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Posts: 1059
Joined: August 11, 2012
Posted: September 9, 2014, 8:31 AM
Hey Bec! Thanks for checking in. I can relate to how you feel. When i was in active addiction i also felt stuck and scared. Not a lot i can say to make you feel better. The bad times on pills will replace the good times, it's just not fun anymore ey? But your body has to have them just to function. I have been there done that and coming here helps to remind me that my recovery has to come first always, if not i'll be the one asking for help. Not long ago i was asked "who do you love most and why?" My answer wasn't me and never had been. I was never important to me, i never took care of my needs. Today i am #1 in my life, because it doesn't help me to love everyone else if i can't love myself. Keep your head up Bec, you are one special lady:). I promise it gets better. Never give up, NEVER! Know that here is where you belong and i pray for you every night. Your never alone even if it feels like it. ((HUGS))
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Posts: 351
Joined: January 25, 2014
Posted: October 8, 2014, 7:57 PM
Still around and trying to fight the beast. Am presently on a slow taper with the support of my parents who i check in with at least every two days if not every day. Being accountable is good for me. Was at around 30 a day a couple of weeks ago and now Im down to 25..... not a huge difference but every one less counts to me.
with my parents input we have decided that I will take one less a week. So far its working. I know taper is not for everyone and it may even turn out not to be for me but if I give up trying then what have I got? ......Nothing bec | ||
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Posts: 351
Joined: January 25, 2014
Posted: October 13, 2014, 8:32 PM
Well it seems that I continue to lie to myself and to others who care about me. Until I can be honest with myself nothing is going to improve, as it is I am only just functioning. I work, look after my daughter and continue to take codiene to stop the withdrawals. With a chemist on every corner this does not help. I need to go somewhere for a good six months with no access to this crap. The intake has decreased very slowly but thats really not good enough.
I am tired | ||
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Posts: 1059
Joined: August 11, 2012
Posted: October 14, 2014, 7:59 AM
I can relate Becky.
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Posts: 351
Joined: January 25, 2014
Posted: October 20, 2014, 6:34 PM
24 hours, no neurofen plus
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Posts: 1059
Joined: August 11, 2012
Posted: October 20, 2014, 9:01 PM
WAY TO GO GIRL! I'm so proud of you:) You can do it! 5 minutes at a time if you have to. It will get better. If it gets to be to much please remember step chat is 24/7. The NA book is online for free to read. I suggest you read it. Thank you so much for being a part of my recovery today. You are worth it. In NA they give a white key tag for 24 hours. It's white cause white is the universal sign for surrender.
This post has been edited by girltoday on October 20, 2014, 9:11 PM | ||
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Posts: 351
Joined: January 25, 2014
Posted: October 21, 2014, 12:07 AM
30 hours in, did not expect withdrawal to start already, abdo cramps and feel very angry. Have taken 6 immodium. Trying to drink water but have no desire for it. Actually feel like I want to punch somebody. Did not see that coming
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Posts: 1059
Joined: August 11, 2012
Posted: October 21, 2014, 7:45 AM
Hey girl! Hang in there. It will pass. Give yourself a pep talk. Write little notes like YOU ARE FIERCE, YOU CAN DO THIS, YOU ARE AMAZING,AND I LOVE MYSELF!! Look at them. Post it notes work well so you can hang them around the house. Put some by your little girls pictures. It could help. You are going to go through some highs and lows for a few days but it doesn't last forever. Keep posting your feelings good or bad. Iv'e been right where your at. I can relate to how you feel. Your not alone. Keep on fighting to take your life back. What a miracle 30 hours you should be so so proud of you, I am!
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Posts: 351
Joined: January 25, 2014
Posted: October 21, 2014, 5:48 PM
48 hours in and I feel like s***, was throwing up last night I should never have took all that Imodium, it has to come out one end. The pain in my abdo is unbearable, have the sweats then I'm cold. There's just no turning back. Have to drop my girl off at school. I really want to keep busy but the pain is getting in the way. Should I stop taking the immodium? Can't stop moving.
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Posts: 1059
Joined: August 11, 2012
Posted: October 21, 2014, 6:23 PM
If you think you should then yes. This will seem awful, but it's normal. You are right where you should be. You are almost through the worst of it. Although everyone is different the first 3 days are the worst. Keep hanging in there. Eat some banana's they will help. Drink lots of water or gateraid. It won't happen overnight but minute by minute it will pass. I promise it gets better. I am proof. You CAN do this girl. I'm so proud of you. Try to keep busy(easier said than done i know). Minute by minute you are doing it! Pray if you pray. You are never alone. I am right with you in spirit. You are posting your feelings and that will be helping other addicts to know what's it like. Like i said good or bad let it all out. I know i wanted to kill people for just being in the bathroom when i needed it. Seems silly now but at the time i was like you people just don't know how s***ty this feels, and it does feel like your going to die, but you will live. a little uncomfortable but always doable. Becky your doing great keep it up and keep posting!
(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((BIG CYBER HUGS)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) 48 hours is A MIRACLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Jessica This post has been edited by girltoday on October 21, 2014, 6:25 PM | ||
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Posts: 351
Joined: January 25, 2014
Posted: October 21, 2014, 11:27 PM
Feel like I could crawl out of my skin, 54 hours in. I can't eat.......am trying to drink water,,,,,not much. I really don't like this at all........leg aches.......anxiety.....having trouble dealing with this new way of life.......so not used to it.......just doesn't feel right.......NO TURNING BACK NOW..........feel like a 90 yr old........no energy what so ever.
