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Posted: June 2, 2013, 3:38 AM
Awesome info Allison, explains a lot to me why I'm so powerless, I've been drinking and smoking since I was 13, crappy childhood, blah, so it's a behaviour ingrained for 30 odd years so I guess it will take a bit of practice, but I'm 5 years away from alcohol now, never touching that synth crap again, and that's a great start for me!...and I want to be clean and sober....what I think I become, so working on that!
I've had a weird week, 2 blokes I know from AA have been texting me and one came around and asked me to go out with them, and I don't want to, awkward...and now I'm weirded out and don't want to run into them, it's kind of made me scared for some reason and I just want them to leave me alone...I have issues! | ||
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Posted: June 3, 2013, 4:26 AM
I dangle my feet from, the top of the cliff.
can things really be, as bad as all this? I have things that I have to, hang onto, and so, I step back from the cliff top, and onward I go. | ||
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Posted: June 3, 2013, 5:00 AM
How's it going tog?
great poem! | ||
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Posted: June 3, 2013, 6:21 AM
been in the garden, all the plants and flowers we've grown over the years. . we wont find another garden flat, even if there were one we couldn't afford it, and now im scared anyone will rent us anything big enough to put any of our furniture or belongings in, and it feels like they are trashing our life and we didn't do anything wrong.
its not so much me, but my other half is such a beautiful sweet gentle kind lady and she doesn't deserve this and I cant do anything to stop it happening and that's what is tearing me up inside. it doesn't matter about the drink and drugs anymore. I don't care about the drink and drugs. I just want me and her in peace in our home. but its going. being upset feels slightly self indulgent and pointless, but then when i'm not i'm angry or depressed... what I need is to be strong and together and sort things out the best I can for her and me ... but I look at the garden and it just makes me cry. | ||
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Posted: June 3, 2013, 11:15 AM
tog
I understand how looking at things you have grown bring you down. I have felt like that most of the past year and a half with my living situation up in the air. I cant even look at my house when I drive down the road because it brings me down. I have long thought that staying in such a situation might be worse than just moving. Moving can renew your energy - leave bad ones behind memories behind.....Let us know how it goes tog - it helps to get it out. mermaid When you last relapsed with the pot were you still just as disappointed? I noticed that I dont crave marijuana the same anymore. It was much different from what I remember. It has been a year since I had actual real weed. I think I romanticized it more than anything. Pot still can be put down with no real struggle. allison Good to hear from you! I could tell you were probably in trouble after your last posts. Still not so sure as to why. The only thing they really should be embarrassed about is how quickly your postswere read. So your in school getting A's, you have a job, and you havent smoked anything for ??? What I still dont understand is why coming to this site should even matter to them...It's not like they can keep you under wraps forever! So why try... If a dog makes a mess in the floor, you put his nose in it. If he is good he'll remember from that time on he will be trained. But if you carry around a bag with its 'reminder' in it, and bring it out from time to time just to 'remind' the dog to be good? Even the best dogs will become confused and resentful. Keep shoving that dog's nose in it over and over again and he may soon start to hate you.... I get tired of other people wanting me to 'smell' what I did wrong...real tired of dealing with the same old s***! forgiveness/trust/respect - words an addict loses touch with when they admit their use....hard to get back....all that is really desired is a return to 'normal'. But normal must be re-learned. Write when you can This post has been edited by DAC on June 3, 2013, 12:26 PM | ||
Posts: 16
Joined: May 26, 2013
Posted: June 3, 2013, 7:38 PM
I posted this on another list but I think it's so important for people to understand the deadly nature of it that I'm cross posting it here too (sorry :S) but people need to know how dangerous synthetics are, here is my homework from rehab, for those who still think this is not a big deal. if you want to know how damaging this stuff is there are countless reports from the CDC, NIH and others, linked in my report regarding the dangers. -------------------- Patient at NLTC One day at a time. | ||
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Posted: June 3, 2013, 11:53 PM
would love to read it; link isn't working.
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Posted: June 4, 2013, 10:13 AM
I've asked my boyfriend to read this as our situation is soooo very similar to pretty much every other post on here.. I just can't do it anymore.. If he reads this post, maybe there's a chance he will finally see the true degree of the problem. He punched a hole in our bathroom door this morning and is cussing me out frequently as a direct result of this poison.. please baby, read this.. let me know that you have and you know what's at stake.
