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Posts: 7
Joined: June 21, 2016
Posted: June 21, 2016, 5:58 AM
My son is 19, for the past 2-2-1/2 years he has been addicted to pain pills which led him to heroin use by iv, he went to rehab came out and started using benzos like 20 2mg xannax a day. He also started using ketamine and coke for a period of time but then went back to just the xannax. He found himself what i thought to be at the time a very nice girl friend. Within 2 weeks of their relationship he went on a xannax binge that landed him in a psych ward. After his 3 days there he got out and moved in with girlfriend and 2 weeks later he was brought into the hospital on an overdose. This is when i found out girlfriend's mother has cancer and is prescribed a lot of heavy duty pain meds that i am told she hands out to her daughter for her and my son like candy. Is that true or are they stealing them i do not know. But back to my son being brought to the hospital on an overdose, they narcan him and he comes to and gets belligerent and is threatening the staff and he signs himself out of the hospital. He is escorted outside due to his behavior and his ride is waiting for him. Well he gets into a fight with his ride because that person would not give him more drugs either pain pills or heroin or xannax. So my son decides to start walking to girlfriends house. He didn't make it 200 feet and was hit by a F150 pick up truck as he was walking on the side of the road. He was then flown to the nearest trauma hospital because the one he was taken to for the overdose was not a trauma handling hospital. He nearly died. He had to have emergency brain surgery twice now and the doctor told me he never sees survivors with injuries like what my son has. For 4 days it was questionable if he would make it at all. Here we are now on day 16 and he is alive and he seems to have not endured any brain damage.
However, he has been in a lot of pain, having brain surgery as well as several other fractures besides the ones from having his skull cut open, is pain that i am sure is horrific. The doctor kept him well medicated for sometime but now he needs to lower the amount to see if there is any damage and also the brain needs to heal and the part that was injured is the same part that pain meds mask. Needless to say my son became rude and belligerent once again when his pain meds were lowered. I understand there is pain but this is not pain causing him to act this way it is his addiction. Well he was yelling at everyone and said all he wants is his girlfriend. Now i have been there all day everyday since this happened caring for him and just being there if he needs anything. But he is just screaming "if i cant help him out then just leave" help him out meaning get him drugs aka pain pills. When i told him i cannot and would not get him pain pills that he needs to just follow the doctors orders and get off the meds by the hospital weening him off like they are. Well he started screaming and swearing at me and ultimately threw me out. I called him the following morning to see how he was doing and he sounded high and he said oh everything was fine once girlfriend got there. So i take that as girlfriend is giving him pills, because honestly i believe he would have thrown her out as well if she didn't. I called the doctor and told him what i think and he thanked me for letting him know because he is aware of my sons history as an addict and has been trying to help him. I just don't know what to do anymore???? He nearly died this time and this nearly killed me as well. He is my only child, he is my world, I don't want to lose him. What else can I do to save him? By the way through this all i found out that girlfriend was the one who shot my son up with heroin that brought him to the other hospital to begin with. Girlfriend also has access to large amounts of money and gives my son over $1000. A week to spend on xannax. They don't have to buy the pain pills because she is either stealing them or her mother is giving them to her, dilaudid 4 is what she gives them and my son told me she gives them 8 - 10 a day. I just know in my heart that if when he gets released from the hospital he doesn't have much time left if he goes bqck to living with her and her family. | ||
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Posted: June 21, 2016, 11:57 AM
Dear Laura,
I'm sorry to hear of the tremendous situation you're dealing with in your son. My daughter OD-d on Mother's Day & screamed "I f-ing hate you" as loud as she could repeatedly, in the hosp[ital ER. It was awful. I felt like I was 2" tall. I feel bad that you've gone through a similar thing with your son. It hurts like hell, but it's the drugs & cravings that send them over the deep end. My daughter though, has always been stingy when it comes to giving or showing love in any form. She just doesn't seem to care. Having your son the way he is now has to be very painful. The girlfriend is no doubt not helping matters. My daughter has a boyfriend that saved her life when she OD-d. I can't trust him now either, plus he's a 5yr clean heroin addict. An ex of her's texted my husband & daughter that the new boyfriend is giving her drugs. I searched his car & found an empty heroin bag. She's with him now. It's been nearly a week since I talked to or saw her. Anyway, I know it becomes a guessing game trying to figure out who you can trust. Mine is a consistent, liar. She lies, seriously, more than he tells the truth. I can believe nothing she says. It's so sad that you're going though this with your only child. How terribly awful this is for you, I'm sure. Just know you're not alone & can vent here or get support for whatever the day or he brings. He beat the odds so he's got a bit of a fighter in him whether he uses it the right way, I know is a worry. Please take care & let us know how things go. You're in my prayers. love & God bless, Dee | ||
