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Posted: March 2, 2015, 3:32 PM
I came across this page and I need advice. I fell in love with this guy and from the start he told me used to do Heroin. I accepted it and knew that he would always have to put fighting his addiction First. He was going to meetings going to classes and even talking to his sponsor. The first few months of our relationship was prefect. he was staying in a rehab house but we spend two nights a week with me. we started talking about him moving in with me. And about a month after he moved in and at first it was alright but slowly I started to see a change. I thought I it was me being afraid I thought I was just so scared to loose him to heroin. In the last two weeks He started work never had money his adittude changed completely. I didn't know the man I was going to bed with anymore. I'd lie awake reading signs of a relapse. Well finally I couldn't handle it anymore I confronted Him. he told me I was crazy that I made everything up and that he wasn't using and never wanted to use. We broke up. I was a mess 2 weeks ago his sister showed up asking about him and I told her all I knew. she left and texted me Later saying she found out he was on heroin again. I was crushed but I knew I couldn't do a thing. 2 nights ago he wrote me saying he missed me. He admitted to using again and that he was afraid to tell me the truth he didn't want to disappoint me. he said he left state in hopes to kill himself but couldn't do it. He said he wants to be clean wants to be happy and wants make prove to me his love for me. He never wants to hurt me again. I have been texting him. But I do not know what to do from here. I love him more than I ever thought I could and it's tearing me apart should I believe him and hope he is telling the truth or is this just an act to get me where he wants me. I can't talk to anyone about it because all my friends and family do not want me to be with him. But how do you walk away from someone you love? He has feelings he's a person too yeah he might have lied about alot of things in that month but what am I supposed to do from here. I need help I need advice. I'm literally losing my mind. In just the two days we've talked it's been going Good. He's on his way back home from Greyhound.we have plans to meet tomorrow but I don't know if I should go meet him or not. He hasn't said much today I tried calling but no answer. I'm so afraid if I just walk away he will end up dead. I'm so afraid that if he thinks he has noone he won't ever get away from heroin.
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Posts: 674
Joined: August 17, 2014
Posted: March 2, 2015, 4:03 PM
Katie21, do not get involved again - this is classic addiction behaviour - he will manipulate anyone or any situation to suit himself and his addiction - i know this because i have done this myself when i was in active addiction - every addict lies and cheats - the drugs will come first - ALWAYS - do not put yourself through this again- even if he is clean now - what happens - you spend every day wondering is he going to relapse today ? you will never be able to fully trust him, no matter how hard you try - you are going to put yourself through this for what ? - if he loved you would he have left ? would he have lied to you ? - i have been in and around addiction and addicts for nearly thirthy years - please do not get involved - walk away - if he decides to keep using - that is his choice - YOU are NOT RESPONSIBLE for ANYTHING he decides to do - you must look after yourself - YOU cannot change this situation - you will end up getting badly hurt - i'm sorry but i have seen it happen many times - protect yourself - DO NOT reconnect with this guy - take care of you
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Posted: March 6, 2015, 1:46 PM
Travelin man thank you. He has to turn himself in for probation vilation which means he will be going away for awhile or whatever. I have told him that for now it is best if he focuses on himself and that he needs to do this for him and noone else. If he choses to be clean and sober for himself then so be it but I will not force him to do it. I know he'll be gone for awhile and I told him I wasn't going to put my life on hold. I have things I wanted to do for myself this year and I will do them. I told him that I now know the signs of heroin and that I won't allow that into my life at all. If he gets out and is clean for himself for awhile maybe there is a chance I will talk to him again but the trust is gone. And it may never come back. I know he doesn't want to use but I also know every user doesn't want to use. He has to fight this for himself and it'll either kill him or he will never do it again. Only time will tell. I do love him I do wish more than anything that I could be with him but I know that right now heroin is his only choice and I know that he will say anything to get me where he wants me. So for now we aren't talking I took him all his things and told him goodbye told him I hope he gets clean and stays clean and I told him if he can and wants to contact me I'd be glad to at least talk to him but there is no promises that we will ever be together again.