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Posted: June 7, 2013, 2:31 AM
Hi all,
Dac, yes pot isn't the same, but still better than that synthetic stuff...I just don't want to get into the habit with that again either! here in Oz today we just had a boy in Queensland push his mum aside to leap off a balcony killing himself, telling her that he could fly...great stuff hey! I'm so praying for you tog that something nice and affordable comes up asap! I hated when I was homeless then had to live under the landlady they couldn't give away, but it worked out in my favour in the end because I ended up with a government house, with a garden, so I'm hoping something secure comes up for you too! And glad to hear from you Allison!!! I'm doing ok, getting a life happening again, slowly, lol, but meeting up with a friend walking a couple times a week for exercise, starting to crochet again, just picking up things that I had left off doing...reading heaps...and it feels good to be getting a normal sort of life going again, and that's the small steps that i'm doing so I can hopefully create new habits, unfortunately still having a smoke of pot in the evenings, but getting out and about again during the day, unlike when I was smoking synth, better but still not ideal, working on that still.. | ||
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Posted: June 8, 2013, 11:04 AM
tog
So is there any chance to stay in your apt ? or is a done deal? You have seemed to be pretty level-headed about it so far. I think when major events are circling around it is best to be sober and clear -minded. The fact that you havent drank or smoked so far is an encouraging sign you have what it takes to get through this transition. Maybe a change of scenery will be something you have needed? I wish you the best mermaid I have slipped on regular pot for about a week. I only smoke a couple times a day and most of the time it is when I am on the mower so I still get my work done. I am doing this as a way of comparing the two so that I can see how one led to the other. The real 'problem' I may have had was with pot - the synthetic might have been just a convenient alternative for a while. Anyways, almost two months away from the synthetic, and I was curious if you mentioned the pot to your doctor? What did they say about using marijuana as a 'calmative'?? allison So it's my 'reptile' brain , my inner caveman, the chemical child within that keeps me searching out a 'pot-like' high. I think I have a different problem...I just like to smoke at certain times. This isnt survival , or instinct, or a learned behavior necessarily. I just LIKE to do certain activities HIGH....Like yesterday, I start early in the morning mowing a 3 acre field that is used by a remote controlled airplane club. It is in the middle of hundreds of acres of cornfields. The cornfields are necessary because the airstrip I mow is on prison ground. Less than a mile away is the big state prison - the one Mike Tyson stayed at when he was younger. I have mowed this field for almost 20 years. In the morning there is no one around, just open space. The mowing takes about 2 hours, so I put the sunglasses on, listen to the bob and tom show on my headphones, and head to the porta potty.....for a couple of quick hits... If I have time, I will bring my dogs with me and let them run loose for the 2 hours. THIS , is something I LIKE to do so I have a hard time reconciling this with what I have termed ' addictive' behavior. Just wondering what you thought Hope your studies are going well...hope the warden eases the restrictions a little....just keep digging, looking at your Marilyn Monroe poster, and work on your chess set....Also, don't forget where 'salvation' can be found. Using what is inside that bible is what will really set you free!! Hope to hear from you all soon!! This post has been edited by DAC on June 8, 2013, 11:08 AM | ||
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Posted: June 9, 2013, 6:25 AM
Hi again,
Dac, I didn't really mention pot to the doctor as a calmative, I was too busy going phsyco from the synth! but that in itself is where I saw how the synth was way worse than the pot...pot for me has been great as a calmative and a way to relax, or potter around and get things done, it's become a problem in the past where all I wanted to do was hole up and smoke, but at the same time it did work to help me get through stuff i don't think I could have managed straight at the time, and like others, I have been able to put it down when I really wanted too without any long term effects, except a desire to smoke again at a later date, mainly because I can't have a drink to take the edge off...but the synthetic ended up making me mentally ill, paranoid and hallucinating at times hearing the neighbours talking about me etc, or that deep deep thinking, or that too high feeling, or that I was having a heart attack, and depression in the end so deep each morning till I could have a smoke and I felt it was much much more addictive and harder to put down...and too easy to get, it really shook me up...I compare my worst smoking pot, every hour or so from lunch time on, to my smoking synth from day 1 was every 15 to 20 minutes all day, there just wasn't the same level of addiction and mania to get more! Just today in Australia there has been a 90 day ban on selling any synthetic drugs, and in that 90 days they are working on wording new laws to get this stuff made illegal here, its a big story in both of our Sydney Sunday papers today, so hopefully it will be out of my local tobacconist soon!!! Synthetic drugs have just blown out here, one hospital in Newcastle admissions have gone from around 40 admissions per year a couple of years back to over 400 admissions last year, how many people have been admitted to hospital in that period from smoking pot? None recorded...I think that speaks for itself...if you want to have a smoke, go natural!!! And again, I'm not trying to push pot as a completely harmless drug, no drug is, but these synthetic drugs are just plain scary and deadly..and have been sold as a legal alternative. And if alcohol was made illegal tomorrow I bet you would see people drinking bleach if it was marketed as an alcohol alternative and legal and they thought they would get drunk... All I know is that a bit of pot in moderation is much safer than using the synthetic anyday... | ||
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Posted: June 9, 2013, 9:08 AM
I agree. a little pot does no harm
compared to synthetics is fine I think (although i'm not doing any pot because I don't want to remind my brain what being stoned is like at the moment). today I could stand it no more and after a shouting fit went and bought some over the counter sleep-aids and ate twice the recommended dose. they have made me feel slightly sedated and a bit dizzy. I WILL NOT drink. I have to move, yes DAC, but like you say a change may be good, it is amazingly stressful though, my neck has been knotted up on the right side for 4-5 days it's the stress. I am working my way through the process and trying not to get too despondant or angry but this morning I finally had to get something for the anxiety/anger. i'll be okay I suppose. bit overwhelming especially in the mornings. love to all. tog. | ||
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Posted: June 11, 2013, 11:37 AM
I have been addicted to this stuff as well. The worst part of it is, is that I share sooooo much with all of you. I need out of this s***ty hell hole, this stuff is ruining my life.
