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Posts: 1584
Joined: November 6, 2005
Posted: February 14, 2013, 9:15 AM
Wow, the insight from the addicted one's perspective is so helpful to me. My son is in jail and have been feeling guilty that I don't visit weekly because I help with the care of his three children after working 40 hours...I am going steady and he has made me feel bad for not being a weekly visitor. I have decided I am not going this weekend either. I am not going to babysit but take time for myself. I have told him I love him but am really really working on no longer "counseling" him. I am trying not to say much now. Just listen. It's sooo hard for me not to act out this role of telling him what he needs to do to get better. I am driven to do this and it takes a lot of work not to engage. After reading this I see it is IMPERATIVE to stay on my own side of the street. Great post and so good for a loved one of an addict to read. It is good to post on the family board for SURE but every now and again it's so important to hear and LISTEN to a person who is imbedded in healthy recovery because you know the addict psyche and behaviors. There the same always. It's uncanny across the board how it's always the same. The lies, the manipulation and the selfishness when they are in the throes. It's a disease this is how you know. EVeryone's bottom is different seems that my son's is deep and scary. Hoping he reaches it soon :( my GC really need him to get there. Thanks for the awesome insight in your post. It is so spot on! God bless
-------------------- All things are possible through God. Ask and you shall receive Seek and you shall find Knock and the door shall be opened unto you When you pray, you activate God's power. Every time you pray something happens! The faithless are like an empty vessel and are more vulnerable to events that are out of their control. Pray at stop lights. Without faith it is impossible to please Him. When you pray, pray for His will. God is Good............all the time!!!!! | ||
Posts: 2
Joined: March 28, 2013
Posted: March 31, 2013, 4:16 AM
I want to thank all of you for this awome thread. I might possibly read it daily to remind myself I cannot change him, I must start and focus on myself. your words are wisdom and greatly appreciated.
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Posted: April 29, 2013, 10:45 PM
I just came across this website last night trying to search ways to help my husband overcome his meth addiction. Last night I bawled my eyes out at the thought that I cannot and will not ever be able to help him, although, I already knew that. It's hard to really digest. I've threatened to kick him out, to keep him from his kids because he is so untrustworthy when he is using, to turn he and his friends into the police, I've threatened and threatened and threatened....ughhh...it's pathetic! Tonight, however, I have decided to to let it be. To just go on living and hope for the best, for the sake of my two daughters...I feel like his addiction has me functioning like a drug user who can't seem to make a decision to save her life. The problem is, even though, I'll never be truly happy this way, my children's happiness is far more important to me and I'm a good pretender. For now, anyway.
I dislike seeing your post because I hate to see that others have the same type of struggle, at the same time it is comforting to know I am not the only one. | ||
Posts: 11
Joined: June 8, 2013
Posted: June 11, 2013, 2:29 PM
The whole conversation is good and the suggestions are briefly described which is very useful, and the good news is that her husband finds the cure and they will be happy together.
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Posts: 8683
Joined: April 24, 2007
Posted: June 11, 2013, 9:07 PM
Karine, what are you talking about? You post as if there's some sort of happy ending here and there's not.
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Posted: August 3, 2013, 12:43 AM
im having the same battles for my husband .......how could this happen everybody has the same version of that story having a husband that is addicted to that shabu,.....my heart is really suffering in the same issue of life...im so tired and sick of it....for 17 yrs of married life i cant remember when was the last time i became a happy ,,,,now he is back again in his damn old life,,,,....addick will always be an addict!!
