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How To Console My Roomate
College Student please help






Posted: April 3, 2016, 3:49 AM
Hi everyone,

First some backstory... My current college roomate (and friend) has a dad that has been an alcoholic for a very long time, and had just hit 20 years sober. Tonight his dad is in town for my roommate receiving an award for a project in one of his classes. At 1 am he got a call from his dad's cell phone. It was a student who found his dad in a bar, drunk to the point of not being able to walk. We walked him back to his dad's hotel room and he is currently staying there with his dad. He has a great relationship with his dad so this relapse just crushed him. My roomate broke down crying in the hotel room after we carried him up there. I consoled him and told him this isn't who his dad is, and that it is a disease and that he needs to remember that.

So my question is... Is there anything I can say to my friend to make him feel better? Should I just be there for him when he comes home tomorrow? What should I say??? I really care about his friend and I know he is crushed by this. Any advice is appreciated. Thank you so much
AJ






Posted: April 3, 2016, 3:52 AM
I really care about *this* friend and I know he is crushed by this.


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Joined: October 5, 2015


Posted: April 5, 2016, 11:10 AM
Hi, Your friend is lucky to have such a nice person like you for his friend. I would say just let him know he isn't his dad, he is his own person.No one should judge him because he has an alcoholic for a dad. He's not the alcoholic. Let him know if he ever needs to confide in you that your there for him too. I'm sure he is really sick with embarrassment so say what your going to say and then let the subject die. Good luck. Mary:-)


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Joined: April 16, 2014


Posted: April 7, 2016, 11:44 AM
You should first give your friend some real examples of people who has already recovered from similar drinking problem situation. And also encourage his dad to stop drinking.


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Joined: April 7, 2016


Posted: April 7, 2016, 11:10 PM
I would ask your roommate if he has ever considered going to an Al-Anon meeting, and if he is willing, that you would go with him to see if it helps. When someone has been "clean" for a long time it may seem like the disease has gone away for good; but the truth is that every day is a battle for someone with an alcohol or drug problem.

I don't know his dad's situation but I would bet that this is not his first relapse in 20 years. Perhaps there was some trigger specific to this situation that pushed him so forcefully out of recovery, but perhaps not. Your roommate is not to blame for what his dad did, and at the end of the day his dad is an adult who is aware of his disease and what he needs to do to manage it.

Your roommate is probably trying to figure out how to redefine his concept of who is dad is, and what their relationship is, given the situation. Remind him that this relapse is not an indication of how much his dad loves him, and that he can find a new way to love him back, with time and understanding.

Hang in there - hoping it gets better soon.
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