| post replypost new topic |
Posts: 76
Joined: August 14, 2012
Posted: August 14, 2012, 12:56 AM
hi everyone! I am new here and a little scared. I have been reading a lot of post today about wd and everything else and it really has me on edge. I am so addicted to opiates. They pretty much rule my life and I am so ready to get off of them but I just can't do it alone. I went to my first NA meeting this evening and it was wonderful to be around other people that truly understood me! I haven't had that in a long time. My husband says he understands me, but if you have never had an addiction, I don't believe you can 100% and he has never been addicted.
I am so afraid of dying and I know that I am slowly killing myself by taken all these pain pills. Hydrocodone 10s. I was giving these about 5 years ago due to low back problems and I took them right in the beginning, but about 2 years ago my addiction just went out of control. I get 120 a month from the pain clinic and then usually end up having to buy lots more after I run out. I take anywhere from 15 to 20 a day/night. I don't sleep much, maybe 4 or 5 hours in the morning and then I'm up swallowing pills and it just goes on and on. Every single night I tell my husband and myself that this is my last night to take them and that "tomorrow" I'm going to get off them, but tomorrow NEVER comes for me. I am high as I type this now, but a lot of things are weighing on my mind that I learned in NA tonight. I know that I am not a "one day at a time" kind of woman, but instead a "one hour at a time"........ I am so ready to be happy and to live again. I don't even know the woman I have become. I also want to be the kind of wife my husband deserves. Thanks for letting me post. Will post more or a little everyday. I don't know if anyone will answer this, but I hope you are beating your addiction and have lots of support. SUPPORT is the key, which I don't have. Yes, I have my husband but he will not allow for me to enter into rehab/detox. Reluctantly I got him to say yes to the NA meetings. Smile :-) -------------------- Don’t let the fear of failure stop you from trying! | ||
Posts: 623
Joined: April 4, 2006
Posted: August 14, 2012, 1:11 AM
Hi there,
It was posted to me earlier about addiction being a life long thing. I started taking anything that would hype me up or calm me down when i was about 15. I am now almost 50. I still have my health, my family and a husband who loves me. Why is this not enough for me? Why do I self medicate? I just don't get it and I should. I have been to rehabx2, therapy and meetings over the years and it just doesn't f'ing click. wendy -------------------- just for today | ||
|
Posts: 76
Joined: August 14, 2012
Posted: August 14, 2012, 1:19 AM
Hi Wendy, Sorry you are having a tough time. I know exactly how you feel! Just don't give up, it will get easier. That is what I am hoping. I don't think it can get any worse for me unless death comes and I sure hope that that isn't the case. I am going to give the NA meetings a chance. I will have something to look forward to each day, instead of worrying about swallowing my next pill. I am so sick and tired of them consuming my life. You and I are both blessed to have husbands that truly love us. I know that if mine didn't love me, he would have already been gone because I know that I am not exactly the most nicest person in the world when I am pilled up. :-( I thank God for him. Have you tried NA?
-------------------- Don’t let the fear of failure stop you from trying! | ||
Posts: 1059
Joined: August 11, 2012
Posted: August 14, 2012, 8:07 AM
Glad your here elephantlover. Hang in there. It does get better.
| ||
Posts: 20396
Joined: February 12, 2004
Posted: August 14, 2012, 11:28 AM
NA is a great place to start..posting here too will help. But neither will help you if you don't get honest with yourself and others. Won't help if you aren't willing to do whatever it takes. And it takes a lot, for a lifetime.
Go again tonight. And then again tomorrow. And the day after that. You may be a minute by minute girl..I was. Call your drs today. Tell on yourself. Tell them you want off of the pills and to please help you by never prescribing narcotics again. Call your pharmacy and tell them, no more refills. Cancel any that you have pending. I know. It's really, really scary and the first thought in your head is, no f***ing way! But if you don't start now, today, you will continue this insanity. Just how bad do you want this? Really glad you're here. -------------------- I used Drugs to forget, I got clean to remember. | ||
|
| post replypost new topic |