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Posted: December 13, 2013, 6:09 PM
HI, I just found this site and just want to say it amazes me how identicle everyone stories are to mine. It does comfort me to know that I am not the only one going through this and that I am not wrong for finally leaving my husband. We have been together for 12 years and married for 9. He has been an addict our whole relationship. He has been in and out of jail and rehabs and a year ago just finished Drug court. He went and used that same day of graduating and I have tried to stick with him. He had everything going for him. In the two years of drug court he inrolled in college and kept a job. He made the deans list and even recieved a 20,000 dollar scolarship to transfer to a 4 year college. He has now thrown all that away. I have recently left him and had to get an order of protection on him because he was beginning to become threatening to me and my kids. Said he was seeing demons and that I was messing with them. If I wouldnt have gotten an order of protection on him he would have lured me back in and I would have went through it again. I just can't put my kids or myself through this anymore. It has been a rollar coaster. The only time I had any rest and was able to really enjoy life was when he was in drug court. I know that I can not help him he has to help himself and I pray everyday that he will. He is currently living with his mother which to me is not a good cituation either because she will cover up for him and give him money when he asks for it. I told her that she needs to begin to play tough love because until he has lost everything I just dont see him getting the help he needs. My heart breaks for all those who are having to deal with an addict and even for the one addicted. I just want to say I will keep all of you in my prayers.
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Posts: 1
Joined: January 8, 2014
Posted: January 8, 2014, 10:21 AM
Im engaged with a meth addict, we were best of friends and soon became lovers. Recently his mother had attempt suicide and is currently addicted to her medication.. My fiance tells me he wants and always sees himself one day quitting.. not for just himself but because his mother needs him. Right now he doesnt want anything yo do with me because he suspects that I was once a man because I cant have children.. it breaks me too think we might end for false thinking. I know it's probably psychosis withdrawal but will his thinking always be this way from now on? I don't want to give up on him.. I have extreme faith in him.. but i'm frightened that I may lose him because he doesnt believe me... ive seen him rage upon others.. his mother, his step father, his neighbors... but he was always able too take my word. I dont know what to do at this point.. Will this be the end of us or a bump in the road. Will he come to his senses and listen to me? I would like an opinion from someone who knows the struggles.. Everyone else just thinks Im dumb for wanting to be there for him.. but I want to try even if it'll be hard.
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Posted: January 10, 2014, 10:29 AM
My son moved out when he was 18 into a friends home as a roommate. He did good and then he moved back in with my husband and I for about 2 months. He then tried to go to college and bombed, but that wasn't ok in my book. He came home from college and two weeks later left for Colorado. He then came back home after 5 months. Well anyway this post really isn't about my son's love for marijuana it is about whether or not my husband is on meth. I certainly hope someone out there can respond and give me some advice on what to do.
On the morning of December 19 my husband got up for work, my son had just got layed off from his job and was in the living room playing his ps3. It was 3 am and my husband said he went into the bathroom and found a small plate that had a razor blade, a barrett, and a small rock that he suspected to be meth. So he takes the plate out of the bathroom through the dining room and into the kitchen he didn't wake me up to tell me what he had found and he didn't confront my son who was less than 10 feet from him. He put a plastic bag around the plate and took it out to his car (according to him) took it to work with him and then brought it home to me. WTF I am bewildered by this because if I would have found it I would have woke him up and then confronted whoever I suspected. So here I am left completely in the dark all day while he is at work. Our son takes the car around 2 pm and then my husband shows up with this story. He insisted we take it to the police to see if it is meth and so we did, and it was. OMG someone brought meth into my home I am so pissed at this point I was speechless. My son shows up a day later and I confront him, believing everything my husband has said. The first thing out of my mouth was "Are you doing meth in my house?" He was livid and said, "No I am not I would never do drugs in your house." Then my husband started in on him and my son said that is it I am going to get a drug test. He went to walgreen and picked up a drug test, came home with