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Posts: 7
Joined: June 21, 2016
Posted: June 22, 2016, 8:44 AM
Dee,
Thank you so much! To know i am not alone help so much. Yesterday i went back to the hospital to see if he would see me now. He was asleep but when he woke up the first words out of his mouth is "they put me back on the dilaudid, pills now not the shot" i said well obviously you must have needed it they will not let you lie here in pain sweetie. He then went on to tell me he tried snorting the dilaudid pill they gave him. I egnored that. I started asking how he was doing, how was rehab that morning and if he likes it on this floor. He answered me with that i don't care about him, i left him to lie in pain and wouldn't help him. That he told them he didn't want me in the room and he is pissed they let me in. As i was putting things away in his room i found snorting straws made from rolled up pieces of paper. I didn't say anything to him about them. But he started yelling that he wanted me out and that he tried killing himself with the overdose that brought him to the other hospital to begin with because i do not give his entire child support check every month to go blow on drugs. I have been giving him his child support check since he turned 16, before that i just made sure to buy him whatever he asked foreach month with that money, i never really used it to support him just to spoil him. But once his addiction started i refused to give him that money and enable his addiction any longer. I start putting it away in a saving accout for him. Of course he says i steal it from him and tells his father that as well. So he now is saying his overdose was because of me. Well i finally got my bag packed as he is scrraming for me to leave, and i stood in front of him and said i have one last thing to say to you before i leave and you are going to listen, of course i was balling at this point. I told him that i love him more then anything in this world and i nearly died when this all happened because i cannot even begin to imagine a life without him. I am sorry that i was a piece of s*** mother that helped enable him into becoming an drug addict and if there was a way for me to go back and fix all this i would gladly do it. If there was a way i could jump into his body and take away all the pain and deal with all the addiction until he was all better that i would again gladly do it, but i cant. That he has to want it and i have tried and tried over the years to help him but nothing seems to help. So could he please tell me what it is i need to do to help him, to please tell me because i will do it, because i know if something doesnt change that i am going to lose him and he will be dead. That i love him more then anything in tnis world and i wish i could just fix him but i cant. Then i left. On my way out i seen his nurse and told her about the homemade snorting straw i found. She apologized for how he acted and i told her it wasnt her fault and there is no need to apologize. I just dont want my son to die and that girlfriend possibly is bringing him drugs, because she can get dilaudid pills from her mother who has cancer. They thanked me for letting them know. I cried the entire ride home but i realized at least for now while he is still in the hospital i know he is safe and can rest easy. I love him more then anything. I relly hope that he wakes up and sees this as a wake up call because the next call i will receive will be that he is dead. I don't know what else to do, i wish there was something more that i could do but now it is all up to him. | ||
Posts: 733
Joined: October 5, 2015
Posted: June 22, 2016, 10:29 AM
Hi Laura, I know how you feel. Your certainly going through everything all at once and God help you it must be so overwhelming. But know this Laura... You are not to blame for how he has turned out! Stop letting him give you these guilt trips where you end up blaming yourself for everything. Remind him when he gives you the guilt trips that it's his fault! He is where he is today because of him. You didn't stick the drugs in him, he choose to do this. He's the one not you!! I too have an only child. A daughter of 34 yrs old. She's been doing heroin and other drugs now for almost 18 yrs. I use to blame me too. Spent sleepless nights breaking my heart crying and begging God to help her. She takes methadone now but still abuses drugs. Things haven't changed much in all these years. I think I just got used to living like this. You should try and go to one of the AA or NA meetings they have for families. I know they help people. But the day I started thinking differently was the day I learned the 3C's. 1) I didn't cause this. 2) I can't control it. 3) I can't cure it. It's all up to the addict their the ones who need to make the choice. It's a terrible life being the mother of an addict and I hope your son gets better. Get help for yourself though as it's hard to try and do this on your own. Meanwhile do not give him money and his girlfriend should be arrested or banned from the hospital and her mother should be in jail. Truth be told though, if it wasn't her and her mother he was getting the drugs from it would be someone else. They always find a source. You'll get through this Laura! At times you may think you won't but you will. Us mothers are a force to be reckoned with and we are stronger than we give ourselves credit for. Look how far you've come already! You've handled more than most of us in such a short time. It's awful!! Take care. Your in my thoughts and prayers and I'll watch for you on here if you need me. God bless. Mary.
