| post replypost new topic |
|
Posted: March 24, 2012, 3:24 PM
Hi,
I have just found this web site and hope someone would be able to give me some support and help them also. I have two sons who have been on heroine for the last 20 years, say no more the hell I have been through with them is undescribable. One one or more occasions they have tried to cluck it out, raw cluck, cluck which includes tranquils and other forms but gone back on it. They are on methodone at present and now once again have decided the methodone is killing them and they want their life back, so do I, whatever thats left for me. The heartache and pain is beyound explaining. They seem to think is is easier to come off herion then on methodaone I don't know the facts. They have been with a drug clinc for all this time but they just want to keep these addicts from stealing or causing problems to the government which I think there maybe some truth. I am in total despair I am 55 years old and beginning to think there is no help or hope. It is bad enough coping with one let alone 2. I have stuck it through to date and had to try and carry on as normal. The arguments and fighting with me my partner and my sons is total disgusting. I don't really know what I am asking for but some light in the dark tunnel i live in. Any help or advise would be apprecaited. My sons are 37 and 34 years old one lives with me the other has a council flat but still comes around draging the other one down and vice versa. I am at the enc of my thether. Please just talk to me. Patty | ||
Posts: 5
Joined: March 10, 2012
Posted: March 24, 2012, 5:03 PM
Patty.........I feel for you.........I've been you.......my son was addicted to pain pills for 7 yrs...every year taking more....on and off....every year making me crazier....then the heroin started when he had no medical insurance....no job...no more money from us.....then he started to steal from us......moved away living in his car....got medicade...started methadone..he was no better on methadone because he still wanted to get high so he took his dose and bought more and more on the street...1& 1/2 years go by .....he wants to get off it..methadone is harder to get off of than heroin...he had to go to a detox treatement center for 3 weeks to be watched and medicated to get him off......a nightmare......his story is under joe and sister....anyway...I started to have a real nervous breakdown after 8 years of this....I went to a narcalon meetings for a while ane they showed me I was enableing him and how to love him but how to get off the rollercoaster of drugs....I lost my fifties to this mess.....everything was about how is he doing...is he o.k. is he alive...whos going to call...the police, the hospital, or the morgue......go to a meeting...get your life back....when i stopped thinking and doing for him he had to take it and deal with it himself....and he did...read his post.......a year later hes finally doing great.........good luck sweetheart...........sunny
| ||
|
Posts: 10
Joined: March 16, 2012
Posted: March 24, 2012, 9:52 PM
hello patty, i cant begin to imagine the pain your going through, i have 2 sons also and i thank god that they are drug free and healthy and doing so good . on the on the other hand i am an addict, i am in a methadone program which i believe saved my life. it took me many years to get to the point where i i knew i had to get help and i could not do it on my own after trying a million times so i chose the methadone program and for me it has worked great.you said that your sons tried methadone but they didnt stay with it? how long were they in the program? they probably were not ready to give up getting high, alot of people have to hit rock bottom, thats what did it for me, and my children. also you have to cut them off completely, you cant support them at all financially, a place to live, food, nothing because that is enabling them to keep using.i guess you would call it tough love, also have you thought about having an intervention? that may help.also you should consider meetings for yourself to get support and learn how to handle this. you have my support so post any time if you need someone to talk too, best wishes and god bless.
| ||
Posts: 8683
Joined: April 24, 2007
Posted: March 25, 2012, 11:19 AM
Don't you deserve a life of your own? Yes, you do...and the only way to get it is to let them go. Show your son the door and do not give them one more cent, or one more assist. So far things have remained the same...try something different. Get to an AlAnon meeting, find a therapist...take care of you.
Here's some wonderful advice posted on another thread by one of our veteran members. It really is as good any advice I've ever heard on living with an addict whether it's a spouse or an adult child:
Stop doing for them and do for you...keep doing what you've always done, keep getting what you've always gotten. Peace ~ MomNMore -------------------- You will not change what you are willing to tolerate.  | ||
|
Posted: April 7, 2012, 2:02 AM
hi, my name is Tonya and i used to be a drug addict. I have been on methadone for almost 8 years now... The program has really helped me keep my sobriety. It does work,if u want it too. I think everyone deserves a second chance at life, dont u??
| ||
|
Posts: 8683
Joined: April 24, 2007
Posted: April 7, 2012, 10:54 AM
Everyone deserves at least a second chance...including parents and loved ones of addicts. We are all responsible for creating our own second chances just as you did when you went on methadone, Tonya.
Welcome ~ MomNMore -------------------- You will not change what you are willing to tolerate. | ||
|
Posted: April 10, 2012, 7:08 PM
What worked for me is to let go and let God. My son chose to get clean...on his own this time because HE was sick of being sick, being depressed and the pressures, pains and horror of HIS use were too much for him. I attend Alanon regularly and it helps imensely. I think that recovery comes in degrees for us also. I try not to be too strong about giving my advice because I had to come to a lot on my own and it is painful to accept and hard to implement "tough love" I think that I can share that detaching with love helped me a lot. Personally, taking the hard line brought more guilt and keeped me trapped in my quest to "heal" him and feel bad.
When I let go in a loving and direct way and told him that I was not going to support his lifestyle and set boundaries AND stuck by that "I" felt better. Also, when I reached out in love as opposed to anger it seemed to affect him more. | ||
|
Posts: 8683
Joined: April 24, 2007
Posted: April 10, 2012, 9:40 PM
How is he Gale? And you, how are you?
-------------------- You will not change what you are willing to tolerate. | ||
|
Posted: April 11, 2012, 7:49 AM
Hey MoM: My son is in rehab on his own accord. He made the calls, the arrangements and chose this on HIS own. I am hoping what they say about "second" bottoms is true. We will see one day at a time. He sounds good. He has clarity of thought and is more like the person I used to know before this last "run". It's been hard but somehow even as bad as it's been, I got through it better than the "first" time. I had trumped up charges to get him arrested, put in jail then arranged that rehab be a condition of his arrest. He did buy into it and it did help and I don't regret it, but he didn't learn all he needed to learn to keep healthy one day at a time. The pressures of life, the stinking thinking. In hindsight I could see the disease rear it's ugly head; in degrees and in my gut I knew "it" was back, but knew I had NO control.
He is a good person, a kind person with so many gifts but only HE can choose to use those gifts that God has given him..sure hoping he does. I thought that his love, which was very deep, for his children would be enough to keep him clean. Boy, was I humbled..yet again by this demonic disease. Sure glad that God is greater! Thanks for asking!! : ) | ||
|
| post replypost new topic |