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Posts: 11
Joined: March 5, 2015
Posted: May 7, 2015, 10:40 PM
I dated a guy for 4 years. Spent the whole relationship trying to help him get off heroin. I was am enabler. I wasn't really helping. And I was letting myself get treated like crap. He would cheat, steal from me, stole from my parents and yet I still loved him. I loved the good side of him. On days when he was sick yes he was cranky but he was also himself. Goofy and shy and awkward like me. When he would be clean for a few weeks at a time they were some of the best times we had. But than he would relapse and it would all go bad again. 4 years I did this. We ended up having a son together and now that he's almost 2 I had to call it quits and do what's best for him and me. I haven't been with my ex for almost 6 months now. I just happen to meet a really nice guy who is also a single dad. I wasn't looking I just happen to meet him. We've been hanging out a lot and I finally told my ex that I was talking to someone. He's not taking it well. He still wants us to be a family. He calls everyday crying and tell in me how much he loves me and our son. He says he's just gonna go back to drugs if he can't have us. Part of me almost feels guilty for moving on. I tried to wait for 4 years for him and I do still love him but I just don't think I could ever look past everything he's put me through. He doesn't have a job and can't legally drive. He can't support his son at all. How can I feel guilty?? I don't want him to be hurt but I almost feel bad for wanting to make myself happy. Has anyone ever felt like this before?
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Posted: May 8, 2015, 12:02 AM
I'm wishing I will be as lucky as you are! I've yet to even try to be a little family with my daughter and her addict mother because of her losing custody and cps is involved. My daughter is 35 months old, her mother is even more lost to her addiction then ever. I want it to work but I am realizing it never will. Sounds mean but if I were to find a single mom and had the chance, I'd take it and save myself from more wasted time trying to have a life of rollercoaster rides through hell. Would be better for myself and my daughter. I wish you the best. Go for it !
And of course you know his threats are manipulation tactics. | ||
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Posts: 11
Joined: March 5, 2015
Posted: May 8, 2015, 9:23 PM
I know it's pretty much just him trying to manipulate me. Sometimes it seems like he truly crushed by this but I know also it would never work between us. You will find someone. We never really were a family. I always did everything on my own. I provided for everything. I've done more with this new guy and our two kids than we did with our own son in the two years we were together with him. I believe he wants to be a dad but doesn't fully realize what all he has to do. You will find someone. Just cherish every moment with your little girl. They are really the ones who save us from our situation.
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Posts: 674
Joined: August 17, 2014
Posted: May 9, 2015, 2:24 PM
Hi you have your life and the life and happiness of your child to consider- forget this guy- you gave him every chance- he blew it- you have no reason to feel guilty- - - by telling you he will go back to drugs if you get on with your life-- this shows you where he is at- if he really cared for you and your child he would want what was best for you both and not what is best for him -- - this is all typical addict's behaviour, we (i'm an addict) manipulate people, lie, cheat, whatever suits our selfish needs - you are not responsible for his addiction------- nor can you fix him ------- you tried that, and how did that work out ? -------- yea , exactly , go and live your life---- be happy --- you deserve it ---- you have put up with this c...p for long enough ------ sounds like you have a chance of a great life with this guy ------ go for it - i wish you best of luck, and happiness- dont look back --- no future in the past ----
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Posted: May 17, 2015, 8:01 AM
Doooooo not feel guilty. I felt the same exact way that you did, only my addict never did all the horrible things yours has done to you. I think for me, that's why it was so hard. He never stole, cheated from anyone. Manipulation-- to a point, yes and of course lied about being in active addiction when he was. I felt sorry for him because he was just suffering in his own mind constantly, but I finally realized that I deserve to be happy too and if he didn't want to put in the work that it takes to stay sober then there's nothing I can do. You are an angel for dealing with all he has done to you and still giving him chance after chance. I also understand it's hard when you have a child with the person. I have a baby boy with my addict also. But enough is enough! This other guy is finally showing you how you deserve to be treated. You suffered enough. Go be happy ! ... You were not put on this earth to save your addict. Only HE can save himself so what's the point of you giving up happiness when there's not a damn thing you can do for him anyway. Love yourself and your child. I wish you all the happiness with this new man and your kids! Hugsssss
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