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Posted: June 22, 2016, 6:13 PM
Laura,
First, take some time to breathe while you can & your son is where he can be treated & you can stop worrying for at least a little bit. I've thought of your post for a while today. I gotta say I'm not surprised at your son's first reaction be to complain about being off the shot & on the pills. Sounds just like my 20yr old would say, has said...me....me...me. No "how are you, Mom? I'm sorry I've worried you". They make you feel so bad about yourself, as if you actually did put them where they are or caused their plight. You're NOT! You did all you could but like weeds in a garden, no doubt your son ended up with the wrong crowd, threatening his life & his future. My daughter too. They will manipulate us in every way they possibly can, if we let them. They'll say & do anything to get what they want, as you well know. Don't blame yourself. You mentioned child support. Your intentions for the money were well meaning. Does his father see him or have any relationship with him, or is it all on you? If not, that's a heavy burden for you to carry alone. You are stronger than you think. You're there! We do need to step aside & let our kids take control or flounder. It's really up to them. When I told my daughter on the phone that I'd learned by talking to the people (like you) that the best thing I can do is let her go. Silence!! Ha! She didn't like that at all! It's what we have to do. I agree with Mary, that we're stronger than we think and a force to be reckoned with! I love that! The three C's keep me somewhat sane too. Hang in there. You have our support, prayers, and love. God bless, Dee | ||
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Posts: 7
Joined: June 21, 2016
Posted: June 23, 2016, 6:00 PM
Thank you both Mary & Dee so much for the support! To not feel all alpne in this helps tremendously. Today my son on day 6 after major brain surgery, with just having the 3 drainqge tubes removed from his brain and his catheter removed, well he SIGNED HIMSELF OUT OF THE HOSPITAL. I am besides myself. I tried calling him but he would hear my voice and start screaming leave me alone, i do not want you in my life anymore and hang up on me. I treid calling the girlfriends parents and told them what i was told about the mother handing out pills, of course i got told that is not true that they do not allow drugs in their house and that all they have ever done is try to help the kids. I said well he should not be leaving the hospital at all today and i was asked by them, well how do you know anything that is going on with your son when we were told he removed you from being a part of his care. These people were rude and condescending and i got know where but at least i can say i did everything in my power to try and help my son. All that is left for me to do is pray. Becauae all i keep feeling is that i am going to get a call to id the body. I am sick to my stomach with worry that there is absolutely nothing left that i can do to try to help him.
Thank you all for the support. I feel so defeated and broken as if i do not want to live because i am so scared my son is going to die. I want to let it go to God so badlt but it still hurts and weights heavily on my heart and mind. I know i did not do this, and that i cannot fix this but as a mother the NEED TO WANT TO FIX IT ALL is so overwhelming it hurts. Thank you so much ladies for sharing with me your stories becuase i know admitting that this is happening to your child is so deafeting and crushing i appreciate the support. My thoughts are with your famiies as well and my heart breaks for you both as mothers and how it feels to be dealing with this. I pray for all children to wake up and allow God into their hearts and to trust in him and for him to watch over our children and keep them safe and alive, in jesus name Amen. I apologize if my faith offended either of you but i really need to believe that God can hear me and protect our children because i no longer am capable of protecting my own on my own. | ||
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Posted: June 23, 2016, 7:58 PM
My God Laura,
I don't know what to say, but that I will pray for you & pray for your son. So sad, I know how it goes, but remind yourself that, (like my daughter), he's not the same sweet boy he was. It's hard to accept, I know. The drug takes over. Your heart & memory will no doubt take you back to the child he was, the silly kid you've loved for all these years....I wish we could just switch off our 'mom mechanisms' and block it all out. Shut the worry button off & let things go, but it's anything but simple. It is HELL on earth not knowing, not seeing them, not hearing them (even when it's nasty). And you've gotten more than your fair share from him of that. I am blown away by his leaving the hospital in his condition! My God he was so blessed to have come so far!! And to risk hurting himself! (((hugs))) The girlfriend has got to go! She's enabling him as is her miserable family. They sound horrible & I'm so sorry they don't have the compassion to keep you informed of his whereabouts if they know them, etc.... They're cold hearted, and well, karma's a b****. And you dear lady, have suffered in every way I think a human being can, emotionally & mentally. No more a tender heart is there than that of a mother. At risk of sounding overly religious, ask the Virgin Mary for her protection. She is a mother & she knows your heart is wounded & he is out of control. Lean hard on your faith. There's no shame in admitting you've asked for God's intervention. We all need him whether we call him God or our Higher Power. We have to keep praying that the Lord will watch over him, and hold you in the palm of his hand. You continue to be in my prayers. My thoughts are with you. My heart aches for your suffering. I'm so sorry. Will watch for your posts... love & God bless you, Dee | ||
