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Posted: October 12, 2014, 10:27 PM
Hey guys I just wanted to let everyone know that I've been down this road and around a 100 times. I've tried to quit a 100 times and failed. I never liked doing Vicodin, i just did it because i was addicted to it. When i first started Vicodin i had no idea about withdrawals, i started innocently, not knowing the power of this disgusting drug.
I know a lot of people want easy answers, a lot of people want the easy way out. The easiest way out is the hardest way out. I want everyone who is suffering from opiate withdrawal to listen to me carefully. I'm not going to get into how bad the drug is, we all know that's why we are here to begin with. What i am going to talk about is how i gathered the physical, psychological and will power to conquer opiates. First and for most i knew one important thing, having access to it only made things harder. So not only did i delete all my contacts, i called them and let them know that i was quitting and i wasn't going to purchase anymore, surprisingly enough, all of my connections was more then happy i was making this move. I know this is the hardest part guys. Coming to terms that you're actually going to quit is not easy. Most of the time people go into withdrawal because they can't get it or run out of money. I made sure that wasn't the case with me. So i bet most of you are asking how i got the will power to come up with this no turning back decision. It was obvious if i turned back after the call, id look like a coward in front of all my connections for saying something and doing something else. Well basically i took a close look at my life and how its been for the past 7-8 years of addiction. I had everything anyone can ever want in this world. I started losing every thing one by one. and this story is the same for so many of us, but opiates takes our mind off of all the natural euphoria we used to experience, so now most opiate addicts have solid beliefs there is no happiness without opiates, or even after withdrawals. The fact of the matter is the first 3 days you are going to feel like hell on earth, but on the fourth day, things become clear to you that never have before. Such as the natural things that would make you happy before you were a addict. By the fifth day you went to hell and back, so the the chances of relapsing after day 5 is slim to none. I wont lie there is days you still feel like s*** being clean, but hey non-addicts feel that way always, but they don't turn to drugs for relief they deal with it. I was sick of being controlled, held down, because this was a direct contradiction to my personality. Also i would like to add, f*** weaning off, f*** AA meetings, f*** all that s***, that only keeps opiates in your mind longer.. After i quit, i was surprised reading comments from people saying, you should join meetings and consult with people about your addiction. I was surprised because when i quit i didn't want to hear about Vicodin, or anything about it, or any drugs at that matter. For me to go to classes would only prolong the pain, sorta like when a loved one dies, you just have to let em go and move on after awhile. A lot of people say it gets better, but im here to tell you, it doesn't get better, living free will make you feel like a MILLION BUCKS! Ill tell you what also helped me... NUMBER ONE AND MOST IMPORTANT MARIJUANA -- this is the most important thing that helped me, i know some people hate it, but luckily my body loves it. and its natural and its just amazing and i love it.. GOD SENT SECOND MOST IMPORTANT.. MUSIC and day dreaming.. seeing myself in a place i shouldve been by now like me in a mercedez benz sorta thing with a hot chick next to me... lmao Loperamide, it works wonders.. It minimizes everything.. sweating, RLS, hot cold flashes. and no its not a placebo effect either, i aint stupid i poped the loperamide and about 1 hour later i started feeling way beeeettteer and slept a full nights sleep on my third night... Guys the first 3 days is the hardest after that you wake up feeling a natural high.. Naked Juice Blueberry kind,, Its kind of expensive at 3-4 bucks for a small bottle, But omg the energy it would give me, and just the euphoria i would get knowing that this energy is coming from natural remedies and its replenishing me at the same time. Tylenol PM... Is A strong a** drug for sleep, four of those and you out.. You don't need xanax you dont need clonapin or whatever the f*** those drugs are, you are just taking one away and adding the other, When i decided to be clean, i decided to be clean, not half a**. I wanted to rid every and all chemicals from my body including all other drugs that aren't opiates... Exercise, all though exercise is virtually impossible the first 3 days, on the fourth day i woke up with this energy from within i hadn't felt in a long time, and keep in mind i would do like 15-20 10's a day. So i wasn't no 2 or 3 poping guy, i was in it deep. Keeping busy, i know nothing interests you anymore, but as the days passes by, s*** falls in the place guys, happiness is restored i promise you.. There is no anxiety after, don't believe these pussies who say life is boring afterwards, life isn't boring afterwards you just want to be high so you look for any and all ways to relapse.. dont be a p****, excuse my french but f*** i dont care .. lol Thats about it guys, what i just wrote took me a long time to write, and i mean every single word, and if you want to quit, and you just started, i know you might think my story is to good to be true but its not guys hang in there and i will meet you on the other side shining like the angel i am.. GOODLUCK loves. | ||
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Posted: November 8, 2014, 2:23 AM
Vicodin and heroin are a totally different ball-game buddy! If only heroin withdrawals only lasted 5 days.
