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Posts: 293
Joined: October 20, 2007
Posted: April 20, 2012, 3:51 PM
Hi ARG folks,
I know it has been ages since I last checked in here. I do still read the posts from time to time coz I like to know how everyone is doing. I just wanted to check in today becuase on Sunday I reach my 4 year AA birthday. It was the people here on ARG who first helped me to get sober and encouraged me on when I relapsed and for that I will always be grateful. The reason I'm posting is because while I am so happy that I have not picked up a drink in a long time, if I am being honest my recovery has not been all that it could be. I go to meetings only sporadically (yes I have a young baby but everybody has commitments of some sort) and I rarely post how things are here anymore. If I am being really really honest I have found things very very hard lately and I seem to have given up a bit. I'm having 'issues' with my Higher Power too. Thing is I haven't been taking any action. The result of that is that my life seems to getting out of hand again just like it was when I was drinking. I'm restless, irritable and discontent. I would fight with a wall if it was around me for long enough. Even though I have 4 years, I seem to have forgotten that AA is a programme of action. Sitting on my a** and just expecting things to work out just because I dont take a drink is not producing any results. I went to a meeting last night (first in a long time) and someone said 'The programme takes work. Bring your shovel'. I really needed to hear that. I have been trying to stay sober on the reserves I built up in the past but that just isn't working anymore, surprise surprise. It's a daily reprieve contingent on my spiritual condition. I'm damn lucky I made it this far coz the way I have been carrying on a relapse is only just around the corner. I have 4 years on Sunday but all I really have is today and today I need to do some work. I need to build bridges with my HP and ask him for some help. I need to start PRACTICING the principles in ALL my affairs - not just the ones that suit me. I need to show gratitude for all that I have built up in my recovery. I need to start helping others to stay sober and stop being so damn self centred. I have another opportunity today to reaffirm my recovery. It's been in second gear for way too long. Thanks all you guys for everything you have done to help me. I really do appreciate it even if I don't tell you that often enough. | ||
Posts: 9248
Joined: December 1, 2005
Posted: April 20, 2012, 4:45 PM
Thank you for sharing, Ruth.
I love your honesty. That's the first step, telling on myself. I have been where you are, right around turning 5, and what I found is even though I was going to the same amount of meetings, my EGO had returned & it wasn't working for me, in fact, it was destroying my spiritual being so I got on my knees & surrendered again and asked for direction and committed to the program in a more deeper level. I picked up an H&I position, I helped spearhead a new women's meeting, and God blessed me with 3 new sponsee's. What I've found for me, when I take more action, the spiritual growth comes. I'm so glad you came here to share, Ruth. xoxo Stacey -------------------- Happiness is not in the bottom of a pill bottle. It's inside you. | ||
Posts: 6374
Joined: January 5, 2008
Posted: April 21, 2012, 5:22 AM
Thank you for sharing Ruth. It just goes to show that our disease never goes away.. A sleeping tiger it has been referred to. I don't know if you are aware of this analogy.. when we abstain from drinking and work whatever program we use to keep us sober it sleeps but still growing all the while and when we don't do our work and are not "quiet" it wakes and tries to devour us again and many times it wins... I had a friend who had 10 years of sobriety. she stopped going to AA, stopped doing the work.. sad to say she is once again in the grips of the addiction and this time it seems that regaining sobriety back is not going to happen. My X sponsor had 14 years.. sobriety is gone there too... we are never cured anymore than a diabetic can be cured and if we don't take our medicine daily we get sick....I am glad that you posted about your feelings and that you recognize what is happening to you.. Good on you!.. we are only as sick as our secrets. Your post enforces for me and I am sure for others that we cannot afford to become complacent in our recovery. keep coming back. It is good to see you...........hugs
-------------------- Thank God for what you have. Trust God for what you need | ||
Posts: 4174
Joined: July 18, 2006
Posted: April 21, 2012, 11:25 AM
Congratulations on not drinking for 4 years (if you make it to tomorrow…). ;) -------------------- Faith is not belief without proof, but trust without reservation. | ||
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Posts: 293
Joined: October 20, 2007
Posted: April 21, 2012, 12:07 PM
Thanks Stacey, Pirate and SKG.
I guess it's true that the relapse begins long before a drink is picked up. I'm just glad I was able to recognise where I was going wrong before that happened. Going to a meeting tomorrow night and am going to volunteer to do some service. Time to roll up my sleeves and give back some of what was so freely given to me. Thanks again guys. | ||
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Posted: April 21, 2012, 3:21 PM
I was taught at my first meeting that the only thing we all do the same is we don't take that first drink-after that- we all work the steps (or not) in our own way- I was taught to give wide berth to anyone who threatened that I wouldn't stay sober if I didn't do this that or the other.
I was taught to carry the message of what worked for me. Some enjoy or need a lots of service work others don't. Some are fanatics some are easy going. It's an individual program. Do what works for you. When you find others in the program excessively rigid or fanatical let them be. It's there right, its what keeps them sober. You can have your own easy going program and stay a reasonably happy sober person to. | ||
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Posts: 4174
Joined: July 18, 2006
Posted: April 21, 2012, 6:23 PM
Here! Hear!
I am one of those who has to work my program like I worked my drinking--and I worked my drinking every single day, every day, all day long. Someone in my homegroup said, "The Big Book doesn't provide answers, it provides the path to answers," and I must find mine. -------------------- Faith is not belief without proof, but trust without reservation. | ||
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