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Exhausted And Defeated


Posts: 1
Joined: November 19, 2016


Posted: November 19, 2016, 1:42 PM
New here, not even sure where to start. My husband has a history of crack cocaine abuse. He had been clean for 4 years before we even met. He told me of his history before we married but I don't like to hold a person's past against them. I now cant decide if I was stupid or naive.

We married in 2011. Through the years we had several devastating financial setbacks which caused some depression in both of us. I have mostly bounced back, went back to school, and now have a great career. He has not had the same fortune. For a couple years he took mickey mouse jobs and became increasingly depressed. There were a few short bouts with prescription pills that passed.

I admittedly grew distant from him, took him for granted, and nagged him about getting a job, or at the very least pick up the slack at home while I was working and in college.I rarely had deep discussions with him.

Well in Jan 2015 we moved again, in hopes the new area might afford more job opportunities for my husband. Within 2 months he was back to using crack, lying, going through thousands of dollars, pawning our stuff, my jewelry, his wedding ring. Last Christmas while my daughter and I were visiting family, a dealer of his came over to our house to get money from my husband. (Apparently you can buy on credit). Of course my husband had no money as I had opened my own checking account where my pay was deposited, without him on the acct. The dealer and a couple friends then proceeded to barge in past my husband and steal a bunch of my daughter;s stuff! There were also a couple runins with the police along the way and bail and court dates.

As I'm sure many of you know thats just the tip of the iceberg of things that happen with addiction. Anyway, I stuck with him through all this, he quit using in February, and we started to try to put things back together.

Fast forward to this past summer. He started using meth. It was cheaper you see, and wouldnt ruin us financially, so it was ok right? That was his reasoning anyway. I, working in an ED, knew it could be much much worse and tried to tell him that. He didnt listen.

Each time he uses, the paranoia and anxiety get worse. Full time accusations now that I am cheating on him, I am trying to kill him or conspiring to have someone kill him, "in on it" with the cops to throw him in jail, and that I have treated him like garbage for many years and have been trying to get rid of him.

According to him, I have hated him and not cared about him for many years. I have tried to ease his fears to no avail. He has been taken by the police twice now to a psych facility for evaluation, after HE called 911 in his paranoia. The psychiatrists say theres nothing wrong with him when hes not on the drugs. I feel like I have nothing left, and have withdrawn even further. Ive recently tried just ignoring his outbursts and delusion but he follows me around the house until I snap and start yelling.We both say ugly things. But I am a cold distant bit** and am probably a sociopath because I refuse to "help him".

He refuses to get professional help, saying he can quit on his own, and refuses to leave. He has no family or friends here but refuses to let me get him a passport and help him get to family in Canada. Thats just another scheme of mine to get him out of the house.

Sorry this is so long, and Ive only scratched the surface, but this past week has been a rough one and I need to vent! I feel like I am losing my mind!!


Posts: 529
Joined: October 15, 2016


Posted: November 19, 2016, 4:51 PM
my heart goes out to you, honestly its just awful what you are dealing with right now. I just talked to another person who has similar problems but with son, the same accusations, fear and hurt.I dont know what to tell you to do when he is refusing to stop with that s***


Posts: 529
Joined: October 15, 2016


Posted: November 19, 2016, 5:02 PM
sorry i lost what I was typing so had to it again anyway he wont stop with meth and he wont look for professional help so what can you do really? Now he is following you around house and keeps accusing you with all thta delusions that annoys you , soon you will start avoiding going home just not to see him and listen ... I am afraid hate will come easily , so easy to hate when somebody wont let you live and breathe easily. Problem is you cant reason with him, logical conversation wont do. As I said to another lady its lonely and dark place to be but I am glad you found this site as people here are very welcoming and helpful. What do you want to do with him? What wil you like to happen really? You want him gone or you want to try to fix him(I am afraid that wont be possibile until he seeks help) ?


Posts: 733
Joined: October 5, 2015


Posted: November 19, 2016, 8:10 PM
Hi, He should be able to get back into his own country on his old outdated passport. He just won't be able to leave again without a new one. But if I remember, countries let their citizens back in again like I said. Call up the Canadian Embassey or look it up on the web. I don't see your relationship getting any better until he gets off drugs. By the sounds of it he isn't too fussy what kind of drugs he takes. Meth,pills and crack/cocaine are some serious drugs. They go nuts on meth! You should get out in case he gets dangerous. Can you get in touch with his parents in Canada to drive to come get him? I wish you luck and hope you manage to think of something to do. Be safe! Mary.
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