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Posts: 848
Joined: January 24, 2010
Posted: December 13, 2013, 5:09 PM
i'm back with my tails between my legs. I'm still in a heap of trouble but most charges have been dropped, IF you tell me to drink alligator tears mixed with unicorn pee...i will!!!!
I was in a dark place for awhile but realized life is not over. I WILL NOT LET THIS DEFINE ME I'm back home...meetings. Damn I missed those people and not 1 person judged me. I do enough judging myself, still not my fav person. I need help :( i've looked into treatment etc H -------------------- You can't always get what you want, but if you try sometimes you might just find you get what you need :-) | ||
Posts: 1059
Joined: August 11, 2012
Posted: December 13, 2013, 8:25 PM
Welcome home Heather! You are doing the right thing by going back to meetings. 90 in 90 days try it cause meeting makers make it! I am very proud of you for coming back. Hang in there girl it does get better! (((HUGS)))
Jessica | ||
Posts: 562
Joined: August 3, 2009
Posted: December 14, 2013, 7:19 AM
HEY NOW,
NICE TO SEE YOU GURL, NOW I HAVE BEEN PRIVLAGED TO WATCH YOUR JOURNEY FOR A FEW YEARS NOW..MAN THE SPIRIT INSIDE US BEINGS..IT JUST WILL NOT GIVE UP...SURE ALL HELL HAS BROKEN LOOSE, THAT TENDS TO BE A SYMPTOM OF THIS , WELL WHATEVER IT IS..CONDITION WE SHARE.. I NEVER LOOK AT THAT, YOU KNOW THE SITUATIONS..SOMEHOW THAT MAKES CHANGE CONDITIONAL.. I LOVED CONDITIONAL CHANGE..MINE WAS ALWAYS. I AM STOPPING THIS s*** MAN, I AM SOOOO SICK OF GOING TO JAIL, BEING BROKE, BEING SICK..YEP TODAY MAN I QUIT..( LOOK AT ALL THOSE CONDITIONS) THE PROBLEM WAS THE CHANGE THAT WAS CALLING ME WAS UNCONDITIONAL. (LOVE) KINDA LIKE HOPE...IT FACTORS IN MY DESIRES, IT MOVES ME WHERE I WANT TO GO..OH YEA I WOULD FROM TIME TO TIME FEEL HOPE..EVEN IN THE MIDST OF A STORMY KICK..I WOULD FEEL THAT TWINGE OF..I CAN DO THIS..IT'S GONNA BE OK THEN HOPE WOULD MEET A SITUATION THAT DID NOT REQUIRE HOPE...IT WOULD REQUIRE FAITH.. SEE FAITH DOES WHAT IT DOES..IT WILL ACCOMPLISH IT'S PURPOSE WITH OR WITHOUT ME. IT IS IN CONTROL..ALL I CAN DO IS FIGHT IT, OR WELL..PUT MY LIFE IN ITS LOVING STREAM. THEN WHEN THE FAITH MATTER HIT ME..LIKE YOU WILL NO LONGER WORK HERE..I GOT SOMETHING ELSE I NEED YOU TO DO....OR YOUR WIFE IS NOT IN LOVE WITH YOU..NEVER WAS..TIME TO END THE LIE..OR YOUR CHILD IS NOW INFLICTED WITH THIS SAME CONDITION..BECAUSE SHE TOO IS SELF OBSSESED.. WELL BAM..MY HOPE WOULD GO...AND I HAD NO IDEA HAD TO UTILIZE FAITH...SO WHEN I BECOME HOPELESS AND FAITHLESS, I USE DOPE. AND THEN WHEN I USE DOPE EVENTUALLY I BECOME DESPERATE.. AND DESPERATION IS IN MY EXPEREINCE EITHER POSITVE OR NEGATIVE...IT NEVER JUST IS. LIKE I WOULD USE FOR A BIT BEFORE I HIT DESPERATION, SOMETIMES IT WOULD HIT IN LIKE THREE DAYS.. OTHER TIMES IT WOULD TAKE A FEW YEARS.. IT CAME THOUGH..ALWAYS. FAITH----A BELIEF IN SOMETHING YOU CAN NOT SEE, CAN NOT TOUCH, SHOOT, SWALLOW, SNORT, POP, SELL OR BUY.. TO REGARD THIS FORCE IS REAL..