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Posted: July 22, 2016, 4:22 PM
I will keep you and your daughter in my prayers. I feel absolutely terrible for what you are going thru. Remember to love always as you do. Hopefully she will come around and see the light and realize prince charming is the devil. She will have to do it in her own time, that is the really hard part. It's funny my husband and i keep saying that my son needs a girlfriend to straighten his a** out, but maybe not :) Stay strong and know i am thinking about you.
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Posts: 1906
Joined: October 23, 2011
Posted: July 22, 2016, 4:58 PM
A true addict/alcoholic needs a complete overhaul.
Getting clean/sober is a bare beginning.......... Most of us become physically, morally, mentally, emotionally, spiritually bankrupt. Read AA's and NA's HOW IT WORKS in my sig line - we need a complete rebuild and it is never done. Good luck. Bob R -------------------- Serenity Prayer God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, The courage to change the things I can, And the wisdom to know the difference. Free copy of AA's Big Book on-line: http://www.aa.org/pages/en_US/alcoh...olics-anonymous Free copy of NA's Big Book on-line: Copy & Paste coastalcarolinaarea.org/literature/books/b_t.pdf AA's HOW IT WORKS: Copy & paste www.aa.org/assets/en_US/p-10_howitworks.pdf NA's HOW IT WORKS: http://www.na.org/admin/include/spa...0it%20Works.pdf ---------------------------------------------------------------- --- driven by a hundred forms of fear, self-delusion, self-seeking, and self-pity. ---there are those too who suffer from grave emotional and mental disorders but many of them do recover if they have the capacity to be honest. ... I need AA more than it needs me. --- I fight recovery tooth and nail.... I'm not used to being sane, it just doesn't seem natural. ...... According to the great spiritual teachers, ignorance does not result from what we don’t know; ignorance results from what we think we do know. ---Some think that 2+2=5 and believe it. Some know that 2+2=4 and can't stand it. --- I didn't have a very happy childhood but I sure am having a long one ! ---Dry since 1989 working daily on getting/staying SOBER. ---If you want to drink, that's your business ...If you want to quit, that's AA's business. ... Tell me, I'll forget; ... Show me, I'll remember; ... Engage me, I'll understand. ---Most problems are psychological. Most solutions are spiritual . "If we try to change our ego with the help of our ego, we only have a better-disguised ego." --Richard Rohr WWBWD (What Would Bill W. Do) | ||
Posts: 640
Joined: April 4, 2016
Posted: July 23, 2016, 9:08 PM
Hi Dee and everyone!
Thank you for all the prayers. The last couple of days have been CRAZY. From her threatening (again) to walk out of the hospital agst med advice, to my threatening to go to court to get a Marchman Act order which would have required her to go into treatment and complete it or go to jail and then go back to treatment, to my threatening to kick her butt if she didn't get back in bed. Long story made short. The hospital released her and gave her the antibiotics to take at home. I think the real reason she wanted to leave was so she and bf could move into another couples halfway house. Bc she has insurance and he doesn't, the halfway houses are more interested in her than him. And he couldn't move in without his meal ticket. Nor could they be honest and say she'd be moving in once she gets out of hospital. I'm really confused by Mr. Wonderful. He does seem to adore her and is watching her to make sure she doesn't make bad choices. At the same time, he seems to be using and controlling her. Since I haven't given either of them a dime, he came up with a money making idea. Apparently, if one is referred to an inpatient program and stays 14 days, the referer gets a $3,500 finders fee. Well their bright idea is for my daughter to go in, stay 15 days and they will receive half the fee. I think he is pimping her out. Her situation is soooooo messy. She's an addict who is being used and controlled by another addict and she LOVES him! So, I'm battling 2 devils: the boyfriend and addiction. She and I had about 10 minutes of privacy last night. She looked at me and said she wanted to come home. While I have not been in favor of her living with me again, Ive got to get her away from this man and out of FL. Thanks to my cousin-in-law I found a long term residential program that is a car drive away from my home. I told my daughter that if she comes home it is to get treatment and she'd be going to a rehab of my choice. The game plan is to fly home tomorrow and hopefully have her admitted by Tuesday. You