it I watched him as he peed in the container and tested it. My son was completely clean. All he could say was "I told you mom, I made a promise to you and I have kept it. So the real question is who brought the meth in my house. I know it wasn't me, and my daughter, who is twenty didn't. She can't even drive a car I am her taxi. So that only leaves one person. My husband shows traits of using, he leaves for hours at a time with no explanation of where he is. He is working 6 days a week, week after week. I don't think he is at work. I don't know. He acted parinoid about going to prison for having meth in the house and thought my son told him to shut up when in fact my son said yes to me when we were talking. The last fight we had was over a week ago and I told him meth and marijana do not belong on the same plate together. He yelled "What are you an expert on drugs." I yelled back, "Yes I am." I asked him was it his and he still has yet to answer me. I told him I was done with all this and I wanted a divorce. He said oh good threaten me with divorce. I responded with "I am not threatening you, it is a promise. When he starts yelling at my son he seems to be focused on just him. No matter if I am trying to tell him something he is just completely focused and then he walks around like what I say a c*** of the walk. Walking heavy, his chest out, he has that awful look on his face. He isn't the man I married. I thought maybe someone could give me a clue. I only know what I have read on the internet. Some posting are first accounts of what happened. I want out of this marriage. | ||
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Posted: January 12, 2014, 3:58 AM
Hi, I just got married in March of 2013. Just recently I found out that my husband has a meth addiction. I have no words to describe how I feel right now. Ever since we got married my husband would disappear for days, spend countless hours in the bathroom, had very strange sleeping habits which I was totally new to. He still has not told me about his addiction himself but I have found out from others around me. He is in a rehab facility now where he is getting help but I feel like he has hidden such a big thing from me and i am scared. I never even knew anything about the drug until now. I have been reading up on it and am more scared then ever. From what his friends have told me he was doing cocaine before and then got on to meth for the past two years. He is getting help but I am very scared. We just had a miscarriage which was really hard for me to deal with. I love him a lot and want to help or want him to let me in but he has made me so distance from him. He has never hurt me physically but emotionally I am shattered.
I don't know what to do. I mean like what should i do to help? Or can i even help him? I don't want to loose him to this drug. I love him to much and cant even think about not being with him ever. Any suggestions or words to help me cope? Sincerely, a distorted wife | ||
Posts: 21299
Joined: October 17, 2003
Posted: January 12, 2014, 9:14 AM
fkhan,
Your message is also posted in "Families/Partners of Addicts." It's called "Husband Addicted to Meth." Check there for responses as well. - the moderators | ||
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Posted: April 2, 2014, 5:44 PM
Hi im byron.im also an meth addict in recovery.first of all I would like to thank everyone fot posting here.i myself put my gf through hell with my addiction.am 28y of age I was using for more then10years.the first five years was fun times,bt after that I could not go without it.i stole from anyone and everyone who loved me.i dont think ill b able to fix all the wrongs.my gf knew everything,she was terrified for years she begged me to go to a rehab.i refused.after all the years she got fed up,she was ashamed of me.in order for her to have helped me,she had to leave me.got a other bf only then I realized my life is finally falling apart.i made a desicion an begged her for another chance.all the lies n hurt made it hard for her,bt she gave me a chance n today I can see what I missed out on all these years
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Posted: June 9, 2014, 5:51 AM
I just read all the posts on here and tears were rolling down my face. I'm not married to my boyfriend. He calls me his love. I met him when we were about her18 and we dated and he was doing meth then. I did it with him for awhile and found the life a horrible one. I broke up with him and vowed to myself to never do it again. We are now 35. My sister had a math problem for years that she quit and now has a very successful and happy life. I have seen it hurt so many people it is sick. I told my boyfriend that I would never have anything to do with him as long as drugs were a part of his life. 3 years ago he calls me and says he has been through rehab and is clean and happy.we had been in contact some over the years and could always talk to one another but I kept my distance because I knew the drugs were still there. So we got back together and little by little things happened and I knew he was doing it again. It's everything everyone says it is. To be honest I drink too much. Especially in the beginning of our relationship but I don't do it as much anymore because he blamed me for his meth and it was always my drinking. So
