Off The Tracks Once Again!
Posted: May 8, 2017, 1:12 PM


Posts: 384
Joined: August 28, 2016



It has been a while since I posted because even though I have no contact with my 46 year old addicted son, I thought he was paying his car title loan, had a job, and an apartment.
Well he is 40 days late on his loan( I can check online) and he only had 4 payments left. We refused to pay his title loan because we had bought the car for him and he took out the loan without a job. I am not paying for his car twice! He hasn't contacted us since we refused, but I thought he was maybe making an effort.

No such luck--all lies again! I think he is out of the state because the title loan company probably won't go after him then especially for $1500 he owes. However, he will get caught when he has to renew his tags in Feb.

I always had hope ,but I no longer have hope now. I have let God have him and I pray for his safety and freedom from drugs everyday. Other then that I have nothing to do with him. He said on the last text 3 months ago that he doesn't want anything to do with us and wished us dead.

My heart aches for those of us that are dealing with all this drug addiction drama and the devastation it causes. I pray for all of us----

Lori
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Posted: May 8, 2017, 6:39 PM


Posts: 805
Joined: June 27, 2016



Ahh - Lori - Thanks for the update. So sorry that nothing has changed.... wishing the best for your family.... at least there's no drama... I am familiar with the constant nagging feeling to check up on things.... keep your chin up and keep putting the past behind you.... each day is a new day for you to do things for you!
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Posted: May 8, 2017, 6:46 PM


Posts: 431
Joined: August 4, 2015



Lori,
I know it's upsetting to see that his behaviors haven't changed, I'm sorry. I will say though, that checking up on what he's paying probably isn't a healthy place for you. Our kids may or may not ever be everything we wanted them to be but if they're still alive one more day, there's still hope for recovery, even if it's slim. Let go and let God. I know, it's easier said than done.
Hugs

--------------------
Michelle
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Posted: May 8, 2017, 8:05 PM


Posts: 384
Joined: August 28, 2016



thanks guys! I know and yes it is hard to see them always failing. Always such an emotional roller coaster! Just when I feel like I have conquered and got everything focused on me and my family, things like Mother's Day come around and I backslide emotionally. I am still a NON-ENABLER and I will always be no matter what. Can't go back to that way of life before! It was smothering me!

I hope all is looking up for you guys and I pray for you both and for your peace of mind.

(((HUGS))) Lori
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Posted: May 10, 2017, 1:50 AM


Posts: 1
Joined: May 10, 2017



Lori, Your post breaks my heart, as so many of the posts on this site do. Of course, I recognize the story. The facts may vary, but the plot is the same. We have been down a similar path and suffered the same disappointment and discouragement. One of the things that has kept me soldiering on has been the stories I hear from recovering addicts who share their experience, strength and hope with us at our Nar-Anon meetings. Having heard those stories at many, many meetings over the last 13 – 15 years (I’ve lost count), I have always managed to maintain hope, even in the darkest of times. When I hear what some of the recovering addicts have been through, how long it took some of them to choose sobriety, what pain they inflicted on themselves and their families, and how they have healed those wounds, I know that there is always hope. As long as my son is alive, I have had hope that he would find recovery. The best thing we can do for our loved ones is to turn them over to the care of God as we understand God, and I hear that you have done that. And, if you have, I can’t help but believe that your son is in God’s good hands. If your son finds recovery, it will be in God’s time and on His terms. When I have grown frustrated with the pace of my son’s recovery, or lack thereof, I have to remind myself that I’m not in charge, and I don’t know what’s best for my son. His higher power knows and, while I’d like for him to be well on the road to a “recovered” life, there may be things that he has to learn, things that he has to experience, so that his recovery will be on a solid footing. When he relapsed after 3 years of stunning and miraculous success, I had to be patient with him and with God. Today, he’s sober once again, much stronger and wiser and more committed than ever before. I could have easily given up on him when I saw what he was throwing away by picking up drugs again. It would have been easy and certainly understandable. But, I kept hearing the message of recovery from addicts who had turned their lives around, and I accepted in my heart of hearts that, if it were possible for them, it was certainly possible for my son. So, each time I got a call and had to say “no,” each time I heard another chapter of his drama and wanted to weep, I reminded myself that he and his recovery were no longer my responsibility, and all I really needed to do was let him know that I loved him and trusted that he would find his way. Once I did that, all I had to do is work on understanding the disease of drug addiction, find compassion for the struggle that son endures and love him no matter what. If we trust in our higher power and our loved one’s higher power and we detach from our loved one with love in our hearts, we have done all we can do for them and for ourselves. I pray that you will find hope again and that your son will, some day, find his way to recovery. My very best to you and your family.
Stan
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Posted: May 10, 2017, 8:43 AM


