Why Tell
Posted: February 10, 2017, 7:16 AM


Posts: 13
Joined: February 6, 2017



I wish i didn't know. Why tell me if you're not going to get help. Anyone ever feel this way about there child's addiction?

Ria
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Posted: February 10, 2017, 7:48 AM


Posts: 579
Joined: October 5, 2015



Yes I wonder too! Is it to clear their own conscience and leave us burdened with the worry of it all. Who knows! Most of the time I don't want to know what's going on. The minute you find out it's usually awful so your really better not knowing at all. It's like your damned if you do and your damned if you don't. But yes Ria I wonder why they have to tell us. Maybe its in the hopes we can help because we're mothers and we've fixed things for our kids their whole lives. This however is out of our reach. Mary.
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Posted: February 10, 2017, 7:56 AM


Posts: 717
Joined: June 27, 2016



yeah - I wish I didnt know so I could go on with my happy life without heartbreak.
If I didnt know I would not have to think about it. worry about it, loose sleep over it.

hey - I could have finished my master's degree, if my daughter's addiction did not get in the way. The money we spent on 'helping' our son - would have been a nice nest egg. Maybe I would not have gotten fired from the job I held for 5 years and thought I would be there for life - maybe I would have seen it coming if my head was not consumed w my kid - who was about 17 at the time. maybe our dog would not have gotten run over in the driveway.

At the worst moments in my children's addictions, I felt very saddened my all of the cruelty in the world. and still do - so many sad parents and loved ones. so many lost people- young and old. people loose their children and loved ones by accidents and illness.

but when I have those feelings - I say - WHY NOT ME ? terrible things happen to people EVERY DAY. Why should I be spared. If others can go on and live their life, then I can too. I may be slowing down, but I will not stop.

Take it slow. Go to meetings. Become aware of what is available in your son's community.
you are removed from it. Keep in touch w your son and daughter.

It does take a while for the reality to set in for us. It can go on for a long time, before he is safe and you can sleep again. when all looks hopeless, pray for him and for you to get thru this.

This post has been edited by NyToFlorida on February 10, 2017, 7:59 AM
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Posted: February 10, 2017, 8:02 AM


Posts: 717
Joined: June 27, 2016



mandm - lol - that part of wanting to know and talk to them, yet not wanting to get sucked in..
my son is clean 3 months and I still feel that. I want to send him an email about something - but dont want to initiate a response that I'm not going to want to hear. Like he still has no job and is bored or depressed.

In the fall, when he was still using, he remarked that his dad and I always have bad news that he's afraid to open his email! LOL ! me too!

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Posted: February 10, 2017, 8:06 AM


Posts: 13
Joined: February 6, 2017



Thank you both. That's all I do is pray for my son to see the light and get help.

God bless both of you and your families!

Ria
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Posted: February 10, 2017, 9:10 AM


Posts: 525
Joined: October 15, 2016



i never told my family about me using only person who knows is my husband but family no, why hurt my mum when i know all to well she cant help only will bring her hurt, pain, sleepless nights ,guilt(for nothing) and who knows what else ... but I was lucky first she lives in Italy and I a in London which helped secondly i never been "real troublemaker" i was 1 very quiet addict!
You just found out so you need time now to reflect to try to understand .. pls read other people posts on this board they are mostly in the same situation as yourself and can offer only good advice and unlimited support
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Posted: February 10, 2017, 10:42 AM


Posts: 2597
Joined: January 4, 2008



I just usually get caught ...or arrested. ..hard to hide after awhile. ..I've never come out though and just said...hey...I'm using...to anyone like family or spouse...I try pretty hard to hide it....takes an act of God usually for me to admit it...

This post has been edited by constantine on February 10, 2017, 10:43 AM
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Posted: February 10, 2017, 12:27 PM


Posts: 579
Joined: October 5, 2015



NY, That's funny NY! Thanks for the laugh about him not wanting to call you! Priceless!! Lol.Its good to have a laugh! I believe that their addition stopped you from getting a masters degree and got you fired from your job. I don't travel overseas anymore because I don't trust my daughter to watch the house or the animals for me. I think if I came back after a month away all that would be left would be the studs, insulation and the animals would be dead! Hahaha! I guess I'm exaggerating there. But her addiction has cost us a lot of things that we have gave up too. It's ruined our life. We were happy and carefree went overseas every year on vacation. Now we do nothing because we have a lead weight on our shoulders called addiction that has grinded us down so much over the years. The one thing that makes us happy is our grand daughter. I would be lost without her. I feel sorry that she will inherit her addict mother and all the drama and misery that comes with it when we have popped our clogs.(died). Take care, Mary.
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Posted: February 10, 2017, 7:29 PM


Posts: 400
Joined: August 4, 2015



Our son, has not only always told us about his drug use, he actually has always seemed to want us to know about it. To try and punish us? To make us feel as bad as him? I don't know. There's no going back to a place in time where I didn't have to think about it so I just live with it.