(LOVE) SURE I WANTED TO...YET THE NOISE, THE FACTS, THE EVEDINCE, SAID IT WAS NOT. NOW WHY WOULD FAITH WRAP ITSELF IN DOUBT... WHO f***ING KNOWS.. I DO KNOW FAITH..IT IS GOING TO FULFILL IT'S PURPOSE..WITH OR WITHOUT ME.. SO LIKE ONE DAY OHHH 5 YEARS AGO, MIRED IN THAT GOD AWEFUL DESPERATION.I JUST SAID f*** IT, MAN..FAITH HAVE YOUR WAY... WELL I HAVE NOT MISSED A MEAL, BEEN ARRESTED, STOLD s***, HURT PEOPLE JUST TO GET MY DOPE SINCE THAT OHHHH SO VERY MINIMAL EFFORT ON MY PART.. OH SURE NOW MY LIFE IS MIXED SOME SITUATIONS ARE AMAZING, SOME SUCK.. YET I LEARNED A LESSON, THROUGH IT ALL. THIS CONDITION I HAVE IS UNCONDITIONAL. THE CHOICE IS MINE AND MINE ALONE.. TO USE OR NOT TO USE.. TODAY MAN, I AM NOT GONNA USE...GONNA SEE WHAT FAITH HAS INSTORE FOR ME TODAY..YEP GONNA PUT MY FEET ON THE FLOOR, GET UP AND DO IT ALL AGAIN FOR 24 HOURS..IF I LIVE THAT LONG.. SEE TODAY I TURN 48, AND THAT IS JUST BEYOND EXPLAINABLE..THERE IS NOT ONE EXPLINATION I CAN GIVE..AS TO WHY I AM ALIVE, WHILE SO MANY DIE.. FAITH..MAN...IT ACCOMPLISHES IT'S PURPOSE ALWAYS. HUGS | ||
Posts: 1067
Joined: November 19, 2005
Posted: December 16, 2013, 8:10 PM
Meeting makers make it. Make the time for them and go. No excuses!
-------------------- [FONT=Arial]I am an addict. I can not use any mind or mood altering chemicals successfully.[COLOR=purple] | ||
Posts: 6750
Joined: September 15, 2005
Posted: December 16, 2013, 9:15 PM
Hey Sweetie--while ur looking for treatment get ur pretty but heather to meetings do not isolate do not worry about anything except DO NOT PICK UP including a man? LOL
Heather glad ur okay-- Thinking about u--Jefffrey -------------------- It is Just Not worth it. "Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what the puck happened." One Day At A Time | ||
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Posts: 848
Joined: January 24, 2010
Posted: December 17, 2013, 3:10 PM
i've only missed one since going back, could not get out of bed last thursday.
-------------------- You can't always get what you want, but if you try sometimes you might just find you get what you need :-) | ||
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Posts: 6750
Joined: September 15, 2005
Posted: December 17, 2013, 4:35 PM
Heather it gets better. You just have to want it BAD
Relapses bad decisions Jailk institution phycho ward 6 Month half way house etc etc--I am sober today--F yesterday concentrate on today keep going to meetings u will meet the right sponsor. I know its tough now but most of us have been there--Hang in there -stay honest with urself--u can't manipulate anymore-- Enjoy what left of today--U must be freezing man its like 83--? sunny Gotta love it. Jeffrey -------------------- It is Just Not worth it. "Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what the puck happened." One Day At A Time | ||
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Posts: 1059
Joined: August 11, 2012
Posted: December 20, 2013, 8:49 AM
Hey Heather! How ya doing?
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Posts: 848
Joined: January 24, 2010
Posted: December 21, 2013, 3:21 AM
hi
I'm up and down. My emotions are extremely raw. I cry at the drop of a hat. I am craving like crazy but getting thru this clean. -------------------- You can't always get what you want, but if you try sometimes you might just find you get what you need :-) | ||
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Posts: 1059
Joined: August 11, 2012
Posted: December 21, 2013, 5:17 PM
Hang in there! One day at a time. I have been there. (((BIG HUGS))))
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