all have no idea how happy it made me that she wants to leave and seek treatment closer to home. I was doing a Snoopy dance and praising God. Since they are so in LOVE, I told them that they are only as strong as their individual parts; right now neither one of them is strong; they need to work on themselves as individuals before they can expect their relationship to grow, prosper and be positive. And the cousin-in-law (who is an addiction counselor) will look for programs for him here in FL. We bought her plane ticket home this morning. I saw them and fed them lunch today. She must have told him of the plan bc it was the most glum meal I've ever had. Then she wanted to stop by a pawn shop. I wondered why since the folks at the house where she OD'd stole all of her "valuables" while they were in the hospital, including jewelry my deceased mother gave her, an old cell phone, expensive hair care stuff, makeup brushes, clothes, etc. (Somehow I was not sympathetic. The girl sold ALL of my and my husband's jewelry. I know I was wrong but I told her that I understood exactly how she feels and its horrible. I also reminded her of how I know why she felt so badly.) Come to find out that she was trying to raise money to fly him home with us!!!!! She keeps saying that she can't leave him; she keeps asking, "what about Sam?" (not his real name). All the stuff she has is fake so no money from that. And I told her I wasn't buying a grown a** man a plane ticket. So PRAY mightly that she gets on the flight with me tomorrow afternoon. She mentioned staying in FL to do the inpatient thing so that HE would have some money and then they both could come to my house. How do I feel? I really don't know. I've been in reaction mode since I arrived on Wednesday and/or trying to out think them. I know if I attack their relationship, she will cling to him even more. So, I'm kinda tired of plotting and planning. I'm anxious about tomorrow: will she come with me? I'm afraid that I'll go to pick her up to go the airport and she won't leave. If that is the case, I'll probably be a blubbering mess on the plane. Please pray!!! Lynn -------------------- I forgot to read the fine print, when i signed up to be your Mom. I thought it would be smiles & hugs and quite a lot of fun. I didn’t see the part about addiction, mental illness, pain, hopelessness or despair. I didn’t know life could be so flipping unfair. But I now see something in the fine print that I didn’t see before. It also says to survive your addiction, I must love me more. In Loving Memory of my angel, J. #forever21 #ihateaddiction #foreverloved | ||
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Posted: July 24, 2016, 8:44 AM
ynn,
Thinking of you! You know I'm praying for ya too!~ Good grief! You've had a whirlwind couple of days!! You have got my full support. I hope she is waiting for you to pick her up! Will you still be able to use the Marchman Act if she doesn't? I hope she just goes with you & faces the music. Something closer to home would be much better. At least you'd know you could get to her fast. You could still let her do her rehab without being there. Mine is 5 - 10 minutes away & I have not seen her in 6 weeks. Mr. Wonderful? lol I know how that goes. lol He could sure be a sore on your butt. Hopefully they can part ways. Maybe suggesting they get together at some future time would help. Keep your eye on he prize. He's not worth spit, but she sure as hell is! I get the 2 devils. Most appropriate names. Remember to watch for manipulations. You know they are very capable. Don't let her or them trip you up. It is awful to have to plan & prepare like this, but sometimes it's just what needs to be done. I had a great chuckle picturing the snoopy dance!! lol I am praying & going to church to pray more for you & her. She needs to go to that rehab your cousin-in-law found. That would be awesome. Stick to your guns! No plane ticket for Mr. Wonderful. You had to remind her of how much she's taken away from you, only to pawn them, I have to think there is something good still in them, my girl & yours, and hopefully, untainted. We can hope. It's all we've got. Well, Lynn, I'm headed out. Will check back later. Stay strong. I know I speak for many on here, that we hope things go well, & as planned. I sure do hope so. Take care, Lynn. God speed!~ love & God bless you, Dee | ||
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Posted: July 24, 2016, 9:32 AM
Lynn,
So what does your husband think of your plan? | ||
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Posts: 640
Joined: April 4, 2016
Posted: July 24, 2016, 10:30 AM
Hallelujah! She's in the car with me. Hubby is all for the plan!!! 🎉🎊 Thank you all for praying!!!
