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It Looks Like He Is At It Again!


Posts: 32
Joined: July 24, 2012


Posted: March 11, 2013, 11:18 PM
After doing so well and coming so far i cant hide from the truth any longer. The moods , being sick the lies...Its all right in front of me. Its like we are once again at the mercy of his moods. When he is happy he is sweet and kind but god help you when ANYTHING goes wrong. Everyone hold there breath and tries to avoid eye contact. I am just so tired of this and he is only sixteen, HOW do you do this for so many yrs as many of you have. Ugggg I have kicked him out of our home, he lived on the streets and in foster care and was gone for awhile, i really was careful about his return home and here we are again! I am working secretly with workers at his school and im not just ready to kick him out, after all what msg does that send everytime you screw up you get kicked out. Guess its time to unplug, ang set some boundries. Im just soooo tired of thisall i just want peace!


Posts: 70
Joined: December 24, 2012


Posted: March 12, 2013, 8:12 AM
ugh, what I would have done if I had known he started when he was 16...
I had blinders on somehow and did not see it, I chalked it up to other things going on in his life...

thankfully you have others to help you with him...there is hope maybe if he falls now, and starts the climb out, this will not turn into years...

I have a co-worker who sent her under 18 son to a rehab camp in Hawaii (or somewhere else) it was a year program. It changed everythign for them...I wish I could remember the name...and I remember thinking when she told me "that is great, but my son is 22 and there are no more programs like that for him"...



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"It is hard to watch someone you love fall to the depth of their "bottom" ...you can only hope it does not take them long to reach it, survive it...and begin the long slow climb out."


Posts: 32
Joined: July 24, 2012


Posted: March 12, 2013, 11:25 PM
I wish they had a camp like that for me:) I have been fighting this for two long yrs if you can believe it. I have tried everything and the stuff that has worked is because he said yes and bought into it all other was not so great! I am in a place where there is nothing to force our kids into rehab but the law!Sad but true. He does have some charges coming up and i am going to push hard that he be sent to rehab instead of youth jail. Thats all i can do, its just so tiring, i want my son back. Even tonight, he appeared to be in a good mood, i go to say goodnight and jokingly say smile..omg big mistake, he freaked out about how he was smiling. All of us have to be on gaurd and scared around him for fear the drama will start. We are a fun family, we joke and laugh and tease. Its just so hard. What has helpped you? For you and for all the crazy?


Posts: 70
Joined: December 24, 2012


Posted: March 13, 2013, 9:27 AM

these forms...finally letting go and accepting what is mine to take on and what is not...I can not control his life, I can not protect him from himself. I can not make the changes for him...he has to do it.
And reminding myself of this everyday...a post that was made of these forms...
I am back at Step One — a mother’s path to serenity

My mother’s drinking led me to Al Anon 22 years ago. I came and went through my eleven-year marriage to an alcoholic. I am back, once again, because of my 19 year old son. Never in my wildest dreams had I expected the path of my life to take this course. Yet here I am, caught in the embrace of this beautiful program that works as hard for me as I am willing to work it.
A parent has a special relationship with their children, particularly when faced with the fear, dread, and shame that addiction can shake loose in us when we are not in absolute surrender. I am powerless over my son’s recovery and my life has become unmanageable. I am back at Step One.
I am powerless over whether or not he chooses to eat.
I am powerless over whether or not he has clothes to wear.
I am powerless over whether or not he chooses to go to the doctor.
I am powerless over whether he chooses to go to bed at a reasonable hour or stay up all night.
I am powerless over whether he has nightmares or sweet dreams.
I am powerless over whether or not he drinks.
I am powerless over whether or not he drives under the influence.
I am powerless over whether or not he gets arrested.
I am powerless over whether or not he gets beat-up.
I am powerless over where he chooses to drive his car—to an A.A./N.A. meeting or to his drug dealer.
I am powerless over how he makes money—a legitimate job, or by doing something illegal.
I am powerless over his sexuality and his choice of partners.
I am powerless over what he thinks, feels, says, does, ingests, vomits, inhales, exhales, shoots, or snorts.
I am powerless over whether or not he is aware of his Higher Power.
I am powerless over whether or not he has a program.
I am powerless over the degree to which he feels joy.
I am powerless to raise him out of the depths of despair.
I am powerless over whether he lives or dies.
I have power over—whether or not I have a program and the degree to which I work that program.
I have power over whether or not I surrender completely, partially, or not at all.
I have power over whether I ask for help and then take it.
I have power over the relationship I cultivate with my Higher Power; the degree to which I accept that my life has become unmanageable; my willingness to change and grow, and the lengths to which I am willing to go for peace of mind, body, and spirit.
I have power over my serenity.

