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Posts: 14
Joined: August 13, 2016
Posted: August 13, 2016, 10:39 AM
My skin is starting to get that initial uncomfortable feeling like there are tiny fires everywhere on the surface, some sweats mostly anxiety and apathy smh. I am in a VA hospital on the east coast and just this week i made the rash decision to come off 45 Mg of methadone after i Lost my job and had to withdraw from fall semester. In the last few weeks from a series of rather serious black outs from a cocktail of my methadone, heroin and benzodiazepines I hit a new kind of bottom. I had a great job too working at an animal shelter as an administration coordinator, a ton great people that i worked with help me feel purpose and actual responsibility to something significant.. Having only one minor incident in the beginning of the year, no one knew how bad i actually was until i came to work two weeks ago completely comatose and unaware of anything and everything i was doing, I wasn't even there an hour before they called me a cab and sent me home. It wasn't till I came to and realized through text messages and Facebook how bad i messed up. This has not been my only singular loss during my addiction but this hit me hard as i was using the methadone to render myself a "functional addict." Funny right? Sad really. Listlessness, hopeless, apathetic, pathetic - all is me. I am grateful for the VA, I am comfortable at this very moment, in a few more hours i will not be as comfortable im sure but they have provided a very comfortable environment to be just awful.
0.5 mg clonazepam 0.1 mg clonidine BIg brown multi vitamin Is what I am getting now, as symptoms worsen they have meds to help ease the pain a little.. Any words of enrichment i would appreciate while i go through this as i will explore the message boards and give mine to all of you.. Thanks, be easy. | ||
Posts: 2616
Joined: January 4, 2008
Posted: August 13, 2016, 12:18 PM
Your gonna be fine...they've got you set up..not a pleasant ride...but a kick is a kick...we've all been there...get a hold of some earphones and music if you can...helps with head later...good luck...be safe
This post has been edited by constantine on August 13, 2016, 12:18 PM | ||
Posts: 1906
Joined: October 23, 2011
Posted: August 13, 2016, 12:51 PM
Detoxing and beginning to get clean/sober is great.
Staying clean/sober will be where the day-to-day trick lies. I found lasting sobriety and serenity in AA/NA. All the best. Bob R -------------------- Serenity Prayer God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, The courage to change the things I can, And the wisdom to know the difference. Free copy of AA's Big Book on-line: http://www.aa.org/pages/en_US/alcoh...olics-anonymous Free copy of NA's Big Book on-line: Copy & Paste coastalcarolinaarea.org/literature/books/b_t.pdf AA's HOW IT WORKS: Copy & paste www.aa.org/assets/en_US/p-10_howitworks.pdf NA's HOW IT WORKS: http://www.na.org/admin/include/spa...0it%20Works.pdf ---------------------------------------------------------------- --- driven by a hundred forms of fear, self-delusion, self-seeking, and self-pity. ---there are those too who suffer from grave emotional and mental disorders but many of them do recover if they have the capacity to be honest. ... I need AA more than it needs me. --- I fight recovery tooth and nail.... I'm not used to being sane, it just doesn't seem natural. ...... According to the great spiritual teachers, ignorance does not result from what we don’t know; ignorance results from what we think we do know. ---Some think that 2+2=5 and believe it. Some know that 2+2=4 and can't stand it. --- I didn't have a very happy childhood but I sure am having a long one ! ---Dry since 1989 working daily on getting/staying SOBER. ---If you want to drink, that's your business ...If you want to quit, that's AA's business. ... Tell me, I'll forget; ... Show me, I'll remember; ... Engage me, I'll understand. ---Most problems are psychological. Most solutions are spiritual . "If we try to change our ego with the help of our ego, we only have a better-disguised ego." --Richard Rohr WWBWD (What Would Bill W. Do) | ||
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Posts: 14
Joined: August 13, 2016
Posted: August 13, 2016, 4:10 PM
Constantine I am currently reading your journal, wow. Thank you. And when it starts to get really bad I will pop those phones in and listen to something good no matter how bad the shiver. Thank you. I am at about 31 hours from my last dose.
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Posts: 2616
Joined: January 4, 2008
Posted: August 13, 2016, 4:29 PM
Boring s*** sad read...but if it keeps your head straight...have at it...lol...check in when you can...kicking sucks...no way round it...wry smiles to ya...
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Posts: 14
Joined: August 13, 2016
Posted: August 14, 2016, 1:28 PM
Why is this so different to detox from!? Its been 52 Hours since i last dosed and I don't feel that bad, I know that my combo of Klonopine and colodine is helping with anxiety and some symptoms.. I have this feeling I am going to think that I have this thing beat and then its just going to kill me tomorrow or the next day? anyone's thoughts?
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Posts: 2616
Joined: January 4, 2008
Posted: August 14, 2016, 4:05 PM
Depends on the person...I've heard from people who have breezed through it...don't set yourself up worrying about it. ..you might have a mild one...Smile and take it...one hour at a time...everyone's chem is different...I had almost 72 hours before the deep hit me...last dose was a friday...didnt hurt too bad until sometime on that Sunday..and some don't get hit at all...relax...if it comes...it comes...no use worrying. ..methadone has a frking nuclear half life...if it hits it will take awhile...it's not a dope kick...