This post has been edited by hurtingmom on July 24, 2016, 10:32 AM -------------------- I forgot to read the fine print, when i signed up to be your Mom. I thought it would be smiles & hugs and quite a lot of fun. I didn’t see the part about addiction, mental illness, pain, hopelessness or despair. I didn’t know life could be so flipping unfair. But I now see something in the fine print that I didn’t see before. It also says to survive your addiction, I must love me more. In Loving Memory of my angel, J. #forever21 #ihateaddiction #foreverloved | ||
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Posted: July 24, 2016, 10:58 AM
Lynn!!
I am THRILLED!! You made my day! Will step up the prayers to get her into rehab now!! lol I'm SO HAPPY for you all! I TRULY am !!! And I'm so glad hubby's on board too! Love it!! Hug your girl for me. You'll be hugging my daughter for me, too, in doing so. Love & God bless you,. Dee | ||
Posts: 733
Joined: October 5, 2015
Posted: July 24, 2016, 11:36 AM
Thank God!! I have been so worried about you and your daughter. Hope everything works out well now. You did real good. M
This post has been edited by Mandm on July 24, 2016, 11:46 AM | ||
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Posted: July 25, 2016, 9:11 PM
So anything new with your daughter Lynn?
Rich | ||
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Posts: 640
Joined: April 4, 2016
Posted: July 26, 2016, 7:01 AM
Yes, Rich, a lot has been happening. I think i'm either going to have a nervous breakdown or I'm going to kill my daughter. Or, maybe I'll do a combination of the two.
We got home on Sunday night. The plan was to call the facility in NH at 8.30 am, when they opened so that we could get on road in the afternoon, spend night at my dad's (who would be about 2 hours away from her) and drop her off today. At 830, she was too hungry to call. At 9, she was eating and couldn't call. At 10, she disappeared for about 30 minutes so she couldn't call. Etc. She didn't call until about noon. She learned that they only take in-state residents. I was furious. We lost a half a day waiting around for her to call. She didn't care that she had me, my hubby and my dad all waiting around for her. I found 7 other possible rehabs in New England. She called another one which would have bee about 45 min from my dad. She nixed that program bc it was "hospital based". We've been telling her that what she needs is a long term residential program of 6 months to 1 year. She's gone 30 days sober. She's even made it to 60 days but can't make it to 3 or 6 months. She says that she can't stay locked up for that long; after a while what is said in rehab becomes redundant; and if she went to such a long program she'd walk out after 45 or so days. So. . . I left her in her room with the list of 7 possible rehabs in New England. She asked me to give her an hour to check out the places and then she would make a decision. I left her alone for 2 hours. When I came to her, she announced that she found a 45 day program in SOUTH FLORIDA! She said she was praying and then the phone rang from this spot who said they would buy her plane ticket and all. She said this is HER journey and she wants to go there. Her plan is to do the 45 days and then immediately relocate up north to do her IOP and sober living. We are in shock. We are on edge. We are spent. We did ALL of this just to have her return to the scene of the crime? Then again her being home has not been a good thing. My husband almost beat up the uber driver. He thought the unknown man in the car she was trying to jump in in front of our house was a drug dealer. She texted me (but not her dad) that she was going to a meeting. But he noticed a lot of chargers in her purse; his spidey senses told him she was trying to take some electronic devise to go pawn it. I was in the house and heard the yelling from outside. "Let me see what's in your purse?" Her: "Get off me!" And they were playing tug of war with her purse. I'm surprised the police didn't come. She and he are cursing and hollering at the top of their lungs. It was horrible. Bc I was paying for uber from time to time, I had access to that. I looked at where she was going. She went someplace first and then to a pawn shop!!!!! Uber gave the exact address and name of store. I couldn't believe she lied, yet again. By this time, I was just about done. How could she? She says she sold her laptop, which she didn't take to FL the first time, bc she needed an extra $50 for her plane ticket. MY spidey senses tell me that she sold her laptop to help Prince Charming, who I put on a bus and