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Posted: November 28, 2016, 11:58 PM
I have been in a relationship for a little over a year now. My boyfriend and I started as friends before having a personal relationship.
The entire time we were just friends, I never even knew he did drugs at all! We were together every single day and night and I never saw him using drugs. Once we became a couple and he goes out with his friends, I noticed how sometimes the sun would beat him home. I noticed the most horrible aromatherapy coming from his body and breath. Finally, he revealed to me that he smokes crack. Now I notice how the smallest thing will set him off! The way he treats me and talks to me is beyond disrespectful. He's always irritable, in a bad attitude, and downright cranky with me. Everything is my fault. Sometimes I get afraid of him because he's always yelling at me making me feel really bad! Is what I described normal behaviour for a cracked addict? | ||
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Posted: November 29, 2016, 12:22 AM
Sounds about right. My son was very disrespectful and angry. He was irrationally paranoid and could not sit still too. Not good. He appeared completely unaware that his behaviour was out of the ordinary. He would say sorry often and when he did become aware that we were on to him in terms of his abuse, he would disappear. Gone ghost I think they call it.
Decide what you are able to tolerate. This post has been edited by kimmy on November 29, 2016, 12:28 AM | ||
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Posted: November 29, 2016, 12:47 AM
OMG! I really love him & I told him that I would be there for him through it all! This was after he'd come home and few days ago in wee hours in the morning saying he got too high & he said he was thinking about how he mistreats me & he's going to treat me better for now on but, then today he gets nasty with me & asks me very loudly in front of everyone, "don't you have something else to do other than starring in my face all the time? " I just starred at him baffled.
Last night, he broke his promise & got high all night & he's at it again tonight. | ||
Posts: 384
Joined: October 25, 2016
Posted: November 29, 2016, 11:23 AM
He is telling you what you want to hear. Sounds like he is full blown addict. Why do you feel you need to stay with him through thick and thin? Have you seen any signs that he is trying to change? Looks like he wants you to hang around while he does exactly what he wants to do. That will only bring you grief. You deserve better.
-------------------- BUGS | ||
Posts: 1764
Joined: June 27, 2016
Posted: November 29, 2016, 9:42 PM
" Don't you have something else to do than to stare at me.... "
YES - YOU DO ! Get a job, get a second job, go to college - take classes, go to the gym, move out or kick him out.... Be too busy to deal with him and his addiction. you can stay friends. when he is clean for a year, you can try again.... | ||
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Joined: November 29, 2016
Posted: November 29, 2016, 11:56 PM
Buggin' me, thank you for your support! When I was homeless with absolutely no where to stay but, he had a place to stay, he decided that he was not going to leave me to sleep outside by myself & he slept outside with me. I was so grateful because I had moved to a new state with absolutely no family & or friends. I was waiting to move into my new apartment. I feel like he didn't leave me when I needed him the most, & so I want to be there for him now! It's always easy to show your love & support when things are good, but the best time to show your love & support is when things are hard & the person feels like giving up.
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Posts: 8
Joined: November 29, 2016
Posted: November 30, 2016, 12:05 AM
NY to Florida, I am currently a college student studying to become an RN. AS far as getting a job, I am disabled & I am in a wheelchair. I have times I can walk & than times I can't walk at all. This passed summer, I interviewed for a job that I met all the qualifications for; however, I was told they couldn't hire me because I'm in a wheelchair. It's a crying shame that I want to work only no one will hire me because I'm handicapped!
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Joined: October 5, 2015
Posted: November 30, 2016, 8:45 AM
Seems to me that you would do better being around family. That must have been hard for you living on the streets while in a wheelchair. It was nice your boyfriend was good to you then. But I think it's time for you to move on and get away from him or put him out. No one deserves to be treated badly like this. I wouldn't care what he's done to help me in the past he's doing nothing but being nasty to you now. This isn't going to change anytime soon. Has he hit you yet? That might very well be next. You let him away with the bullying and he'll keep pushing the line to see just how much more he can get away with. Good luck Sasha! Mary
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Posts: 384
Joined: October 25, 2016
Posted: November 30, 2016, 9:38 AM
It sounds like you are trying to make things better for yourself by going to school. Stay on the right track. Don’t go down that bad road with your boyfriend because things will get worse before they get better (if they ever get better). Staying will just drag you down.
