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Concerned Wife


Posts: 1
Joined: April 16, 2016


Posted: April 16, 2016, 11:05 PM

Hi everyone,
My name is Elissa and this year I will be married to my husband for 8 years and we have two small children.

I'm here because my husband has had a bad back and has been on pain medication for quite some time. He was raised by a mother who always had pain medication lying around and there was just a very casual relationship with it. He has a very high tolerance to the meds and is currently on morphine to help manage the pain.

Long story short after suffering from the pain and getting medication from family members due to not having insurance we decided to get it checked out. Doctors have run tests and have said he has a couple of herniated discs but nothing to the effect of causing the pain he is feeling. He has also been hospitalized for 1.5 weeks due to pain which doctors once again say is inconclusive to the pain he should be feeling from his disc issue. Fast forward some more time and doctors are concerned about a drug dependency issue and have said that the pain is a result of withdrawal. When he runs out of his medication he gets severe muscle spasms, his anxiety levels go through the roof and he turns into a completely different person. Because there is no real medical cause for this pain he is being tapered off the meds. I spoke with his pain doctor who wants to come up with a plan to get him off the medication. My question is, is it likely he could detox and recover from home or are we looking at rehab. We are both going to meet with his pain doctor next week to discuss a treatment plan. The thing is he's withdrawn from percocet about 8 years ago. I don't believe he is a recreational user but because of his back issue he doesn't really want to change his lifestyle (he's overweight) and tends to just always take the meds are even triples his doses so he doesn't have to miss out on anything.

My concern is the mental dependency that has developed and I don't know if he can change that without rehab. My concern for rehab is that he will be gone for awhile and he's the sole provider for our family right now and we could lose our house whole he is gone because whatever job I find won't be able to pay the bills.

This is all very new to me and for years wasn't aware of an underlying medication issue and I'm finding this to be all very overwhelming. Any support or advice is appreciated. His doctor at this point until she can meet with us wants him to take a small dose of morphine, he has a blood pressure patch along with taking meds for abdominal cramping and muscle spasms to help with the with drawal symptoms.


Posts: 20
Joined: April 7, 2016


Posted: April 17, 2016, 9:44 PM
Hi Elissa - I hope you find some peace and comfort on this site. I realize that it is probably very overwhelming to have found out about your husband's issue this way, and you're worried about him and about your family. I do think it is a blessing that you have encountered a very honest and very sympathetic doctor who has made a good suggestion regarding tapering him off. It sounds like this pill problem will continue to be an issue until your husband accepts that it is not normal to need these pain meds in such a large quantity with such regularity. The lack of acceptance of this fact will prevent him from being successful in rehab or in kicking the habit at home.

You can't be hard on yourself for not knowing what was happening; it sounds like he was managing his addiction in ways that were not threatening your home or your children's lives directly. If you had no personal experience with addiction previously, it would be difficult to recognize the signs.As the loved ones of an addict we want to believe that what they tell us is true, or that they would admit to us if there was a problem because they love us. An addict has a lot of shame and pain and can't be 100% honest while they are using. It is not a reflection of you or how much he loves you that this is happening.

If you don't have insurance, rehab is going to be very expensive. Are there programs the hospital can refer your husband to for inpatient care? Inpatient treatment provides much more support than any type of home solution. If your husband can't get pills through the normal route of family and friends he may get desperate and you will see an escalation in his behavior.

What I'm about to say comes with kindness and all good intentions; I think you need to put together a plan for you and your children that includes a safe place to stay and a support network to lean on in the event that you need it. I also recommend you find a local Al-Anon meeting or Nar-Anon meeting and start attending them as often as you can. Everyone there is very friendly and welcoming; it is free and some of them even have child care so that you don't have to worry about a baby-sitter. You are not alone in this struggle and you have done the right thing by reaching out here for help. Please continue down that path by learning more about addiction and how you can manage your relationship with your husband in a way that does not enable him, or destroy you, in the process. The days, weeks and months ahead of you will be hard but you seem like a very level headed, strong person who will find a way to take care of herself and her little ones. Come back here any time to talk about what you are thinking or feeling and to read about what others in the same or similar situations have been doing to cope.

I wish you all the best with the appointment next week, please post an update if you can.
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