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Abusing Suboxone But Want To Stop


Posts: 2
Joined: October 10, 2014


Posted: October 10, 2014, 5:03 PM
Being a competent drug addict I did find a way to abuse suboxone but now after more than 6 years I find myself sick of it. Sick of the obsession. Sick of the isolation. Sick of the lying and the secrecy. Sick of the humiliation and shame that I put on myself for being such a loser. The way that I have abused Suboxone? Mostly by varying dosages, ramping up, then cutting way down, then back up again. My prescribed dose is 4 mgs. a day but the rollercoaster goes from 10mgs down to .5mgs then back up again. Right after seeing my Dr. and filling my prescription I binge, using as many as 5 - 2mgs per day then I gradually drop the dose out of necessity since I no longer have the amount needed to take two 2mgs strip per day(as prescribed). I've also used a technique of cutting the strips into small pieces and snorting them. This makes the effect more powerful and makes it possible to use much lower doses than when melting them under my tongue. I debated about revealing that part because I don't want to encourage anyone to do this but I know that if you want to abuse it you will find out how and I fell the need now to be honest to someone - anyone about what I am doing, and that is part of the story. I use to think that I would never get tired of using this miraculous drug and that I would never want to quit. My wife would ask me over and over again in the beginning, "Isn't this suppose to be a temporary solution?" and I would tell her that I didn't want to stop using Suboxone because it was so effective. It keeps me from relapsing. "I'm too afraid of going off of it because then I might end up back on real drugs". But the truth inside was always that I enjoyed it too much to give it up. I was getting high on it. Still am. But the strangest thing has started happening and it is very odd because the feeling I have now is not coming from hitting a bottom (which we are told is the ONLY WAY we will ever want to get better). There is no single reason that I want to quit. There has not been a revelation. Rather it has been a slow progression of thought and feeling and instinct that has brought me to this place. I don't want to keep getting high off of Suboxone. I don't want to use it any more. Honestly, I never thought I would say or write those words but it is true. I don't want it! I just don't want to do it any more. I want to voluntarily give up the warm glow, give up the soft edges, give up the calm repose. It is a totally new perspective for me. Even when going through the last recovery center I was never sure that I wanted to give it up. It was more like I had to... I am very grateful that I have been given this time to experience all of this so that I could finally arrive at this point. Now what do I do?


Posts: 1059
Joined: August 11, 2012


Posted: October 11, 2014, 8:27 AM
Hello and welcome! I have never took the sub route i went with methadone instead but i can relate to your post. I abused methadone. Truth was i didn't want to be clean, i just didn't want to be sick. Make sense? After years on methadone i tried to just quit. Bad idea. I ended up going to treatment to get some real help. I got educated about addiction. There was a reason that i couldn't love or save myself. Then i got involved in NA. This program has saved my life. Try getting to a meeting and get honest with yourself. It can't hurt, and it's free.Things only get worse not better when you abuse drugs. Good luck friend.


Posts: 1906
Joined: October 23, 2011


Posted: October 11, 2014, 11:31 AM
Hello Joe;
If you want to use ... then use. That's your business
If you want to stop ... then stop.
If you want to stop and can't ... then go to NA/AA. That's our business.

All the best.

Bob R

--------------------
Serenity Prayer
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference.


Free copy of AA's Big Book on-line: http://www.aa.org/pages/en_US/alcoh...olics-anonymous

Free copy of NA's Big Book on-line:
Copy & Paste coastalcarolinaarea.org/literature/books/b_t.pdf


AA's HOW IT WORKS:
Copy & paste www.aa.org/assets/en_US/p-10_howitworks.pdf


NA's HOW IT WORKS:
http://www.na.org/admin/include/spa...0it%20Works.pdf


----------------------------------------------------------------

--- driven by a hundred forms of fear, self-delusion, self-seeking, and self-pity.

---there are those too who suffer from grave emotional and mental disorders but many of them do recover if they have the capacity to be honest.

... I need AA more than it needs me.

--- I fight recovery tooth and nail....
I'm not used to being sane, it just doesn't seem natural.


...... According to the great spiritual teachers, ignorance does not result from what we don’t know; ignorance results from what we think we do know.

---Some think that 2+2=5 and believe it.
Some know that 2+2=4 and can't stand it.


--- I didn't have a very happy childhood
but I sure am having a long one !