sent him to his mama's in Northern FL. And, I'm wondering if this new spot is the same place that will pay the finder's fee which they will split. Oh, she kindly changed the Uber password after I texted her to ask since when are meetings held at pawn shops. So, she definitely was up to no good. We don't know much about her plans. When she is supposed to leave. I had to beg for name of place but she finally provided. I am so hurt and angry and tired and scared. I went in her room last night and just screamed at her. How could she? We love her and only want what's best. We told her to pick any long term res program within a 6 hour car ride. The whole purpose of bringing her home was for her to be closer to family. That we all are fighting a life or death battle. I told her how disrespectful and selfish she has been. I told her I wasn't going back to FL for any reason, except to claim her body. I was furious, crushed. All she said was, "I guess I'm a bad daughter." I've asked her to speak with our cousin who is a addiction counselor. My daughter won't accept the cousin's calls and hasn't answered the texts. My daughter did talk with my dad last night. Don't know what was said yet. What to do now? I'm paying for her cell. I'm all set to take that from her bc I believe she is making a mistake. My hubby is all set to remove her from the insurance. One side of me is set to disown her if she goes back to FL. The other side of me knows I am soft and would go bats**t if I couldn't get in contact with her. But she is NOT going to FL with our blessings. Sorry for rambling. I'm in a state. Lynn This post has been edited by hurtingmom on July 26, 2016, 7:15 AM -------------------- I forgot to read the fine print, when i signed up to be your Mom. I thought it would be smiles & hugs and quite a lot of fun. I didn’t see the part about addiction, mental illness, pain, hopelessness or despair. I didn’t know life could be so flipping unfair. But I now see something in the fine print that I didn’t see before. It also says to survive your addiction, I must love me more. In Loving Memory of my angel, J. #forever21 #ihateaddiction #foreverloved | ||
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Posts: 1906
Joined: October 23, 2011
Posted: July 26, 2016, 9:05 AM
I had lost the ability to choose what was good for me (as it sounds like your daughter has).
I am so blessed that I ended up in the local rehab operated by a crusty (loving) priest. I was TOLD what to do. I was TOLD to do it or get out !! My ego was slapped down at every opportunity .. Thank God for that old priest... He saved my life. I began to learn how to listen. All the best. Bob R -------------------- Serenity Prayer God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, The courage to change the things I can, And the wisdom to know the difference. Free copy of AA's Big Book on-line: http://www.aa.org/pages/en_US/alcoh...olics-anonymous Free copy of NA's Big Book on-line: Copy & Paste coastalcarolinaarea.org/literature/books/b_t.pdf AA's HOW IT WORKS: Copy & paste www.aa.org/assets/en_US/p-10_howitworks.pdf NA's HOW IT WORKS: http://www.na.org/admin/include/spa...0it%20Works.pdf ---------------------------------------------------------------- --- driven by a hundred forms of fear, self-delusion, self-seeking, and self-pity. ---there are those too who suffer from grave emotional and mental disorders but many of them do recover if they have the capacity to be honest. ... I need AA more than it needs me. --- I fight recovery tooth and nail.... I'm not used to being sane, it just doesn't seem natural. ...... According to the great spiritual teachers, ignorance does not result from what we don’t know; ignorance results from what we think we do know. ---Some think that 2+2=5 and believe it. Some know that 2+2=4 and can't stand it. --- I didn't have a very happy childhood but I sure am having a long one ! ---Dry since 1989 working daily on getting/staying SOBER. ---If you want to drink, that's your business ...If you want to quit, that's AA's business. ... Tell me, I'll forget; ... Show me, I'll remember; ... Engage me, I'll understand. ---Most problems are psychological. Most solutions are spiritual . "If we try to change our ego with the help of our ego, we only have a better-disguised ego." --Richard Rohr WWBWD (What Would Bill W. Do) | ||
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Posts: 640
Joined: April 4, 2016
Posted: July 26, 2016, 9:44 AM
Yes Papa she has lost that. I TOLD her to pick from the list of places in New England. I TOLD her to pick a spot within 6 hours of home. And, she still picked FL.
