My Methadone Withdrawals
Posted: June 8, 2017, 10:58 AM


Posts: 56
Joined: June 8, 2017



(I began this documentation a few days ago on another site which has very little traffic. For more visibility and in order to help anyone it can, I'll be moving it here )
"Jumping off methadone"
-JunkyDave-
First let me tell you a little bit about me. I'm 50 years old, male and have been on methadone for the last 10 years. I'm an alcoholic who quit drinking 29 years ago. I don't do any other recreational drugs whatsoever as opiates have scratched that itch quite well. A few months back after tapering down from 80 mg a day to 20 mg per day , I signed out of the clinic and walked away. I was determined that with the small stockpile I had at home I could continue to wean myself off. I called a good friend of mine who has also been on methadone for over 10 years , although not at any particular Clinic and told her I was done. She happened to be horribly dope sick that day and begged me for a few wafers. I personally have great empathy for other Junkies who are sick and trying to keep it together, hold a job, pay a mortgage Etc ...
To make a long story short I picked the wrong time and the wrong parking lot to meet my lifelong friend in and soon I was in jail. I didn't stay in jail long as I do have some savings and means to post bond. I hired the best attorneys that I could and continued to cut my dose down as my court date approached. Last Wednesday was my court date and my attorneys worked out a no felony deal that knocked the drug charge down to a misdemeanor and more importantly the gun charge down to a misdemeanor (I live in a state that allows registered guns in your car) I also got 12 months of drug tested probation and it's because of this that I decided to jump off and go clean from 10mg of methadone a day. I've been doing opiates for 17 years and I've went the same route that a lot of you guys have. A bad back injury led to a prescription of Lortabs then to Percocet to Roxy's, oxy's, lollipops, pain patches and smack if nothing else was around. My last dose was Wednesday morning(10mg) a week ago. I was drug tested the day after I went to court , called in at random they said.. what they really wanted was a Baseline so that they could see if the numbers went down nanograms/ decaliter wise. Therefore I don't have the luxury of taking benzos to sleep or even the most innocuous of prescription meds if they're not prescribed to me, it would be a violation Of course and I'd end up further entwined with the justice system. Here is how it's went:
I noticed nothing Thursday except for anxiety.
Friday was a bit worse but still nothing I couldn't work through.
Saturday I could tell I was going into the beginnings of a somewhat serious withdrawal. I didn't sleep at all Saturday night and the joint pain centered itself in both ankles. Sunday I knew I was in trouble, the nausea started , digestive troubles bubbled away painfully in my gut and sleep escaped me no matter what I tried. I was sweating like a w**** in church and more anxious than a long-tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs. It was a very rough day.
Monday it appeared, at first at least , was going to be a great day . Somehow Sunday night I had managed to sleep four and a half hours and my mind had tricked itself into thinking the worst was over . I Knew by noon that it was certainly not over. The mystery sleep had simply been one of those strange gifts that happened from time to time and not anything more. I decided instead of being crestfallen about the situation I would instead be grateful that somehow, somewhere, someone had allowed me that rest. No matter how rough Monday was I resolved myself to be in a grateful State of Mind for the nearly five hours of blissful sleep that I'd received. It's currently Tuesday evening and I'm feeling pretty rough. my face is so flushed , my body stinks , my ankles feel like they've been run over by semi truck, I am utterly exhausted but it's the small things that keep me moving. I want to be clean. I want to put this hellish chapter behind me. I no longer want to be a Slave to the Grind of this disease The constant Hustle and Flow of opiate addiction has left me exhausted emotionally, spiritually and financially. Wish me luck, say a prayer and hopefully you'll hear from me again
Regards , Dave

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And those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could not hear the music.
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Posted: June 8, 2017, 11:09 AM


Posts: 56
Joined: June 8, 2017



One week today. 2 hrs of sleep last night. I have the strange taste of wet cardboard in my mouth and am constantly nauseated It's a repulsive taste. I still feel flushing in my face. On a scale of 1-10 I'd say this is a 5.5 except that the lack of sleep seems to be amplifying my overall sense of malaise. No desire for food.
Jun 07

