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Posts: 1059
Joined: August 11, 2012
Posted: September 5, 2012, 2:57 PM
today is Sept 5th the day my first son was born and he passed on Sept 9th for i was 38wks along and was in a car accident. in 14yrs ive never spent this day sober untill today. My feelings are all over the place and im trying to stay busy but not really working. My true feelings are that i want to climb in a bottle and feel numb but i know this is not the answer i just dont want to feel this pain it hurts. Today ive been sober for 97 days and god willing ill make it through today. Feeling again i think is hard i dont know how to process how i feel one min happy one min sad one min lonely blah blah u get it? Hopefully i wake up tommorrow and know i did the right thing by being sober and remembering how i spent this day this year. Cause i cant say that about any other year and i want to remember it just hurts soooo bad.
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Posted: September 5, 2012, 4:44 PM
Hang in there sweetheart you already know what you need to do. I can't say I can even begin ro imagine your hurt, but I feel for you. Stay strong.
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Posts: 1059
Joined: August 29, 2011
Posted: September 5, 2012, 8:04 PM
Hi girltoday,
I'm so sorry for the pain you have had to endure over the years. You are doing the right thing,I think you know that. Surround yourself with people who love you,and that are sober,so you can make it through this. 97 days???? Thats fantastic!!!! We believe in you!!! Hang in there! Granny -------------------- I NEVER KNEW HOW MUCH LOVE MY HEART COULD HOLD UNTIL SOMEONE CALLED ME GRANDMA. STOP AND LISTEN TO THE BIRDS SINGING IN THE TREES. WHEN THE BIRDS ARE SINGING EVERYTHING IN LIFE IS OK.[FONT=Courier][FONT=Arial] | ||
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Posts: 1059
Joined: August 11, 2012
Posted: September 6, 2012, 7:21 AM
i made it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It was a nice day to be sober im so proud of myself for doing the right thing
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Posts: 133
Joined: August 10, 2012
Posted: September 6, 2012, 7:39 AM
Girltoday,
I am very happy for you!! That is a milestone, getting through that day. I am so sorry you had that awful event, but life is so hard. My husband, (who is not an addict) has been drinking more as a reaction to his son's death (who was an addict). He is left with a whole other family to take care of, and it is pretty well destroying his retirement. It is a very difficult situation all around and very depressing. Yesterday was yet another phone call from the daughter-in-law who wants to change their whole life and move (at his expense). It was such a downer when I came home that I was as depressed as I have been since I stopped taking pills and drinking, but I have come to a place I guess, where I didn't think about taking a drink. Long story short (I should make a thread for this)...I found myself taking simple pleasure this morning just walking down the stairs with my feet working properly and not having to hang on to the railing. I am very glad you made it through yesterday and posted about it. Your success will help me today. Thanks for staying sober! | ||
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Posts: 1059
Joined: August 11, 2012
Posted: September 6, 2012, 8:11 AM
i cant tell u how much it means to me to have support here. You guys have truly saved a life here. Im very greatful for you all.
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Posts: 1059
Joined: August 11, 2012
Posted: September 6, 2012, 8:13 AM
gyiana,
im sorry that you have to go through this pain as well. Keep your head up and the sun will shine even when you dont notice | ||
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Posted: September 6, 2012, 11:00 AM
Awwww babe. I cried when I read your post. It's heartbreakin. Had something sorta similar happen to me but I don't have the guts to share it out here. Been clean almost 2 years and I ain't no where near ready to even start with that one. You doing just fine baby girl you gonna be okay. Just hang in there. The answers will come.
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Posts: 20396
Joined: February 12, 2004
Posted: September 6, 2012, 11:48 AM
Girl..really proud of you that you made it through another day. I think you are stronger than you give yourself credit for.
I am so sorry about your baby..14 years is a long time to live with that kind of pain. Your grief seems to be very raw and still present. My heart goes out to you. Have you ever gotten help for that? How to be ok with yourself, to forgive yourself and let baby's death go? You'll never let him go, but to be able to find a place in your heart and head where you're ok again. You are such an inspiration here honey. -------------------- I used Drugs to forget, I got clean to remember. | ||
Posts: 8683
Joined: April 24, 2007
Posted: September 6, 2012, 7:17 PM
Hey girl, your story is a hard one, but I heard the joy in your voice that you made it another day. Keep on putting one foot in front of the other and doing this one day at a time...then one day those days will turn into months, and before you know it all of it will be in your rearview mirror. Then, as Tim says, it'll be okay to look at your past, just don't stare.
