to change the things I can, And the wisdom to know the difference. Free copy of AA's Big Book on-line: http://www.aa.org/pages/en_US/alcoh...olics-anonymous Free copy of NA's Big Book on-line: Copy & Paste coastalcarolinaarea.org/literature/books/b_t.pdf AA's HOW IT WORKS: Copy & paste www.aa.org/assets/en_US/p-10_howitworks.pdf NA's HOW IT WORKS: http://www.na.org/admin/include/spa...0it%20Works.pdf ---------------------------------------------------------------- --- driven by a hundred forms of fear, self-delusion, self-seeking, and self-pity. ---there are those too who suffer from grave emotional and mental disorders but many of them do recover if they have the capacity to be honest. ... I need AA more than it needs me. --- I fight recovery tooth and nail.... I'm not used to being sane, it just doesn't seem natural. ...... According to the great spiritual teachers, ignorance does not result from what we don’t know; ignorance results from what we think we do know. ---Some think that 2+2=5 and believe it. Some know that 2+2=4 and can't stand it. --- I didn't have a very happy childhood but I sure am having a long one ! ---Dry since 1989 working daily on getting/staying SOBER. ---If you want to drink, that's your business ...If you want to quit, that's AA's business. ... Tell me, I'll forget; ... Show me, I'll remember; ... Engage me, I'll understand. ---Most problems are psychological. Most solutions are spiritual . "If we try to change our ego with the help of our ego, we only have a better-disguised ego." --Richard Rohr WWBWD (What Would Bill W. Do) | ||
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Posts: 17
Joined: December 10, 2014
Posted: April 6, 2015, 11:25 PM
You are amazing! You will keep getting stronger---physically and mentally.
My son called this weekend and we talked for about 40 minutes. He was mellow and clear and thoughtful and probably the best conversation we have had in several years. He has been off the methadone for about the same time you have, maybe a few days more. He said he feels a little better every day. Stay positive…he said being around positive and staying busy really helps. I know how it sucks to not feel good, but just try to stay busy with a tangible project (deep cleaning? clutter clearing?) Sleep is a struggle for him as well but millions of new parents go without regular sleep…so settle in and try not to let it take over your thoughts. Stay strong. You are awesome. | ||
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Posts: 97
Joined: February 19, 2015
Posted: April 7, 2015, 11:31 AM
Brain zaps huh? I googled em and yep I've had em before with my Paxil withdrawals. 👿👿👿THAT WAS THE WORST HELL EVER....👿👿👿kinda makes this a walk in the park in comparison!
But thank you papa bear for the support. Glad your son is doing better Barkley, I have a sixteen year old who refuses to come home to me or his (we live separate) dad cause he thinks he's grown up already....kids.... Huh?💔 Just woke up. Managed to sleep last night again for about six hours. But had horrible screaming nightmare wake me up..... At least I got some sleep. Tummy seems to be getting a little better. No more horrible clenching and cramping....just a little now. Still diarrhea though. 😟 Still sneezing. Still twitching all over. Still feel sick-ish. Once these brain zaps go away again I should be on my way to being golden. Did I mention I hate these with a passion. Sidenote: after some internet research: it may not happen to anyone else during methadone detox....I've been on more anti depressants than I can count/name for years and personally have had nothing but bad experiences so I don't take em anymore but reading online it maybe that my brain may have been "damaged" by the antidepressants....maybe that's what's happening to me, my brain thinks it's going through SSRI withdrawals again...hey it's a theory right. As far as I know they don't even have a real diagnosis for this phenomenon yet ("brain zaps" I mean.) I'll try and check in later after I move around a bit. Hopefully the "zaps" will have subsided. Laters. LATER IN THE DAY (approx 12 hrs later) Feeling better. I know I said it before but just drinking WATER helps sooooo much it's crazy. I drank a ton today and am staring to feel so much better. Still having muscle twitches, mild tummy issues, and fatigue tho, Things Ive noticed more today are: I'm comfort eating; my eyes hurt when bright light is on/outside; and I SMELL everything so STRONGLY! it's a real turn off hope it goes away soon. Oh and had more energy today. 👍 This post has been edited by pastcutter33 on April 7, 2015, 10:14 PM | ||