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Posts: 351
Joined: January 25, 2014
Posted: October 22, 2014, 2:33 AM
Want to give in so bad I found 9 NP whist cleaning up the lounge. Gave them to my husband. Don't trust my self. This is the hardest thing I have ever done. I feel sick with anxiety and just want to numb the pain......but I can't, I just can't. That would be 57 hours down the toilet.....I'm just so angry and im not an angry person. Dam this. I'm in the middle of a nightmare and I just want to wake up.
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Posts: 1059
Joined: August 11, 2012
Posted: October 22, 2014, 8:30 AM
57 hours is a long time. What a miracle. This will be one of the hardest things you've ever done. Keep telling yourself that you only have to do this one time. One week of hell. It gets better. Your feelings are everywhere, your body is screaming for you to make it stop! That's the DIS-EASE talking. You CAN do it. Think of all the things you get to do when this is over. You won't have to worry about finding them every minute of the day. You will be free of the handcuffs. Keep it up girl! It only gets better not worse, only better, only better!
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Posts: 1906
Joined: October 23, 2011
Posted: October 22, 2014, 10:34 AM
Aussie Girl, are you attending meetings in your recovery?
-------------------- Serenity Prayer God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, The courage to change the things I can, And the wisdom to know the difference. Free copy of AA's Big Book on-line: http://www.aa.org/pages/en_US/alcoh...olics-anonymous Free copy of NA's Big Book on-line: Copy & Paste coastalcarolinaarea.org/literature/books/b_t.pdf AA's HOW IT WORKS: Copy & paste www.aa.org/assets/en_US/p-10_howitworks.pdf NA's HOW IT WORKS: http://www.na.org/admin/include/spa...0it%20Works.pdf ---------------------------------------------------------------- --- driven by a hundred forms of fear, self-delusion, self-seeking, and self-pity. ---there are those too who suffer from grave emotional and mental disorders but many of them do recover if they have the capacity to be honest. ... I need AA more than it needs me. --- I fight recovery tooth and nail.... I'm not used to being sane, it just doesn't seem natural. ...... According to the great spiritual teachers, ignorance does not result from what we don’t know; ignorance results from what we think we do know. ---Some think that 2+2=5 and believe it. Some know that 2+2=4 and can't stand it. --- I didn't have a very happy childhood but I sure am having a long one ! ---Dry since 1989 working daily on getting/staying SOBER. ---If you want to drink, that's your business ...If you want to quit, that's AA's business. ... Tell me, I'll forget; ... Show me, I'll remember; ... Engage me, I'll understand. ---Most problems are psychological. Most solutions are spiritual . "If we try to change our ego with the help of our ego, we only have a better-disguised ego." --Richard Rohr WWBWD (What Would Bill W. Do) | ||
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Posts: 351
Joined: January 25, 2014
Posted: October 22, 2014, 7:00 PM
no papa bear Im not but have a meeting planned for tonight, going back with my tail between my legs.
73 hours in and everything is an effort, managed to get to work, feel like I want to punch the walls in or anyone who gets in my way and I'm probably the most placid person you could meet. can"t stop moving , legs are going a milllion miles an hour, Last night i had the RLS and it was awful, I ended up putting on the compression stockings you get from the hospital and then tightly wraped banadages around both legs, this gave me some relief and was able to get some sleep. thanks for checking in on me papa bear . I think I got the quote from you when you stated that you can either die with this disease of die from it. That was a sledge hammer to the head. thanks for the wake up call. bec | ||
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Posts: 351
Joined: January 25, 2014
Posted: October 22, 2014, 8:12 PM
dose anyone in Australia knoe if they sell wellman + kalms over the counter ?
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Posts: 351
Joined: January 25, 2014
Posted: October 22, 2014, 11:41 PM
well went to the chemist on my lunch break which is all of half hour. It turns out they do not see wellman+ kalms at the chemist, so they sent me to the health shop and still no luck, however she did sell me some magnesium complex powdwe ultra strength which also has high strength taurine in it........so I pray this helps tonight with the RLS. Its the only thing i just can;t handle. The RLS.
bec | ||
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Posts: 351
Joined: January 25, 2014
Posted: October 23, 2014, 1:14 AM
well its nearly time to go home and my usual routine is to stop and purchase my NP. its all I have known for the past five years.......and now i have to make sure i get home with out this happening. I feel confident, I can't throw it away now. Have to try and keep my mind busy on the way home......this so sucks........but it has to be done. Will just have to keep busy at home instead of veging on the couch after taking my 30 tabs.
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Posts: 351
Joined: January 25, 2014
Posted: October 23, 2014, 5:10 AM
Made it home, can't stop moving........I want the codeine so bad.......abdo pain......extremely angry but I keep it to my self. Rang my parents and they seem happy with my progress........am off to an AA meeting in an hour.......haven't Been in quite some time. I will miss the smoking part of it as I gave that up in February. I feel like every thing is in slow motion and I just don't have the energy to keep up.
Bec | ||
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Posts: 1059
Joined: August 11, 2012
Posted: October 23, 2014, 9:28 AM
How did the meeting go? 4 days you have!!!!!!!!!! That is really a blessing even though i know you feel like s***. Keep on doing the next right thing Becky, i know you can do it!
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