Peace ~ MomNMore -------------------- You will not change what you are willing to tolerate.  | ||
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Posts: 1059
Joined: August 11, 2012
Posted: September 4, 2013, 8:06 AM
Happy Birthday Chase may you rest in peace. Mommy loves you!
I don't think this day will ever get easier. It hurts. | ||
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Posted: September 5, 2013, 9:00 AM
Happy Birthday sweet Chase.
You can be really proud of your mommy. Keep soaring with the angels little guy and please keep watching over your mom. Hugs to you, girldtoday from down here on earth too from all of us. | ||
Posts: 430
Joined: May 5, 2012
Posted: September 5, 2013, 9:07 AM
Hi Girltoday, I'm thinking of you and Chase today. ((((hugs))))
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Posts: 9248
Joined: December 1, 2005
Posted: September 5, 2013, 3:55 PM
Happy Birthday Chase.
I am so proud of you, Jessica. xoxo Stacey -------------------- Happiness is not in the bottom of a pill bottle. It's inside you. | ||
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Posts: 1059
Joined: August 11, 2012
Posted: September 6, 2013, 8:30 AM
Again thanks for all your support. I enjoyed the day with family and friends SOBER. I think the pain will get easier to handle in time if I stay sober. Today I am very grateful to be able to be the best mom I can be:)
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Posts: 1059
Joined: August 29, 2011
Posted: September 18, 2013, 7:43 PM
Hi girl,
I am SO sorry I missed your "sad day" for your son this year. Please accept my apologies. I am so very proud of you for not giving in to the despair and hurt you were feeling. I cannot begin to imagine what you must have gone thru and the pain you felt. Fortunately you have some clean time behind you and you were able to see that getting loaded was not the answer and you have loving support around you as well. You could honor your son in sobriety instead of tarnishing his memory in drug/alcohol use. Keep up the good work sweetie!! You are worth every minute and I know your kids are loving the you that you are today. Granny -------------------- I NEVER KNEW HOW MUCH LOVE MY HEART COULD HOLD UNTIL SOMEONE CALLED ME GRANDMA. STOP AND LISTEN TO THE BIRDS SINGING IN THE TREES. WHEN THE BIRDS ARE SINGING EVERYTHING IN LIFE IS OK.[FONT=Courier][FONT=Arial] | ||
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Posts: 1059
Joined: August 11, 2012
Posted: September 20, 2013, 7:47 AM
Thanks Granny!
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Posts: 1059
Joined: August 11, 2012
Posted: September 4, 2014, 12:18 PM
Happy birthday Chase! Mommy loves you!
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Posts: 1059
Joined: August 29, 2011
Posted: September 6, 2014, 5:52 PM
Hey Girl,
once again I missed your sad day. I'm sorry. You were 97 days sober on your first post and look how far you've come. Now that you have more time it will make you see that Chase wouldn't want you to remember him by being drunk or loaded. It wasn't your fault he died in the accident. Remember him by being the best mom ever to the siblings he never got to meet and by being a mom who loves them with all her heart, just as you would do for him were he here. God is taking care of him for you and you know what a cool thing that is. love ya, granny -------------------- I NEVER KNEW HOW MUCH LOVE MY HEART COULD HOLD UNTIL SOMEONE CALLED ME GRANDMA. STOP AND LISTEN TO THE BIRDS SINGING IN THE TREES. WHEN THE BIRDS ARE SINGING EVERYTHING IN LIFE IS OK.[FONT=Courier][FONT=Arial] | ||
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Posts: 1059
Joined: August 11, 2012
Posted: September 7, 2014, 8:42 AM
Hey Granny! Ya it's amazing to me how far iv'e come since i first posted this. It's no longer a bad day i just can't change the title lol. I now look at it as another 24 hours to make it. I think a lot of my feelings were fear. And i celebrate his birthday where as before i just tried to forget it. It does get better! ((((SQUEZZZZZZZZE))))
This post has been edited by girltoday on September 7, 2014, 8:43 AM | ||
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