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Posted: November 9, 2015, 1:10 AM
HI my name is nesa and in need of moral support. I am 26 years old and my fiance is 26. We have know each other since junior year of high school. Lost contact for 5yrs and started dating 5yrs now. We both have been through tough times together and always pulled through, with our faith. Then 1 year ago, he lost his job. His head chef was texting me and want some players back. Call my fiance a meth head. I didn't believe it and thought nothing more. I started to notice signs of him using. Random numbers, new people, not coming home and then one night, I seen him snorting something. He told me he has a meth problem. I was furious, mad and especially hurt. We talked it out and worked on the problem but he kept using. The use got really bad, when my mom passed on and he disappeared two days after her death. He was gone for 2 and a half weeks. Learned he stole my mom's debt card and used it for his selfish needs. I had no money to pay for her funreal and I was an emotional reck. He finally came home and I was furious. I told him to move out and leave my car. As usual I took him back again. We started going to N A meetings, asked him about his sobriety and our faith became strong once again. So, we moved into my family home to pay property tax and household expenses. He kept losing jobs and could not hold one down or made an effort to look for a job.
I feel as if I need to kick him out and move on with my life and maybe our unborn child. I tried my best to love and support my fiance. But, its well for a month and he disappears again. Leaving me with no vehicle or support to help out. We both have no living parents and have had so much history together, that it's going to be hard to do so. I'm in love with a meth addict and wish he would change. I need some kind of advice of what I can do? I feel like I have done a lot but no luck. Mentally exhausted! Thank you **Please do not post personal contact information. thank you, the moderators *** This post has been edited by moderator on November 9, 2015, 8:11 AM | ||
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Posted: November 9, 2015, 11:51 AM
I feel as if I need to kick him out and move on with my life
This is what you're going to have to do if you want any kind of life. You can't change him so you've got to change yourself and ask yourself what you're willing to put up with. Do you really want to be with a person you can't depend on for anything? one who steals from you? Lies to you? Disappears without explanation? How long before you lose the house because of him? Put yourself first. You can't save him from himself and you deserve so much better. | ||
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Posted: November 9, 2015, 12:17 PM
Hi...this is going to be difficult for you to hear and perhaps even more difficult to see through...but until your other half sorts his problem out (however he manages it or however long it takes) things will never,ever change...even if he were to sort his problems out today he needs to be away from you and you from him...if you remain together the situation will never,ever,improve for either of you...your own history together shows you this and each time you forgive him and take him back the situation reverts to disaster,however much or little time passes...the same scene will play out time and again no matter HOW sincere he is every time he returns...he is,I`m sure,completely sincere when he tells you he won`t do it again or he`s sorry etc etc blah blah but because HE has a problem (NOT YOU having the problem) he cannot control the impulses to use or break down whenever they surface,and surface they will continue to do until he addresses his problems.
This isn`t something you`re equipped to deal with and he needs real assistance...I don`t know if you`ve also been a user in the past but IF you have been this will not help you to help him...yes,he needs help and probably needs you to love him too but this will not help either of you to change the situation that ONLY he can change. I imagine the above seems harsh but please believe me when I say that the two of you have a history that will not help change the future that you could,one day,have together IF he seeks and gets thee proper help he needs...the two of you need to be separated (at least in a physical sense) for a good length of time before there can be any chance of change. Sorry if the above reads hard but it is the sort of "care" you both need right now,if for differing reasons...take care of yourself and unborn child first...he isn`t currently capable and may never be...I imagine that you do hope for a future together but ultimately,you`ll arrive at the above conclusions eventually,..it would be best for all if you heard the above sooner rather than later before there`s so much damage that there`ll never be that possibility. Edit to add...I`m not saying you need to be without this man forever...only you can decide that...but without a major break from the current situation you will have no chance whatever of there being even any hope of change...you`re young and I don`t want to come across as patronizing but please hear the advice from an old guy...it is based on much addiction experience of both my own and others...save yourself some hurt. Good luck. This post has been edited by miaperson on November 9, 2015, 12:51 PM | ||
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