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And those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could not hear the music.
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Posted: June 8, 2017, 11:11 AM


Posts: 56
Joined: June 8, 2017



Day 7, 1:05 p.m.
Wish I knew how to edit on here but I don't ,so sorry for the mistakes in posting.
Had to go to Walmart because we're literally out of food. I stayed in the truck while my wife went in and did the shopping. A thunderstorm suddenly roared in and I watched the various people in the parking lot run around in disarray and chaos. I felt a kinship with them even though I was perfectly dry. The rain subsided and I watch the parking lot return to normality. I was a little sad. Somehow the group disarray Id witnessed had brought a weird Comfort to me. I stepped out of the truck just to let the sun hit my face and I smelled the purest air I think I've ever smelled. Every trace of pollen had been beaten down and there was an overall easiness in the air. The rain had cooled things down so quickly that it caused a cloudiness in the mountains it looked like great Billows of smoke drifting through the trees, the sunshine was on my back and I felt at ease. I've simply got to take note of the little joys and wonders of living. Dope can't run the show any longer.

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And those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could not hear the music.
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Posted: June 8, 2017, 11:16 AM


Posts: 56
Joined: June 8, 2017



Day 8, 8:25am. Sick at a 5/10. Got tricked Yesterday by this Insidious withdrawal into thinking I could cut my dose of Imodium as I was feeling better and apparently almost done with this process. Lying instincts Sneaky lying undependable instincts.
On a positive note I don't feel quite as emotionally vulnerable as I have been feeling. I'll choose to be happy about that.
The big problem still is sleep or lack thereof. Only 1.5 hrs of sleep last night. The lack of quality sleep is becoming debilitating. Also it's the way I'm being deprived that's particularly cruel. At 10pm last night I stretched out with my body giving every indication that sleep would be arriving shortly. Then for the next 7 hours I stayed in some sort of virtual holding pattern, so close to sleep but never being green lit to actually land. The Perpetual circling of my ultimate destination begin to drain me immensely. It reminded me of a flight I was on years ago where we got stuck in a holding pattern right above the airport because a fuel truck had sprung a leak and apparently littered a large portion of the tarmac with jet fuel before it was discovered. We circled the airport incessantly, Waiting, waiting.. waiting... Through the clouds I could see my destination,so close but so far beyond any scope of influence I possessed. I remember going through a whole series of emotions ranging from raw indignation to silent plaintive pleas. I also remember, towards the end, grumbling that if I ever actually landed I would swear off flying forever. Last night I found myself saying the exact same thing again.
Life is funny and hauntingly unpredictable but Damn it I'm choosing to live it to the fullest instead of circling it like some sort of helpless,sickly, stowaway. Mark my words, once this disastrous ride is finally grounded, I will never ever fly again.

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And those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could not hear the music.
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Posted: June 8, 2017, 2:48 PM


Posts: 46
Joined: May 31, 2017



Hey Dave, I quit cold turkey from massive amounts of methadone and diluads. It was the hardest thing I have done. Hang in there I'm now 7 months clean... It does get easier I promise you. Great job. Proud of You. Stay strong for Today...

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Stay Strong for Today
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Posted: June 8, 2017, 3:12 PM


Posts: 56
Joined: June 8, 2017



Thank you for the kind words. It means alot.