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Posts: 733
Joined: October 5, 2015
Posted: June 24, 2016, 1:22 AM
Hi Laura, I ve been where you are not wanting to go on, wondering why my prayers don't get answered and feeling so alone and desperate for someone to help me. You'll find the strength to get through this and you'll manage Laura. What you've been through is awful and what's more it's just all happened so fast, you haven't had time to think. My daughter was 17 yrs old when I found out she was shooting up heroin. I was shocked! Who could I go to that would tell me what to do? How could I help her? No one knew or understood the agony and all the worry unless they had a kid addicted to drugs themselves. My daughter introduced me to a seedy side of life i never wanted to know about. I would go into drug houses and drag my daughter out of them. The sights I've seen! I'd do anything and everything to make it harder for her to be comfortable in this lifestyle she wanted. I had tunnel vision with no fear I didn't know who I was at times. It changed me and hardened me. I just had to stop her from taking drugs. But for all I did, it didn't matter! I'd done everything I could just like you calling her parents and still my daughter stayed with the drugs. After all your son has been through. It makes you wonder if God kept him on this earth for a reason. It's hard him having this girlfriend because they are probably co- dependant on each other now. How long has he been dating her? Do you think she is the beginning of his drug use? Dee is right when she tells you he doesn't think the same while on drugs. All the things he says is the drugs talking. I hope he turns himself around and decides drugs aren't for him. We are all here for you Laura. Never think your alone in this when you have us on here. Take time to read some of the posts on here too. They will help you. Look and read under "Most Popular Forums" a post called " Let me fall all by myself". and remember too that God doesn't give you more than he thinks you can handle. I really believe that. It just seems too much at the time. I'll tell you again though Laura...you will get through this!! I'm living proof and so are they rest of us on here. God bless and stay strong! Mary.
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Posts: 7
Joined: June 21, 2016
Posted: June 25, 2016, 11:25 PM
Mary & Dee,
Honestly right now you both are my saviors! He has been with this girlfriend for about a month. He moved in with her the tuesday after memorial day weekend and had overdosed at her home by June 5th. As of today he has been calling my mother and sister (because he refuses to talk to me, stating that i am a piece of s*** mother that he no longer wants in his life) but he calls them asking for his child support money saying he is in so much pain that he had a siezure and has been vomiting and needs the money for weed because the hospital cut him off of dilaudid, oxy and xannax and he rather have weed for his withdrawals. Then he calls back saying he has scripts for all those pills from the hospital but that he doesn't want to fill them and be doing anymore drugs. Then he called sounding as if he was crying saying he needs his money because he is in so much pain he vomited and cant sleep and wants to die because he is in so much pain. Well my sister recorded the messages he left saying all that and called crisis services and also took it to the police from the girlfriends house area and they said that they could not bring him in as a psych patient but they could go do a welfare check. The police went there and then i got texts from the mother saying i am the scumbag and how dare i accuse her of giving out her pills when i am the one that is not allowed near my son. Now were she got that from is beyond me, most likely my son lying to her but this is what i am dealing with. Then she text me saying Dan is in the safest place he could be right now at her house. Even though he overdosed the last time he was there for more then 3 days, yeah he really is safe there... This family is pure scum. I did not respond, i figured what was the point when that is what i am dealing with, a woman who gives kids drugs and allows them to do drugs in her home and lies for the kids to the police as well. I also called the doctors office were she goes for her medicine and ttold them that she is giving it out to kids and how there was an overdose at her home on june 5th. The doctors office told me to call cps on her for her 17 year old son. I am still contemplating that if i should or not? I just am not gping to sit back and do nothing, I refuse to let my son killhimself at this womans home. And i will keep on fighting until he either wakes up and gets help or if i get that call to id the body. I just cannot believe this family and how my son has turned on me saying such horrible things to me and about me. I do not understand were this