| post replypost new topic |
|
Posted: July 31, 2013, 6:00 PM
I am alone and I need somebody to talk to. My son has ruined all our lives with his crack cocaine habit and crack cocaine using girlfriend. I feel very alone and he is so hateful and hostile and I know I am losing ground both mentally and physically myself. He is a grown man - this is not a teenager. I cannot believe my son has become this hostile hateful person but he has. I need to talk to someone who can help me regain my ground and know that this is a typical thing with crack addicts - my mind tells me he is "typical" but my heart is broken and wants to engage him in conversation that always goes bad. If I talk to the average person they tell me to write him off - walk away - have nothing more to do with him.. He keeps telling me I have turned on him and how mean I am - I am not..I wish I could help him but he is just a mess.
| ||
|
Posted: August 1, 2013, 8:31 AM
Im so sorry to hear about your son. i hope you find someone to talk to about this. my husband is the addict and ive recently opened up with his mother about his addictions. this has helped me just because i can vent to her. good luck.
| ||
Posts: 2340
Joined: February 20, 2010
Posted: August 1, 2013, 7:44 PM
my 30 year old is a heroin addict, we have all been through hell and back until I decided I didn't want to be in hell with him. It is heart breaking but I had to let go, I was sick, physically and mentally. He was sweet and nice as long as I was doing what he wanted, usually meant money, he doesn't live here and I hear from him once a week, when his attitude goes south, I disengage quickly with an I love you thank you for calling I have to go. I totally understand where you are MomG
| ||
Posts: 9
Joined: February 9, 2013
Posted: August 1, 2013, 10:34 PM
Kathleen,
My son, too, is a heroin addict. Our family has gone through the same nightmare that you are experiencing now. Like momg, I was mentally and physically sick and exhausted. My marriage suffered and my other children did not feel safe in their home. Slowly, I have been stepping away. The hardest thing I have ever done was making my son leave our home. I would not wish this nightmare on my worst enemy. He is presently in a sober living house, and is doing well. But I just cannot get my hopes up. So I have stepped back, although I admit very slowly..the only way I was able cope. And I still do things I shouldn't, like provide a phone. Really for my own peace of mind. Hopefully, your son will find the help he needs. Please seek out support for yourself, Naranon or Alanon. You will find comfort there. Keep reading here, lots of experience and wisdom. I also see a therapist. And I pray a whole lot. Take care of yourself Kathleen, and I hope and pray that all will be well for you and your family. | ||
Posts: 5751
Joined: November 6, 2005
Posted: August 2, 2013, 8:18 AM
Kathleen, Of course he's going to blame you. Who else is he going to blame? Himself? This is the way addicts do. I did it to my own mother.
Try not to talk to the "average" person. They have no clue. As the other fine posters posted.............you love the son, but not the addiction. I didn't get help until my own mother kicked me out. That's a drug talking to you not the child you raised. Please know I am so sorry for all your pain. You have to take care of you. Can you try Alanon? Know there is help out there for him and he'll get it when he is ready. I've got many years in now and if I can do it anyone can. | ||
|
Posted: August 5, 2013, 8:19 AM
Hi, My name is Brian and I too have a son who is an addict, he is 31 now and has spent probably 2 and a half years living on his own but always gets into so much trouble that I end up taking him back and trying to help. I know that till he wants to help himself there is nothing any one can do for him. I had hoped that the two stints in rehab and the 7 months he spent in awaiting trial at JHB Correctional would have pulled him straight, but no even that didn't help. I wish I had the strength to turn my back on him, if I was sure he was, as most people say a hopeless case maybe I could but I still have hope that he will come to his senses. Although I am not on my own like you my second wife is not understanding and it is causing a major problem in our home. I wish I had the answers, I don't but if I find the support group that can help I will keep you in mind and let you know.
Brian | ||
|
Posted: August 26, 2013, 12:07 AM
All of our stories and experiences are so heart wrenching! My 25 year old son is a heroin addict as well. The heart ache at times is truly unbearable! I sometimes just really cannot believe this has happened to my son who's childhood growing up was very normal- no trauma, crisis, etc...