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Posted: January 12, 2015, 5:54 PM
Hello Everyone
I am 4 and a half days clean, reading all your comments have been a great help and has given me hope that i can stay clean, i am not too sure how to start with this, words can not describe how i feel about my life and how i have come to how i am at the age of 33, from the age of 15 drugs appealed to me smoking ounces of pot and moving on to bud ecstasy m.d.m.a magic mushrooms l.s.d, coming from a troubled broken home, i developed mental health issues, the only pride i have for myself is i always cared for others feelings and well being over myself, i realize looking back i just wanted to be normal liked wanted and loved as a teen, i did not get it, For myself at this stage being 20 i knew that drugs were really screwing my mind up and i quit i had nothing but panic attacks extremely low self esteem and really believed my life was cursed from the beginning but i tried the best i could with what i had, i found it difficult to work, i was all up for work but nothing to offer, sorry to go on and bore the ares off you, but i will get to the heroin, i know from reading threads i found over the internet its always nice to get an idea of the person typing in what there all about and how they come to how they are now, anyway back to me, i had nothing to offer, i believe the drugs and family life up-to this point robed me of my social skills being high was all i knew i was terrible in conversation with anyone except my best friend, so lucky i had him, he was like a big brother also, so i took cleaning jobs where i was left to myself, after being sacked or fired, from other jobs just because i was shy and couldn't talk to customers this was the only job i could do, i eventually got myself a job as a cleaner of a multi story car park, where i live, bare in mind there is a big problem with drugs, even more so as years went on, the car park i worked at had people living in the doorways of the fire exits dope sick, needles everywhere blood sprayed on the walls, i remember thinking how sorry i felt for most of these poor people, by this point i had only tried heroin once, smoking off foil with a friend of the time, dead now r.i.p, but i knew at the time it was wrong and i did not return for more, i remember feeling a Little ill the next day or two it was potent back then , so i had a little understanding of how these homeless people were feeling and going through, i would be polite clean around them even used to give my lunch to a few that excepted, it all looked very bleak, i latter quit the job after a year due to the company i worked for putting my health and life at risk i was still a kid, there were muggings and i was worried i might get a infected needle stuck in me, out of a job and money, i took a job of cleaning public toilet along the beach as by this point i had passed my driving license in the hope of getting a delivery job of some sort, but no chance off to clean the beach toilets in a van, again homeless people living around the beach needles in toilets but a lot less than the other job, i promise i wont bore u with a complete life story here, you would think after all i had seen with these people i would never become a heroin addict myself, this job really done me a favor and done me good in a lot of my low self esteem, believing i was no good and women wouldn't like me ugly, working on the beach that summer gave me a tan i believed the sun made me good looking because of the happy women winking and wolf whistle at me boosted my confidence i had many women "working" partners that cleaned the women's toilets and was nice as i realized that i wasn't as bad as i believed i was, there was hope, i got my first girlfriend she was so much like me we clicked this woman was a lot older than me and had beaten heroin herself i loved her to bits we worked the summer months together and i was so stuck on her she lived in a hostel and i wanted to rescue her, rent a flat and be with her forever, my love for drugs came back as it was fine with this girl, smoking pot snorting coke eating E's everyday was a high day listening to our music in the beach van it was ace, then one day she hadn't turned up for work, she was in hospital in a bad way when she got better she said it was her bronchitis i remember the nurse saying don't give her a smoke, i was not the boss in this relationship and gave in to her demanding a smoke, she told me don't ever do heroin i have done you no good your doing all these drugs again, please don't do heroin, when she checked out of hospital she disappeared, the one girl i loved so much had gone tried best to find her, heart broken. other girls came along and went.., out of work for a long time using drugs again screwed my confidence its sad to say that now i realize i have been making the same mistakes over and over again in and out of dead end jobs doing more and more drugs stopping drugs starting drugs getting into relationships doing