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Posted: November 6, 2015, 11:47 PM
Me and my husband are young. I'm 26 and he is 29. We have two daughters. A six year old and a one year old. Last month I found out that he was using meth. His older sister and older brother helped him and I get through his withdraws. It was torture before I had found out he was using. He said that the neighbors were after us and that they were jumping our fence. That they were part of the government. He put up barb wire and got a security camera for the back yard. He was obsessed with watching the camera feed at night. The pixels moved around because the camera wasn't great quality but he said that he could see demons as the pixels shifted. He kept me up for days scared to death that something would happen to us. That we would be attacked during the night. One day he came home from work and said that people from work were after him. He drove me and my 1 year old around and said that we couldn't stop because there were spies everywhere. He called the cops because he thought that someone broke into our daughter's room. They came and checked the room. No one was there and the window was locked and in tact.
The next night he told his brother and sister that he was using. He didn't tell me. They had to tell me. So I made him meals and made sure he got sleep during his withdraws. It was very difficult trying to conceal his outbursts of panic in front of the girls. He would cuss and cry. My six year old was scared. Finally he seemed to be alright. Things were getting back to normal but a week ago he started to act strange. He said that demons were everywhere and that he needed to help everyone. He said money didn't matter. That love is what mattered so he put off getting our unemployment money. He has a bad back because of a car accident years ago. He went to see his doctor with his big sister. He told his doctor about his drug use and the doctor did tests on his back. His doctor told him to do stability exercises with a stability ball but he won't do the exercises. I have tried and tried to get him to do them. Anyway, I found that he was using again today. He is freaking out and accusing me of being mean to our kids. He said that I need to open up my heart and find peace. That is really nice but he got into my face and followed me around the house while yelling at me. This is totally off topic but I want to share it. I feel like I need to share it. This happened today. Our dishwasher is broken and has been for a very long time. The sink isn't working. There is a broken pipe and when I turn on the water, water leaks underneath the cabinet and into the kitchen. So I got out a big storage container and put all of the dirty dishes in it. I used the hose to soak the dishes. I started to clean them. While I was washing them, he asked me to help him find a rock. He is really into finding rocks and finding meaning in them. This interest in rocks happened a week ago. I said no because I was washing the dishes. They were disgusting and I desperately needed dishes to cook. He blew his cigarette smoke in my face and then stormed off. He started yelling at himself and then came back to me, put his dirty boot that was covered in dog poop into the tub of dishes that I was cleaning. The girls are confused and scared and I don't know what to do. I feel depressed and helpless. Sorry for the erratic paragraphs and if my sentences don't make sense, please excuse that. I am not feeling stable right now and cannot think. | ||
Posts: 28
Joined: November 5, 2015
Posted: November 7, 2015, 4:26 AM
Dear SW09,
I'm SO sorry to hear what's going on I truly am :( I was also in that same position. I am of the same age, and my bf of 6 years was abusing meth and had nearly identical traits like your husband. For example, you said that he was paranoid and saying people were out to get him- yep.. and the stuff about the neighbors, demons, staying up late, and also his paranoia about the home was just spot on. I thought I was alone in this journey, i thought I was crazy but we need to support each other and really help other cope with the ever lasting affects our loved ones have negatively caused on us. It's so hard to leave them, I know, but it isn't safe for your little babies and YOU. It's hard, you try to look on the brighter side, you try to think that maybe if you did this, or did that, it would help him- but in reality, they have to change and see the ugly truth (even if that's including you leaving him) You are going to go through a worse roller coaster if he continues to treat you and the kiddos with paranoia and strange acts, your emotional and physical state will be neglected and eventually numb. You seem like you love and care for him very much. I also still love and care for my bf of 6 years, but with these support groups and meetings, I've learned to try to think about myself and my future. We are still young and can do much much more than to worry and live in paranoia with the meth user we love in our lives. It's up to you how you want to pain your life hun. I wish you nothing but good luck and love, keep in touch, and be safe xoxo | ||
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Posted: December 31, 2015, 4:18 AM
