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Posts: 0
Joined: March 19, 2016
Posted: March 19, 2016, 12:21 PM
Hello everyone,
I have been reading through posts and thinking wow that is my husband. He was addicted to meth about 2 years ago then he went to prison. He got out in August and life was wonderful he was home with me and my son who is 9 all the time and all about his family. He stayed clean and sober telling everyone he was done with his old life. Then he found cocaine I got angry with him and told him that wasn't happening again so he did stop. He started drinking and finally decided that was enough. For the last 5 months he has been on meth. He will use and be really high for 3 or 4 days then he will be clean for a week or 2. It has been so hard. When he is high the first day he tells me how much he loves me and our family and that he will never ever leave us. Once he stops taking it and starts coming down by the 3rd day he just hates me and hes always threatening to leave if I don't let him use the car. Always saying that I ruin the fun in everything. Then hes clean and back to the man I married. This last round though has been the worst. He has been high for 1 week he took off said he was leaving then showed back up wanting my car I told him no. He makes no sense he was standing there crying saying please just come home with me as I was staying at my mothers when I said ok he tried to cut his wrist right there. Then he ran to our house and tried to hang himself. When I finally called the police he told them he was never going to do it he just wanted to make me mad. I am so drained he is constantly up and down telling me he loves me then he hates me that hes never leaving then hes leaving. Right now he is sitting in jail for an old warrant for a crime that he didn't do so the sherriff is trying to get him out he will only be there a few days. Last night he called me and said he just wants to come home he will quit everything if I come get him right now when I said I didn't have the money to do it he flipped out at me and said fine Im done with you and hung up on me. I know its just the drug talking and he doesn't mean it. but how long can I go on like this. Everyday is a battle of if I say the wrong thing is he going to freak out. I pray so much I cant pray anymore. When hes high he gets on all these porn sites where he can message people. He swears that he has never cheated on me as he wouldn't marry me to cheat we just got married in October. I am trying to stay strong. In my head he needs me the most right now but I just don't know if I can do this much longer. For my own sanity I don't know what to do. | ||
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Posted: March 19, 2016, 7:52 PM
Hi there. I am in your boat currently. I feel everything you feel. I too have a husband that is addicted to meth. He also treats me this way but I left 19 days ago. You know I had the coueage to leave after I had started attending individual counseling. You remind me of myself, seriously. Everything you said , I have lived the past few years the same. It hurts. You just want to wish them better. I did also realize in counseling that I was an enabler. I had not seen it until I started going, but I was. Im sorry I kind of rambled around subjects there. I dont really have any advice for you. Just wanted you to know you are definitely not alone. Just make sure to make yourself happy. We get so caught up in them that we suffer.
Love to you! Jess | ||
Posts: 733
Joined: October 5, 2015
Posted: March 20, 2016, 8:01 PM
Hi, You'll stay strong! So will you Jessica! It's amazing where the strength comes from but when we need it something inside us finds it! It might be from going through hell long enough it comes to us and we don't even notice. But all of us on this website here are strong whether we know it or not. We have all been fighting this fight one way or another for years now. It takes a strong person to do that. So you just need to make up your mind what your going to do about your husband and his drug use and do it! Make yourself decide because doing what your doing now isn't working and your son is getting older everyday and will eventually know what's going on if he doesn't already. Do you stay and put up with this or do you go back to your moms and try to get as normal a life as possible for your 9 yr old son and you? Because living with a husband on drugs is not normal and it will be scary for your son. I hope things get better for you whichever you decide. But like Jessica says your not alone now, we're all here to help you as best we can. Read other posts on here and take from them what will help you and pass them by if they don't. Only you will know. It's what I do and it keeps me strong. But as much as you want to you can't cure your husband and you won't be able to as its beyond us. He is the only one that can turn his life around by rehab or NA /AA or both. Good luck to you both. We're all here when you need us. Mary.
