1 Year Clean!
Posted: July 11, 2017, 4:46 PM


Posts: 43
Joined: March 5, 2017



It's been a long 12 months, but have 1 year as of tonight! It's been quite the experience to say the least, but it was 100% worth it. It is possible! And although I'm still not quite 100% yet, it's absolutely great not feeling like I did even a few months ago. For those who are still early in their recovery and experiencing wd's or paws, I just want to let you know that it does get better...it's just a very slow process.

All I can do now is keep fighting because I will not let this disease win :)
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Overfifty
Posted: July 11, 2017, 6:14 PM







Bravo on one year!!
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Posted: July 11, 2017, 8:58 PM


Posts: 108
Joined: May 31, 2017



Hey Need help, congratulations awesome job... I'm now 8 1/2 months clean.. maybe you could share what your journey was like.. were you asking about na? Sorry I'm new to this forum..

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Stay Strong for Today
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Posted: July 11, 2017, 9:35 PM


Posts: 43
Joined: March 5, 2017



Thank-you Overfifty. I appreciate that :)

@Lvg

Well, to be 100% honest, it's been such a rough and lonely period. Much of it I would attribute to having to go it essentially alone. I cut all ties with that other world, which was basically everyone. I had a few friends who knew nothing about my opioid abuse, or Methadone treatment...hid it out of embarrassment. None of my family, or co-workers knew about this as well....and all those years on Mdone treatment.. so naturally I secluded myself a lot, whenever I could from basically anyone and everyone. My now fiancé was the only one that was with me during this ordeal, but it's so difficult when the person you are with just doesn't understand. She was there when I was heaving over the toilet that first week, was the one who missed sleep due to the noise of the floor boards from me pacing all night. The one holding the phone, wanting to call the ambulance when my arms and legs were trembling so bad that it resembled a seizure. And you see, I don't want to scare others on here with my story. I truly believe the severity of my withdrawal was because I was also on Suboxone in between the Methadone. Was put on Methadone for about 7 years or so, then Sub for about a year and a half, then when had side effects from the Sub, went back on Mdone for a year, then back to Sub for a few months in order to taper and jump.

I truly believe this is what led to the severity of my withdraws. But with being alone, it made it so much more difficult. Unless you've been through this, you really don't know what a person is going through. My fiancé would constantly ask me if the reason I wasn't talkative, or seemed distant was something she did. I remember often feeling like I let her down because I know this was not fun for her, and was putting a lot of strain on our relationship. But she is a trooper, and stuck it out, and I'm so grateful to have found someone who could deal with me, like that for almost 10 months. Time is what heals all, and I am feeling so, so much better now. I danced with her on the beach, under the moonlight last week when we took a vacation camping, and I've never done that in all these years we've been together. I feel like a new man, and it's great! This is definitely the most difficult thing I've overcome, but I feel not only stronger for it, but am so much more appreciative of things I've once taken for granted.

I am so greatful for this second chance.

This post has been edited by NeedHelp123 on July 11, 2017, 10:02 PM
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Posted: July 12, 2017, 5:40 AM


Posts: 95
Joined: June 8, 2017



That last post was the bomb.. Just sayin'

There's something undeniably beautiful about truth and honesty..
BTW, I wanna dance on the beach too.
Big congratulations on your one year mark. Rare air there.


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And those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could not hear the music.
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itspossible
Posted: July 12, 2017, 5:52 AM







1 yr is INCREDIBLE !!! That is something to be very proud of.. You have the drive and the hunger to be free, that's for sure..
I will have a year in about 3 weeks and I can also say that its 100% worth it..
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Posted: July 12, 2017, 6:25 AM