---Dry since 1989
working daily on getting/staying SOBER.


---If you want to drink, that's your business
...If you want to quit, that's AA's business.


... Tell me, I'll forget;
... Show me, I'll remember;
... Engage me, I'll understand.


---Most problems are psychological.
Most solutions are spiritual .


"If we try to change our ego with the help of our ego, we only have a better-disguised ego."
--Richard Rohr


WWBWD (What Would Bill W. Do)


Posts: 10
Joined: February 25, 2016


Posted: February 25, 2016, 10:22 PM
Thank you for sharing... My live in gf has been on suboxone for four years and I believe she abuses it as based on her extreme mood swings, anger and acting high... She hides her addiction from me and I know that she's lied about most of her story. I know she snorted Oxys and Percs before going onto suboxone and she recently told me she's tried to get high off sub but can't. I can't really tell. Are there clear signs I should look for??? Dialated pupils? Sweating at night, sleeping constantly? Agitation and anger?

Thank you for sharing and for sharing any real truth that you can....

TG


Posts: 42
Joined: January 31, 2016


Posted: March 6, 2016, 12:51 AM
I am a methadone addict who is just now switched to subutex. So I can not possibly and am NOT talking from above you for I am you, So what I wanted to direct you to is the God of the Bible (not the god of some particular literal church) but the Bible alone. To God alone, broken confessing THAT you do not know.... begging for help...that is me also though I persuaded that salvation is in the heart and is not apparent in the outward man directly. I want off of everything too but that is NOT the place all my hope resides , not being clean OUTSIDE but inside, the heart... the rest I THINK is a weak reflection of the inner man of the heart ....but I WOULD present as a better man if only that my friends and loved ones would bother to look at me and maybe even listen to my HEART



Posts: 42
Joined: January 31, 2016


Posted: March 6, 2016, 1:37 AM
I feel pretty stupid now for not noticing that this original post was 2014! Is Joe still around here even?
noone






Posted: June 5, 2016, 7:18 PM
Your post is exactly what is in my head. it's like you've described the exact mental process and realization that I've slowly came to. I had no exact moment of clarity that awakened me. After a year and a half of manipulating subs I just slowly became less happy. Every dose I was ecstatic for a minute, then filled with emptiness and just waiting for tomorrow. Each time the warm fuzzies are interrupted by an annoying buzzkill feeling that I can't shake. Every night I feel more depressed and agitated, ready to stop it, but every morning I rationalize it and wake up hopeful and feeling that it will be better today. I do the same s***, and afterwards its the same feeling. I've been abusing it the same way you described to a t.

I have the most amazing partner I could ever deserve and I wanted to taper off for him but I just couldn't..now it's different, I want it for me. Everyone said I would know when I was ready. I'm realizing me being agitated/depressed/not having fun isn't because we can't agree on what to watch or because I should've taken my dose later to feel the effects, etc. it's because I'm trying to get high and it's not working. I tell myself that I'm not saving money or doing that project or taking care of myself bc I don't wake up early enough or bc I don't take vitamins, but it's all bc I live for an hour out of the day that's never enough. I don't know how to stop either...I know this is years ahead but maybe you'll see this.


Posts: 1
Joined: June 9, 2016


Posted: June 9, 2016, 2:17 AM
I am a stepmother of an addict, just so you know I am not a user. However, I am no better than you for I have my weaknesses that I have had to confront. Realization is a good beginning. Admitting to yourself is what is required to succeed. Then to your spouse/partner so that person can support you. AA/NA have purpose and are helpful for many people. Relationships with sponsors can last a lifetime. Your spouse should go to Al-Anon. Finding and establishing a personal relationship with the Savior is paramount. We are not able to conquer major hurdles without Him. He knocks at the door that only we can open. He suffered in Gethsemene and Calvary so that he would know how to succor each and every one of us who will turn to him. Repentance is the best tool that we have and will help you to reach out to he who matters most.

I am a celiac. Grains are my weakness. I don't know when to quit, unless I reach the end of the bag. I don't buy pretzels, cookies, cakes, etc. Rarely do I purchase Ezekiel Bread and I am now able to make it last a long time. It took me a long time to realize what was going on.

You have come clean with yourself. That is good. Carry on with the other important people in your life...those you can see and he whom you can not.
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