is coming from????? I also worry thst he is going to end up brain damaged, in a coma or dead with his brain being open still as the skull has not healed closed yet and he is out running around doing drugs and wno knows what else... I am so mad and sad all at the same time. I want to go after this family for enabling, encouraging and allowing my son to leave the hospital to come to their home to do drugs. Then I also feel as though with my son hating me as much as he does, i mean he is and has been my life, my world, the air i breathe, the reason i get up every day, my everything, well with him hating me and saying all those things i feel as though i do not have any reason left to live myself. I rather be dead then without my son. He is my everything. I have horrible back problems, i have had several surgeries and been permanently disabled since the age of 30. I am in a lot of pain daily, to walk, sit or stand hurts tremendously yet i went to the hospital all day everyday and took care of him by bathing him and feeding him and helping him turn and move in bed. That physically killed me but for him i will do anything. But now i feel like what do i have to live for anymore? Like why go through all this emotional and physical pain for what??? I just am so ready to just give up. He is my everything, it hurts so bad to go through every minute worried thst i am going to get that call or text that he is dead. I rather just go first so i can get out of his life as he wants and wont have to hurt anymore either. Thank you both so much for your kindness and support and for sharing with me the things you are going through or have gone through with your kids. I share your pain. I wish so badly there was a wah to just fix them, I would do whatever it would take to be able to fix them. I guess tonight i will add to my prayers to open their hearts to God and let them feel his forgiveness, love, strength and peace within their selves, and that they acknowledge Lord their savior. In Jesus name Amen. | ||
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Posts: 733
Joined: October 5, 2015
Posted: June 26, 2016, 1:04 AM
Hi Laura, Best you don't call the cops on her about her son. Let the ones at the doctors office do their own dirty work. Seems to me it should be their job anyway. That's good they know about her giving out the drugs, she deserves it. I'm like you! I use to see red almost, I'd get so mad. I'd try anything to stop my kid from drugging and get her home. But as soon as she was in the house she'd go phone someone to come pick her up. Right now all your son cares about is getting money to get her and him drugs. I find it strange all of a sudden the mothers not giving them the drugs? Maybe she sells them and he has to buy them from her too. Don't give him any money and tell your mom and sister not to fall for his lies and give him money either. He will keep coming up with stories to try and make you give in and give him money. He will call you names and cast up stuff that are probably exaggerated anything he can think of to give you guilt trips. Don't give in! Right now your son is not the boy you know and he will be mean to you to get his own way. It's awful to say Laura as I hate to hurt you or worry you anymore than you already are...but your sons brain is wired differently now. What did the doctors say about what parts of his brain was damaged again? Hang in Laura and hold strong. It's all part of an addicts pattern that he's doing just now. Don't expect normal. God Bless, Mary.
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Posted: June 26, 2016, 12:59 PM
Laura,
I am so sorry you have to go through this. Do you have any family support. My son is 35 and been a addict for 23 years , not just heroin anything that he could snort, eat, smoke or inject. I sent him $50 a year ago. Another story so I gave in, to my horror he ended up in hospital for three weeks. Then he was admitted another 6 times. Then he found a easy access to drugs. He almost lost his right arm to shooting up. I will always regret that lousy $50 I wired him. 9 surgeries later and a skin graft. He cried and cried he was in pain. He wanted his g/f and then he met a case worker. The salvation you would think. He had no veins, kept collapsing, he blame the IV's and blood checks. You would think he wouldn't be using drugs be while he was having surgeries however to my surprise, which I shouldn't been he was still shooting up.. I saw the track marks on his arm and wanted to die right there. I kept thinking in my head. Why! WHY are you doing this! What was so bad in your life that you have to use drugs. Thoughts and thoughts running through my mind. His giggles, his scraps, then his stealing, lying. Hurting not caring about anyone or anything. The dr couldn't tell me the truth but he demonstrated what he had done. Lick the needle and got infection from his rotten teeth, the infection was injected right in his veins. The dr was good and didn't give into his demands for more drugs. He had a beautiful smile until 30, then they started turning black and falling out. He was very vain as a kid. He asked his brother to get his things from this house. His younger brother pick up his clothes ohmygawd they smell. I went through everything and found the rig. and ALMOST had a heart attack if his younger brother had been stop he would of been arrested of know fault of his own. He went back to jail I was at peace, funny almost 6 