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Posted: March 7, 2015, 8:13 PM
I have to disagree with travelin man. My boyfriend of 2 years is a addict and we decided to part ways when he went to rehab in October. He needs to do this on his own. I started al anon a therapist and a sponser. I'm taking care of me while my boyfriend takes care of him. Yes they need to do this on their own. My story sounds a lot like yours but I never gave up. I love my boyfriend to pieces but it's up to him to stay sober. Our recovery is separate from our own lives. If you love him then you need to heal and get better and let him go so your relationship can be healthy. I never lost hope and always believed and looked to my higher power. I also trust my boyfriend a little more every day. Don't give up. Pray and have hope!
This post has been edited by Jes5 on March 7, 2015, 8:15 PM -------------------- God declares I think of you and I have plans for you, prosperity, and a future filled with hope. Jeremiah 29:11 | ||
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Posted: March 7, 2015, 11:19 PM
Jes5, how do you do it ? How are you so strong? My boyfriend is a recovering addict at first after rehab we were good and just kind of trying to adjust, but a few months later he has been acting so weird. We decided to take space, but I miss him every day. I miss my best friend and talking every day. I messed up a few times.
I told him multiple times that I loved and and missed him and would support him, but he got mad because I was texting and didn't give "proper space" and now it's been months so even though I agree space is the best thing to recovery, but how do you stay so strong. It's such a hard situation to let the one you love go. | ||
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Posted: March 7, 2015, 11:28 PM
Absolutely it is. I still struggle some days not going to lie. I miss talking to my best friend also. I miss him every day too. I used to text him saying I miss u and I'll support u but he got angry and needed time to fix it if we were going to work and be healthy. I absolutely know how you feel. Days go by where I don't speak to my man but it's because he needs to do this. I think of it that he's getting better, wanting me to heal, so our future will be healthy. I don't listen to what people say. Only I know my boyfriend sober and when he's using. I know hes amazing and loving. The time apart is making us strong. And if/when we get through this then nothing will be able to break us. It's very important that you stay strong. They may not show it but they are sensitive and dying without us. If you show him your strong by giving him his time and you show him you grew also then he will without a doubt come back to you. I struggle almost every day but I now know this needs to be done and be done the right way.
This post has been edited by Jes5 on March 7, 2015, 11:30 PM -------------------- God declares I think of you and I have plans for you, prosperity, and a future filled with hope. Jeremiah 29:11 | ||
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Posted: March 8, 2015, 9:53 AM
Thank you so much jes5 that helps a lot, I just feel like each day is harder and im getting weaker. I think he feels like because I was so worried at first and tried reaching him all the time that now he said I'm not capable of giving space and time. Im just so afraid of loosing him, and him pushing me away and saying how I'm too weak or deserve better and bringing me down is just really hard. I wanna do this the right way like you said but im afraid he's not going to comeback or that i messed up to many times already. Im content now and a growing and living my life to the fullest and it makes me so sad that because of his recovery and depression he can't see the world with me.
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Posted: March 8, 2015, 10:52 AM
Please email me if u want to chat privately were in this together!
***Please do not post personal contact information *** - the moderators This post has been edited by moderator on March 8, 2015, 10:09 PM -------------------- God declares I think of you and I have plans for you, prosperity, and a future filled with hope. Jeremiah 29:11 | ||
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Posted: March 8, 2015, 6:59 PM
By what you write it almost appears that you think you are responsible for his addiction and he is responsible for your happiness. You think you're going to fix it all because it's the best thing ? His life is screwed up from addiction he can't control yet. You're intentionally screwing up your own. You may need to realize that you need much more help than him with your co dependency then he does with his addiction. You are responsible for YOUR happiness. You can only change yourself. I would advise you get help for yourself and also try a Nar-anon meeting for you to understand addiction a little better. You're setting yourself up for misery. Suffering from someone else's disease......You can learn from mine and others mistakes, or continue and learn from your own. Good Luck
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Posted: March 25, 2015, 12:46 AM
He isn't done playing or he wouldn't have gone on a run to another state. What you can do is pray for him and encourage him.
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