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Posts: 13
Joined: August 13, 2016
Posted: August 13, 2016, 12:49 PM
So this is day 9 that my daughter has been out of the hospital after heart surgery. She has been hospitalized for over 3 months with infective endocarditis, septic pulmonaries, staph in blood heart and lungs. Needless to say why I am on here. She didn't come home last night. She was using again. I was married to an alcoholic for 25 years. We divorced 2 years ago then my daughter started using heroine. It has been a battled. I have made her move out of my house in the past. She only moved back because a legal issues mandated she live at home. After she moved home and detoxed she became very ill. We had detoxed here before. This was different. I took her daily to doctor for antibiotics. She was being treated double pneumonia. she wasn't healing and she was admitted to hospital with septic staph infections, holes in her lungs, and endocarditis. She had open heart surgery 4 weeks ago and came home last week. It has been a long 4 months.
Now her using again. Do I put her out of the house while she is still healing from heart surgery? Do I continue to let her live with me? I don't want to enable, but I don't want to cause damage either. Hard decision for a mom, but I guess these are all hard decisions. This post has been edited by SAM2014 on August 13, 2016, 1:14 PM | ||
Posts: 2616
Joined: January 4, 2008
Posted: August 13, 2016, 1:30 PM
Sam...
That's a hard call...and im so not qualified to answer or even suggest what would be the best thing...please go to the family board...they're are good people who might be able to offer some comfort and advice. All the best to you and your daughter. Heroin doesn't let go easily. I'm so sorry. | ||
Posts: 1906
Joined: October 23, 2011
Posted: August 13, 2016, 1:33 PM
How old is your daughter?
-------------------- Serenity Prayer God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, The courage to change the things I can, And the wisdom to know the difference. Free copy of AA's Big Book on-line: http://www.aa.org/pages/en_US/alcoh...olics-anonymous Free copy of NA's Big Book on-line: Copy & Paste coastalcarolinaarea.org/literature/books/b_t.pdf AA's HOW IT WORKS: Copy & paste www.aa.org/assets/en_US/p-10_howitworks.pdf NA's HOW IT WORKS: http://www.na.org/admin/include/spa...0it%20Works.pdf ---------------------------------------------------------------- --- driven by a hundred forms of fear, self-delusion, self-seeking, and self-pity. ---there are those too who suffer from grave emotional and mental disorders but many of them do recover if they have the capacity to be honest. ... I need AA more than it needs me. --- I fight recovery tooth and nail.... I'm not used to being sane, it just doesn't seem natural. ...... According to the great spiritual teachers, ignorance does not result from what we don’t know; ignorance results from what we think we do know. ---Some think that 2+2=5 and believe it. Some know that 2+2=4 and can't stand it. --- I didn't have a very happy childhood but I sure am having a long one ! ---Dry since 1989 working daily on getting/staying SOBER. ---If you want to drink, that's your business ...If you want to quit, that's AA's business. ... Tell me, I'll forget; ... Show me, I'll remember; ... Engage me, I'll understand. ---Most problems are psychological. Most solutions are spiritual . "If we try to change our ego with the help of our ego, we only have a better-disguised ego." --Richard Rohr WWBWD (What Would Bill W. Do) | ||
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Posts: 13
Joined: August 13, 2016
Posted: August 13, 2016, 1:35 PM
My daughter is 23
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Posts: 13
Joined: August 13, 2016
Posted: August 13, 2016, 4:31 PM
My daughter told me while she was in the hospital that what "we" not addicts don't get is that addicts know when we are trying to say the right thing or convince them to seek help is that they just don't care. Period. That we need to stop caring so they might realize it and want to gain back what they have lost. Her point made clear: Addicts just don't care! Hard to accept, but may be the truth.
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Posts: 13
Joined: August 13, 2016
Posted: August 13, 2016, 11:13 PM
Thank you so much Constatine! It always helps to have information from a lot of sources. I found the family area and have posted there. Yes heroin is bad. I was married to an alcoholic for 25 years and although our marriage was hell and ended, it has nothing on the heroin. Thanks again!
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Posts: 2616
Joined: January 4, 2008
Posted: August 14, 2016, 3:16 AM
I don't know if it's that we don't care. ..but I do know my own behaviors when I'm being told about it...asked about it...being asked to explain. ..nagged...or when I sense someone is trying to "help"...it makes me angry...and aggravated. .and I tend to go use ..and use more...maybe it's because we do care ... we alienate those who love us first and will fight everyone and anything trying to get us to stop....unless we are ready to do it ourselves...drug use is intensely personal and very complicated on a lot of levels...it's bound up in more than just the using...I can't explain why I use...the disease is progressive. ..it takes me over in a hundred different ways..and the battle is and can only be...mine....trying to understand us will make you as crazy as we are in ways....you have to disconnect. ..detach. ...stop wondering about it and stop trying to figure it out....your daughter is right in that... I hope she will want some clean time eventually ...we usually do after a long run....love her but disconnect....she'll be ready when she's ready...alanon or Naranon are your answers...work your program so when she's ready she can work hers
This post has been edited by constantine on August 14, 2016, 3:42 AM | ||
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Posts: 13
Joined: August 13, 2016
Posted: August 14, 2016, 12:38 PM
Constatine,
I will save that and read often as I need to keep reminding myself. Thank you so much! | ||
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Posts: 2616
Joined: January 4, 2008
Posted: August 14, 2016, 12:55 PM
Your stronger than you think...peace
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