Posts: 384
Joined: August 28, 2016



stan--

Thanks so much for your post. It brought me to tears because even though I have no contact with my son, I wait for the day I get a call from him that he wants to turn his life around. I guess I haven't really given up hope then.

Every night we pray as a family for our Chris and ask for God's direction. Chris was raised in church and baptized and we pray he will be like the prodigal son and return.

God is in charge and I just have to keep reminding myself of that as I tend to be a "control freak"--lol.

Thanks again--you made me feel better!

((HUGS))) Lori
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Posted: May 11, 2017, 9:39 AM


Posts: 19
Joined: January 9, 2017



Duchesschama,

I believe someday your child will be free from this bondage of drugs. It might be 20 years or 20 days from now but some day it will happen. And When he comes back from this addiction, he will think about you with nothing but love and thankfulness in his heart for being his mom.
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Posted: May 11, 2017, 8:01 PM


Posts: 384
Joined: August 28, 2016



jeffreyrunner--

Thanks for your encouragement--it helps so much to hear that there is still hope and your supportive words make me feel that one day I will have my son back.

I hope your daughter makes changes in her life and becomes the mom she needs to be. It is so difficult when there are children involved. Thank goodness my Chris never had any children. It would have made everything so much more complicated than it is.

Take care of you--

(HUGS)) Lori

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Posted: May 14, 2017, 1:32 PM


Posts: 2604
Joined: January 4, 2008



Hi D
Sending smiles

Con
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Posted: May 15, 2017, 12:53 PM


Posts: 384
Joined: August 28, 2016



Hi Con--

Sure have missed you! Thanks for the smiles cause I sure needed that right now. Things are SOS!

Haven't heard from him and that is probably a good thing.

Hope things are well with you--check in now and then cause you help alot!

(((HUGS)))) HAHA!!!
Lori
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Posted: May 17, 2017, 10:31 AM


Posts: 384
Joined: August 28, 2016



Well-- I guess I was premature in judging my son and his lack of responsibility. He has paid his car title loan and is current! I can't believe it but I am glad and trying to stay hopeful that he will keep going and turn his life around.
I don't know where or how he got the money to catch up his back payments(don't really want to know) and get current cause it was $500, but I praise God that he did it and didn't call us for the money.
Just maybe he can do this--just maybe!!!!

Lori
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Posted: May 17, 2017, 6:01 PM


Posts: 805
Joined: June 27, 2016



Hi Lori !!! I know how you feel - want to jump for joy - want to ride on that high feeling of hope!
but don't want anyone to see !! and you want to hope the momentum continues, yet it is still a one step forward and two steps back...... I hope he does not get another loan!

thanks for sharing and keeping in touch!

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Posted: May 23, 2017, 9:52 PM


Posts: 293
Joined: August 3, 2016



Lori, Ny, Shell, Con
Hi--I have missed y'all.
I just wanted to say hi. I made a little Group on FB (privately
for a few of us from this site). Its nice because we share pictures
and have realized we are so much more than mothers of addicts.
I have been going to Alanon and it really helps. Im making this a good year.
Z WAS IN A BAD BAD PLACE AND GOT BEAT UP BAD. He is finishing a 30 day program Friday and moving to a halfway house. He sounds good and looks great. Last night he told me how sorry he was for all the pain and how much he loves me. I am cherishing these moments an pray they last but that will be up to Z.
I took him to his dads grave site 2 weeks ago and we put roses, let the balloons fly and we sang Happy Birthday to his dad and the love of my life.
Today is good and I know the 3 C'S. ITS MY VERSION---AND HURTINGMOM likes it -lol
I didn't cause it, can't cure it so lets eat some CHOCOLATE!! SORRY to barge into the thread buy I have missed y'all. Con---hope you are back!!
Love y'all
Hugs and Prayers
Paula
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Posted: May 23, 2017, 11:05 PM


Posts: 102
Joined: November 2, 2016



Thinking of you all.

