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Posted: August 20, 2014, 11:40 AM
Hello everybody, I'm new here and have been reading a lot of the posts recently. I figured I could tell my story here and not be judged and get some helpful advice. I am not a heroin addict but fell in love with one. I have smoked pot off and on for years and enjoy a few drinks socially. But I am not addicted to anything. I live a good life raising my 6 year old daughter.
So my story starts like this..About 9 years ago I met a man, we dated 4 months and then he told me he was using heroin and asked if I would stay the weekend with him to help him go through the with drawls. Well, I did just that. It was horrible to see him that way. But I was intent on helping him get better. About a week later when I showed up to his house he had another woman there. Obviously, we broke things off. I was devasttated and couldn't believe after helping him through that situation that he could just cut me loose and start a relationship with a different woman in such a short amount of time. So, I left and never looked back. Fast forward to now (9 years later). I ran into him at a bar back April and he told me was clean and that he'd like to take me out for dinner. I did go and met him for dinner and he apologized for how had treated me in the past. Needless to say we started dating again. Things were wonderful, we had a great time together and I felt like he truly loved me. Things moved pretty fast. We had stared dating in April and after 3 months of dating he wanted us to get a place together. I felt a bit rushed but thought, "Hey, we're in love, why not." But, soon we discovered that the rental market was terrible. So he had a brilliant plan that we would just stay at my mom's (paying her rent obviously) through the winter so we could stack some cash to and get a place in the spring. He was at our place no more than 3 weeks and I started to see the signs of heroin use. Constant sniffing, mood swings, disappearing for amounts of time, long trips to the bathroom(taking a water bottle with him), even in public places! I really knew something was wrong when he took my car to the bank, which is 2 blocks away and came home with a fever, which lasted a few hours(come to find out after some research, it was from 'dirty cottin'). That next day I decided to search all his stuff and pulled out a cloth that seemed to be a tie off! That was it, I went to his job site and asked him what it was for, he tried to lie and say it was a snot rag, but I knew better. I told him I wasn't going to take the lies any more and for him to be honest with me. That day he told me the truth and said he had been using the entire time we were together and said he lied because he didn't want to lose me. He said he thought he would be able to kick it on his own without me knowing. Apparently, the relapse had started back in Feb. of this year when he was dating a woman, who had lots of money, long distance and he went to visit her and discovered that she was married and had a crack addiction and a pill addiction. So, he took the pills from her so she wouldn't take them. Trying to save her. Then he started taking the pills once he returned home from his trip visiting her. After the pills were gone he said he didn't want to get sick, so he started using heroin because it was cheaper and more accessible than pills. So I discovered all this last Tuesday, moved him back into to his roommates place that day! He asked me to drop him off at detox on that following Friday, which I did. The detox place released him on Sunday instead of Monday! I talked with him on the phone over the weekend and he sounded miserable. Then Monday evening his roommate texted me and asked if he was with me. So I called him that Monday evening and he sound just fine! I realized he was using again that day and he admitted to it. He said he did it because he wasn't physically strong enough to handle the with drawls. Today is Wednesday and he sent me a text saying he's going to see a drug counselor today. I don't know what's going to happen to this man I love. All I can do is distance myself. It hurts so bad but I do not want to be an enabler. I don't want anything to do with him at this point. I am feeling so hurt and so deceived. These past few months have been nothing but a lie. Heroin has been a huge struggle in his life the past 10 years. He went to jail, got clean in there. Then went off to 6 months inpatient and did well. He had 13 months clean until he met that woman that would be his demise. I had hopes of building future with this man I love. We discussed building his business together...I even left my job! So that I could help him build his business, a family business, as he would say. I was delusional and in love and thought that this man was the one and now I'm stuck rebuilding what was lost. My heart is broken. It seems to be the typical love story of dating an addict... | ||
Posts: 7
Joined: August 20, 2014
Posted: August 24, 2014, 11:02 AM
pray
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Posted: August 24, 2014, 3:17 PM
I have been praying all day and every day...He went to Detox 2 Fridays ago. They let him out the following Sunday instead of Monday! Welp, that Monday he was back to using. Then Wednesday he went in and and talked with a counselor about treatment. They said he should come in next Monday to start Subuxone. He started detoxing at home this past Friday so he could get the H out of his system by Monday.
He admitted to me he started shooting H around July 18, 2014 again. Around that time I started sensing something was off about his personality. He was really moody and just a pain in the butt. It took 3 and half weeks for me to KNOW he was using and confront him on it. I haven't seen him since August 12th when I discovered he was using. We have talked on the phone a lot. I just can't bring myself to see him while he's using. I fear every conversation we had about our relationship was a lie. I ask myself, was that the drug talking? Can he have REAL feelings other than those that just want to get a fix? He claims he was only using so he wouldn't get sick and he was using small amounts. But how can that be when all the research I've done shows that the user's tolerence goes up? Could he be telling me the truth or is this just another line used by those suffering addiction? This post has been edited by New2this on August 24, 2014, 4:29 PM | ||
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