weeks of sleeping nights,and then he got out day before birthday to find the g/f.Nothing for another week. After a week he called and he was actually sober, but still lying it's part of his nature now. Nothing he can stop it. He just lets whatever comes out of his mouth and believes it himself. I apologize for giving him the money, said I wish I follow my head and said no to you again. He said to me mom that money wouldn't of change the outcome I would of gotten the drugs anyway I could of. Small comfort hmm. This is what selfishness brings them to. There is nothing NOTHING you can change. It's time for you. Life is to short. You need to recite the 3 c's.. Keep doing it. My friend lost her only son after 25 years of the same thing. He was in a rehab 18 months. Never stop using. Unless they want to really want to nothing you can say or do will change them. My son is on the run I have no idea where he is now. First time in my life he hasn't contacted me. I hope his so called case worker will let me know if something happens to him. If not I can only pray each day that he is at peace. Be strong Laura for you, you count. You matter!! Your child is not your whole life. He made a choice whether good or bad, he made that choice. xx May god be with you and help you find the strenght to be strong... Sue This post has been edited by Helplessness on June 26, 2016, 1:09 PM | ||
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Posted: June 26, 2016, 4:45 PM
Laura,
I can only imagine what you're going through. There is no reason for your son to be treating the way he has. He just wants his money. If you didn't have it, he'd pour on the bs & get money from your sister, mom, like in the past, whatever way he could. My daughter's the same way. And the lies...Oiy! My kid actually believes her lies too!! She, honest to God, lies more than she tells the truth, even about little things that don't even matter. I agree with Mary & Sue. You DO matter! You should be enjoying your life instead of suffering each day at the hands of the one you love the most in this world. I can only imagine the hurt is magnified for you because your son is your only child. My guess is that he's always been good at the art of manipulation. Mine is. She tried breaking into my locked box & lied to my face about it! I knew it was her. It was just us at home. Yet...she had me questioning MYSELF!! The lock was broken, clearly bent by pliers from what I guess. Later she admitted she did it. No dah! My guess is he knows you love him so much, that he knows he can make you twist & twirl and you'll feel bad & give him what he wants. Don't, please. Let him deal with g/f & her crew. Sounds like he's getting what he wants there, sad. I'd ask if they're so great, why's he calling you!? They sound like a circle of losers. Mine's with her boyfriend. To tell you the truth, when I'm not falling apart, I'm glad that she's gone. You MUST take care of yourself! I have a real bad back too & a bad heart needing surgery at some point. I have a rare vascular disease vein & artery affects my heart valves too) So I know you're already heavily burdened as it is with your back pain. The stress as you know, can magnify that! We have to try to stay sane for ourselves! You do so much for him & all with a bad back. My daughter had spinal scoliosis surgery (two) & I had to help her in bed, bathroom, shower....She's taller & bigger boned than me. It hurt me SO much physically. I was always sore & hurting. To this day, I know she didn't appreciate it. You're not alone in that. And I got yelled at in the ER when she OD-d how she f*****g hated me, over & over, at the top of her lungs. I say, we gotta develop somewhat a thick skin. Easier said than done, I know. But this may go on for a long time. Just stay strong & know you can lean on us. It's the very least I can do for you. You've given me plenty of understanding & compassion. love & God bless you, Dee | ||
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Posts: 7
Joined: June 21, 2016
Posted: June 27, 2016, 10:48 PM
Well i got another call today, my son was taken to an emergency room for an overdose. Actually it was the same hospital he was brought to for this first overdose. Of course he got narcan came to and signed himself out of the hospital ama. This time at least they made him wait for his ride in the waiting room so he wouldn't end up run over again. I did call the hospital and told them that this is his second overdose from living at that home with the girlfriend. How he signed himself out of the other hospital after his 2nd brain surgery and that he needs a mental eval. Although they thanked me for telling them all that, he still signed himself out. I called crisis services back and told them what happened because they were just about ready to close the investigation from when we called them saturday because he left a message on our answering machine saying he wanted to killhimself. I told them i believe this was an atempt on his life that he purposely overdosed. Yet still nothing back from them either.... What else is there left for me to do to try to save my sons life????? I am calling the police daily, the crisis services daily, and the hospital to try to find a doctor that will help me get him back in there. I guess tomorrow i am going to try calling adult protective services... I don't want to lose my son!!!! This girl and this family are plan and simple, helping him kill himself.