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And those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could not hear the music.
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Posted: June 8, 2017, 5:11 PM


Posts: 56
Joined: June 8, 2017



Day 8:
5:10pm
The wife went to use the garage door opener to take the dogs out and it broke. The door was half up-half down. Not a good thing at all. I drug my exhausted being out into the steamy garage and after an hour of random fiddling. Had it working again. Then 20 minutes later she went to open it again and the same thing happened. As I stood sweltering on a stepstool I was fuming. I slammed a door, stormed around and overall laid down a pretty funky cloud of bad vibes. I guess today I'm just an A-hole.
A dirty, sweaty,sickly, unappealing and certainly ungrateful a-hole. I'll try to do better.
Some Sleep would surely help

This post has been edited by JunkyDave on June 8, 2017, 5:12 PM

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And those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could not hear the music.
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Posted: June 8, 2017, 5:11 PM


Posts: 19
Joined: March 5, 2017



Hey Dave. I'm now a little over 11 months off Methadone (10yrs+ on) and it does get easier but I do still have some bad days in between the good. My main problem is anxiety and restless legs that wake me in the early morning. Exercise helps a lot so if you can even get out and walk a half block, you'll be helping produce endorphin.

Lvg, you say your at 7 months right now...are you over the PAWS? Do you still feel restless or anxiety sometimes during the day?

Dave, keep up the good work. You can get through this...it just takes time to allow healing to take place. You should be proud of yourself for taking this step and removing these shackles.

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Posted: June 8, 2017, 5:15 PM


Posts: 56
Joined: June 8, 2017



Thank you Needhelp...
It's so reassuring to hear from others who have faced this demon down.

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And those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could not hear the music.
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Posted: June 8, 2017, 5:31 PM


Posts: 19
Joined: March 5, 2017



After the first few months of me counting the days, hoping I would wake up the next day and be back to 100% but began to not only realize, but to accept that my brains mu receptors (opioid receptors) have been altered by Methadone for over 10yrs and that's not including the 3+yrs of opioid use. It fully sunk in that it may even take more than a year for those receptors to get back to a normal state. This helped me a lot because it wasn't putting so much focus on being back to my old self by a certain date.

At first, I pushed for the 90 day mark because you always hear how 3 months is the recovery period but when I was still feeling the PAWS at 90 days, I became extremely discouraged and made things worse. Some days you can't help but hope for a date or time to feel better but it passes. Today, I have many good days where I feel like I did before I ever touched opioids but I know if a bad day comes, it's just my brain still trying to adjust to not having those chemicals there and learning a healthy and normal reward system. Be proud and keep us updated.
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Posted: June 8, 2017, 8:57 PM


Posts: 46
Joined: May 31, 2017



Hey need help, PAWS is very rare, I to thought I was experiencing that. I've abused drugs so long,I really don't know what normal feels like anymore. But I have every emotion now happy one min, balling my eyes out, laughing the next talk about rollercoasters ughh hate rollercoasters.. I take naps during the day, that's new.. The brain after 30days repairs itself, I to thought I had brain damage. My God what a journey. I was isolating home alone Feeling depressed, miserable,hated the world and me. It was awful I thought I was doing everything right,still felt alone miserable. After 5,6,7 months being clean I was sick and tired of being sick and tired, went to Na, it has changed my whole life. Us as Addicts alone are bad company. Stay strong for Today...

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Stay Strong for Today
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Posted: June 8, 2017, 8:58 PM


Posts: 56
Joined: June 8, 2017



I have also heard that near full recovery is 1 month per year you were on methadone? For me that would be 10 months....
Oy vey!!

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And those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could not hear the music.
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Posted: June 8, 2017, 8:59 PM


Posts: 46
Joined: May 31, 2017



Hey Dave your doing awesome. Stay hydrated it helps rid the toxins from your system.. Stay Strong for Today. Every clean day is a good day...

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Stay Strong for Today
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Posted: June 9, 2017, 9:03 AM