This post has been edited by constantine on August 14, 2016, 4:15 PM | ||
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Posts: 14
Joined: August 13, 2016
Posted: August 14, 2016, 6:32 PM
and that why i think i am going to be okay because my metabolism is pretty fast, I get it all out quick. When i was using heroin i would get sick fast after it was out and i was doing decent s***,. I think that colodine and klonopine are doing a lot too,, One slows the heart and one shuts activity to the brain so they are extremely effective together., I don't wanna say anything about being out of the woods yet though, tomorrow might just be my day. And i haven't gotten through this for free i have been sweaty chilly and yawning for hours but i can hold my fluids and some foods they are giving me. Kicking heroin in jail was way worse for 5 to 7 days of constant pain and weeks of residual withdraw symptoms, I am not out of the wood just yet but i am cruising along thats for sure.
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Posts: 1906
Joined: October 23, 2011
Posted: August 14, 2016, 7:27 PM
What are you going to do when you are released from the hospital?
What are your plans for living/staying clean and sober? -------------------- Serenity Prayer God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, The courage to change the things I can, And the wisdom to know the difference. Free copy of AA's Big Book on-line: http://www.aa.org/pages/en_US/alcoh...olics-anonymous Free copy of NA's Big Book on-line: Copy & Paste coastalcarolinaarea.org/literature/books/b_t.pdf AA's HOW IT WORKS: Copy & paste www.aa.org/assets/en_US/p-10_howitworks.pdf NA's HOW IT WORKS: http://www.na.org/admin/include/spa...0it%20Works.pdf ---------------------------------------------------------------- --- driven by a hundred forms of fear, self-delusion, self-seeking, and self-pity. ---there are those too who suffer from grave emotional and mental disorders but many of them do recover if they have the capacity to be honest. ... I need AA more than it needs me. --- I fight recovery tooth and nail.... I'm not used to being sane, it just doesn't seem natural. ...... According to the great spiritual teachers, ignorance does not result from what we don’t know; ignorance results from what we think we do know. ---Some think that 2+2=5 and believe it. Some know that 2+2=4 and can't stand it. --- I didn't have a very happy childhood but I sure am having a long one ! ---Dry since 1989 working daily on getting/staying SOBER. ---If you want to drink, that's your business ...If you want to quit, that's AA's business. ... Tell me, I'll forget; ... Show me, I'll remember; ... Engage me, I'll understand. ---Most problems are psychological. Most solutions are spiritual . "If we try to change our ego with the help of our ego, we only have a better-disguised ego." --Richard Rohr WWBWD (What Would Bill W. Do) | ||
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Posts: 14
Joined: August 13, 2016
Posted: August 14, 2016, 8:09 PM
Well since this is a VA hospital there are many programs attached to detox that i could go into. i will talk to a social worker tomorrow and kinda figure that out. This facility for veterans i am at is really nice and has one of the best reviews in my state. I am confident that i will find whats best for me to stay clean. After the program is complete i am going to live with my sister near state college PA in the middle of no where to help out her husbands family family farm to save money. They are giving me six months to save money and get back to where i am from in time for spring semester, Hopefully i can find a few meetings up there so i can stay connected while i am up there. Thats the plan in a nut shell.
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Posts: 2616
Joined: January 4, 2008
Posted: August 14, 2016, 11:12 PM
Hang tough ninja..going to a place where I may have no connection for awhile...wish you well..
Con | ||
Posts: 13
Joined: August 12, 2016
Posted: August 15, 2016, 10:52 AM
hi there
i know how you are feeling and i hope you make it .. i weaned myself from 30ml to 4ml myself and with no medication ( except for buscopan for stomach cramps ) ... doctors in the uk will not give you valium or clonazepan for methadone reduction ( except when moving from 2ml to nothing and only if your registered with a drug service ) the anger and paranoia i felt during the 30ml to 4ml was terrible ...and i felt so alone as my wife does not understand how methadone affects you and the withdrawls .. and thats a big problem .. unless your experiencing the effects or you have people have no idea... even rehab/detox doctors dont know what it actually feels like but trust me ... the feeling your having now will go and when they do you will get a even better euphoria from being clean ..... i wish you all the best in your detox and recovery and best of luck bri | ||
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Posts: 14
Joined: August 13, 2016
Posted: August 15, 2016, 1:46 PM
Good luck to you Con? Sounds like you are seeking something, you and I in this world are going through something together and thats comforting. Not sure why? 76 hours since my last dose and its coming, i can feel it, in my bones, sweats are getting worse. A team of doctors doing rounds this morning say that i am in for it, that it could take up to a week to actually start feeling really horrible. They could kick me out because of bed space so i will have to go through the second half at my moms if she lets me.. I'm nervous. Thanks for the encouragement everyone. I am going to do this, I am so determined.
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Posts: 14
Joined: August 13, 2016
Posted: August 15, 2016, 3:38 PM
Oh and good luck to you brain! I should have tapered. The pain is coming, I think need it. I need know I am alive and life is worth the fight.
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