I have to admit I have been despondent lately. I am not even sure why. Maybe the realization that things keep getting worse. And, I keep having hope, which can be painful.

I needed to hear all this.

Thank you! Good to see everyone's posts. And, good to see your post, Con!
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Posted: May 27, 2017, 7:23 AM


Posts: 328
Joined: January 9, 2016



Lori,

Sending big hugs to you, gosh knows you and I have so much in common. J is still in jail. Sad to say I am sleeping. He is in touch with old g/f who has change her life and is pushing for him to get clean. He is listening. But as you know the talk is cheap, I want him to see him do the walk. So we will see when he hits Florida again. He is being detained on a warrant , the g/f is petitioning his probation officer/and judge for long term treatment and not jail time. With his medical issues now due to drug abuse we will see.

Hang in there lady worrying will only give you wrinkles. Think of yourself and your life.
CON!! it's so good to see you again. I am not on here much anymore. xxx
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Posted: May 27, 2017, 8:56 AM


Posts: 293
Joined: August 3, 2016



Lori,
Just wanted to let you know Im thinking of you and keeping y'all in my prayers everyday.
Prayers & Hugs my friend
Paula
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Posted: May 27, 2017, 10:26 AM


Posts: 384
Joined: August 28, 2016



Helplessness--

Yes I am also sleeping good and finally can enjoy my life! I still think about Chris and when I do I just pray and tell God--"he is yours and I trust in you"! I will never stop being a mom but I know God has got this!

I miss my old son, but not the one he has become. Last I knew he was paying his car title loan albeit late, but I have no idea where he is getting the money and probably don't want to know. I am hopeful that just maybe he is employed and that is his source. If so-- that would be huge!
I guess J being incarcerated is probably a good thing cause he won't have as much access to drugs and just maybe will get a wake up call! He is in my prayers!

Paula-- Thanks for thinking of me. I haven't been on as much either and miss our old group and all their terrific support and advice! I am praying for Z and I hope this rehab is the turning point for him.

Big hugs to you both--Lori
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Posted: May 29, 2017, 7:52 AM


Posts: 328
Joined: January 9, 2016



Lori,
J is being sent back to Florida within the next ten days. He wants to be sentence to a rehab, he wants helps. He knows it. I know what he needs but right now he is severe depression, coming off the drugs. It's been 60 days clean. He is embarrassed what he has done, it doesn't change it.
He has a good friend that has spoke to probation officer and has wrote to the judge. She is begging for him to get mental help. Jail is not what he needs. I will be also writing to the judge this week. There is no money to help him. He drained what savings I had.
We will see, but there is a flicker that he wants it this time. I will leave it always in gods hand, he has a purpose for J .

xxx
Sue
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Posted: May 29, 2017, 1:21 PM


Posts: 384
Joined: August 28, 2016



Sue--

Prayers for J and just maybe this will be his turning point! Stay strong and keep us posted. I think of you often!

(((HUGS))) Lori
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Posted: May 30, 2017, 11:15 AM


Posts: 328
Joined: January 9, 2016



Thanks Lori,
This is going to sound callus or selfish. I just don't want to deal with him anymore!! I want to hug him , laugh with him. I just don't want to be part of the crazy world. The depression, the crying, the begging, the emotional blackmail. Then I feel so guilty, thinking maybe one more time. Just one more time I will jump in the fire with him.

He is telling the g/f that he is embarrassed and that the family look at him like a looser, he is manipulating with his 'depression' words. I've heard it so many times. I hear voices, the addict handbook at it's best. I just don't know what to believe!! This is the worst part, does it want it or does it want a pity party, no one loves me cause I've screwed up so many times. No one will help me because I've screwed up. I am a looser. I just don't have the strength any more...

xxxSue
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