more drugs 5 years latter i seen my first love and to be honest only real true love at a work center looking for a job she did not look herself at all eyes pinned really scruffy old looking, but i still loved her she was with another man a drinker older man, he was away at work we went to her flat, she explained she was too old for me and felt she got me back into drugs, we still had a powerful atmosphere around us we would stair into each others eyes i couldn't do this with anyone, we kept in touch by text , it was obvious to me heroin was using her , when her partner found we been texting contact ended, 26 and i met up with a old work friend and his girlfriend they were homeless and bang on heroin i let them stay at my flat, out of work myself living off minimal benefits with a major drink problem my new live in friends were managing there gear and i wanted a hit, the look and smell of heroin being smoked from that foil was lush. the next day i put down the bottle of vodka and picked up the foil and floot and smoked a nice bag of gear everything became bliss warm and dreaming i was at peace with myself and worries, from there on in, gear was my life my habit got way out of hand and as a result there habit got out of control my mate went to prison and his girlfriend stayed with me, but would some times disappear for days then coming back dope sick, she was seeing someone else while friend was in prison cheating on him i lost respect for her but allowed her to stay, when he got out of prison he was clean, he did 7 months and went straight to the needle a year and a half went by and i wanted out i could not get my habit down my flat was empty it was just a dope den blankets on the floor a tv and a hifi i was skinny was not eating and any money went on gear just to feel normal. feeling crap until i could get a hit then 6 hours feeling crap again, i needed to stop, i asked friends to leave as they did not want to stop, they left, and i did a cold turkey, at this point i was a wreck it was a freezing cold winter had no heating or money to keep warm and suffered badly i remember thinking to myself i deserve this my best friend that never done gear and hated even the word heroin, came to visit to help me get over it, inexperienced, i did not know what a proper cold turkey was like, in desperation i drank a half bottle of vodka with redball hoping to feel better, big mistake it just made it worse, best friend had to leave, a week of raging fevers no sleep hallucinating crying, i wanted it to end, i was so bad that i could not even leave the flat to get a fix, after that week and another month of staying in and only going out at night to a shop across the road to rob food, all my old worries and low self esteem was back, i hated myself, all i got from passing people were disgusted looks and i lost my ability to talk to people, i was on medication from the doctors there after for depression and panic attacks, i was only getting worse, if i smoked weed i would go into a massive psychosis, i stopped my meds believing this was to blame, and drank vodka by the bottle every day with my benefit money, time went by living with my mental health, and my ex using friends turned up i begged them to get me a bag of gear, i only planned to have the one bag, but it booted my mental health i was powerless, so it started all over again again and again, i lost my flat moved to my mums and her husband the guy hated me he never liked me, he pretended that i beat him up very good acting i never laid a finger on him, i was told to leave, mum gave me deposit money to rent another flat using heroin on and off on and off , then stopped i joined a local mental health aware vol entry working with other mental health people like myself and i got clean for a year and half i trained up my body learned how to build muscle up and got a girlfriend as time went on met her mum and sister, both of them using heroin, at this point it was all i could think about again, i believed now that i could do a bag and leave it i ended the relationship but did not use, i got into another relationship this time the woman was of a different class to me, a educated teacher she opened up my eyes to a different life going off for hikes around the coast and visiting friends and her family over the country, i thought if she only knew what i was like before, she could not understand my mental health, i dont like and cope well in social situations and she was very social, she ended it and i started drinking hard again, i had experienced a life i was not use too, she had no money issues was well off and lived a good life with good foods and easy living, i would love to have a life like that. started using again short time after relationship and have not stopped until now one and a half grams a day along with benzos 4 and a half days clean cold turkey today its been the worse ever for suffering hallucinating of using, rolling up tubes of foil believing i had gear when i had not, memories haunting me, today is the only day i have started to feel normal i am still having withdrawals but no raging fever every time i have done this it surprises me this is by far the worse ever, i hope everyone get better and stops it really is a bleak life just wish i could learn my lesson i hate and love heroin its so confusing | ||