now I jjust work all of the time and try to eliminate all the things he tells me are bad about me because he I'm thinking maybe if I do everything right he will stop.... wrong... if he can't find something I'm doingiwwrong now he just has a list of past sins for me. There are periods of time when he stops for awhile and I fall in love with him again and then it happens again. It's like a cycle and none of it is good. It breaks my heart. I left him awhile ago and found someone else who treated me well and I experienced some normal for awhile but it didn't work and my .bf begged me and promised me all the sober again and I went back to him again. Now he says I cheated on him. It's the new thing I get to feel bad about so he can do drugs again I guess. My friends and family are all sick of the whole situation. I'm sick of it but I know this guy when he isn't doing it and I love him. Everything about it hurts and I know the whole. get away from him speech. I know all about all of it. I have seen it read about all of it. Now I am living it. It seems to me that I am enabling him and trying to help the unhelpable but I don't know how to give up on him. I hate this drug. I know I sound crazy I feel crazy. My emotions are all messed up idk what to do. Everyone says bail and although it seems the only way I want there to be another one. Or maybe some advice on a way to get out. There is so much manipulation and pain and I just need it to stop | ||
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Posted: December 18, 2014, 9:39 PM
So I have a very good friend of mine that I'm very much in love with but I recently found out that he is using meth and shooting it up. He's been doing meth since he was 15 years old and he is now 26 and recently got out of prison which he spent 5 years. I want to help him so bad but I found myself reading everyone's past posts on how he cant change unless he fixes himself on his own first. I guess my whole purpose on this website is if there is any hope for me with him and what can I do I'm willing to help as much as I could because I'm crazy in love with this guy as bad as I know he is no good for me that's how much more I want to stay and help him my emotions are on freak right now because of all this. And I really don't know what I'm doing since this is my first. I'm so scared and lost I don't want to lose him over something like this. Please someone help and reassure me with some kind of information. Thank you and God Bless.
This post has been edited by AMBER92 on December 18, 2014, 9:46 PM | ||
Posts: 1906
Joined: October 23, 2011
Posted: December 19, 2014, 9:13 AM
Hello Amber: -------------------- Serenity Prayer God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, The courage to change the things I can, And the wisdom to know the difference. Free copy of AA's Big Book on-line: http://www.aa.org/pages/en_US/alcoh...olics-anonymous Free copy of NA's Big Book on-line: Copy & Paste coastalcarolinaarea.org/literature/books/b_t.pdf AA's HOW IT WORKS: Copy & paste www.aa.org/assets/en_US/p-10_howitworks.pdf NA's HOW IT WORKS: http://www.na.org/admin/include/spa...0it%20Works.pdf ---------------------------------------------------------------- --- driven by a hundred forms of fear, self-delusion, self-seeking, and self-pity. ---there are those too who suffer from grave emotional and mental disorders but many of them do recover if they have the capacity to be honest. ... I need AA more than it needs me. --- I fight recovery tooth and nail.... I'm not used to being sane, it just doesn't seem natural. ...... According to the great spiritual teachers, ignorance does not result from what we don’t know; ignorance results from what we think we do know. ---Some think that 2+2=5 and believe it. Some know that 2+2=4 and can't stand it. --- I didn't have a very happy childhood but I sure am having a long one ! ---Dry since 1989 working daily on getting/staying SOBER. ---If you want to drink, that's your business ...If you want to quit, that's AA's business. ... Tell me, I'll forget; ... Show me, I'll remember; ... Engage me, I'll understand. ---Most problems are psychological. Most solutions are spiritual . "If we try to change our ego with the help of our ego, we only have a better-disguised ego." --Richard Rohr WWBWD (What Would Bill W. Do) | ||
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Posts: 1
Joined: January 13, 2015
Posted: January 13, 2015, 2:54 AM
how do i talk to my boyfriend about his drug use? how do i bring up the conversation without setting him off into a rage?
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Posted: January 13, 2015, 3:51 AM
Okay. His rage may be him screaming DENIAL. Try kicking him out or leaving him. He will lie. You will waste your time talking to him and thinking you loving him will make him change. Set boundaries. After he has 6 months clean maybe reconsider. Or try to move on.. sorry to the point my opinion answer. Loving an addict is difficult (sucks)
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