| post new topic |
|
Posted: March 10, 2005, 12:03 AM
Hi, I'm Bob, a grateful recovering alcoholic and addict, clean and sober only by God's grace, the fellowship of A.A. and the people in it.
I was attracted to the lifestyle of an alcoholic before I ever picked up my first drink. My father is a recovering alcoholic, he just celebrated 27 years in April. I grew up watching my father drink with his so called buddies and spent alot of time in bars as a young child. Always feeling like I never fit in anywhere and feeling different from all my friends. I loved the fuss ppl. made of me when I was with him. I loved the fact that everyone seemed so happy in the bar, they all seemed like good friends and I felt, even that young, excepted for me. So, I'll skip ahead a little. I picked up at 10 yrs. old. no big deal just tried it, but I do remember liking the taste of beer. It was a weekend thing to do through my highschool years. I was a full blown alcoholic by the time I was 19.My father had been in A.A. since I turned 15. I went to a few meetings with him back in 1985 or 86 but it wasn't for me then, I still had to many "I nevers". I don't feel it nessessary to go into "war stories" here...1986 I started doin' coke alot along with my drinkin'. I loved it..It allowed me to drink and stay in the game for days at a time rather then just the night or weekend. My addiction allowed me to do things that I would never do in a sober state of mind. I stole, cheated, hurt people physically and mentally. My addiction took me places I had no business being. It's a miracle I'm alive today. I was a whiskey drinker as well, I loved the taste and the effect it gave me. I always drank for effect. I was a blackout drinker as well, there are things I was told I've done , but have no memory of doing them. My friends stopped inviting me out, they didn't want anypart of being around me when I was drinking and drugging.................. This post has been edited by Bob on May 19, 2006, 10:40 PM | ||
|
Posted: May 19, 2006, 10:40 PM
............. I moved a few times and somehow managed to get married and have two beautiful girls. Now 15 and 10.
No matter where I moved I always managed to gravitate towards the ppl. that were just like me. No matter where ya' go ya' take yourself with ya'!! lol 1995 I was introduced to Percocet. I replaced everything else I did for it. Stopped drinkin' doin' coke just did the pills, mostly anyway. Wasn't long before I was up to about 50 or 60 pills a day. I started learning what pills were simular what ones you had to take more of for effect. I knew more about them then the f---'in doctors did. I had back surgery in 2000. before this I had a few oxy's from time to time but not many. This time I was given my own script. 80mg..I remember actually being excited about discharge from the hos. cause I couldn't wait to get my script filled...Wasn't long I was taking between 10 & 20 of these a day. And still taking whatever other kind of opiate I could get my hands on. I was nolonger getting high from all of this I needed to take this amount just to feel "normal". Just to wake up and do what I had to do couldn't be done without the help of a handfull of pills.And thats no s*** as I'm sure you all know. One morning in 2001 I called my dad, asked him for help. It had to stop.I was out of what I needed and had nobody to call, I had burnt all my bridges, sitting on my bedroom floor crying, begging God for help. My dad came over called a friend of his who I knew for years. My dad couldn't help me. It's not a good idea to get involved with 12 steppin' a family member. I knew this, cause I fourtunately knew about A.A....N.A....etc..Anyway, this friend took me to rehab on 10-30-2001. My life was saved because of A.A. the ppl. in it and God. But because I still never admitted complete powerlessness at two years clean and sober after about 8 or 9 surgeries for kidney stones I picked up. I took my meds. the wrong way and bought two bags of coke. Why? Because back in July of 2003 I stopped making meetings on a regular basis. Thought I was fine and didn't need that s***. WRONG!! Only took 4 months for me and I was back on the train. Thank God and my wife and friends I called my sponcer 1-11-04, told him exactly what I did, Turns out he knew!! lol...Did I learn yet? No! Always having to learn every lesson the hard way, again I got a little time under my belt. A little over a year clean/sober. But, I still couldn't grasp the thought of "24 Hours At A Time". Plus I still had a few "I nevers", which I now know are "Not Yets". Instead of realizing what was instore for me, I told myself there were things I just wouldn't do, drinking/using or not. Wrong again! After again, slacking off on meetings, yep you guessed it, I pickied up again. Not where I left off, but where I would have been had I never stopped. This time my kids didn't eat, bills weren't getting paid, and I damn near lost the roof over my head. Well today I've admitted complete defeat & powerlessness. I ask God for another day in the morning and I thank him at night and I try do whats right inbetween. I make a regular attendance of meetings, I try to help another alcoholic/addict. My sobriety date is 8-16-05 Thanks for letting me share...... Bob | ||
|
Posted: December 6, 2009, 7:58 PM
Well,
Time sure goes by fast. It's December of 2009 now and so much has happened. I'm still clean and sober. I thank God and all those who have helped and guided me along the way. I guess the biggest change in my life happened May 26th of 2007. My dad, my best friend, biggest supporter in recovery, my fishing partner, and a wonderful father passed away from cancer. I still at times find it hard to accept it. I really miss him. He never went to a doctor. The last time he saw a doctor was in basic training when he went into the Army in 1960. Then he got sick in early 2007 and finally he and I had a talk alone. I asked him to please see a doctor. I have no idea how my dad got through each day always helping someone as sick as he was. He hid it from us for a long time. It wasn't till the just a couple months before I noticed something was wrong. He insisted he had Bronchitis. Then I didn't see him for a couple weeks, only talked over the phone. Till mom asked me to stop by. I was shocked at his weight loss and I decided to speak with him privately. We didn't need to say much. We both knew what was going on without having to say the words. And I knew as I know he did, that when he left to go into the hospital he wouldn't be returning home. Dad checked in the hospital April 26th and passed away a month later. I still feel lost without him. I just never pictured a world without him in it. Since then I had mom move in downstairs. I fixed up her place really nice, she loves it and there are no steps! lol My daughters have grown so much. Lauren is 18 and Alanna is 14 now. My wife Gina is also still doing great in her recovery. We've had our hard times financially. Things are still tight and times are hard. But we all love eachother and are grateful for everything we do have. The thought of a drink or drug doesn't come to mind anymore for me. It hasn't been part of the equation for a long time and I'm very grateful for that. I don't live for recovery, my recovery allows me to live. Life today is good. I enjoy family and friends, and I wouldn't change a thing. I just wanted to drop by and update this post. It's important I believe to show it works, and us addicts can go through hard times, no matter how bad, without picking up. In my case, I never even thought about trying to use any of it for an excuse. Thank God. Just for the record, my dad passed away and took his recovery with him. He was sober till the end. Everyone at some point in life has a hero. I was very lucky that my dad and my hero happened to be one and the same. My dad was, and still is my hero. If I make it through life and become half the man he was, that will be a great success. He was a man of great character and integrity, honest and humble, a man of his word and a great husband and father. I dedicate this post and my continued sobriety to this point to him. I Love You Dad To Be Continued..... This post has been edited by Bob on December 6, 2009, 8:04 PM | ||
|
Posted: January 7, 2011, 1:41 PM
January 7th, 2011...
Still clean and sober. Will write more later. Just wanted to let people know it works! Any newcomers browsing around, hang tough, what may seem hard now, won't even be a second thought down the line. Stay out of arms reach and you can't pick up. Keep it simple. Bob, still a work in progress. :) | ||
|
| post new topic |