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Posted: July 8, 2012, 4:11 PM
I have always used drugs in one way or another. I was a typical teen experimenting up a storm. Though I was trying all kinds of different things at that age, nothing stuck like taking my first vicoden in 2000(give or take a couple yrs). I never knew such a feeling. Long story short, I continued on this "pill poppin" path for the next 5 yrs, until I met my husband and had my first child. By this time I was heavily addicted, but maintained sobriety during my 9 months of pregnancy. I thought that would have been the end of it. NO!! it wasn't. Of course I had a c-section and on came the pills. I was so elated to get this high back, I couldn't even tell you. Keep in mind I was hiding this from EVERYONE.
Shortly after I had my baby, my husband broke his back and was prescribed perc's...Very strong ones and alot of them... I stole em till he had none left. That's when he got involved(obviously)... After he started hiding them, I played all the well known games that involve fake injuries and such just to get to his stash. He fell for it for a while until he started running out too fast. Between him and gettin them from other people, and fake ailments leading me to regular vivsits to the ER, I was on a 15 to 25 pill a day habbit...I was Dr shoppin...ALL of the above. Two years after I had My first child, we were expecting again. By this time I was super sick into my disease and getting dope sick almost everyday, due to lack of stash. I again maintained sobriety during my pregnancy and hopeful of maintaining sobriety, and had yet another c-section....It all started all over again, but this time my hubby was sick of the crap and eventually moved out...We were in process of figuring out what to do with the kids which were 2 and 4 by then...Then this is where eveything changed.... Wait, hold on. I need to back track a bit.By this time we were living in Iowa(born and raised in Cali) and my parents moved out shortly after....About 2 weeks after my folks got to Iowa, my dad was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer. My family moved in with them to take care of him, and yup I was a full blown, bottom hitting addict. At this point no change quite yet. My hubby and kids...and myself took a little trip, and on that trip I once again stole his pills which is what let him to move out...About a week after he moved out, my dad died...THAT'S where everything changed. My soul changed. I can't tell you why, but everything became so clear...Unfortunatly here in rural Iowa, PA doesn't exsist, so I have been taking part in on-line mtg's and such...It's been two years since my dad died and it's changed my life...I changed my life..I quit my dead end job, went back to school, and now I'm one semester away from graduating and starting a two year program to start my career as a radiology tech. I spend my days meditating, practicing yoga, and getting ready for my last semester...My hubby and kids are so amazing. I don't think I ever really "saw" them till 2 yrs ago...I wouldn't change this life for anything...Do I worry that I will ever use again??? Yes, everyday... If I had any advice out there for those who are still struggling...There is a better life out there, and when you find it, it will kick those drugs in the a**...Stay strong... | ||
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