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Posted: June 13, 2012, 3:54 PM
I started using meth in 2007 but after realizing it was ruining my life (I had lost my job and my home), I let my family know what I was doing. They were so great about it and got me treatment and I stayed clean until early last year when I started dating a guy who told me after we became involved, that he was also a recovering meth addict. I was stupid enough to stay with him not realizing we were a toxic couple. He slipped first and in the midst of a major depression, I asked him if he could score for us. He didn't hesitate and we spent 3 days getting high together. Not long after that he disappeared and I still don't know what happened to him. I had a connection again though so that was enough. It has now been a year and a half and I have been using this entire time barely taking a break. I can't stand the withdrawls and I have this crazy fear of running out. It's killing me and I know it. I used to be a really pretty girl and I'm not ugly now but I have aged in the last year. That's nothing compared to what it has done to my heart and lungs. I don't know what to do. I can't stop without help but I can't get treatment without my family knowing. My mom is very sick, my dad is a wreck because of it and I can't put this on them too. I would rather just let it kill me than completely devastate my parents. I'm also scared that they might stop loving me. I've lost everything and every friend in the last year. Meth is all I have. It's my friend and it's my enemy. I don't see what my options are now other than just accepting the fact that I am going to die. I guess that's really ok. I deserve it after what I've done.
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Posts: 8683
Joined: April 24, 2007
Posted: June 13, 2012, 8:48 PM
You don't think your death will devastate your parents? At least while you live there is hope in their hearts. I am a parent of a recovering cocaine/heroin addict and watching her die slowly was awful, but considering that it might actually happen was worse. There was never a time I wished she was dead and there was never a time I thought things were so bad that she couldn't make it back from her darkness. Parents don't stop loving their children because of addiction, though they often don't like them much because they become so hard to recognize. Family *should* know if you're getting treatment...addiction thrives in secrecy, it needs the full light of day and honesty to overcome. Give your parents a chance to love you.
You made a mistake and got yourself addicted again...you beat it once, you can beat it again. No doubt you think you've done horrible things, but believe me you've done nothing worse than many of the addicts who post here...read around and see. Don't give up before the miracle. Peace ~ MomNMore This post has been edited by MomNMore on June 13, 2012, 8:58 PM -------------------- You will not change what you are willing to tolerate.  | ||
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