Besides praying what else can I do????? IF anyone has any ideas please i am willing to do anything!!! | ||
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Posts: 733
Joined: October 5, 2015
Posted: June 28, 2016, 12:28 AM
Hi Laura, It's awful!! I would think that 'crisis help' might help or 'adult services' especially if you say he's trying to kill himself. I would tell that poor excuse for a mother that you intend to sue her if harm comes to your son. People don't like the idea of parting with money so it might help. Then I would try and get a free visit with a lawyer and ask him or her if you can do anything about this family harboring your son and supplying him drugs to the extent that he's overdosing. Tell the lawyer he's not used to drugs and that's why he overdoses as these are hardened users that are pushing these drugs on him. I'd try anything like that to make it uncomfortable for him living there. They'll not want that attention brought on their house if their selling drugs ...hopefully!! But I'm grabbing at straws here Laura because it's hard to get any help from anyone really. But if your like me you can only try. This is what happened to me with my daughter there's no where to turn who will help you much. Because nobody knows what to do! This website is one of the best places I've found to get help and sanity from. The recovering addicts on here I have the upmost respect for as they are a Godsend in advising us mothers what to do too. God knows the struggles they go through everyday but they still find time to help us. I can only imagine what torture they've been through themselves. Maybe one will come on and advise you better Laura. God help you and your son. Mary.
This post has been edited by Mandm on June 28, 2016, 12:38 AM | ||
Posts: 2616
Joined: January 4, 2008
Posted: June 28, 2016, 8:04 AM
Laura,
May I gently ask if you are sure your not trying to blame his drug use on other stuff ? ODing will not deter us...protective services will not deter us...sickness, mental illness, love, fear and yes, even death...will not deter us...I understand the need to want to blame his inability to get help and get off the drugs on anything, something, ...other... so you can try and fix him...but ...nothing fixes us until we want to fix ourselves...and even then....it's a hard game to win...I'm so sorry ....and I don't mean to be cruel...I'm a junkie...and have been for many many years...the drugs do crazy s*** to our heads sometimes....we say crazy stuff...do fcked up things...and all I can suggest is that you begin taking care of yourself...go to alanon or naranon...they will help you find a healthy perspective...I wish you strength...loving us is the hardest thing in the world This post has been edited by constantine on June 28, 2016, 8:09 AM | ||
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Posted: June 28, 2016, 5:37 PM
Laura,
I am praying for you, that your son gets some divine intervention. I cannot imagine going through another OD, but I truly do fear it. I am so sorry. The hardest thing to say or do is nothing, but that's all we can do. He won't listen. He still has to fall farther down it seems. If you'd known sooner about his OD you might have been able to commit him right then because he threatened suicide before. I did that for my daughter & boy was she pissed! BUT! I did have her there overnight till I could get myself together & ready to face taking her home. My neighbor told me that the hospital has to by law, keep them if they threaten suicide. I don't know if that would work for you. Just thinking.... I think you know like me, that what Constantine said, rings true. I've been on here about a month & one thing I've learned they won't change until they are ready to try for themselves. We have a lot in common, and I've read your posts. You ARE a GOOD MOTHER! A good person, a good friend. Please don't take your son's words to heart. I know it hurts like hell, but remind yourself, it's the drugs. That family sure is making matters worse too. I agree, you've one all you can possibly do. Stay strong. love & God bless you, Dee | ||
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Posts: 7
Joined: June 21, 2016
Posted: July 2, 2016, 10:24 PM
Constantine, thank you for all the advice, I truly appreciate all of what you posted. I did want to just say however, that i am not in any way shape or form trying to find someone or something to blame for my sons choice of being a drug addict. The only blame that i can point someplace other then him is the girlf friends mother handing out or even offering the pain pills to my son and anyone else she freely gives them out to. I know my son is soley responsible for him being an addict. Do i hate all the people and dealers that supply him absolutely but i do not blame anyone but him for what he has become. I worry, i wish i could jump inside his body and go through the withdrawal and help build his strong will back up to make sure he does not relaps, I wish that i could wave a majic wand and make him all better and lastely i wish i could rewind time and fix all this and intercept him making the choice to do drugs for the first time ever.... Unfortunately i cannot do any of those things because it all comes down to my son WANTING to change and doing it for himself.