Posts: 1059
Joined: August 29, 2011
Posted: January 15, 2015, 5:38 PM
Wow Nice guy,
It sounds like you have been thru hell and back like a lot of us, just the details are different. You know what to do and how to do it, you don't need a real reason, just that you are tired of living the life. Good luck sweetie, we are all behind you here. granny -------------------- I NEVER KNEW HOW MUCH LOVE MY HEART COULD HOLD UNTIL SOMEONE CALLED ME GRANDMA. STOP AND LISTEN TO THE BIRDS SINGING IN THE TREES. WHEN THE BIRDS ARE SINGING EVERYTHING IN LIFE IS OK.[FONT=Courier][FONT=Arial] | ||
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Posted: January 16, 2015, 7:47 AM
thank you granny
Its coming up for 8 days now, its been hard, my energy is gone, i am clumsy, and still look strung out, my appetite returned two days ago so that's a bonus, today i really don't feel to bad other than battling with my mind wanting to get a little fix, trying to get motivated this very moment to get a hair cut and get out of the county to stay with a ex, my mind is doing my head in, making excuses to get just the one bag in case i don't cope well at my ex , i keep telling myself i am not only going to be hurting myself but funding scum looking at the bigger picture i get a bag and my money goes to extremist groups like al qaeda and issus after all 90% of gear comes from them , my friend text me last night to say he relapsed, my anxiety is high, i had a support worker come to visit me the other day, trying to get me help and get me moved to another area for a fresh start, i don't want to screw up what could be a new life, but i have been down this path so many time and i always end up messing it up and getting disappointed decent people that have tried to help, will getting the one bag really be that bad is it enough to put me back to the beginning, i ask myself this over and over, i know the answer, but i really don't know what today will bring if i get out of the county without using or get the bag and say this is it say goodbye to the stuff once its gone. | ||
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Posted: January 16, 2015, 8:06 AM
i forgot to mention i am not sure where the gear comes from is the good land of the USA but here in the U.K 90% i have learned comes from Afghanistan, i am hard on myself but when i think of the sheer terror that lurks behind these evil people, and i WONT fund them, Heroin has got to stop for myself for the good of everyone, i can only see this as good enough reason to not get another bag. i am off now to get my haircut and get out of here, Peace to you all and really do pray for understanding and world peace, my minds made up i am not doing it again. i am going to keep this thought and battle on
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Posts: 1906
Joined: October 23, 2011
Posted: January 16, 2015, 9:48 AM
In the end I found that "making up my mind" never lasted too long ... I realized I was powerless. -------------------- Serenity Prayer God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, The courage to change the things I can, And the wisdom to know the difference. Free copy of AA's Big Book on-line: http://www.aa.org/pages/en_US/alcoh...olics-anonymous Free copy of NA's Big Book on-line: Copy & Paste coastalcarolinaarea.org/literature/books/b_t.pdf AA's HOW IT WORKS: Copy & paste www.aa.org/assets/en_US/p-10_howitworks.pdf NA's HOW IT WORKS: http://www.na.org/admin/include/spa...0it%20Works.pdf ---------------------------------------------------------------- --- driven by a hundred forms of fear, self-delusion, self-seeking, and self-pity. ---there are those too who suffer from grave emotional and mental disorders but many of them do recover if they have the capacity to be honest. ... I need AA more than it needs me. --- I fight recovery tooth and nail.... I'm not used to being sane, it just doesn't seem natural. ...... According to the great spiritual teachers, ignorance does not result from what we don’t know; ignorance results from what we think we do know. ---Some think that 2+2=5 and believe it. Some know that 2+2=4 and can't stand it. --- I didn't have a very happy childhood but I sure am having a long one ! ---Dry since 1989 working daily on getting/staying SOBER. ---If you want to drink, that's your business ...If you want to quit, that's AA's business. ... Tell me, I'll forget; ... Show me, I'll remember; ... Engage me, I'll understand. ---Most problems are psychological. Most solutions are spiritual . "If we try to change our ego with the help of our ego, we only have a better-disguised ego." --Richard Rohr WWBWD (What Would Bill W. Do) | ||
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