I have been living with the nightmare of a meth addicted husband for years. we have been together for twenty-four years and im not quite sure when it all started, now that i look back, i think he started messing with it way before i knew it. I didn,t grow up around drugs and neither did he. He was in the marines for awhile and in the beginning the angry outbursts and paranoia was what i considered PSTD and i supported him and forgave the disrespect, the crude comments ,the moodiness and i was committed to my vow of till death, for better or WORSE. and life went on. He would lose jobs and it would always be my fault somehow. He had friends that would show up , but would never stay for long, or he would leave with them. I was never allowed to go. He would haqve to go help them fix their car or someone needed parts. it was always something. he too collects things. vehicle parts , and scrap metal all over the yard to get "extra money" i never see. He hates public places and refuses to shop or go anywhere for long. We have six children together which have been my entire existence. Couldn't ever refuse him or he goes on about how i must be "getting it somewhere else".He is never accountable for the verbal abuse or the damage to our home. I gave up on doors years ago, forget having a remote control, and anything glass has passed by my head a hundred times. The lies are endless, whatever the situation is; he's done that. He's been there. He knows that person. He rebuilt that truck, etc. I use to think he was bipolar and again , in my denial treated him like he was a sick person. I now think the drug has actually made him bipolar. I don't know anymore I learned about meth thru living it , not reading about it. He got busted for possession a few years ago and for stealing scrap metal to support his habit. (of course he denied everything)because i spent my life raising kids and am financially dependant on his income , we spent ten thousand dol keeping him out of prison. I thought for sure after such a tramatic event for all of us and the financial sacrifice,he would take the second chance and for a minute he did because of probation and drug testing. Then probation ended and it started again. We finally divorced , but he would never let me be with anyone else. he has manipulated my life to where im alone. no friends. my parents have died. i cant get a job because i can't count on him to get kids anywhere they need to be. its like im waiting for the last child to grow up before I can start a real life for me. I wouldn't know where to start. I ve hid this and covered for him my whole adult life to protect our family from being ripped apart. I mean what is worse, living with chaos, or living in gov rat hole housing with six children on assistance, and letting my children live in the stigma of white trash America . I chose the lie.
WOW sorry for the novel. I ve never posted anything before and it just came gushing out | ||
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Posted: October 5, 2016, 1:28 AM
My husband is badly addicited to meth and its driving me insane i dont know what to do anymore and as badly as i want to leave i just cant its literally tearing me apart i mean he has lied to me too many times stole money from me to purchase the drug and its just uncontrollable anymore im literally lost i don't know what to do im at the end of my rope with him been with him for 5 years love him to death but i dont know what to do seek help for him or just let it be and lose him to a nasty a** drug that i wish was never created
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Posted: October 5, 2016, 10:29 AM
Snoopy et al;
I'm so sorry for all that you are going through. I get it that you are conflicted about wanting to save your relationships but for your sakes and your sanity you can't save them. You have to save yourselves and your families. The addicts in your lives have to save themselves. You can't do it for them. I would strongly urge that you seek out support groups in your area such as Nar Anon or Al Anon. I used to feel the same way - ashamed of my sons substance abuse and wanting to hide it. At my first Nar anon meeting I realized I wasn't the only one who felt this way and I left the meetings feeling comforted. This post has been edited by Mtgirl on October 5, 2016, 10:34 AM | ||
Posts: 41
Joined: July 3, 2016
Posted: October 5, 2016, 7:36 PM
Those are stressful times, I remember the fear, rage and the stillness not to make any waves. It's clear in your head why you should leave, can you pin point why you can't? What are your fears? I was so confused at a point and engaging in conversation with him was the worse. Only when I allowed my head to hear my own thoughts I was able to move forward. One step at a time you have to get organised, practically and in your head. Look for help, people care and you're not alone! 💜
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Posts: 1764
Joined: June 27, 2016
Posted: October 5, 2016, 8:01 PM
Thank you all for sharing. I have not lived your life. I think living in fear with chaos and abuse is worse than living on your own w children.
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Posts: 243
Joined: August 18, 2016
Posted: October 7, 2016, 1:21 AM
I'm sorry to hear what you are going through, but you can't fix him. Meth is a nasty drug and the rage and paranoia it produces can easily be turned onto you and your babies. There have been many incidents of people on meth thinking their babies are demons and then physically hurting or killing them. Meth psychosis is real and will happen with chronic use.
You have to put you and your children first. Do you have someone you can trust who can help you get an escape plan in place? The first thing to worry about is your imediate physical safety. Good luck and keep posting and talking about it. The disease of addiction grows in the dark and shrinks with the truth! | ||
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