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Posted: June 11, 2013, 11:07 PM
I really admire you're strength Tog, and understand you getting something to get you through...I can only imagine how stressed you are, and again saying a prayer for you something comes up soon...
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Posted: June 12, 2013, 9:44 AM
The work binge I've been on since Spring may be starting to slow down a bit. I have done almost nothing but mow, eat, and sleep the last couple of weeks. It hit 90 the other day and when it starts to get hot I am unable to get much of anything else done besides the mowing. I have much I would like to write about...I just havent been able to sit down and get anything done.
Usually I get the mowing schedule under control, and things level out during June. We'll see what happens this year. I wrote something on the marijuana board when I first started posting. The difference between the synthetic and pot is very clear to me now. I can see that marijuana is much weaker and drains energy - it doesnt give it. Getting high with pot all day long will just make you really tired. No problem sleeping at night with real weed! Since this was my first justification for smoking the synthetic I at least feel better understanding where my reasoning went wrong. Understanding past mistakes helps me not repeat them. I hope everyone is doing well....write when you can. | ||
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Posted: June 12, 2013, 6:04 PM
I smoked synthetic weed (K2, Spice, Kronic, Ziggy ..pretty much everything) almost 1-2 grams a day for almost 2 year. Never realising the need to quit because it made me happy. All my friends left me, but it didn't bother me because i was happy in my stoned life. I spent all my wages in buying this s***. My girlfriend left me, because she was sick of paying my bills. I started to have anxiety attacks. Every night i'd quit that stuff, and every morning convince my self that its ok to buy one more. I was dying from inside. I knew if i don't change i'll die. and one day the bubble burst i almost killed myself, and the horrible thing was that i din't remember anything about my Psychotic after getting sobber. Finally i decided NOT to go back to this s*** again. Its my day 8 of new sobber life. I feel much healthier. But having a lot of wierd dreams every night, and then ending up sweating like a pig. every morning i'll be drenched in sweat and having difficulties falling or staying asleep. It's making me anxious again. People please tell me if these are the normal withdrawals of Synthetic canabies?? | ||
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Posted: June 14, 2013, 1:50 AM
Hi, there is a thread on the posts that called synthectic weed: beginners guide with advice from people who have recently gone through the withdrawrals and what it's like, you are over the worst but different symptoms can last for months as your brain is trying to readjust to not having drugs...these posts have helped me and many others to get through the first weeks learning from the experiences of others, and read this thread from the start too if you have the time, you will see what alot of us went through, but I know I'm just 4/5 weeks away myself and I'm so relieved that it's grip has been broken for me...I have a life back, and I'm feeling pretty good, yay...
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Posted: June 14, 2013, 1:57 AM
But if the anxiety gets too bad go see a doctor, I had to get medication to help me feel better, I did have anxiety and depression PTSD which is why I probably was smoking the synthetic, I was self medicating, alot of people who use any kind of drug/alcohol gambling, etc are, and if you have an addictive personality you really have had no choice as you would have become addicted to something, so don't let yourself suffer!!!
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Posted: June 14, 2013, 6:10 AM
Hi Mermaid,
Thank you for your response. I have been reading all these posts from last 3-4 hours, I does make me feel good that I'm not the only one suffering from it, but there are not many posts on withdrawals. Would you have any idea where I can find withdrawal symptoms? Thanks | ||
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Posted: June 14, 2013, 10:47 AM
drug free
The withdrawal symptoms are what you described in your first post. Night sweats, fever dreams, inability to sleep regular hours. That will subside about two weeks away from the synthetic , but I still occassinally have them. tog Found a new place yet? Hopefully the new place will be free of the stress you've had where you are at. I've thought the same of my own situation...maybe moving wont be so bad? mermaid Did you notice a big difference in the quality of sleep when you smoked pot? I have slept as good as I have in a long time the last couple of weeks and I wonder if that had anything to do with it. I am quitting marijuana for now so I will soon see. allison If you get a chance , let us know how your KY adventure is coming along..(there is a joke there but I wont touch it) Hopefully you could slip a short post past big brother...I miss hearing from you, I'm sure others do too so maybe you will figure something out.. Only 15 hours of work left for week! Going to mow.... | ||
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