Dee, Thank you so much for being here for me just knowing you are dealing with the same thing as unfortunate as it sounds, it is a comfort to me. It means the world to me that i am not alone. Thank you Dee, so very much. You understand how hard this all is. The toll this has taken on our minds, bodies and hearts is more then a normal person could or should have to handle. As a mothers it is beyond difficult more along the lines of heart wrenching to watch your child do these things and even though you try and try, beg and scream and cry, pray and pray and pray to try to make them change or open their eyes and see what it is doing to themselves and us, well letting go and just hoping and praying for the best is not an option us mother's are capable of. I pray 4 to 5 times a day all prayers of saving my son or guiding, loving, forgiving my son, the rest of the time i cry. As this what is going on with him, not knowing as every second ticks by if he is still alive or not well it is devistatingly crippling. The pain is unbearable, breathing hurts, eating hurts, talking hurts, drinking hurts, looking someone in the eyes hurts, thinking hurts, even sleeping hurts. As mothers there is nothing in tnis world that could hurt me more then not knowing the welfare of our children. I love that boy with every inch of my mind, my body, my heart and my soul! He is my world, my love, my life, the air i breathe, my everything, i love him more then life itself! He is the greatest and best thing That has ever happened in my life, i love that boy more then life itself and i will forever and always. No one understands that There is nothing in this world they could ever do to make us stop loving, caring and suppoting them. No matter their actions, their words, nothing could ever change how much I LOVE MY SON and how much YOU LOVE YOUR DAUGHTER! I wish i could just grab my boy into a hug and suck all this evil that he has brought into his life and rid him of those horrible tasks and burdens, so he no longer needs or craves the drugs, the money or the lifestyle. And that i could also take away his anxiety and anger leaving behind the kind, loving and caring young man I know is in there and that he could be. This is killing me, it is breaking my heart slowly and just killing me. I feel hurt, devistated, like my heart has been ripped out of my chest every single day! I am to the point that when i wake up i get angered that i have to live through yet another day of hurt and pain. If something happens to my boy, if i do get that call, the one i get sick to my stomach thinking about, well if i do get it, i will die and i will make sure that i do really physically die. There is no place in this world for me without him. He is the only reason i have stayed thus far. I just can't! I cannot live without him in this world as it is i am slowly dying as he lives without me lost in drugs and bad choices that are killing him and inturn killing me. I just want my son to be safe, happy and healthy, i wish him happiness and freedom from those drugs. I pray so much for him, to help him, to open his heart and mind to God to allow Him to help my son fight the battle and survive feeling loved, peace, strength and forgivness. Dee, I pray for all the same for your daughter as well. Thank you so much, you being here to understand and share is such a gift. I deeply appreciate and am so greatful that I am not alone. | ||
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Posted: July 6, 2016, 9:26 PM
Dear Laura,
I truly wish I could provide you with the answers & solutions you & I both need, but it's not to be....at least not yet. Never give up. There is always hope as long as they have breath in their lungs and we continue to have God in our hearts. They 're lost for now. All we can do is keep praying, never giving up, but not losing ourselves in the process. I do know how gut wrenching it is to watch your child, your baby no matter how old, suffer & basically self destruct. They don't even have control over it. They've become other people & we just have to learn to accept that. I know it seems completely impossible, but we can & will still go on. We can hope they learn & grow from this time in their lives and that out of this darkness some light will shine through. I know it's not at all easy to focus on anything else when it's your child. It consumes your every thought. I worry about you allowing something bad to hurt you should something bad happen to him. YOU MATTER too! You have to tell yourself what I do when I feel like I'm gonna burst! (The 3 C's): I didn't cause this. I can't control it. I can't cure it. My greatest struggle is trying NOT to mother my daughter right now. I have so many things to say, but they wouldn't be nice at all, & counterproductive so I keep my mouth shut at those times. It's normal to be mad. Were only human too. I find my daughter has to find her own way. She can't do that if I'm there at every turn preventing her from the consequences of her actions. Let him fall. He (& my daughter) need to do that all by themselves. We can't cushion the fall either. We want them to be proud of themselves when they beat their demons! It's their battles & they'll want to enjoy each & every victory no matter how big or small. They can't be happy with themselves if we fight their battles for them. These are things I have to do too & it's not at all easy. I know, like you, how very hard it is to let go. It's SO HARD! It's like we've been programed to protect them, guide them, support them....You did your job & you did it well. You made your mistakes growing up as a young adult just like I did. We learned from them. Their mistakes are big ones but if we save them, they'll think we don't think they can achieve sobriety. That they can't do it themselves. It might take quite a few times, but you want them to do it for themselves. Please keep posting. I worry about you. You have a big heart & I can almost feel it breaking into pieces as I read your posts. Please stay strong. YOU MATTER! I care. I'll watch for your posts ((((hugs)))) love & God bless you, Dee | ||
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