Posts: 108
Joined: May 31, 2017



Oh your singing my story, I abused drugs almost 40 years of my life. Now am 54 same pushed everyone everything away by the end I was All alone. i quit cold turkey off taking 10-15 8 mg of diluads and 10-15 10 mg of methadone daily if not more. I was sick for 21days all I could do was lay in bed and crawl to the bathroom awful, horrific traumatic 3weeks but one I will never forget. Thank God you had someone by your side being alone is horrifying.never been so Scared thought I was dying..than for 5 months I felt like I was wearing a lead suit, largethic no motivation sad,mad upset angry, suciadal thoughts you name it...I was lost, lonely beaten down and broken.. finally pushed myself out in life,na saved me. I don't want to scare anyone I wouldn't change a thing,in fact if I ever thought about using in my mind is that tramuatic withdrawal process...8 1/2months clean and I'm going strong.. rebuilding my new clean Life.. friends, family...and most importantly myself.. now need help, I've read alot, paws is extremely Rare, so do you have good weeks than feel like you hit a brick wall for a few days and it passes.. that's where I'm at now,some stomach issues but nothing I can't handle.. please all reading this is doable,stay the course life is so much better clean I promise you..

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Stay Strong for Today
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Posted: July 12, 2017, 11:06 PM


Posts: 43
Joined: March 5, 2017



@Lvg

Paws symptoms from full opioid agonists such as Oxy, Morphine and especially Methadone...as it has a high affinity to bind to the mu opioid receptors and is what gives most people paws symptoms once the acute is over with. Extended paws can indeed be rare for many drugs taken, but it is much more prevalent when dealing with the mu receptors. Opioids literally rewire parts of your brain and it takes a long time for the brain to recover, and this is where paws comes in. Many addicts that don't take drugs that affect these sensitive receptors can, and do often bounce back fairly quickly after the acute withdrawal is over with and the main reason for going back to drugs is the cravings. Usually, with opioids, it's the prolonged feelings of fatigue, depression, intense anxiety, restlessness, depersonalization, anhedonia, sleep issues and restless legs that makes most unable to continue without going back to using. It's the months and months, and in many cases, years is what makes the success rate so low when it comes to opioid agonists. This is what opioid paws is.

As time goes by and the brain begins to heal, these symptoms will become less and less, but usually there will be 2 or 3 days where these symptoms resurface again. This is why it is so imperative to fight through and do things to increase endorphins, like exercise, keep away from stressful situations, sex, etc. You can speed up the healing process (paws), but as you know, it can be so very difficult when you're feeling so emotionally drained.

Paws is just the brain unable to cope with the changes that the opioids have on these receptors. Low endorphins, which also triggers the release of dopamine is a huge factor coming off opioids. This is why exercise is of such importance once the acute is over with. This is why most feel so emotionally terrible for months and months on end after the initial withdrawal period. Now there are a select lucky few who seem to not have any issue with the acute, or paws from long term opioid use, but this does seem to be rare.

There is a site that explains paws fairly well. Every forum is different and the TOS mentions copyrighted issues, so It's just "drugabuse.com paws" in Google and is the first link "PAWS (Post Acute Withdrawal Syndrome).

Now for me, I believe if I haven't had gone through all these months of paws symptoms (some of which are still present--like sleep issues, rls and certain days that include the anxiety and anhedonia), I may have gone back to opioids. For me, it's the difficult time after my initial acute withdrawal is what has me scared straight. I know first hand how difficult, and extremely long the process is to recovery from opioid agonists that I never want to go through this again. I break my leg....you better give me Advil :)

Lvg, you should be very proud of yourself for sticking it out for almost 9 months. It really is an accomplishment! It is possible, not only to get through this, but to remain sober afterward....but you have to take it very seriously and be prepared to unfortunately go through an extended rough period. In regards to NA, I would prefer discussing that, and some other things in a more private setting, like email, but from what I gather, we're not supposed to divulge personal information.
Anyway, hope you are doing well. I also hope Dave is doing well and is definitely in my thoughts tonight.