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Posts: 97
Joined: February 19, 2015
Posted: April 8, 2015, 10:14 AM
April 8,2015
*****Day 9 of being off of methadone; Duration: approx 4 years; Highest Dose ever: 130mg; 21 day detoxed from 28mg's; last dose: 3-30-15; mg of last dose: 1mg***** Finally slept a full night (9:30pm to 5am) without any "help" from anything. It was nice for the first few hours then I started having some pretty messed up dreams. Woke up feeling like I still suffer from a little bit of a flu but the stomach cramping has DEFINITELY gotten better.... Those "brain zaps/body zaps" are still happening a little but now I know that lots of water seems to help. Still: --have lots of muscle twitching. --sneezing --eyes hurt when exposed to bright light --mood swings/irritability (actually had to excuse myself last night and be alone because I was getting SO bitchy and I didn't know why) --fatigue alternating with bursts of energy (bursts of energy aren't that long but at least they're there.) Trying to stay positive. Getting tired of feeling like I have the flu though. ttyl. This post has been edited by pastcutter33 on April 8, 2015, 10:18 AM | ||
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Posts: 97
Joined: February 19, 2015
Posted: April 9, 2015, 10:46 AM
Thursday morning: 7:29am
Day 10 of methadone withdrawal. ****(read last post for methadone "stats")**** Feeling much better today. Those weird brain/body zaps seem to be gone and its either from drinking TONS of water yesterday or that I slept awful last night...did I mention that they seem to be worse in the morning and when I'm sleeping? I think they have something to do with the sleep regulating centers of the brain as well. Had what I am pretty sure was a panic attack last night though. Was in a very busy Walmart (which I hate) and standing in line with a $hitload of ppl...got super irritated and then my heart started beating SO HARD in my chest and I got really HOT. It sucked. But I managed to go sit somewhere until it passed. I haven't been in large crowds really since I've been completely chemical free and its really quite an adjustment. No more opiate haze for me to fall on when I get angry/irritated/overwhelmed.😖 Don't worry ppl I am planning on going to SMART groups soon so don't panic. I feel its important to state that even with what happened last night and lately I feel no need to use. I want to feel what its like to be (completely) sober again... Drugs may numb the pain in a good way but they also make you not present mentally for the good things too and I am tired of that. Sorry bout writing so much about what I am thinking but I think its important to write my subjective experience as well as my objective experience. Current withdrawal symptoms: --Sneezing --Muscle twitches --Sensitivity to light --Sensitivity to smells --Overall fatigue/body "sick" feeling (kinda like end stages of flu when your starting to get better) --and last but not least "tummy" troubles still 😫 Things I am noticing: -Comfort eating...or I get REALLY super hungry all of a sudden -emotional/mood swings But overall right now (especially for morning,which always seem to be worse) I feel good!😉 Moving around/exercise, water, and Imodium are the only things I seem to need now to get through the day.... About 5 hours later.... well i was wrong about those zap thingies being gone, don't know why but instead of getting better throughout the day like it usually does its getting worse (and I am drinking my water) my tummy is cramping more too. have the chills/can't seem to get warm (have two layers of pants on and three layers of shirts, plus a blanket and heating pad when I get REALLY cold) its weird I don't even have the energy to walk my beloved dog (i feel so bad whenever i don't walk her 😥) F*ck hope i feel better by tonight...have my weekly court mandated DUI group is tonight 😫😫😫 later. This post has been edited by pastcutter33 on April 9, 2015, 3:44 PM | ||
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Posts: 97
Joined: February 19, 2015
Posted: April 10, 2015, 11:48 AM
4-10-15
day 11 since last dose of 1mg..***see past posts for history*** Slept a little better last night but not by much. This morning feeling: --chills/very cold (wearing two shirts, thick sweatshirt, and coat; two pairs of pants, have heat going and STILL COLD!!!!) --diarrhea/ stomach cramping --sneezing --sick feeling (like when you have the flu) --sensitivity to light Had a dream i was at a f*cking methadone clinic.**shudder** so disturbing | ||
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