Posts: 56
Joined: June 8, 2017



Day 9
8:31 am

I slept nearly 5 hours last night. Upon arising I could immediately tell that the rest had restored some clarity to my thinking. I thought back on Sunday nights unexpected sleep Bonanza and quickly saw a pattern. Thursday night, Friday night, Saturday night all had the same thing in common, very little sleep. Then Sunday comes and I sleep four and a half hours. This time it's Monday night, Tuesday night, Wednesday night in which I struggled to sleep 2 hours per night... and finally Thursday night, in which I sleep 5 hours. It looks like the body is simply exhausted after 6 hours of sleep in 3 nights and goes into a mandatory shutdown. But at any rate I'll be grateful. Sleep is an escape and it feels so wonderful to just Drift Away. My two grandsons are coming over today for the weekend so we'll see how that goes. Still feel like crap but my mental foggyness appears to be lifting. Also it appears that The troughs in between the cresting waves of discomfort are becoming longer? So the waves of discomfort, when they come, are still intense but the pauses in between appear to have lengthened slightly.
I also notice yesterday during my forced activity with the garage door that afterwards there appeared to be a push back the overall crappiness I was feeling. The activity, even though exhausting, seemed to trigger a long and unexpected period of Clarity both mentally and physically. I would say today would rate a 4.5 out of 10 on my personal withdrawal scale.
A BIG thanks to everyone who's taken the time to comment on this thread. Believe it or not every comment has meant something to me and has helped me in some way, form or fashion.

This post has been edited by JunkyDave on June 9, 2017, 9:05 AM

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And those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could not hear the music.
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Posted: June 9, 2017, 3:21 PM


Posts: 46
Joined: May 31, 2017



Hey Dave, Plenty of water,did I say plenty of Water.. Try excersise,sex anything to stimulate natural endorphins.. Everything your feeling is all Normal all part of the process. Stay Strong for Today..

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Stay Strong for Today
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Posted: June 9, 2017, 3:39 PM


Posts: 56
Joined: June 8, 2017



Definitely feeling better today but still it's hard to trust the sensation. I've been tricked before thinking that it was better only to find out that it really wasn't. So I won't believe it or disbelieve it for now, I'll just be glad that I'm feeling better and won't attempt to gaze too deeply into the phenomena.



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And those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could not hear the music.
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Posted: June 9, 2017, 8:44 PM


Posts: 56
Joined: June 8, 2017



I'm drinking loads of water and Gatorade and eating the best that I can. Just praying for some decent sleep on the 2nd Friday night since I've been clean.

This post has been edited by JunkyDave on June 9, 2017, 8:45 PM

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And those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could not hear the music.
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Posted: June 9, 2017, 8:49 PM


Posts: 46
Joined: May 31, 2017



Hey Dave, it takes a long time for our bodies and brain to heal. The sleep is last thing to normalize.. it's over 7mths clean for me I only sleep 4hrs ughhhmaybe if I'm lucky 5hrs.

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Stay Strong for Today
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Posted: June 9, 2017, 8:50 PM


Posts: 46
Joined: May 31, 2017



That little devil still whispers in my ear..

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Stay Strong for Today
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Posted: June 9, 2017, 10:33 PM


Posts: 19
Joined: March 5, 2017



You sound like you are doing well Dave...much better than I was when first acute withdrawing. Just stay strong because in the early stages the intrusive thoughts of just wanting to be back to normal can creep up and it's seems easy to just take something...anything just to get relief. I will tell you, I will never go back to any type of opioid or opioid blocking medication for the simple fact that my fear of going through these past 10 months overrides any desire to go back. One thing that I wanted to share with you was just how good I feel not being chained down to these types of medications.

The freedom of not having to go drop off samples, take this poison every morning in order to keep withdraws at bay, going away on a trip with the gf (2 weeks ago) and not have to worry about taking anything as soon as I wake is...it's something I am so thankful for. I will tell you, that feeling is an awesome thing to look forward to. It will take time, but you're doing good...keep it up. For me, I think I'm a little over 11 months and a real turning point where I noticed I would often tell myself "wow, "this is a good day" was around the 10 month mark. I'm still waiting for the sleep issue to be resolved (being able to sleep without feeling the body is forcing myself to get up) and the sneezing lol oy vey, the sneezing gets annoying sometimes, but isn't as often as even a few months ago.

You'll do fine. Trust me, if I can get through this...I'm confident you'll do just fine. Keep posting and let us know how you're doing.

This post has been edited by NeedHelp123 on June 9, 2017, 10:49 PM
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