This post has been edited by NeedHelp123 on July 12, 2017, 11:15 PM
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Posted: July 12, 2017, 11:32 PM


Posts: 43
Joined: March 5, 2017



@itspossible

You're almost at 1 year! That's so great to hear! So many people throw around the word "accomplishment", but as with Lvg, this is such a laborious and burdensome experience to overcome....you really should be feeling the true accomplishment tonight. We didn't get here in a day, but we got this! It really is nice to know I'm not going through this alone.
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Posted: July 13, 2017, 7:03 AM


Posts: 108
Joined: May 31, 2017



This has definitely been a formidable journey.. Sleep or lack of I can deal with. But I was going strong Mentally physically life is wonderful now.. I had gotten really sick bacterial infection a few ago since than the fatigue was intense for a week. I feel prolly 90% now but that was my first experience with "Paws"?? not sure I am fine no stress, just started to work part time in year's... I just felt completely exhausted.. don't get me wrong I'm done I will never use again no matter what!! It just hit me so hard after all the work I have and still am doing every day.. my whole Journey is not on this forum but another, like 30 pages of a horrific tale.. I checked this forum out because I was searching for someone experiencing the same symptoms as me with month of clean time,either people are in early withdrawals and the others fall off whether they relapse or are going about life..ughh just frustrating...that's all for you advice..

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Stay Strong for Today
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Posted: July 13, 2017, 10:18 PM


Posts: 108
Joined: May 31, 2017



Hey Need help, would love to actually talk with someone going through what I am hard to find people that have clean time from Mdone...... I'm new here so I have no idea if we can exchange email or pm each other if you know let me know... I cannot emphasize enough how na has changed my life...I fought it for months..I finally surrendered...

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Stay Strong for Today
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Posted: July 13, 2017, 11:08 PM


Posts: 43
Joined: March 5, 2017



@Lvg

I don't believe this site has private messages and not sure if there is an issue with giving out emails openly on here,...just mentions not giving out confidential info. Could just leave an email address, or if you know of another forum that has PM's and could do it there.

Hope all is well with you tonight.
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Posted: July 14, 2017, 5:01 AM


Posts: 108
Joined: May 31, 2017



Hello Need help, awesome post to Dave, ahhh emphathy.. I'm working on trying to tell my story to kids in school, trying to get the message before they end up in jail, institutions or Death.. as for email I can give you mine just didn't want to get kicked off here as I would no longer be able to follow Dave's journey. as you told me to google paws try 21days free of methadone and hydromorphone...that's where my story is maybe before I give you my email so I won't lose contact with you all.. search Lvgnghtmare..let me know..

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Stay Strong for Today
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Posted: July 14, 2017, 12:05 PM


Posts: 43
Joined: March 5, 2017



@Lvg

No, dont risk leaving the email then. I added you as a contact on your other site, but for the life of me, can't see any way of sending PM's or any contact info. It just shows your profile with how many posts that were posted and whatnot. Have a long day, but will be back later tonight. Hope your day is going well.
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Posted: July 14, 2017, 12:52 PM


Posts: 108
Joined: May 31, 2017



Well if you leave me email on my other thread they will block you from posting not sure if you want to do that, I can't get blocked that forum saved my life.....let me know we have to do it in real time together before they delete it. I can give you mine over there a few letters a day..if you have started a thread there we can do that..

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Stay Strong for Today
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Posted: July 14, 2017, 6:16 PM


Posts: 43
Joined: March 5, 2017



Hey, I made a new post there earlier, so if you're available to chat, I'll be there around 9:30 tonight (eastern time zone). Maybe can talk about NA. Talk to you in a few hrs.
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Posted: July 14, 2017, 8:25 PM


Posts: 108
Joined: May 31, 2017



I'm just getting out of a meeting

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Stay Strong for Today
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Posted: July 14, 2017, 8:30 PM


Posts: 43
Joined: March 5, 2017



Ok I'll be over there.
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Posted: July 14, 2017, 8:58 PM


Posts: 108
Joined: May 31, 2017



I'm just getting on you have to reply to my thread I can't find you

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Stay Strong for Today
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Posted: July 14, 2017, 9:01 PM


Posts: 43
Joined: March 5, 2017



Im under sub treatment area. Sub or methadone post. Second post in list

This post has been edited by NeedHelp123 on July 14, 2017, 9:03 PM
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