-------------------- I forgot to read the fine print, when i signed up to be your Mom. I thought it would be smiles & hugs and quite a lot of fun. I didn’t see the part about addiction, mental illness, pain, hopelessness or despair. I didn’t know life could be so flipping unfair. But I now see something in the fine print that I didn’t see before. It also says to survive your addiction, I must love me more. In Loving Memory of my angel, J. #forever21 #ihateaddiction #foreverloved | ||
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Posted: July 26, 2016, 10:19 AM
Lynn,
Hopefully you're open to a little tough love here... "I TOLD her to pick from the list of places in New England." -This is what YOU want "I TOLD her to pick a spot within 6 hours of home." -This is what YOU wanted again And, she still picked FL. -This is what she wants You can lead a horse to water, but YOU can't make it drink...even if YOU want it to Horses will only drink when they realize they're thirsty...your daughters not thirsty enough...yet, and from everything I've read that you've written, (about pressuring her into rehab, bringing her home before her reaching her bottom etc.) I'm wondering if your not keeping your daughter away from the well which can only be found when she hits rock bottom herself. This post has been edited by Rich L. on July 26, 2016, 10:20 AM | ||
Posts: 2616
Joined: January 4, 2008
Posted: July 26, 2016, 10:20 AM
HM,
I understand how hard this must be....but really, you've got to stop. You need to tell her exactly what and where she will go and do...and that those are the house rules...if she doesn't follow what you have laid down then you MUST follow up with the consequences...SHE must know the consequences BEFORE hand...YOU have to tell her where...YOU make the rules...nix florida...nix it all...that wasn't the deal...YOU tell her where she's going and when she's going ...or give her 1 hour to make an appointment in one of the places YOU have picked..and if she cant do that...you need to tell her to leave...this will spiral out of control unless you set the boundaries and the rules...same for pawning...same for everything she does at home...draw up the house rules and the consequences if she fails them and then lay them down...house rules HM...set them down...if we can get away with something we will...she more than knows this...if she wants to stay there...come home...then she must play by YOUR rules...if she cant do that...she must leave...on her own dime... con This post has been edited by constantine on July 26, 2016, 10:25 AM | ||
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Posted: July 26, 2016, 10:23 AM
Hey Constantine,
Hope you're hanging in there yourself. Know that I'm praying for you and Lynn both here from Southern California. :-) | ||
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Posts: 2616
Joined: January 4, 2008
Posted: July 26, 2016, 10:27 AM
Thanks Rich ....got about 22 days in now and hanging in there...
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Posts: 640
Joined: April 4, 2016
Posted: July 26, 2016, 11:55 AM
Yea Con!!! So happy for you. You made me smile.
-------------------- I forgot to read the fine print, when i signed up to be your Mom. I thought it would be smiles & hugs and quite a lot of fun. I didn’t see the part about addiction, mental illness, pain, hopelessness or despair. I didn’t know life could be so flipping unfair. But I now see something in the fine print that I didn’t see before. It also says to survive your addiction, I must love me more. In Loving Memory of my angel, J. #forever21 #ihateaddiction #foreverloved | ||
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Posted: July 26, 2016, 12:23 PM
Way to go Con!!
You're an inspiration! Stay strong. I'll pray for you too. love & God bless you, Dee | ||
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Posted: July 26, 2016, 12:24 PM
Lynn,
Will post to ya later. Headed out., but oiy, dear lady, you've had enough. Thinking of you. & God bless you, Dee | ||
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Posted: July 26, 2016, 12:42 PM
You're da man Con...
You're da man! | ||
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