http://k2test.al-anon.alateen.org/f...ath-to-serenity
And I started living my own life, finding the joy that is sucked out from all this and chips away at the relationships that are not full of drama....drama that is the other cycle we find ourselves in...we get caught up in it, live in it...so I learned I could step of the merry-go-round and it is up to me to not step back on it.
It is not easy, I catch myself starting too...I think it is harder for you because your son is still under 18 but you can not protect him from what he is going to have to face because of his actions. We want to, it is part of being a mother...but at some point you have to elt go and let it be what it is going to be. Find a support group that is right for you and start being open about what you and the rest of your family is going through. Hiding it only makes it worse. I did that for too long.



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"It is hard to watch someone you love fall to the depth of their "bottom" ...you can only hope it does not take them long to reach it, survive it...and begin the long slow climb out."


Posts: 9248
Joined: December 1, 2005


Posted: March 14, 2013, 2:20 PM
Welcome Just a Mom,

I understand that place you are at, I was there once myself and I felt so hopeless & disconnected, I felt alone with all my issues with my son, his troubles started with school around 10 years old, graduated to drugs around 13 years old, started into the institutions (juvenille hall) when he was 15years old & just continued on to jail once he was of age. What happened is I started working on me & my part in the relationship, I sought outside support & I started to set up boundries & started taking care of myself & putting as much emphasis on my other children & their well being and things changed. My son is still dealing with the consquences from his poor choices, he's currently 22yrs old & he still is completely engulfed with completely blaming both my husband & I for where he is at but what I can share is I am at complete peace with all of it, as is my husband & my other children. We are healing even if he is not at this point.

I just want you to know you do NOT have to live as a prisoner in your own home, you do NOT need to walk on eggshells, you do NOT have to conspire to find him help. You are free to live your life, open & honest and how he deals with it is on him. If he becomes abusive, show him the door. Would you tolerate this from someone else? I don't dismiss bad behavior because they're an addict. I'm an recovering addict and I was never abusive. Bad behavior is just bad behavior and I no longer tolerate it in my home. My home is my safe place.

QUOTE
I am working secretly with workers at his school and im not just ready to kick him out, after all what msg does that send everytime you screw up you get kicked out.


Well, what I've found to work is constistency in my boundries, say what you mean, and mean what you say. If I'm caught stealing by the police, I can expect to go to jail. That's just the facts. If I relapse and choose to do drugs, I can expect my husband to ask me to leave, his boundries are he is done living with an addict. So, your message needs to be the same, be clear on what you mean. Again, say what you mean and mean what you say. (Us addicts just love to push, change the boundry lines, manipulate to get our way, try and convince YOU that it's all YOU, nothing to do with us & our actions.)

QUOTE
Guess its time to unplug, ang set some boundries. Im just soooo tired of thisall i just want peace!


Peace is within your grasp at all times. I have found that I can be at peace in the middle of all the chaos & drama that comes with addiction but I have to work for that peace. I attend meetings, I journal, I work a 10th step, I talk to other recovering people and ask for their suggestions and what to do, I stay connected and most of all, I pray to my HP to show me what I need to do, to help me stay in my own hula hoop and to grant me that peace I so desparately crave.

Keep coming back, you're among friends here. Find what makes you happy, and do it. Find an Alanon meeting and commit to going. Take back your life, you don't have to let addiction run your life.

xoxo
Stacey




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Happiness is not in the bottom of a pill bottle. It's inside you.


Posts: 32
Joined: July 24, 2012


Posted: March 15, 2013, 2:27 AM
Thank you i think i will find myself reading that alot! Its good to have a place where people understand and dont judge. Today i asked him if the sickness of coming off of heroine was ever enough to make him not want to do it? He laughed and said no... Well you know what dont come crying to me then im done feeling sorry.

Thank you again
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