Posted: May 11, 2016, 10:42 AM
Have just discovered this forum & as it has provided me with almost instantaneous comfort & insight so I have signed up. I have read some of your background stories & take courage from you all. My story is no different; Heroin addiction then thinking you are 'out of the wood' by picking up a Methadone script each day and feeling great but then little things making you realise it's just another addiction but wearing a slightly more respectable coat. I have only been on Methadone for a year but knew that I had to try & get off it. Finally got down to 5 ml (having been started on 60). Did a few days of 2.5 but have now 'thrown away the crutches'. Have not had any since Saturday (4 days). I guess that I could be feeling a lot worse but have been ok. Lack of energy and 'mojo' is the worst as I have to present as 'normal' to my 'world'; teenage kids, work colleagues, etc. I think that the worst thing is that because it is all self inflicted we feel we can't cut ourselves any slack or take time out. On the other hand, attempts at keeping busy and functional keep the mind off other things. I just need reassurance that I will rediscover the old me & will regain some energy & enthusiasm for doing things & getting 110% out of life instead of just trying to survive! One of the posts that I read said they get on a treadmill each day and RUN!!! It takes ALL of my strength to haul myself out of bed & do the bare essentials. Having read the posts though I am inspired for the longer haul & am so thankful that my mental angst seems to be improving. When I withdrew from Heroin a couple of years ago), it was the mental anguish & 'abyss' that caught me by surprise. A place I never, ever wish to go back. I will keep on keeping on & THANK YOU to all of you for being there, supporting each other. It makes me feel much less isolated & alone which counts for a lot. I hope that I can do the same for somebody.....