It is nice that he helped you when you needed someone, but things have changed now. People have to be ready to make life decisions (go or stay) based on current facts, not on how they wish things were. You can’t fix him, save him or reform him. I suspect that he was using crack even back when you first met and you just didn’t know it. People will not normally sleep in the street by choice, even to help someone else, unless they have nowhere else to go. If he had a place to stay, why didn’t he take you there? It seems that would have been more helpful and thoughtful. I don’t know the circumstances so this is just a guess and I don’t want to hurt your feelings, but he might have hung around because he knew you were going to move into an apartment. Did he move in there with you soon after you met or was he staying somewhere else this whole time? He may just be mooching until you get enough and kick him out. As far as your finding work… I don’t think they can legally turn you down because you are disabled. Don’t stop looking for employment. You just haven’t found the right place yet. If you are in the United States, find your local office for the Department of Assistive and Rehabilitative Services. They help people with disabilities. I don’t know what it is called in each state. You would probably be better off near your family, where you can get additional help and support. Don’t let this guy treat you badly. Do not stay with him if he can’t respect you and treat you right. You want to stay with him because of a promise he made but where is the proof that he will change. He has made no changes. Don’t fall for his BS. -------------------- BUGS | ||
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Joined: January 4, 2008
Posted: November 30, 2016, 3:39 PM
Um..if he had a place when you were on the street..why didn't he just take you to his place ?...and why move in with you then ?...chica...dude is taking you for a ride...your his crash ...kick his addict butt out....also...on the street..different rules out there...they don't apply when your off them....don't base where you are now on where you were then....
Peace Con This post has been edited by constantine on November 30, 2016, 3:41 PM | ||
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Joined: October 12, 2006
Posted: November 30, 2016, 7:25 PM
Yeah Con....cant EVEN touch THIS one...
-------------------- JEN I have not been given a spirit of fear but of power,love and a sound mind. 
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Posted: November 30, 2016, 8:06 PM
Buggin me & Constantine, I feel where you're coming from & please believe me when I say I am tired of it all! I'm just awaiting the perfect time to break it down to him & boot him up out of my life! The perfect time to break it down to him is when he's at work therefore, he's not here with me to beat on me or start a terrible argument.
He did have a place to stay when I was awaiting to move into my new apartment. His friend gave him a bedroom over his house for him to stay; however, his so called friend, turned out to be his drug dealer who supplies his drugs. The house the dealer lives in is a "trap" house & when my boyfriend asked the dealer if I could also stay with my boyfriend for four days when I was set to move into my new apartment, the dealer said no. At the time, I had no idea it was a trap house owned by the dealer. I didn't even know that my boyfriend was smoking crack! A couple of days later after staying outside, I was put up in a motel for a couple of days until I could move into my new apartment. My boyfriend went back to his place; however, he was having serious problems with the other addicts stealing his belongings & money when he became very ill with a hernia. I got him over to the hospital asap where he had emergency surgery. The next day, he asked me if he could bring all his clothes over to my house from now on? I answered yes. He said when he'd came home from work the previous day, he saw that the lock he locks his bedroom up with, had been cut from the his room door. After he walked in his room & saw things missing & all his money stolen, he said he knew right than he needed a better place to live & therefore, he moves in with me which I liked having him with me because he made me feel safe unlike now. This post has been edited by Sasha 1 on November 30, 2016, 8:32 PM | ||
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Posted: November 30, 2016, 11:49 PM
Sorry your having to deal with this Sasha. You sound a nice girl with a good heart and you'll meet someone who will be nicer than this guy. Chances are the story of the lock getting cut, his money stolen,and clothes gone was probably a fairytale. He probably was into the drugs before you met him and he didn't have a pot to pee in or a window to throw it out. He had to make up something to explain why he had nothing. Hang in there and be strong! Good things will happen for you and you'll be glad you ended this relationship. It will have been worth the wait in the end. You'll meet your Mr Right. Might have to kiss a few frogs before it but it will happen! Chalk this guy up to being a frog and a learning experience of WHAT NOT to do next time! Good luck! Mary ((Hug))