--------------------
Michelle
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Posted: February 10, 2017, 8:34 PM


Posts: 285
Joined: August 3, 2016



Our son didn't have to tell us. His so called friends dumped him
At the front door and rang the door bell and ran. My husband found
Him with eyes rolling back and convulsing. 911 and in ICU for 3 days. That was
8 years ago. I counted 15 rehabs (last 9 yrs) and 22 sober livings in the last 2
Years plus homeless in a park and many hotels. He's currently living with 2
People in a bad part of town. Not sure what the next step is.....just
Turning it over to God. Sad thing is he's 21 yrs old.
I never take anything for headaches but I went to the Dr last week and
Am on anxiety/depression medication and also so I can sleep.
At least I'm not crying everyday like I was. I'm taking control of my life
And going to my Alanon meetings.
It's alot of shi* that we go through. So very hard!
Hugs
PAULA
Sorry I started rambling

This post has been edited by Plopez on February 10, 2017, 8:36 PM
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Posted: February 10, 2017, 9:50 PM


Posts: 579
Joined: October 5, 2015



Paula.....Im glad your doing a bit better and taking care of yourself. ((Hugs)) Mary๐Ÿ’œ
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Posted: February 10, 2017, 10:25 PM


Posts: 285
Joined: August 3, 2016



Thanks Mary
I'm trying ๐Ÿ˜€
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Posted: February 10, 2017, 11:36 PM


Posts: 717
Joined: June 27, 2016



hi paula - so sorry about Z. Hope he stays safe and turns things around some day. take care of yourself.... so sorry about disappointment. I know you had hi hopes - as we all do when our loved one is in recovery periods - it just slipped away so quickly.... keep in touch. prayers for you and your family.
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Posted: February 11, 2017, 7:31 AM


Posts: 13
Joined: February 6, 2017



Hi Paula so very sorry to hear about your son. I know the feeling sadly but all to well. My blood pressure was high at my doctor appointment yesterday for the first time in my life. Guess I have to face facts to take care of myself and that doesn't mean I don't love my son. Prayers going out to you and your family to all of us effected by this illness.


Ria
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Posted: February 11, 2017, 9:35 AM


Posts: 447
Joined: April 4, 2016



Ramble all you like, Paula. Rant, rave, cry, shout . . .do anything & everything that soothes you. Sending bear hugs, Paula!!! I thought my daughter was the only 21 yo addict that had gone through double digit IOPs and sober livings and about a handful of detox/rehabs. So . . .I do truly know and understand how you feel. I'm so so sorry. Here's another hug.

Glad that you are taking care of you. Medication can be a beautiful thing to even out your moods and keep you functioning. Glad that you are going to meetings. Continue to be good to you . . .and to love you as much as you love Z.


Sending hugs & wishes for peace to all,
Lynn
xoxo

This post has been edited by hurtingmom on February 11, 2017, 9:58 AM
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Posted: February 11, 2017, 10:04 AM


Posts: 447
Joined: April 4, 2016



Ria . . .

Hmmmm. . .I find it interesting that your baby shared this with you. I hope & pray that this is the first step towards getting clean and sober. But . . .as they say . . .hope for the best . . .but plan and be prepared for the worse. The worse is that your baby will use it to manipulate or guilt you into something. My daughter never willingly told me anything (truthful) re her use.

I first learned about heroin when I found a half-dozen or so full folds in her luggage when we went to visit my dad for a weekend. . . that was 2014, I think. We were in New England and there was snow on the ground. She was upset when I threw everything down the toilet but not overly so . . .didn't seem sick. . .or out of sorts. She couldn't get any replacement dope . . .we were in the middle of no place . . .no bus. . .no train . . .no sidewalks. She said she was a recreational user. I believed her . . but did warn her about using stuff that has a recipe. . .and encouraged her to smoke all the weed she wanted bc that is not physically addictive. And, then shut up.

I learned she was using again about January 2016. Found a lot of empty folds when hubby and I tossed her room one day. (Yes, we went through our then 20 yo daughter's bedroom . . .it was in our house! And . . .She was already suspect bc she relapsed in 2015, punched out of college & sold all our jewelry a few weeks prior to our snooping.) There were empty heroin folds/envelopes in her night stand. . . hidden in a cosmetic bag. . .and many other places. Even after being confronted, she still didn't tell me about her use. In fact, she shut down. Didn't say boo. Hubby & I again gave our warnings and gave her a choice: rehab or the streets.

The first and only time I heard anything come out of my daughter's mouth about her use was when I sat-in on her intake at her first detox/rehab last February. I figure she was telling the admissions lady the truth. I don't remember exactly what my baby said. But I do remember looking at her with my mouth wide open . . .feeling shocked and appalled . . .and then being very very sick. Not good reactions, I know.

At the same time . . .I doubted the amount she was 'fessing up to. I know addicts underestimate their use, if they HAVE to answer.

STORY TIME: One of my friends is an alcoholic. When doctors ask does she drink, she says, "yes." They ask how often; she says, "occasionally." I know she drinks every day . . .all day if she can. . .and scolded her for lying to her doctor. She explained that she was telling the truth . . .she drinks occasionally . . .every occasion she gets!!!!

Continue to be strong Ria,
Lynn
xoxo
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Posted: February 11, 2017, 1:04 PM


Posts: 345
Joined: August 28, 2016



My son has really never outright admitted to drug use except smoking weed. He said it isn't addictive! He also only ever talked about his addiction one time and that was when he showed up one night on our doorstep drug sick. We took him to detox and he admitted to doing meth and making it.

After that he never discussed his addiction or use again even when confronted about it. We never let him live with us. His GF at the time told us he was using and she had found straws in the bathroom and his boss said he would disappear for long periods at his job.
Of course it was a tattooing job and only lasted three months till he was fired, which he lied about and said that he quit to get away from the job, cause everyone there did drugs and the cops where watching the place and following him. His paranoia was so bad that he put cameras all around the house and said cops were peeking in his windows and looking over the back fence.

Needless to say his life has fallen apart and he has been MIA since Christmas. I did text him happy birthday on Feb. 8th when he turned 46. Said Happy Birthday--I love you--mom.
Never heard a word. He is late again on his car title loan and they are issuing repo order on his car he was supposedly living in. I think he has gone somewhere out of state to keep them from getting his car. Just a guess!

I really have no idea where or how he is or if he is dead. So hard not to dwell on it ,but we try to stay sane through all of it and keep moving forward and concentrating on us and our 15 y/o.

Lori
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