The thing I am learning though my own trials and those of my new friends in NarAnon is that we cannot control our addicts. I know that my initial attempts to "control" whatever was going on - ie. which rehab center or halfway to go to, was he "working his 12 Steps", was all done because I was AFRAID that if I didn't get involved he would surely fail! Well I did get involved and guess what my son relapsed 3 times! My son is now in treatment in a different state - totally HIS choice. He did have a major problem 2 weeks after he was there, but guess what? He figured it out. I'd like to think that because he really & truly was/is on his own he knows that if a problem comes up HE is the only one who figure it out. Thankfully, my son and I have candid talks about all this and he knows that I will not enable his addiction- but that if he is really working his recovery and following the advice of his Counselors we will help him up to a certain point. I try to take it day by day, but I do have my moments every, single day that I am just sad. All we can do is stay strong and keep praying! | ||
Posts: 2
Joined: September 21, 2013
Posted: September 21, 2013, 8:32 PM
At this moment in time I could punch the thing sat on my sofa - that thing is my son who takes cocaine, he has stolen from both me and my husband, my mum who is 73 years old, my brother and sister, his own friends, my friends in fact nearly everyone he has had contact with. He has pawned our belongings, last week he put the back window of my jeep through and stole money that was not mine that I will now have to repay and cost 75 pound excess for the window to be replaced - and the reason I write this is because his friend thought enough was enough and said he had money last Saturday and spent it on cocaine and couldnt look me in the eyes and not say anything but to top it off he has also stolen 40 pounds from my purse today and still denies it was him even though there was only him and me in the house. This has all come to a head tonight and my husband has insisted that he leaves tomorrow and does not return. This is a child/adult - he is 24 - that had a university career, sports career and after having an accident that has left him with complicated medical issues takes massive doses of pain medication, has had 8 operations to try and solve his condition all to no avail, he now has mental issues and still takes cocaine, please does anyone know of any re-hab places that take people in without cost we are hardworking people but dont have the amounts of money that the re-hab centres demand. JTP
| ||
|
Posted: September 22, 2013, 7:18 AM
My heart goes out to you concerning your son, but it is not your responsibility to find rehabs for him. Rather, spend time figuring out how to keep your family and your assets safe from him.
It sounds cold, but this is the only area that you have any power to control. Even if a rehab is found, since he is an adult, he has a right to refuse to go. The anguish we parents of addicted children go through is unbelievable. We want so much to help our children, but addicts who are forced into rehab rarely get well. When our adult children are out of control, we can only protect ourselves and love them from a distance. This does not mean we are heartless, but we need to accept that the responsibility for their actions belong to them. Addicts change when they get sick and tired of the consequences of their drug use. Unfortunately, for us it is a waiting game. Nothing you say will change his mind until he decides for himself it is time to quit. Our role as parents of adult addicts is to not bail them out of the messes they create, and hope that with enough hard-knocks, they will make the positive choice to get clean. Beyond this, there is very little we can do. If we attempt to do too much for them while they are using, it causes us to spin our wheels and makes it comfortable for them to continue using drugs. They start to think that no matter how out of control they get, someone will always be there to bail them out of a mess. We misinterpret this as love and concern for their welfare, when really all it does is make the situation worse. Please try to find help for yourself, either a Parents Group or a therapist. It is a daily struggle for people with addicted loved ones to deal with our terror and anger over their addiction, while still looking after our own mental health. | ||
|
Posts: 2340
Joined: February 20, 2010
Posted: September 23, 2013, 6:04 PM
yep, addicts do whatever they please to whomever they choose, get him out, save your assets, we lost a bundle for letting him in over an over, our son is 30 and he is looking at 8-24 months and that day cant come quickly enough
| ||
|
Posts: 2
Joined: September 21, 2013
Posted: September 24, 2013, 7:44 AM
I am an "average person" who really does not understand this sickness, I have told my son that my husband and I have come to the decision that he is not allowed back home - no actual reaction from him - that he can get his things when I am in - again no reaction - just an answer of "leave me MY money in the porch" no remorse of I am sorry Mum for what I did and I will repay you all it has cost you, no nothing. My friend is taking him "HIS" money and a letter from me to him, whether is makes him think or not I dont know, all i know is my heart is breaking and I have to put on that mask of a brave face but am crumbling inside. He was such a funny, loving thoughtful boy, my little friend we spent so many hours together, just us I feel like i have lost a friend. Thank you to all those "posters" that have bothered to read my post and reply with positive comments and thoughts I thank you and no doubt I will be back on here many more times, should a miracle happen I will gladly share it with you all, take care and lets hope that all the kids of ours get a recovery quicker rather than later. xxx
| ||
Posts: 2268
Joined: October 17, 2004
Posted: September 24, 2013, 10:21 AM
I am truly sorry. You are in an impossible situation and u must take action to protect urself and ur sanity. I see a lot of people mention their son was a heroin addict, etc. and they offered good sound advice.
BUT dealing with a heroin addict is not the same as a crack addict. I know this first hand. I was a heroin addict for many years , and I worked and functioned. I had 'friends' that were crack addicts. We would go together to cop, I'd get my dope, he'd get his crack. We would stop at someones house nearby, and theyd start smoking their rock. I would watch, because I knew if I smoked it would ruin my dope high. Within minutes I would see massive personality changes with these guys smoking. One guy was the nicest , most pleasant helpful people I knew when he wasn't using. After smoking and running out he became vicious and would be off on an insane binge. He would sell anything he owned, steel anything he could from his mother, sell all his employers tools, start fights with people (I think he even stabbed a guy once) and on and on. Crack is a scary dangerous drugs. I don't believe in drug prohibition but the destructive powers of crack are so severe and continuous I question my belief. THE ABSOLUTE BEST THING YOU COULD DO FOR YOURSELF RIGHT NOW, AND I MEAN RIGHT NOW, IS GET TO AN AL-ANON Meeting. You will find many others like you and most importantly you will learn what is really going on and the best way to deal with these things. DON'T BE AFRAID TO GO, I PROMISE YOU WILL BE GLAD YOU DID. -------------------- No matter what right you did or what wrong you didn't do: When you're the black sheep, all blame belongs to you | ||
|
| post replypost new topic |