QUESTION? ....What is a "trap" house and why is it called that? This is the first I've ever heard that expression! This post has been edited by Mandm on November 30, 2016, 11:51 PM | ||
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Posted: December 2, 2016, 9:08 AM
Mandm, a trap house is a drug house operated by the drug dealer and his street soldiers. They cook up the crack cocaine, drug sales, and the crack addicts or heroine addicts, etc., come buy their drugs & some trap houses, allows the addicts to get high in a designated room in the trap house. Everything from murder, rape, assault & battery, etc. goes down in the trap house including prostitution! Including domestic violence and even child molestation. Some girlfriends of the dealer either are living there with the children or the girlfriends visit with their children. Even some of the addicts who wants to get high but don't have any money will exchange oral sex or just sex for drugs. A lot of the times, male and female addicts are even raped to keep control of the addicts. Sick!
The reason it's called a trap house is because absolutely nothing good ever happens there & if you go in, you will either not come out alive or you will come out in handcuffs, or you will come out missing a limb, your teeth, and eye(s), etc. - it's a trap either way you twist it! This post has been edited by Sasha 1 on December 2, 2016, 9:16 AM | ||
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Posted: December 2, 2016, 9:50 AM
Sasha I feel like there is a LOT more to this story than you are admitting. YOU know an awful lot about the drug culture "trap house" for someone who claims she didn't know her boyfriend was using crack.
-------------------- JEN I have not been given a spirit of fear but of power,love and a sound mind.
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Posted: December 2, 2016, 12:32 PM
Agree with Jen...how the fck do you know what a trap house is and what goes on in one if you haven't ever needed one ? and as far as boyfriend selling you the story about losing his crap...if you know what galleries and trap houses are...then you know better...and you'd also know pretty much we wouldn't give a crap ...because it's all about the fix by then if your living, staying, buying in one of those spaces...whatever....you either show him the door or...you don't...its on you...and it's your call...as a heroin addict...lets just say...I've played this game before...
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Joined: October 5, 2015
Posted: December 2, 2016, 4:26 PM
Just when I thought I had heard it all along comes a "Trap House".That sounds like something out of that movie "Slumdog Millionaire". It's awful how women are preyed on and abused in this world. Shocking! M.
This post has been edited by Mandm on December 2, 2016, 4:46 PM | ||
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Posted: December 3, 2016, 3:27 AM
JJENAKABC & CONSTANTINE, first off, when you judge someone, make sure you judge them right! Neither of you know me & vice versa; however, yet you TRY TO JUDGE ME.
How do I know so much about trap houses? I know what I know because unlike some adolescence, I was out on my own at just 14 years of age because I was kicked out the house by my mother's husband & therefore, I endured a very hard life at a early age & unfortunately, I met the worst of the worst out on the streets. I've been physically, emotionally, mentally, abused all my life! I have never ever been to a trap house; however, I know about them because I advocate for domestic violence victims who either have boyfriends in the drug game & or who are addicts themselves. Constantine, I never once cursed you, so don't you ever curse me again! For the both of you: KICK ROCKS! | ||
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Posted: December 3, 2016, 11:27 AM
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Posted: December 3, 2016, 4:33 PM
Not sure what happened here, but I just wanted to say this. There are a lot of wonderful people on this message board that have made positive contributions/comments (Jen & Con, especially) to families/partners of addicts. I also appreciate the frank comments. They may bother some people, but they are always made in the spirit of growth for those of us that have an addict in our life.
I've been following this post and I have to agree, there was something about it that didn't jive. The poster was called out on it and took offense. Too bad. All I can say is, if you don't want to know the answer, don't ask the question. | ||
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