This post has been edited by Mandm on March 20, 2016, 8:07 PM | ||
Posts: 37
Joined: May 1, 2016
Posted: May 2, 2016, 1:29 AM
Hi,
I've been awake about 3 hours past my bedtime, so forgive me if I sound weird. I am a drug addict, though I've never tried methamphetamines. My brother did get strung out on crack for a couple of years. Other than that, I've had very little experience with any type of speed. But I've seen people on meth. They are extremely paranoid, they hallucinate, and stay awake for days at a time. I saw one girl who had been using for 5 days straight and she didn't even know what world she was in. She swore to my face that I was an undercover cop. She said I only drove a beaten-up car because I was trying to fool everyone into thinking I wasn't a cop. She pulled out a 9 millimeter semi-automatic pistol and started shooting into the air. I was afraid I was going to die. I saw her a few days later and she did not even remember what had happened. But, let me get back to my brother. My mom had a serious surgery a few years back. My brother told me and my sisters that he was going to stay with her when she got home to make sure she was all right and had everything she needed. My mom called me in the middle of the night saying that my brother had locked her in her bedroom telling her not to come out. He told her that there were people in her yard with machine guns coming to kill her. It scared her half to death! Of course, there was nobody in her yard. But there my brother was, carrying a gun/weapon, and had it in his mind that he needed to kill some people. I don't know how, but somehow nothing really bad happened. The next day, my brother went home and it was all just a bad memory. My point is this: People on Meth lose touch with reality. They really believe all the paranoia that's going on inside their head. You can't help someone with any kind of addiction. Only when they/we are ready do they/we start to change our thinking. If you keep bailing an addict out of their situation, whatever that may be, you are only prolonging the time it takes for an addict to reach "rock bottom" and start to get well. I know that's hard to hear, but if my husband had not stopped bailing me out I would be DEAD by now. I have overdosed 9 times and woke up in the ICU not knowing how I got there. As long as I had someone to bail me out of my problems, I had no incentive to change. It's a real sickness. HOWEVER, you must not take responsibility for his addiction. You MUST go on with your life. My husband did go on with his life by using the resource of Narc-Anon. He still loves me. He still lives with me. But he has HIS OWN LIFE!!! He has had to put a certain emotional distance between us. But he is still my rock, and he is still my best friend. He just doesn't believe my BS anymore. And that's GREAT for him. You can stay with an addict and still live your life. Never give in to the disease, though. And if it gets to be too much for you, please love yourself AND HIM enough to walk away. It just may save his life. There's my 2 cents worth. I hope I haven't offended you in any way. Lots of prayers going up for you. -------------------- Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light. Author: Jesus Christ | ||
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Posted: June 9, 2016, 3:39 AM
wow reading some of these makes me think of my own marriage :( My husband and I have been together 11 years now.Thank God my kids are grown and don't see what Im going through.They knew about his problem a couple years ago when he went to jail for domestic violence but of course he never did anything and it was all my fault and yada yada yada.I was so tired of hearing it.When he was in jail for 8 months He was talking all the jail talk.Im gonna get a good job,we are going to travel,Im gonna be a better husband,the list goes on and on.Im still with my husband.I just don't have it in me to leave.i cant work anymore because I did work construction.I raised 3 kids by myself and no child support,so I had to do something that made me money.I got my CDL and was driving a dump truck.Loading and off loading all equipment,running the machines,jackhammers,you name it i did it,but the job hurt my back and now I have 9 discs bulging or herniated :( not wanting a pity party just giving my back ground.anyway I am 100% disabled now and some days I cant even walk.Needless to say with my husband the way he is my life is hell.I love him dearly and want my old David back.I see him some days and I take advantage of him that way anyway I can.
Our sex life is caput now and we used to have a healthy great sex life.Now all he wants to do is watch porn,go to the porn shops,on his tablet,and when we do have sex he cant get off.They call it crystal d*** and it sucks.I try to explain o him that I cant do what he wants because it hurts me,but in the end I'm the b**** and thats why he cant get off.I know its not me,but it still hurts like hell.He tells me all the time he wants to stay off the drugs.I told him he has to do it and he has to stay away from all the people that do it or sell it.So all in all that means he has to stay away from everyone he knows.We live with his parents now because the area we were lii=ving in when he went to jail wasn't good and I wasn't going to stay there.I want my own place so bad but am kinda scared to get our own because I'm afraid he won't help pay the bills and I cant do everything on my own even though I get a good amount every month.Hopefully I will be able to talk to someone here and get advice.Talk to someone who is going through it too.I feel alone and isolated,and if I were to talk to someone who knows us and he finds out al hell will break lose.He says our personal life is no ones business.Hope to talk to someone soon.Ill keep my eye out.Those that are going through this,Im sorry for your situation.I know how it sucks.1 day at a time huh. | ||
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